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The Michael Jackson Rumor Thread.....

post #1 of 178
6/25/09 at 8:08pm
Thread Starter 
I am going to be proactive and start a thread for the rumors and urban legends you know are going to start by tommorow morning about the Death Of Jackson.
I am expecting some really good batcrap crazy material, folks.
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post #2 of 178
6/25/09 at 8:09pm
After his heart attack, Michael Jackson was rushed to LA Children's hospital.
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post #3 of 178
6/25/09 at 8:09pm
His heart stopped Beating It.
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post #4 of 178
6/25/09 at 8:26pm
MJ?

Brains...
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post #5 of 178
6/25/09 at 8:37pm
MJ dead of apparent cardiac arrest caused by 2nd hand overdose of baby aspirin.
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post #6 of 178
6/25/09 at 8:41pm
Heather Mills sure wishes she waited until tomorrow to file divorce papers.
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post #7 of 178
6/25/09 at 8:45pm
Michael Jackson's eulogy at his funeral service will be given by Giant Robot Michael Jackson.
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post #8 of 178
6/25/09 at 8:48pm
As soon as his death was pronounced, phone calls were placed by the surviving relatives of The Elephant Man to purchase Jackson's complete skeleton. Many believe the motive was psychological retribution.
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post #9 of 178
6/25/09 at 8:59pm
Jacko's HIStory.
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post #10 of 178
6/25/09 at 9:00pm
So what color is his ghost?
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post #11 of 178
6/25/09 at 10:28pm
I suspect it's a clever ploy by Ahmanenidjad (or however you spell his name) to throw the world's eye off of Iran for a few days while he mops up.
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post #12 of 178
6/25/09 at 10:43pm
I heard the guy used to be a recording artist.

Crazy, huh?
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post #13 of 178
6/26/09 at 5:27am
Michael Jackson has passed away after cardiac arrest.

It is his first arrest not relating to children.
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post #14 of 178
6/26/09 at 6:51am
Micheal Jackson it has been confirmed actually passed away of food poisoning, not of a heart attack. Butlers claim that likely cause of death was the nine year old wiener Jackson had consumed.
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post #15 of 178
6/26/09 at 7:04am
Fortunately for the galaxy, Captain EO is alive and well in 3D.
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post #16 of 178
6/26/09 at 7:36am
Micheal Jackson is alive and well, working in a small bakery that the locals frequent, and love...

IN HELL!
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post #17 of 178
6/26/09 at 10:54am
Michael is not, in fact, dead. He is instead sitting on a beach with Jim Morrison and Andy Kaufman. All are sipping pina coladas.
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post #18 of 178
6/26/09 at 10:55am
Time of death was when the big hand was on the little hand.
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post #19 of 178
6/26/09 at 11:37am
I'm sure Parker & Stone will have something interesting to say about this...
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post #20 of 178
6/26/09 at 11:42am
Keep an eye out for sightings of Leon Kompowsky.
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post #21 of 178
6/26/09 at 12:08pm
I want to know what Weird Al's connection is to all of this?

And also, just like in the We are the World video. Dan Akroyd was also seen at UCLA Med center for no apparent reason.
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post #22 of 178
6/26/09 at 2:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
I want to know what Weird Al's connection is to all of this?
I knew it! Al was the puppet-master behind all of this!
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post #23 of 178
6/26/09 at 3:29pm
When Farah Fawcett died, she got to heaven, and was granted one wish. She wished for all the children in the world to be safe.
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post #24 of 178
6/26/09 at 3:34pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb View Post
When Farah Fawcett died, she got to heaven, and was granted one wish. She wished for all the children in the world to be safe.
Here's the winner right here. Thank you very much for that laugh.
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post #25 of 178
6/26/09 at 4:10pm
Actually MJ just has a case of the sniffles, and thought it best to check into hospital for tests (SwineFlu)...unfortunately, on being wheeled past the Children's Unit, he made a conscious decision to have a 'stroke'.
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post #26 of 178
6/26/09 at 4:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb View Post
When Farah Fawcett died, she got to heaven, and was granted one wish. She wished for all the children in the world to be safe.
And with that, a spit-take across my desk.
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post #27 of 178
6/26/09 at 4:20pm
...Perez Hilton...lest we forget...

http://twitpic.com/8et2f
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post #28 of 178
6/26/09 at 7:14pm
Michael Jackson hasn't been this stiff since he first met Macaulay Culkin.
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post #29 of 178
6/26/09 at 8:37pm
Well, shit. Guess this means no 50 foot tall MJ robot attacking Vegas.
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post #30 of 178
6/26/09 at 8:39pm
Because of his death, I heard Wal-Mart will no longer offer sales of little boy's pants half off*.



*Apologies in advance for extreme lameness.
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post #31 of 178
6/26/09 at 9:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdHocken View Post
Because of his death, I heard Wal-Mart will no longer offer sales of little boy's pants half off*.
Ironically, Prince is small enough to fit in said pants.
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post #32 of 178
6/26/09 at 10:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb View Post
When Farah Fawcett died, she got to heaven, and was granted one wish. She wished for all the children in the world to be safe.
We have a winner! That made Tigeroovy and I laugh really hard.
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post #33 of 178
6/26/09 at 11:33pm
If MJ never had all the plastic surgery:

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post #34 of 178
6/27/09 at 1:45am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon View Post
If MJ never had all the plastic surgery:
I think I prefer his white woman impersonation, strangely enough.
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post #35 of 178
6/27/09 at 2:09am
That digitally-aged pic is bullshit. It doesn't account for the fact that he was always rail-thin.
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post #36 of 178
6/28/09 at 12:12am
Differences between MJ and caviar?

Caviar still comes on little crackers.
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post #37 of 178
6/28/09 at 12:29am
In a couple years, people are going to start reporting mysterious Jackson sightings at gas stations and quick-dine eateries in the Midwest. They will report with astonishment that he is now black.
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post #38 of 178
6/28/09 at 12:40am
The weirdest thing I've heard so far is that he's behind you right now.
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post #39 of 178
6/28/09 at 1:27am
All of this makes me wish the Weekly World News was still around.
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post #40 of 178
6/28/09 at 1:55am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
All of this makes me wish the Weekly World News was still around.
BatBoy wept.
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post #41 of 178
6/28/09 at 6:16am
http://awkwardstar.wordpress.com/200...chael-jackson/
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post #42 of 178
6/28/09 at 6:33am
I'm assuming that's fake...

I really don't know enough about the case to know what to think, but if it really was all made up, and if it really only did catch attention because of the oddness that is Micheal Jackson, that's just the saddest most horrible thing I could imagine. That poor poor man.

Or pedophile. I don't know.
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post #43 of 178
6/28/09 at 11:47am
I always thought that it all seemed real incriminating, but Jackson seemed weird enough that maybe he was just wanting to throw back some jesus juice with the lost boys . . .

Michael Jackson painted over 40 watercolours of the climactic Death of Rufio, including one massive 27x30 foot canvas titled 'Who Hath Hookie?' These priceless works are now rumoured to be in the possession of a wanted Russian oligarch.
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post #44 of 178
6/29/09 at 3:18pm
You stay classy, OK!

Quote:


The English version of OK! magazine hits today with what they say are the last pictures of Michael Jackson. At first that makes you feel dirty, but then you see they wrote “with all our love and prayers”, in all caps, next to the picture of him dead. I thought that was really touching.

Over here in the colonies, Star magazine says Liza Minnelli is hinting that major revelations about Jackson will come out over the next few days. Try and guess if they’re good.

“Liza was so close to Michael Jackson that he was in her bridal party (for her 2002 wedding to David Gest) and now she hints that there’s inside information about the singer that is going to get out when his autopsy results are released.

‘All those who knew him well really know what he was like, and I’m sure that now the accolades are going and I’m sure when the autopsy comes, all hell’s going to break loose,’ Liza said cryptically. ‘So thank God we’re celebrating him now.’”

She didn’t elaborate further, but I think we can guess. That’s right. Michael Jackson had heat-ray vision and the power of flight.
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post #45 of 178
6/29/09 at 3:24pm
Quote:
“Liza was so close to Michael Jackson that he was in her bridal party (for her 2002 wedding to David Gest) and now she hints that there’s inside information about the singer that is going to get out when his autopsy results are released.

‘All those who knew him well really know what he was like, and I’m sure that now the accolades are going and I’m sure when the autopsy comes, all hell’s going to break loose,’ Liza said cryptically. ‘So thank God we’re celebrating him now.’”
Sounds about right. None of us should be surprised.
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post #46 of 178
6/29/09 at 3:37pm
I guess it's the angle or whatever, but that photo looks like it's from a few noses ago.
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post #47 of 178
6/29/09 at 4:22pm
Has this already been covered? Surprise: The kids aren't really his biologically.

http://ca.yahoo.com/s/928699
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post #48 of 178
6/29/09 at 4:29pm
Liza's inside information: Jackson and Gest had a Battle of the Faces - Deathmatch Edition. Jackson lost.
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post #49 of 178
6/29/09 at 4:47pm
Quote:
‘All those who knew him well really know what he was like, and I’m sure that now the accolades are going and I’m sure when the autopsy comes, all hell’s going to break loose,’ Liza said cryptically. ‘So thank God we’re celebrating him now.’”
If she is hinting that word will get out Michael was gay or a drug addict that won't create a "all hell’s going to break loose" scenario. The only thing I can see coming close would be he had a sex change.
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post #50 of 178
6/29/09 at 4:48pm
I'm sure his testes were gone or useless.
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