Colony: Discovery Channel does Fallout

If this does not include a simulated zombie apocalypse then I will not watch as we all know that's how the world will end.

Not set in Detroit? How can this be realistic?

Insert Futurama joke about L.A. here.

They'll use cilantro on everything!

Ideas like this always sound so appealing. Then, when the program is finally unveiled, it proves to be populated by the most unikable people possible. Now, I'm sure that's really the conceit of these 'reality' shows in the end; they want drama and drama comes from conflict and conflict comes from assholes. Take a look at those morons trapsing across Africa in Henry Stanley's footsteps. If ever there were a group of people most in need of being swallowed up by a continent, it's these fools.

Unless the spectre of actual sudden and violent death, what should be the most overriding and inescapible element in any postapocalyptic scenario, is present, I can't imagine the folks on this show really conveying even a fraction of the honest behavior that one would exhibit. Just more posing, preening and pissing about.

Maybe I'm wrong and this will be the sea change in reality shows the world really needs. History tends to tell me otherwise, though. In the meantime, I'll stick with WipeOut, where people take it on the chin and at least run the risk of some injury for their efforts.

Look up William Shatner's idea for a game show called "Land A Million" for an excellent idea of what these shows should aim for.

The first episode wasn't too bad. They've got an interesting, if rather convenient mix of people -- they just happen to have an ER nurse, a doctor, a handyman, an engineer, etc. So far they're keeping it together and using their heads, but as time goes on, things seem bound to break down.

There's also a guy who's an ex-con that I have pegged as a plant, an actor placed there to stir things up later on.

The aerospace engineer lady has to go. I think she'll be killed by the handyman because she's such a security threat. I mean, she told these complete strangers everything about the operation within three minutes of meeting them.

No, she also seems to have expertise in massive jugs, so she's too valuable to lose. Can't wait until Mr Fixit snaps though, that will be fun to watch.

Discovery has a Colony marathon going right now.

It took them about four episodes to get around to making weapons. Favorite moment: John, the computer engineer, going all Tony Stark and making an electric cattle prod.

Seriously, as soon as that pacifist decided weapons were necessary he makes a kickass flamethrower and that cattle prod thing (and then even tries it out on the contractor). I've only watched 2 episodes, but it's interesting and it's not like anything else is on.

Caught the marathon. This show is cool. More like what I hoped Survivor was going to be: more of a simulation of what you're going to do in a situation without modern conveniences and none of the contrived game show challenge gimmicks.

If they cull message board posts for ad blurbs, here's a freebie: "The Colony is like a reality show version of Stephen King's The Stand without the rape and magical negroes."

This is a fun show. The swarthy, paranoid orange-loving traders were quite funny. The preview for next ep looks good too, some huge guy walks right into their space and says "THIS IS MINE NOW" (I predict mr fixit will run away shouting "I'm just a dumb monkey!")

He is an annoying bastard, but he's also right most of the time. Horrible and grating, but correct. Also, that generator he built was fairly amazing.

Okay, the "Professor" is just freakishly smart. I also love the fact that as the show goes on his hair gets crazier and crazier and he looks totally insane. I found them building the solar panels to be the most interesting part of the show, mostly because I couldn't believe they could built something so effective so quickly (and on the first try). Bringing in the two outsiders was interesting from an experiment standpoint to see how they'd react, but really nothing came of it.

Mike the handyman installs solar panels for a living, according to Wikipedia.

He is very useful guy despite himself. He's also a great character to have in the mix, interacting with others, because every good siege scenario needs a "Harry Cooper" type. Hilariously, I noticed it was construction guy and martial arts chick who had to do most of the work when it came to the physical confrontation this week.

And Crazy Hobo Computer Expert Guy is some kind of genius. That is the person you want on your team when the zombies come. The group would be LOST without him and the handyman.

Also, I have changed my mind about who I think will snap from the pressure first- clearly it will be Possibly Useless Old East European Sounding Man.

Last episode seemed kind of weak. I get that psychologically I can't understand how real this feels to them over a month in, but Vlad's meltdown over leaving Dr. George behind seemed way over the top. It did make me laugh that Mike does everything possible to take no ownership of his leaving George behind. "He must have walked too far!", "He told me to go!".

Okay, the Mad Professor is just the smartest person I've ever seen. Not only that, he's ridiculously likeable. He's created a flamethrower, a cattle prod, a motor with light sensors to make their solar panels follow the sun, he fixed that movie projector using a freaking car headlight, he has them broadcasting an SOS to the "outside world" and then last night he suddenly thinks "hmmm, I should make ozone to purify our water" and proceeds to make a fucking tesla coil out of spare wire in the warehouse? I couldn't be more impressed with this guy, if the world does end I'm praying he ends up in the same room as me.

....so you can eat his brain.

Yeah, he's amazing and seems to be a great guy. I feel bad for him though, he's a pacifist who ended up making a flamethrower and a vegetarian who ended up eating rat kebab.

I also really liked the stranger giving them the food as a show of kindness.

I actually liked both of those concessions he made. At his heart he's a realist and he's approaching this show as if the world has truly ended. When he got angry at the raiders he really seemed surprised at himself but he quickly made peace with the fact that "humans are essentially good" wouldn't necessarily be possible to live by in a survival scenario. He's a vegetarian for 33 years, but knows he needs protein and understands that in an end of the world scenario his vegetarian beliefs take a back seat to survival. I'm sure his long term plan is to get out of the city and have a chance to build himself a nice farm to go back to being a vegetarian in the scenario (not that they'll go that long) but each decision he's made has been very rational for the circumstances.

Yeah, those choices are basically luxuries he can't afford right now.

The most interesting thing about the show for me is how the people in the Colony have become completely immersed in the "reality" of the show. It's like they really think the raiders are out to hurt them and they think they're going to starve if they don't do something about the food supply. I'd love to see the contracts these people signed when they agreed to be on the show.

I want to see a show where the Professor and Mike the Handyman just build crazy shit from a pile of junk.

This week's episode was great, I thought. I'd love to see a special or something after the series ends about the behind-the-scenes machinations, especially in regards to Dr. George getting "lost".

it could be called "Hobo Professor and The Dumb Monkey"

Every time I do anything around the house, even something as simple as taking out the trash I yell "WHO'S THE DUMB MONKEY NOW?" at my wife. She thought it was funny the first couple of times.

Will they show this program on the Discovery Channel in europe?
I wanna see it.

What does it say about me that when Allison refused to admit no woman had been hit (even after the woman involved admitted she hadn't been hit) that I wanted Joey to hit her?

You're a card-carrying member of the patriarchy.

It also says we'll be in adjoining cabins on the trip to Hell because I thought the exact same thing.

I loved Mike asking John C how it felt to be a big dumb monkey as he hacked away at the Ranchero. Assuming Mike survives his gushing headwound, Discovery really needs to give those two a show.

I will miss Hobo Professor. Very moving moment when he talked about Sam. Also his going mental with the fire extinguisher during that hokey battle sequence was hilarious.

I want there to be a second series with a new set of Colonists, but then half way through they meet a mysterious stranger from the wastelands- camera pans around to reveal JOHN, only he's all scarred and badass and stuff. Then he shows them how to make a fully functional air conditioner that runs on human compost.

Seriously though, this was a great show. Little bit a learning, some good personalities, fun genre references.

I thought the ending was a little anti-climactic. Yeah, obviously they can't drive 128 miles to the sanctuary, but I wanted to see some kind of conclusion -- them leaving the experiment, them being reunited with their families, "where are they now", SOMETHING besides them driving down the river.

And Richard gets the No Prize. When Joey revealed to the group he planned to stay behind to help others, I had to roll my eyes. However, I still think the show was an interesting televised experiment.

It was interesting, but I hated the last episode. The trap they left for the marauders was great, but the amount of editing they had to do in order to try and make this final 60 minutes in to a cohesive whole was very jarring. "Hey, we're going to use this flamethrower and blow up a car only all those marauders who were standing around 5 seconds ago? They vanished into thin air." Between that and the supposedly rushed exit out of the warehouse which caused it to go from pitch black outside to daytime, and that flamethrower magically going from the upper floor post to mounted on the truck...

I might be nitpicking, but it was a lot of obvious shit for a show that had otherwise been pretty well edited.