GI JOE Post Release - Page 2

Yeah it definitely is. My number one issue with the first Transformer film is that it doesn't establish some Villains (that's capital V for Villains). In this we get plenty of time to spend with these crazy mustache twirling super villains. The baroness comes striding out of her super ship, the umpteen holograms, Vosloos cool Zartan and the whole pointless scene where we see Cobra soldiers are FEARLESS and will force Cobra venom out of their skin! It's fun. Good guys vs bad guys. It's cheesy fun!

Transformers was just bullshit noise about hackers, secret agencies and fetish shots of the US Military.

There's a bit in GI Joe where the US get the report that the three missiles have launched, but then the analyst says that one was destroyed leaving two left. 3 - 1 = 2. Transformers would have got that bit wrong.

Absolutely. Joe nailed a consistent tone that neither Transformers movies could manage. It even managed to restrain Marlon Wayans to a degree! That was a nice bonus. Not to mention it's at least 30 minutes shorter.

To be fair, I was with the movie until they got to Paris (or maybe it was the flashback to Iraq). I even turned to my girl as they were getting to The Pit and said, "This is retarded and the CGI is horrible but it's a lot of fun."

I haven't seen an audience turn on a movie like this since THE HAPPENING. The scene with Marlon and Rachel being sweet to each other while she was sitting in the cockpit had the whole audience laughing.

But let's ignore the plot, characters, editing, acting, and just for a moment focus on the ESCAPE FROM LA level CGI. What was that?

Bad as the CGI was, I almost always knew what was going on, and who was doing what. That is far more effective than perfect pieces of CGI that are rendered into geographically fucked scenes that appear as nothing more than blurs.

I had no clue who was doing what or why or when or where in the siege at the end.

Indeed. I could see maybe a few parts of the sub battle as incomprehensible, but the geographical layout of the scenes, along with who was doing what and why was fairly well laid out. It's about as confusing as, say, Return of the Jedi.

Solid comparison with Jedi. It was nice to know who's hitting who and I liked that you knew who was where and doing what during the action pieces.

I just don't see how people can complain about this movie. The comics and 'toons were never taken too seriously and the movie captures the tone of both perfectly.

Is this any better than one of the "better" episodes from the cartoon? Or the Cobra-La Clusterfuck movie?

Depends on your take on the lack of Shipwreck and his parrot.

I loved the way the climax was handled... I particularly enjoyed the showdown between Snake Eyes and Stormshadow. I agree with you. This was all very old-school and concise.

If there is any "value" in the original cartoon for you, then I don't see how you can dislike this. It's pretty much the cartoon brought to life and on steroids. And it's not pretending to be something it isn't.

Taking any of it seriously is really a fool's errand. It's either your speed or it isn't. I haven't really liked any of Sommers' movies apart from Deep Rising. But I'm on board here. Devin's right, it's meant to be cheesy.

I see the "Believe the opposite of whatever Devin believes" rule is still in effect.

Exactly. It's just glorious, stupid fun and never wants to be anything outside of that.

I will admit, Channing Tatum sucked hard as Duke. He just wasn't convincing.

Tatum is essentially a less womanizing, roughly-as-talented real life version of Vincent Chase.

LOL.

Yeah, I agree. They should have cast the guy from Transformers as Duke. Too lazy to look him up on IM... I just remembered... Josh Duhamel I think his name is. Whatever. Who cares?

In fact, had they gone with a slightly bigger name, I would have accepted Paul Walker in the role.

Most of the other casting was great though. Rachel Nichols was perfect. Scarlett is supposed to give you the biggest boner imaginable and I can't see anyone else doing that.

Gordon-Levitt killed as Cobra Commander. Love how the reveal is so fucking obvious it is no twist at all. Did anyone else find that his voice was cooler with the mask off? It sounded just like the cartoon. With the mask on, he just sounded like Darth Vader.

Also fun... The way Destro becomes Destro. "What have you done to me!!!!" way to dial up the cheese factor Eccleston - I salute you.

Outside of Tatum, I thought the rest of the cast was fine. Granted, Ray Park isn't given much but he completely killed Snake Eyes. Agreed with the Gordon-Levitt love as well.

And Nichols...damn she gave me a stiff one throughout this movie.

Both Eccelston and JGL looked like they were having a ball making this. I love how Cobra Commander before he got his mask looked like Keanu Reeves as Frankenstein.

Even being familiar with the source isn't going to make it any less silly once you realize that Dr. Mindbender looks like this:



It makes me wonder what exactly Dr. Mindbender taught.

I read the comic books years ago. After seeing the movie, it is on par with the source material.

Snake Eyes could be the new Wolverine.

EDIT: spelling

I'll echo most of the sentiment here: this movie is a bunch of retarded fun.

YO JOE! G.I. Joe Rise Of Cobra is not only the best film of...SOMMERS 2009, But it did what only...G.I. Joe would dare, kick...Watchmen out of my...Best Film of 2009! There were no weak links in this cast, the action was...Awe-Inspiring, the fights between Snake Eyes Vs Storm Shadow were as fantastic as advertised, as was the fight in...The Pit, between Scarlett and The Baroness. Ray Park as Snake Eyes and Byung Hun Lee were perfectly cast as the 2 Ninja, Channing Tatum was also great as Duke, and the Joe and M.A.R.S. tech was terrific, especially the M.A.R.S. Undersea HQ and the Joe HQ The Pit. The soundtrack by Alan Silvestri was perfectly suited to the material. G.I. Joe is easilly Stephen Sommers best film too. I definitely will see G.I. Joe Rise Of Cobra in theaters again...Soon! YO JOE!

Van Read, G.I. Joe Rise Of Cobra is worthy of the best episode of...G.I. Joe A Real American Hero-The M.A.S.S. Device, which I just rewatched yesterday. YO JOE!

Forget my review... I can't possibly top fleed's.

Don't you mean... A.W.E. Striker-Inspiring, duke?

Oddly, I actually agree with the perfect movie part.

Went to a midnight showing with six friends who all had various levels of familiarity with GI Joe growing up. I had a blast, and I had to laugh at the constant shouts of "That's not how Baroness should be portrayed!" coming from my immediate left.

Every moment "The Doctor" was on-screen I couldn't stop laughing. Also, a base being destroyed by ice that no longer floats is amazing.

El Gray, You're correct...G.I. Joe Rise Of Cobra is...A.W.E. STRIKER INSPIRING! YO JOE!

It's great that for at least one movie this year, Duke Fleed and the rest of the chewers can put aside their differences, shake hands and revel in this glorious piece of cinema.

I actually think this movie might be this generation's "Starship Troopers" or "Flash Gordon" in terms of pure, unadultered camp and fun.
Hell, Im actually going to go watch it with my nephews again soon.
That sais, the violence in the flick...okay for a 12 and 10 year old? there's plenty of exploding heads, people on fire and a quite visual stabbing through the ribcage here.
Then again, these kids watched "Iron man" with no side effects.

"GI Joe: The rise of Cobra"...the movie that heals.

I can't believe Sommers was able to replicate every daydream I had during 4th grade social studies. All he forgot were the dinosaurs riding dirt bikes and the swimming pool filled with Skittles.

That's for the sequel.

Yeah, this movie is kind of the filmed version of the cartoons I used to draw in elementary school where 16,000 things are happening at once, and there was usually lots of bullets.

Just got back from a five dollar matinee of this, and it definitely gets my vote for comedy of the year - I can't recall the last time I've seen a film as hilariously bad and poorly-made as this one. I went expecting a laugh riot and this sucker delivered; when I wasn't rolling my eyes I was laughing my goddamn ass off.

Some of the stuff that really stood out for me -


- It starts with a completely unnecessary, asinine flashback and just keeps going from there. This thing should've been called G.I Joe: Rise of the Flashback, since everyone and every goddamn thing gets a stupid flashback.

- The CGI was horrendously bad in every respect; when I wasn't thinking I was watching a SyFy original movie I was thinking I was watching an episode of Seaquest. And that awful shit was everywhere, even when it was completely pointless; why were there shitty CGI helicopters in the convoy when they could've easily rented a couple? Guess that $200 million had to go somewhere.

- EVERYONE IS CONNECTED! I rolled my eyes when Duke and The Baroness turned out to be old flames; when Cobra Commander turned out to be her brother and Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow turned out to be apprentices at the same dojo I was absolutely astonished - really script? Did you really have to make it all personal?

- Nearly everyone's GI Joe name is presented as if it's their real, honest-to-god names; so apparently some parents out there thought the perfect name for their son was "Ripcord". Sure, why not.

- Not only did they sneak in a lame-ass reference to the kung-fu grip, they actually got Dennis Quaid to say "knowing is half the battle." I can't believe he pulled it off with a straight face.

- Storm Shadow has got to be the most stylish ninja ever; when not sporting a dapper white suit he's wearing a snappy white trench coat with his dress pants with the fucking ninja mask on. All that was missing was a red carnation; he'd have made a great best man at my wedding.

- All the "cool" tech was completely undermined by the absurd sound effects; the laser guns make silly zappy noises and the accelerator suits actually made the "fweet" hydraulic sound when they moved. Fucking hilarious.

- "The French are pretty upset." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

- Was there an earlier cut where it's at all mentioned that Rex had a thing for science and nanotechnology? As it is he seems to make the heel turn for no particularly good reason whatsoever.

- Speaking of the accelerator suits, the whole car chase set piece was spit-pop-everywhere funny; everything about it made me laugh uncontrollably. They looked like retarded Turricans running around in those things.

That's all I can think of right now. Bottom line - was it good? Fuck no. Was it entertaining? Absolutely. A total laugh riot.

I dug it a lot through the destruction of the Eiffel Tower. After that I fell victim to sensory overload. Tatum was such a cold fish and I had no interest at all in the slop between him, Baroness, and Cobra Commander.

Wayans was way better than I'd have guessed. Cracked up at his "You're just like the white couple on the wedding cake" line.

Loved pretty much everything Vosloo did. I understand why he has to be absent from the third act, but that loss really hurt. He was so much more satisfying than Levitt or Eccleston.

Could have watched a whole movie of toddler Storm Shadow fighting toddler Snake Eyes. That was some platinum prepubescent fist-a-cuffs.

The scenes with Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow, fighting at the dojo were classic. They were the best ninja in training since...Kane Kosugi in...Revenge Of The Ninja playing the son of his real life Dad...Sho.

If there is a...G.I. Joe II, I would love to see...Catherine Bell as Lady J! YO JOE!

Oh wait, just remembered another corker -

- Apparently the proper way to "weaponize" a warhead is to spin it in circles really fast and zap it with electrical arcs. Who knew?

Not that I really want to go to the mat for this movie, but really? You're gonna take the scientific realism to task in the GI Joe movie for THAT scene?

And to think - they never even bothered to go into great detail HOW the accelerator suits worked. I want my money back!

Oh please; read my previous post. I thought the movie's gleeful stupidity was hilarious and entertaining; I'm just pointing out the bits that I got the biggest kick out of.

Lighten up.

Honestly, I'm not quite getting the "so bad it's good" angle. This film knew exactly what it was trying to accomplish and succeeded on its own terms, however unambitious they may be.

My GI Joe-loving friend claims that Brendan Fraser was playing Shipwreck.

I'm sorry, this movie was fun, but it doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as Starship Troopers or even Danger: Diabolik. Flash Gordon, OK. ST and D actually have things going on beneath the surface and a certain level of cultural resonance as well as being fun, exciting, and visually inventive movies.

I, too, loved that the opening scene of GI JOE: THE MOVIE was set in Europe in 1641. Can't claim to have seen that coming.

But Sommers has really reined himself in with this. It no longer seems like he's throwing every stray idea that crosses his mind into his movies.

Jesse, you're missing the best bit of silliness in the entire movie: Cobra Commander stands dramatically revealed at the climax...and promptly gets arrested. Actually, it was pretty weird how determined this movie was to be an origin story JUST for Cobra Commander, and everyone else's origins were efficiently disposed of through flashbacks. Except it wasn't much of an origin story for him, either--he just didn't start calling himself Cobra Commander until the end. I'm not sure what Sommers was trying to accomplish by having him be a henchman up until the end.

I think it's almost that the character is so ridiculous that he opted for one that the audience could at least understand a bit better. A rich arms dealer, and as you are getting used to this whole weird and silly world of GI Joe that arms dealer gets a liquid metal face and the real bad guy is revealed ... mask and all.

I was surprised that Cobra Commander didn't look as stupid as I expected. At least in the very little there is of him, the mask seems to look ok. The toy doesn't, so that was a welcomed surprise.

It reminded me of this version of him;

Yeah, I was kind of baffled by that as well - when he was first introduced as "the doctor" I thought he was Dr. Mindbender. Thankfully all the face-slapping flashbacks came around and set me straight - clearly he was destined to be Cobra Commander all along! And get arrested immediately after becoming a sorry imitation of Darth Vader!

Actually, JGL's performance was one of my favorites in this flick (aside from Dennis Quaid's absurd tough guy nonsense) - that was ham so succulent and juicy it falls right off the bone.

Right before he goes into the bunker and get blown up, I think Duke calls him a doctor or scientist type of guy.

I was definitely surprised when they offed Cover Girl. It kinda gave a "anybody can be killed" vibe.

At any rate: lightyears better than Transformers in almost every way. Everything that movie got wrong GI Joe got right in both tone and execution.

Remember: scientists will instantly betray their country if they get a whiff of interesting science being conducted by the enemy! Also, hot redheaded scientists are Mr. Spock for some reason.

How's the score?

Well shit, forget I even asked - as Prankster alluded to, that sums it all up right there!

Speaking of which - that scene reminded me of "The Fastest Guy in Kosovo", which gave me an added chuckle.

Which was boosted exponentially by the obvious crappy wire work on Duke getting "thrown" away from the explosion he came within three feet of.

This movie is everything Van Helsing was, only it works.

JGL was my favorite part, chewing scenery left and right. I was actually surprised he was throughout the entire movie. I figured they would throw him in towards the end or something.

If Nolan does indeed bring the Joker back, Levitt should be there.

I'm finding a tendency among geeks is to force themselves to laugh at a movie, rather than with it. Even if the film is distinctly playing along.