All the talk in the Sasha Grey thread aboout the violence inherent in many of her scenes, and the strong opinions both for and against them (or at least, the acceptability of her being lauded for doing them) got me to thinking. Is it harmful, if you're the partner of someone who harbors fantasies like this, to play into them? If your GF tells you she wants you to get rough with her, to the more extreme degree Ms. Grey's critics decry, is your acquiescing to do so harmful to your girl? Many would probably surmise that a desire to do something like that indicates an issue or two with sex (at least), and that the person making the request is probably dmaged goods to at least some extent. But for whatevr reason they at least THINK they want these things done to them consensually, & profess to enjoy it. Is a partner's willingness to participate in such roughousing reinforcing, and perhaps magnifying the damage, even if the "violence" is limited & no one gets (physically) hurt? is it still psychologically damaging? To either of you?
Or to put the shoe on the other foot, if you state to your partner you want to do things like this to him/her, which probably indicates YOU have an issue or two with sex (or other things) yourself, and your partner agrees to indulge your whims, is she fueling a fire of neurosis or worse in you?
Both the above questions presume that bedroom play is as far as any of this goes, and there is no domestic violence taking place, and both partners are able to leave this baggage at the bedroom door and otherwise function in everyday life, including their relationship with each other. It also assumes nothing immediately life threatening (like asphyxiation; I once had a friend who was involved in a relationship w/ a girl who loved being choked; I was surprised to hear it, b/c she seemed like a really take charge kind of woman; he said she was, all day every day, & liiked to surrender a little control during sex. he then asked me if I, as an attorney, could draft some kind of agreement they could both sign to absolve him from liability - civil & criminal - if thigs went. . . wrong. I refused, because it is illegal to draft a contract for such a purpose, and because I was frankly a little skeeved & wanted NO part of this, particularly not after anything may have . . . gone wrong) is going on.
One reason I ask, besides curiosity as to what other Chewers think, is becaus ethis reminded me I was dating a girl once, who had been molested by an uncle as a kid. We eventually started having surprisingly normal, healthy sex a month or so into our relationship. Soon thereafter, in the heat of passion, she asked me if I wanted her to "Be my whore". Anyone else had asked me this, I would have just taken it as dirty talk & gone with it. HER asking me, given her past, I honestly didn't know what to say. We parted ways after about 6 mos, amicably enough, because we shared no common interests & just got bored with each other's company. But I have to confess that after a moment's hesitation, I answered "yes" to her inquiry. I have always wondered if that may have done her a little bit of harm, perhaps reinforcing a negative self image she harbored about herself?
What do you folks think?
Or to put the shoe on the other foot, if you state to your partner you want to do things like this to him/her, which probably indicates YOU have an issue or two with sex (or other things) yourself, and your partner agrees to indulge your whims, is she fueling a fire of neurosis or worse in you?
Both the above questions presume that bedroom play is as far as any of this goes, and there is no domestic violence taking place, and both partners are able to leave this baggage at the bedroom door and otherwise function in everyday life, including their relationship with each other. It also assumes nothing immediately life threatening (like asphyxiation; I once had a friend who was involved in a relationship w/ a girl who loved being choked; I was surprised to hear it, b/c she seemed like a really take charge kind of woman; he said she was, all day every day, & liiked to surrender a little control during sex. he then asked me if I, as an attorney, could draft some kind of agreement they could both sign to absolve him from liability - civil & criminal - if thigs went. . . wrong. I refused, because it is illegal to draft a contract for such a purpose, and because I was frankly a little skeeved & wanted NO part of this, particularly not after anything may have . . . gone wrong) is going on.
One reason I ask, besides curiosity as to what other Chewers think, is becaus ethis reminded me I was dating a girl once, who had been molested by an uncle as a kid. We eventually started having surprisingly normal, healthy sex a month or so into our relationship. Soon thereafter, in the heat of passion, she asked me if I wanted her to "Be my whore". Anyone else had asked me this, I would have just taken it as dirty talk & gone with it. HER asking me, given her past, I honestly didn't know what to say. We parted ways after about 6 mos, amicably enough, because we shared no common interests & just got bored with each other's company. But I have to confess that after a moment's hesitation, I answered "yes" to her inquiry. I have always wondered if that may have done her a little bit of harm, perhaps reinforcing a negative self image she harbored about herself?
What do you folks think?
