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Steven Seagal: Lawman on A&E - Page 2

post #51 of 174
Also, great initiation of that last arrest by Steven:

"Hey...I think those guys over there have been drinking."

(They swing back and start interrogating those guys)

"Steven, he's got a gun."

"GODDAMN IT!"

"Uh, the gun's clean and legal, and they haven't been drinking."

"We're just gonna put this in the trunk"

"We're not looking for guys like you."
post #52 of 174
My favorite was the angry way he got out of the car when the guy kicked out the window of the police car. Well, that and when he was showing all the holds to his fellow deputies and kept hurting them by twisting arms and such.
post #53 of 174
Seagal's anger reminded me of Christopher Reeve's anger during the barfight in SUPERMAN II.
I liked when he put that goofball pudgy cop in a hold and then just slapped him in the face for no reason.

*SEAGAL SENSE enhances images by making them blurry and unrecognizable*
post #54 of 174
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bailey View Post
Seagal apparently has his own form of Spider Sense, from studying martial arts.
Dear Steve:

I think that's just vision issues related to potential heart problems, guy.

Signed,
Doritos Aren't Asian Food
post #55 of 174
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bailey View Post
Seagal apparently has his own form of Spider Sense, from studying martial arts. Sensei sense, I guess.
The crime sense tingling scenes are quickly becoming the funniest part. Whoever puts this show together MUST be having a laugh.

I'm starting to enjoy the other team members too. It's like they were hand picked so that no one cop could be singled out as "the fat guy". Any one of them could play Chief Wiggum in a live action Simpsons movie.
post #56 of 174
I've been laughing about "Please just let me drive, Steven" since last night.
post #57 of 174
Quote:
Originally Posted by wadew1 View Post
I liked when he put that goofball pudgy cop in a hold and then just slapped him in the face for no reason.
Did he ask him if he's a man?
post #58 of 174
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misfit View Post
I've been laughing about "Please just let me drive, Steven" since last night.
Right off the bat Steve was acting like a veteran law enforcement officer.

*show opens with a shot of a sweaty/nervous Seagal freaking out*

HARD RIGHT!!!!!
YOU HAVE AN OPENING!!!!!!!!
SLOW DOWN!!!!!!!
post #59 of 174
Seagal Vision is great. The person who came up with that should be commended.

Why is Seagal the only one wearing a vest? How are these sheriffs suppose to catch anyone when they are so fat?
post #60 of 174
I live in Jefferson Parish as well. I didn't even know these neighborhoods existed until now. I guess they all must be on the Westbank of the Mississippi River.

Anyway...

Freaking hilarious. I texted one of my friends during it and said "SPIDEY SENSE", which is the best part by far. Really hilarious show.
post #61 of 174
I'm just thankful he's kind enough to condescend to every black person not on his team with the same bullshit "downhome" accent:

"He gooone."
post #62 of 174
I got this DVR'd. Your comments have me watching the clock till I get home.
post #63 of 174
Quote:
Originally Posted by Micah Robinson View Post
I'm just thankful he's kind enough to condescend to every black person not on his team with the same bullshit "downhome" accent:

"He gooone."
He's an urban chameleon.
post #64 of 174
"Where he at? where he at?"
post #65 of 174
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anyawatchin Angel View Post
How are these sheriffs suppose to catch anyone when they are so fat?
(perp sees the cops, starts walking away slowly)

"QUICKQUICKQUICK! GETTIM!"

(75 yr old lady walking past with a zimmer frame outpaces the entire team)
post #66 of 174
Oh and some people got called "white boys"! (I wonder if he consciously throws in references like that just for the diehards)
post #67 of 174
Just a little background:

Jefferson Parish is the suburban parish to New Orleans (which is entirely within Orleans Parish). Its a very large area that has a much larger population than New Orleans itself. Its mostly white suburban area, but the area he looks to be patrolling is "the westbank" which is on the other side of the River, and it is a mostly poor, Vietnamese and African-American area, with some trailer parks sprinkled in. Its pretty rough in some areas.

The Jefferson Parish police do not fuck around. At all. They kind of look like idiots on this show but they are, for the most part, a very efficient police force. And they don't give 2 fucks for civil liberties. They will profile like a motherfucker.

Seagal was deputized by the legendary Sheriff Harry Lee, a chinese-american that was Sheriff for 30 something years before he died just a couple of years ago. Harry Lee was in trouble with the ACLU, NAACP, etc all of the time, because he just did not give a fuck. He encouraged his officers to profile, to talk to anyone that looked like they "didn't belong" (ie black in a white neighborhood, etc). And the people in Jefferson Parish kept voting for him by like 90 something percent of the vote. He was one of those larger than life figures.

Seagal was around all of time and they were really buddy-buddy. I think if I remember correctly Seagal even "campaigned" for him one time.
post #68 of 174
That has to be the most surreal reality show I've ever seen. I was laughing most of the time. Seagal-Vision killed me.

I also can't get over how unabashedly racist the show is. They just pull people over arbitrarily because Seagal has this weird vision wipe. He's dripping with sweat most of the time. I couldn't help but think when he's in the squad suburban if he just rips farts from time to time. His driver just looks tired of his bullshit.
post #69 of 174
Seagal vision is going to ruin this show for me.
post #70 of 174
Also, wouldn't want to practice Aikido with him, seems like all he wants to do is showboat.
post #71 of 174
Maybe mild showboating last night, but he can go so much further.

Oh, and it's a smash hit.
post #72 of 174
Best show on Television.

This show taught me to stay out of the "The 'Jects", solve problems with humor and kindness instead of force(although, did it seem like Steven had a quick trigger-finger with the taser to anyone else?), and that Seagal is a fan of the Friday the 13th films!
post #73 of 174
Wait, so Seagal actually tasered a motherfucker? Awesome.
post #74 of 174
I can't recall if he actually tazered (tazed?) anyone, but at least once he did seem quick to tell others to.
post #75 of 174
They should have guest celebs. Bring on Crazy Busey. I think my mind would explode.
post #76 of 174
I think the whole episode would be the two of them circling each other... maybe stomping a foot or making a high pitched noise every now and then.
post #77 of 174
There seemed to be a large gathering of taser wielding cops around the car-jacker at the beginning, I think Steven may have gotten a shot in there. But yes, he certainly wanted the cops outrunning him to be mindful of their tasers.
post #78 of 174
Didn't sound like Seagal was telling them to get tazerin'. He kept telling everyone to calm down.

Of his elite Lawman unit, Sgt. Matthews is my favorite. His response to the guy pleading for them to run the serial number on his legal firearm was textbook southern justice.

"Can you shut up?"
post #79 of 174
I guess I was too caught up in the moment to tell who was yelling what. But I too can't wait for the supporting cast to get their time to shine. The Fortunato/Seagal chemistry is off the charts.
post #80 of 174
Never knew how big Seagal's ass was. Untill I saw that Marksmanship Lesson scene.

Also when will we get to see "JCVD: Soldier of Fortune"?
post #81 of 174
The taser situation arose when the high speed chase was over and a group of cops already had the suspect apprehended and down on the sidewalk and Seagal wobbles from his cruiser and comes running up all huffing and puffing and his swollen skin leaking more perspiration than a whore in church and shoves other cops out of the way and yells "I"ll git him! Tazer! Tazer!" You listen closely you can hear another cop off camera telling Steve "No. No."
post #82 of 174
So our local weekly paper The Gambit is having a viewing party and here is one piece of swag from it.
post #83 of 174
That is the second coolest bulletproof vest ever, next to Nathan Fillion's "Writer" vest from Castle.
post #84 of 174
I love that for Seagal Vision, we get those intense looks into the camera from Steven.

This show is great.
post #85 of 174
Just had to share this. Upcoming ep info.
http://tv.msn.com/tv/series-episodes...seagal-lawman/

Too Young To Die
Seagal and his team are called to an accident scene involving a 2-year-old; the deputy chief shows tough love to a teen hiding a sawed-off shotgun; Seagal throws a benefit concert for the New Orleans Children's Hospital.

Firearms of Fury
After dealing with a couple of armed suspects, Seagal and his team sharpen their streets skills in a computerized crime simulator and a "real world" shoot house.
post #86 of 174
Kids and the Internet. The action movie killers. Though this show is powered on a weird variation of awestruck irony that it can't help but sound amazing.
post #87 of 174
The show was entertaining enough for a little while, but once seeing Seagal as a fat Louisiana cop gets old, it's going to be like the most boring episode of cops ever. They need to find a way to pump up the arrogance and the absurdity without veering too far into the realm of contrived 'reality' television. Seagal doing a benefit concert has promise.
post #88 of 174
They should make him a deputy K-9 officer.
post #89 of 174
Didn't someone have a gif of Seagal's "Black People Sense"? If so, please share.
post #90 of 174
post #91 of 174
Hans, you're the best.
post #92 of 174
"Steven, please just let me drive."

Still funny a week later.
post #93 of 174
Between that and the general absurdity of Tubby Seagal and his accent, I'm kind of in love with this thing.
post #94 of 174
post #95 of 174
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan "Nordling" Cerny View Post
Quote:
Next Seagal brings his Squad to the training academy for a little aikido demonstration. He flips an aikido student and shows the cops what finger-holds feel like. Later Alex says “I had a flashback from ABOVE THE LAW!” Demonstrating moves on Alex Seagal says, “Here’s a hole. Look at that,” and lightly slaps him. “I found a hole.”

Remember? That’s what Seagal was looking for in the high speed carjacker pursuit last episode: holes. I think we’ve just learned one of the secrets of Seagal Sense. It’s not just looking for the flip of a wrist, it’s also looking for holes. Like a bird is looking for worms, like a homeless guy is looking for change in payphones and newspaper machines, Seagal is looking for holes. Shit, even when they pig-piled on that carjacker he found a hole, that’s how he got in there. I hope Colonel Fortunato will be more sympathetic to Seagal when he imagines the world through the Chief’s eyes. It’s like Predator or Terminator vision, those white beams going out scanning for holes. He can’t help it.
Here's a hole. Awesome
post #96 of 174
Quote:
Originally Posted by Micah Robinson View Post
I'm just thankful he's kind enough to condescend to every black person not on his team with the same bullshit "downhome" accent:

"He gooone."
Ha. That's what I love to hate about him, especially during his aikido demonstration when he basically insults everyone for no reason, telling them to get the shit out of their heads about him being a movie star.
post #97 of 174
Seriously speaking, those Self-Defense techniques that he taught. Do they really work?

That Gun Dodge move seems a bit effy.
post #98 of 174
Which is why he's still alive!
post #99 of 174
This show is great.I laughed so hard at his"Spider Sense" and that accent.I'm just waiting for Chuck Norris:Mall Cop.Make it happen A&E,MAKE IT HAPPEN
post #100 of 174
Quote:
Originally Posted by felix View Post
Seriously speaking, those Self-Defense techniques that he taught. Do they really work?

That Gun Dodge move seems a bit effy.
Most of them require years/decades of practice to become effective.

That gun dodge disarm technique was originally designed to disarm someone holding a knife or a sword.
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