Steven Seagal: Lawman on A&E - Page 2

Also, great initiation of that last arrest by Steven:

"Hey...I think those guys over there have been drinking."

(They swing back and start interrogating those guys)

"Steven, he's got a gun."

"GODDAMN IT!"

"Uh, the gun's clean and legal, and they haven't been drinking."

"We're just gonna put this in the trunk"

"We're not looking for guys like you."

My favorite was the angry way he got out of the car when the guy kicked out the window of the police car. Well, that and when he was showing all the holds to his fellow deputies and kept hurting them by twisting arms and such.

Seagal's anger reminded me of Christopher Reeve's anger during the barfight in SUPERMAN II.
I liked when he put that goofball pudgy cop in a hold and then just slapped him in the face for no reason.

*SEAGAL SENSE enhances images by making them blurry and unrecognizable*

Dear Steve:

I think that's just vision issues related to potential heart problems, guy.

Signed,
Doritos Aren't Asian Food

The crime sense tingling scenes are quickly becoming the funniest part. Whoever puts this show together MUST be having a laugh.

I'm starting to enjoy the other team members too. It's like they were hand picked so that no one cop could be singled out as "the fat guy". Any one of them could play Chief Wiggum in a live action Simpsons movie.

I've been laughing about "Please just let me drive, Steven" since last night.

Did he ask him if he's a man?

Right off the bat Steve was acting like a veteran law enforcement officer.

*show opens with a shot of a sweaty/nervous Seagal freaking out*

HARD RIGHT!!!!!
YOU HAVE AN OPENING!!!!!!!!
SLOW DOWN!!!!!!!

Seagal Vision is great. The person who came up with that should be commended.

Why is Seagal the only one wearing a vest? How are these sheriffs suppose to catch anyone when they are so fat?

I live in Jefferson Parish as well. I didn't even know these neighborhoods existed until now. I guess they all must be on the Westbank of the Mississippi River.

Anyway...

Freaking hilarious. I texted one of my friends during it and said "SPIDEY SENSE", which is the best part by far. Really hilarious show.

I'm just thankful he's kind enough to condescend to every black person not on his team with the same bullshit "downhome" accent:

"He gooone."

I got this DVR'd. Your comments have me watching the clock till I get home.

He's an urban chameleon.

"Where he at? where he at?"

(perp sees the cops, starts walking away slowly)

"QUICKQUICKQUICK! GETTIM!"

(75 yr old lady walking past with a zimmer frame outpaces the entire team)

Oh and some people got called "white boys"! (I wonder if he consciously throws in references like that just for the diehards)

Just a little background:

Jefferson Parish is the suburban parish to New Orleans (which is entirely within Orleans Parish). Its a very large area that has a much larger population than New Orleans itself. Its mostly white suburban area, but the area he looks to be patrolling is "the westbank" which is on the other side of the River, and it is a mostly poor, Vietnamese and African-American area, with some trailer parks sprinkled in. Its pretty rough in some areas.

The Jefferson Parish police do not fuck around. At all. They kind of look like idiots on this show but they are, for the most part, a very efficient police force. And they don't give 2 fucks for civil liberties. They will profile like a motherfucker.

Seagal was deputized by the legendary Sheriff Harry Lee, a chinese-american that was Sheriff for 30 something years before he died just a couple of years ago. Harry Lee was in trouble with the ACLU, NAACP, etc all of the time, because he just did not give a fuck. He encouraged his officers to profile, to talk to anyone that looked like they "didn't belong" (ie black in a white neighborhood, etc). And the people in Jefferson Parish kept voting for him by like 90 something percent of the vote. He was one of those larger than life figures.

Seagal was around all of time and they were really buddy-buddy. I think if I remember correctly Seagal even "campaigned" for him one time.

That has to be the most surreal reality show I've ever seen. I was laughing most of the time. Seagal-Vision killed me.

I also can't get over how unabashedly racist the show is. They just pull people over arbitrarily because Seagal has this weird vision wipe. He's dripping with sweat most of the time. I couldn't help but think when he's in the squad suburban if he just rips farts from time to time. His driver just looks tired of his bullshit.

Seagal vision is going to ruin this show for me.

Also, wouldn't want to practice Aikido with him, seems like all he wants to do is showboat.

Maybe mild showboating last night, but he can go so much further.

Oh, and it's a smash hit.

Best show on Television.

This show taught me to stay out of the "The 'Jects", solve problems with humor and kindness instead of force(although, did it seem like Steven had a quick trigger-finger with the taser to anyone else?), and that Seagal is a fan of the Friday the 13th films!

Wait, so Seagal actually tasered a motherfucker? Awesome.

I can't recall if he actually tazered (tazed?) anyone, but at least once he did seem quick to tell others to.

They should have guest celebs. Bring on Crazy Busey. I think my mind would explode.

I think the whole episode would be the two of them circling each other... maybe stomping a foot or making a high pitched noise every now and then.

There seemed to be a large gathering of taser wielding cops around the car-jacker at the beginning, I think Steven may have gotten a shot in there. But yes, he certainly wanted the cops outrunning him to be mindful of their tasers.

Didn't sound like Seagal was telling them to get tazerin'. He kept telling everyone to calm down.

Of his elite Lawman unit, Sgt. Matthews is my favorite. His response to the guy pleading for them to run the serial number on his legal firearm was textbook southern justice.

"Can you shut up?"

I guess I was too caught up in the moment to tell who was yelling what. But I too can't wait for the supporting cast to get their time to shine. The Fortunato/Seagal chemistry is off the charts.

Never knew how big Seagal's ass was. Untill I saw that Marksmanship Lesson scene.

Also when will we get to see "JCVD: Soldier of Fortune"?

The taser situation arose when the high speed chase was over and a group of cops already had the suspect apprehended and down on the sidewalk and Seagal wobbles from his cruiser and comes running up all huffing and puffing and his swollen skin leaking more perspiration than a whore in church and shoves other cops out of the way and yells "I"ll git him! Tazer! Tazer!" You listen closely you can hear another cop off camera telling Steve "No. No."

So our local weekly paper The Gambit is having a viewing party and here is one piece of swag from it.

That is the second coolest bulletproof vest ever, next to Nathan Fillion's "Writer" vest from Castle.

I love that for Seagal Vision, we get those intense looks into the camera from Steven.

This show is great.

Just had to share this. Upcoming ep info.
http://tv.msn.com/tv/series-episodes...seagal-lawman/

Too Young To Die
Seagal and his team are called to an accident scene involving a 2-year-old; the deputy chief shows tough love to a teen hiding a sawed-off shotgun; Seagal throws a benefit concert for the New Orleans Children's Hospital.

Firearms of Fury
After dealing with a couple of armed suspects, Seagal and his team sharpen their streets skills in a computerized crime simulator and a "real world" shoot house.

Kids and the Internet. The action movie killers. Though this show is powered on a weird variation of awestruck irony that it can't help but sound amazing.

The show was entertaining enough for a little while, but once seeing Seagal as a fat Louisiana cop gets old, it's going to be like the most boring episode of cops ever. They need to find a way to pump up the arrogance and the absurdity without veering too far into the realm of contrived 'reality' television. Seagal doing a benefit concert has promise.

They should make him a deputy K-9 officer.

Didn't someone have a gif of Seagal's "Black People Sense"? If so, please share.

Hans had one. Third post down:

http://chud.com/forum/showthread.php?t=86300&page=1011

Hans, you're the best.

"Steven, please just let me drive."

Still funny a week later.

Between that and the general absurdity of Tubby Seagal and his accent, I'm kind of in love with this thing.

And Vern chimes in.

http://outlawvern.com/2009/12/05/ste...sodes-1-and-2/

Here's a hole. Awesome

Ha. That's what I love to hate about him, especially during his aikido demonstration when he basically insults everyone for no reason, telling them to get the shit out of their heads about him being a movie star.

Seriously speaking, those Self-Defense techniques that he taught. Do they really work?

That Gun Dodge move seems a bit effy.

Which is why he's still alive!

This show is great.I laughed so hard at his"Spider Sense" and that accent.I'm just waiting for Chuck Norris:Mall Cop.Make it happen A&E,MAKE IT HAPPEN

Most of them require years/decades of practice to become effective.

That gun dodge disarm technique was originally designed to disarm someone holding a knife or a sword.