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For sale on ebay: dignity

post #1 of 38
9/11/09 at 4:36pm
Thread Starter 
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll...m=260474255847
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post #2 of 38
9/11/09 at 4:40pm
That's... that's one of those things where I read Diva's thread title, laughed really hard, and stopped laughing immediately upon clicking the link.
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post #3 of 38
9/11/09 at 4:40pm
$38,000 seems a fair price to pay to have the ability to kill her.
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post #4 of 38
9/11/09 at 4:45pm
But they'd probably frisk you before you sat down. Otherwise, fair point.
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post #5 of 38
9/11/09 at 4:51pm
There are knives on the table Lisa! Jesus, you've got to put some effort and thought into this!
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post #6 of 38
9/11/09 at 5:10pm
A skilled assassin could end her with a rolled up magazine.

Quote:
Governor Palin reserves the right to refuse dinner with a winning bidder if, in her sole discretion, the winning bidder is not a suitable bidder based on her subjective standards of suitability, professionalism, background and other factors.
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post #7 of 38
9/11/09 at 5:14pm
"No, ma'am... I always bring eleven machetes to dinner. You don't?"
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post #8 of 38
9/11/09 at 5:15pm
I'd love to win this and then just not show up.
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post #9 of 38
9/11/09 at 5:19pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jakespeare View Post
There are knives on the table Lisa! Jesus, you've got to put some effort and thought into this!
That only works if we happen to be having steak! If not, and all we have are butter knives, then we're not gonna be able to do a lot of damage!

(And I say "we" because you'd be coming with me, so that when the cops arrive, I can just turn on the big doe eyes and innocently point at you as the culprit.)
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post #10 of 38
9/11/09 at 5:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
That only works if we happen to be having steak! If not, and all we have are butter knives, then we're not gonna be able to do a lot of damage!

(And I say "we" because you'd be coming with me, so that when the cops arrive, I can just turn on the big doe eyes and innocently point at you as the culprit.)
A butter knife'll do just fine. Eye sockets are perfectly soft enough targets.
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post #11 of 38
9/11/09 at 5:31pm
I lived in Alaska as a tot. I guarantee within five seconds of looking around, you'll find a suitable method of killing her.

I doubly guarantee there are at least one set of antlers on any given wall. If you don't know what I'm getting at, Silent Night, Deadly Night- Netflix.
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post #12 of 38
9/11/09 at 5:35pm
Butter knives would do. Forks too. Hell you can kill someone by jabbing a spoon hard enough into his trachea. Maybe cut the throat with a shard from a broken plate. Suffocate them with the table cloth if it's thick enough. If the alcohol is strong enough you could douse them in it and light them up with the candles.

Shit, dinner is dangerous. I'm surprised that more people aren't getting killed doing that.
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post #13 of 38
9/11/09 at 5:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
I'd love to win this and then just not show up.
You'd love to pay her an assload of money to have dinner alone?
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post #14 of 38
9/11/09 at 5:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios View Post
Butter knives would do. Forks too. Hell you can kill someone by jabbing a spoon hard enough into his trachea. Maybe cut the throat with a shard from a broken plate. Suffocate them with the table cloth if it's thick enough. If the alcohol is strong enough you could douse them in it and light them up with the candles.

Shit, dinner is dangerous. I'm surprised that more people aren't getting killed doing that.
Yes, but none of those methods have been proven to be fatal to The Palin.
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post #15 of 38
9/11/09 at 5:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Humanoid View Post
You'd love to pay her an assload of money to have dinner alone?
Well, the money is a donation to Road2Recovery, so it's not going to her. I'd just love to deny her the publicity moment of having dinner with five "reg'lar Americans". She'd be sitting there with cameras ready to roll and nobody shows up.

Of course, they'd probably have stand-by guests in case anyone can't make it so she's not stuck eating alone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY
That only works if we happen to be having steak!
"Happen to be having steak"?!? Have you seen nothing about this woman? I'll be surprised if you're not required to go out and shoot whatever it is you're going to eat.
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post #16 of 38
9/11/09 at 5:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
"Happen to be having steak"?!? Have you seen nothing about this woman? I'll be surprised if you're not required to go out and shoot whatever it is you're going to eat.
Do I get to shoot it from a helicopter?
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post #17 of 38
9/11/09 at 5:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
That only works if we happen to be having steak! If not, and all we have are butter knives, then we're not gonna be able to do a lot of damage!

(And I say "we" because you'd be coming with me, so that when the cops arrive, I can just turn on the big doe eyes and innocently point at you as the culprit.)
Damn it you're right! It's Alaska, she'd probably serve us caribou, that would require a knife wouldn't it? I think it would. I think this still could work.

EDIT: Apparently I should've just read the rest of the thread, sounds like most everybody got this ground covered already.
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post #18 of 38
9/11/09 at 6:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Keith F View Post
I doubly guarantee there are at least one set of antlers on any given wall. If you don't know what I'm getting at, Silent Night, Deadly Night- Netflix.
Lost Boys for the win, baby! Give her the Kiefer Treatment!
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post #19 of 38
9/11/09 at 6:04pm
I would rather pay the cook $38,000 to poison her than have the money go to Road2Recovery.
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post #20 of 38
9/11/09 at 6:30pm
Thread Starter 
If a guy with a machine gun can attend a Presidential town hall, a small Glock should be just fine for a Palin dinner date.
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post #21 of 38
9/11/09 at 8:18pm
I'm assuming there'll be chairs or stools at this dinner, so I'd use one of those (works pretty good in all those saloon fights in all my favorite westerns!), or better still grab one of my party of four by the ankles and flog her to death with him. Probably my friend, Stu, as he's been pissing me off lately and owes me $10, so we'd be cool afterwards.
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post #22 of 38
9/11/09 at 8:31pm
They'll only get one chance, so it has to be foolproof. Since the winner can bring four guests, I suggest that during the initial meet-n-greet, two guests seize Palin while the assassin strikes, either by crushing the trachea or trying the hit the temples or base of the skull hard enough to cause serious damage. Or he can whack her nose like Viggo did in A History of Violence (or Willis in The Last Boy Scout).

Extra points if the killer then throws down a smoke bomb and they all flee in the chaos.
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post #23 of 38
9/11/09 at 8:41pm
Actually, CHARACTER assassination might work better in this case. You know that after the dinner you'd likely be interviewed, so have yourself and your buddies SWEAR that Ms. Palin has the worst table manners you ever saw - "No shit, she chews with her mouth wide open! And fuck forks and knives, Palin used her HANDS like she was a fucking ape!!! Elbows on the table, burping and farting during the main course, swiping food off someone else's plate... is THIS who we want in the White House, America?"
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post #24 of 38
9/11/09 at 9:00pm
"Even from across the table she smelled not-so-fresh."
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post #25 of 38
9/11/09 at 9:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by nekkerbee View Post
Extra points if the killer then throws down a smoke bomb and they all flee in the chaos.
(*Hopping up and down excitedly*) Oh, me! I'll come with you, I get to do that part!
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post #26 of 38
9/11/09 at 9:47pm
A lot of violence in this thread! I prefer to go the Hannibal/Clarice route and use the dinner as an opportunity to brainwash her into believing that she is a radical leftist who loves no-strings-attached sex and donating to the ACLU and AMFAR.

Oh, and I feed her scoops of Dick Cheney's brain.
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post #27 of 38
9/11/09 at 11:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ratty View Post
A lot of violence in this thread! I prefer to go the Hannibal/Clarice route and use the dinner as an opportunity to brainwash her into believing that she is a radical leftist who loves no-strings-attached sex and donating to the ACLU and AMFAR.

Oh, and I feed her scoops of Dick Cheney's brain.
You're good people, Ratty.

Think I'll bid on this (yeah, I have a spare $38K floating around. My financial advisor is Judas Booth, and Judas Booth says...). I called "me brothers" who put on their Sunday best:



Yeah, a quick stop at Korova Milkbar, some milk plus drencom, and we'll be ready for a bit of the ultra-violence. Maybe some in-out, in-out afterwards.
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post #28 of 38
9/12/09 at 1:15am
Why would you people hurt her?

$35,000 would probably get you some ass-to-mouth.
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post #29 of 38
9/12/09 at 2:03am
It might be worth it if you can give her the old Irish Greasedragon* after dinner.



*Look this up in the Urban Dictionary. TELL ME I'm not on to something.
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post #30 of 38
9/12/09 at 4:27am
Are you crazy bringing up sex? Just the sound of her voice makes my hair stand up. Imagining her sex voice is beyond my measure for horror.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEE! Fuck me harder, whydontcha!"

You'll end up crazier than Kurtz in no time.
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post #31 of 38
9/12/09 at 9:28am
Quote:
Originally Posted by IggytheBorg View Post
It might be worth it if you can give her the old Irish Greasedragon* after dinner.



*Look this up in the Urban Dictionary. TELL ME I'm not on to something.
Iggy, you're on to something. In fact, the resulting shocked expression on Palin's face would be - dare I say - a thing of beauty.

For you sir:
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post #32 of 38
9/12/09 at 9:32am
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios View Post
"EEEEEEEEEEEEE! Fuck me harder, whydontcha!"
(*Dies laughing*)
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post #33 of 38
9/12/09 at 10:00am
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Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
(*Dies laughing*)
Same here. Coffee, keyboard, etc..
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post #34 of 38
9/12/09 at 10:11am
Thirded. Stelios saved a shitty morning for me with that image/sound combo. Holy shit.
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post #35 of 38
9/12/09 at 12:23pm
It was the "Whydon'cha" that got me.
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post #36 of 38
9/12/09 at 9:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaNY View Post
That's... that's one of those things where I read Diva's thread title, laughed really hard, and stopped laughing immediately upon clicking the link.
Same here.
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post #37 of 38
9/12/09 at 10:09pm
I'd suggest a moment from one of the earlier drafts of Punisher: Warzone - death by lobster.
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post #38 of 38
9/12/09 at 10:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios View Post
Are you crazy bringing up sex? Just the sound of her voice makes my hair stand up. Imagining her sex voice is beyond my measure for horror.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEE! Fuck me harder, whydontcha!"

You'll end up crazier than Kurtz in no time.
I'd have to agree here. The end result of having sex with her would result in committing an Oldboy on your wang.
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