What Could be Worse than Spending your Morning in a Jury Assembly Room?

Brilliant tactic. Makes you WANT to sit in the jury box instead.

I would want Bill Cosby if I ever stood trial. He may have been tough with Theo, but he was always fair.

I'm pretty sure that your experience is the fourth circle of hell described by Dante in "The Inferno". It comes right after the 2:00 am at a 24-hour/day Walmart circle.

Do they let you bring in laptops to this?

Did you get selected for a jury?

If so, brace yourself to see a lot of ladies with mustaches, and other assorted obese shut-ins for whom this is the highlight of the year, using everything at their disposal to crack the case.

It's pretty clear that he either got excused/they stopped for the day or took a lunch break.

Hopefully said lunch break included delicious Jello Pudding Pops.

Have any idea about the case? Beware of the Mob reaching you over the weekend to have you in their pocket if you get picked Monday.

Jury duty was a blast when I had to go a few months ago! I felt like I was in a Law and Order episode. I had to go up and sit in the jury box and be asked about what I wrote on my questionnaire. Heh heh I used my gift of gab to get through it and charm the judge into a dismissal. For my two days of public service I was paid a generous 10 dollars which arrived in the mail months later. No use sitting through that murder one trial! One look at the guy and you can tell he shot all those people in the van.

Bring a book or magazine. When those fat housewives with nothing better to do start using the whiteboard to break down the wheres, whos, hows and whys of a routine traffic offence for 5 straight fucking hours, you'll be glad you have it.

Make sure you bring some snacks, too. Those fat housewives will plow through the packets of biscuits the bailiff provides before they make one circuit of the table.

You guys aren't being fair - I loved it, I had a great time!

(Oh, I meant jury duty, of course. What, did you think I meant RV? Silly rabbits.)

I was in a jury pool and was all happy because the lawyer asking us questions was totally cute. Then she screwed up in her questioning and the judge dismissed us all. Bummer. On the plus side, I was out of there by 10 am and went and had breakfast.

Is it a justice of the peace, municipal, or district judge?

Actually, I did have a really good time during jury duty. Met some very nice people, learned a lot about the process, and I wasn't at work. I mean, you have to serve, so you may as well make the most of it. If it's an interesting case, there's no real downside.

Of course, I admit, I'm sure I'd feel differently if it were a really horrific case. A girl I worked with was on grand jury duty during a child-murder trial, and she said that listening to the specifics of what was done to that kid would change my mind but quick about what a great experience jury duty is. So I admit that, I got lucky in that I wasn't confronted with any real horrors.

See, if it's a JP or a municipal judge, you're probably hearing a traffic ticket. JPs also have small claims and various other misdemeanor cases (I work for one, run his Civil department). If it's a district court judge, you may be hearing something bigger. You could also be in front of a county civil court, in which case strap in if you get picked, because you're about to hear a long lawsuit.

I'm a prime target. Every jury pool selection I've been to, I've been picked.

I should wear some offensive clothing next time.

I shit ye not, when I did Jury service a few years back, they were playing a crappy old VHS of Judge Dredd in the waiting room. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to motivate anyone to higher levels of justice.

However, if an opportunity had presented itself to run through an airvent away from a fireball (seemingly going the wrong way for some reason), I reckon it would have been an inspiration.

Wait a second? You have to have juries in Texas to handle traffic tickets and small claims? That's nuts.

If someone asks for one, sure. They have to pay a fee in a civil suit, but in all traffic and criminal matters everyone has the right to a jury trial.

I never get picked. I work for a court, so I know too much. I scare attorneys off.

I've never been selected. For some reason, that honor always goes to my wife (which just grates on her to no end).

hehehehe...

A jury trial for a small claims case. Yeah, that'll go well.

Over here, small claims means no attorneys and you have 30 minutes to plead your case. I say that as someone who used to represent my old job as the small claims guy.

For awhile I used to gloat to friends who'd been selected for jury duty that I never got selected. Then one day the summons came. I actually enjoyed it. I had to take the bus to Kent which is way out in King County even though I live in Seattle (not cool). But for lunch I found a Mexican Mercado with a taco stand in back that had the best tacos lengua (awesome!). During voie diere I got to listen to some of my fellow humans tales of suffering when asked why they felt they couldn't be impartial. One guy was beaten and robbed in his own bed. I got to really feel for some of my fellow citizens. Typically while walking down the street I would ignore them or just assume they were a goon. "Out of my way, fuckface," I might say while making for the slurpee machine or some such thing. But now occasionally I see other people as human. Also I was never picked. Probably due to my criminal record.

For those of you who consider doing what Homer Simpson said and say that your prejudice against all races. Some guy back east tried that and got nailed for contempt.

Same here. It sucks being so fair-minded.

My judge didn't look like Bill Cosby, but we did watch a VHS copy of "Bill Cosby, Himself" in the assembly room.

Say a prayer and hope you don't get picked, Molt, or your in for eight hours of this kind of boring bullshit.

Holy shit, I'd rather watch RV twice.

Wapner says...

pull a Liz Lemon and come into court dressed like Princess Leia while carrying a stack of vintage playgirl magazines. Talk funny.

What about if you said that you just don't care for black people?

I see an awkward cross-dressing montage in my future.

When I lived in Oakland CA I got called for Jury Duty every fucking 6 months! The one case I couldn't get out of was a Civil case where this professional Victim claimed she fell on a sidewalk and broke her neck, then sued the business the sidewalk fronted. The case was closed when the Defense showed us a video tape taken by a private eye showing the woman hopping into her brand new Cadillac 2 days after the accident! Said Cadillac was purchased shortly after her claim for work place injury was awarded.

If you want to get out of Jury Duty, when the Judge calls you forward so he and the Lawyers can question you, just point at one of the lawyers (preferably a minority) and scream "He did it!"

Yup. Some woman in my jury pool tried something similar to that. Not the racism, but she just tried to be as disrespectful, obnoxious, uncooperative and horrible as possible. They'd ask her a question about if she could be impartial, and with her feet up on the chair, her arms crossed, and a constant scowl across her face, she'd practically spit at them, "I don't CARE! This is a waste of my fucking time and I DON'T CARE!" Imagine an angry housecat being lowered into a bathtub full of water - that's what she was like. And she took this route a couple of times - I wound up in two different jury pools with her over the course of the week, and that was her M.O. to try and get dismissed. I think she honestly just figured that if she was as horrifyingly obnoxious as she could be, they'd eventually just figure, "You know, she's just not worth the trouble - cut her loose and let her go home."

But in the second jury selection, the lawyer questioning her gets a hold of her gimmick fairly fast. He says to her, in front of everyone, "Mrs. Jones, I do realize what you're trying to do, even if you think you're smarter than we are. I'm sure you're figuring, 'If I'm just uncooperative and hostile, they won't want me, and they'll let me go home.' But I have news for you. You ARE going to serve - if not on this trial, then on another one. And if we have anymore of your attitude, you will be cited for contempt of court, and you will serve on jury duty anyway. Got it?" Oh, it was glorious. She was such a heinous bitch, it was great to see someone tell her off, and in front of everyone!

I served on a jury earlier this year and was appaled to learn that TV and movies have been lying to me about average attorney prowess. These clowns representing the parties in my case made the bumbling, frazzled public defenders on Law and Order look like Abe Lincoln. I mean, it was a dumb traffic accident case, but shouldn't you be able to get through your closing argument without making mistakes about what you've spent two days arguing?

I was hoping for something exciting--it's a Baltimore City jury!--but yeah, traffic accident that one party requested a jury for. Boring.

The two sweetest words in the English language.

I was reminded of the acting in My Cousin Vinny by Austin Pendleton. Though what I've seen wasn't that bad, lawyers in real life make a lot of mistakes.