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Staying friends with exes - Page 3

post #101 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brad Millette View Post
When it does happen, you should at least be allowed to enjoy it, so I recommend you ask Peter Peter Pussy Beater to make choo-choo noises while he does the deed.
Truly, you are the son of God.
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post #102 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:30pm
Xmas breakup, Colonel Mustard, in the ballroom, with the LEAD PIPE.
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post #103 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brad Millette View Post
When it does happen, you should at least be allowed to enjoy it, so I recommend you ask Peter Peter Pussy Beater to make choo-choo noises while he does the deed.
I can't take it anymore, I'm gonna get fired because of this thread. I'm not supposed to be laughing while at this joyless, soul-sucking job I'm in.
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post #104 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by wydren View Post
I'm of the opinion that if you've had sex, you should stop trick-or-treating. Maybe it's just me.
Spoiler alert! Many more women will want to go trick-or-treating with you once you've had sex, and you'll be fine with that.
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post #105 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:30pm
Brad's in a special kind of zone today.
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post #106 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:31pm
February, 2010.

*knock knock*

"Who is it?"


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post #107 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:31pm
Thread Starter 
I can change!

Seriously though, the "love you"s have bothered me for a while and I think my jealousy is a projecting thing. Whereas Claire and I have been in constant e-mail/phone contact for years, my wife and Will have only started talking again for like the last month.

Honestly, I think their relationship is more like "Hey remember when so-an-so did that shit in the cafeteria that time..." so I know, logically, there's no threat.

I'm a self-loathing bastard. I can cut back on affectionate speak to Claire, but I don't think I can give up on her friendship.
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post #108 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:31pm
And there's already a thread or five about why my interns want to get on my old knob. This is about BARTLEBY and why he wants to fuck a girl he last touched when she was illegal.
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post #109 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:31pm
This thread smashed my day, just like Will's penis will do with Bartleby's wife.
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post #110 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:33pm
Quote:
Seriously though, the "love you"s have bothered me for a while and I think my jealousy is a projecting thing.
Quote:
I'm a self-loathing bastard.
Breakthrough!
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post #111 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:34pm
Thread Starter 
Like a symbolic hymen. Anally.
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post #112 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:34pm
File Photo:
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post #113 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:35pm
I came here for enlightenment but stayed for the giant penis references.
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post #114 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:35pm
Now ----> Bartleby is a pussy

5-6 months from now ---> Bartleby posts about his divorce

8 months from now ---> Bartleby posts long-winded post about his wife and her cock upgrade

1 year from now ---> Bartleby has his goodbye/massive crybaby thread about leaving the boards.

1 year and 1 day from now ---> Neighborhood cats bat at Bartleby's feet, as he swings by his neck from the rafters. The words "Cocktopus" written in lipstick across his chest.
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post #115 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:35pm
Thread Starter 
If I take that, will I then be man enough for you Brad?
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post #116 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:35pm
Is that photo to scale?
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post #117 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:37pm
Thread Starter 
Don't worry, I'd never pull a Domingo/Spike and storm off of these boards. This thread has made my day.
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post #118 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bartleby_Scriven View Post
If I take that, will I then be man enough for you Brad?
He'd go through you like shit through a goose. Wouldn't even notice. He'd just plow into your wife with you already spinning like a rotisserie chicken.
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post #119 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:38pm


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post #120 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:38pm
Thread Starter 
It's a good thing I have a rotisserie chicken fetish. That I developed from Claire. The goose shit came from Dawn...
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post #121 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brad Millette View Post
File Photo:
Brad...has called forth a big one. Again, it is the legend.
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post #122 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bartleby_Scriven View Post
It's a good thing I have a rotisserie chicken fetish. That I developed from Claire. The goose shit came from Dawn...
You're ruining Brad ridiculing you by pretending to be cool with it.
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post #123 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:41pm
Bartleby's Wifed

–verb (used with object)
1. to apply a phallus to; thrust, penetrate, etc., with phallus.
2. to attempt to defeat or undermine in a secret or underhanded way.

–verb (used without object)
3. to move or cleave through something with or as if with a phallus or spear: The ship Bartleby's Wifed through the heaving sea.

—Idiom
4. Be Bartleby's Wifed; to be prodded, poked, ramrodded. The cooper's mistress was Bartleby's Wifed in the loge for four hours.
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post #124 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:42pm
Thread Starter 
What should I do? Use lots of ALL CAPS and cuss out an imaginary person on the internet?
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post #125 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:43pm
I can't believe you guys expect Bartleby to sit around and laugh when this Will guy is going to use his wife like a sock puppet. Appalling!
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post #126 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:44pm
Thread Starter 
I think cock puppet would be more appropriate.
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post #127 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:45pm
Damn! I meant to come up with that.
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post #128 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:46pm
For the record, I could live with the "choo choo" noises...
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post #129 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
Bartleby's Wifed

–verb (used with object)
1. to apply a phallus to; thrust, penetrate, etc., with phallus.
2. to attempt to defeat or undermine in a secret or underhanded way.

–verb (used without object)
3. to move or cleave through something with or as if with a phallus or spear: The ship Bartleby's Wifed through the heaving sea.

—Idiom
4. Be Bartleby's Wifed; to be prodded, poked, ramrodded. The cooper's mistress was Bartleby's Wifed in the loge for four hours.
Awesome.
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post #130 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Augustine View Post
You're ruining Brad ridiculing you by pretending to be cool with it.
It's like when Kirk and those Klingons chased away the evil emotion-vampire alien cloud by laughing at it.
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post #131 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by teledork View Post
For the record, I could live with the "choo choo" noises...
Oddly enough, I was hearing Terry Tate: Office Linebacker doing the choo-choo noises Brad described.
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post #132 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:48pm
Thread Starter 
Works for me.
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post #133 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:48pm
I think he's just having problems reading the posts properly through all the tears.
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post #134 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by teledork View Post
For the record, I could live with the "choo choo" noises...
What is with you? Even taking the giant penis into account, the "choo choo" noises are the best part! Assuming she remains conscious.
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post #135 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:48pm
He won't be laughing he and his wife are splitsville.

And I don't mean when they break up.
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post #136 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:50pm
It's funny because it's true.
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post #137 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brad Millette View Post
He won't be laughing he and his wife are splitsville.

And I don't mean when they break up.
Oddly enough, I'm picturing some scenes of Cannibal Holocaust.
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post #138 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:51pm
Thread Starter 
At least I didn't post this in the sex forum. That place brings out some weirdos.
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post #139 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:55pm
If you posted in the sex forums, I could've posted pictures. Sexy pictures.
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post #140 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anderson View Post
If you posted in the sex forums, I could've posted pictures. Sexy pictures.
It's true. I saw some once.
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post #141 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:58pm
Thread Starter 
It's not too late.
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post #142 of 554
10/6/09 at 12:58pm
I rock the MS Paint. Especially, when I'm making cock rapering montages.
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post #143 of 554
10/6/09 at 1:02pm
Thread Starter 
Why is it always about rape? Can't there be consensual penal destruction?
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post #144 of 554
10/6/09 at 1:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bartleby_Scriven View Post
Why is it always about rape? Can't there be consensual penal destruction?
You've peaked.
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post #145 of 554
10/6/09 at 1:05pm
Thread Starter 
Or have I climaxed?
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post #146 of 554
10/6/09 at 1:06pm
Look, it's done. Let's not stretch this out any worse.
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post #147 of 554
10/6/09 at 1:08pm
Thread Starter 
Fair enough.
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post #148 of 554
10/6/09 at 1:08pm
Any worse than your wife's soon to be cavernous vagina, I mean.
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post #149 of 554
10/6/09 at 1:10pm
No! Don't take this over to the sex forum, or I can't play at work. That's the one forum I can't go near all day.
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post #150 of 554
10/6/09 at 1:13pm
Thread Starter 
Now that this thread is over, can we still be friends?
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