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Christening Your Kids To Shut Up The Relatives

post #1 of 53
10/26/09 at 2:23pm
Thread Starter 
My friends are starting to spawn, and I've been intrigued by the number of them who are devoutly anti-religion, but are spritzing the kids at church just to keep the peace in the family. At first I was all "isn't that against your beliefs?", then I realized they have no beliefs for it to be against, and that putting your foot down on a non-belief is kind of funny. What's your take?
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post #2 of 53
10/26/09 at 2:28pm
It's a purely symbolic act, IMO, so I can understand both the desire to NOT see it happen (kid being "attached" to the church without getting to consciously make the choice) and not caring about it happening (fuck it, it's water, they can make the actual churchgoing decision later and at the very least it'll shut Mom up for another decade).

I'm kinda waffling on the idea, but that's speaking as someone who was christened and later just gave up after the one-two punch of the mindboggling batshit insanity of the Southern Baptist Church contrasted with my relatively more chill and progressive (yet no less regimented - thanks, offshoot of Catholicism!) Episcopalian preschool/elementary/junior high years.
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post #3 of 53
10/26/09 at 2:33pm
I agree with Jake. It's a symbolic act that will appease those who are more devout. If a couple of hours of church time will cause harmony in the family, what's the problem?
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post #4 of 53
10/26/09 at 2:35pm
I might not be the best source on this, though, because most of my churchgoing throughout the years was basically just to get my family members to shut up and leave me alone.
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post #5 of 53
10/26/09 at 2:38pm
Just don't make your kids go to bible camp.
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post #6 of 53
10/26/09 at 2:46pm
Yeah, don't do that either. I went to YWAM for a day once for a church-related trip and I wanted to burn every Bible I saw for weeks afterward.
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post #7 of 53
10/26/09 at 2:47pm
Thread Starter 
Jake, I will mail you money if you dress as Jesus for Halloween. Like a comic book, action figure-y Jesus.
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post #8 of 53
10/26/09 at 2:48pm
Somehow I thought it would be a good place to meet girls. Boy did I land into the nutter patch.

I ended up spending my time pulling pranks and eating massive amounts of candy.
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post #9 of 53
10/26/09 at 2:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove View Post
Just don't make your kids go to bible camp.
I went to a YWCA camp where we'd attend a non denominational outdoor "Chapel" on Sundays. It was actually really one of the best times I've had in my life. Fantastic place. The church stuff was almost totally backgrounded, and at chapel I could stare out at the lake for 45 minutes which was nice.

I am not sure if I got christened or just baptized. Not entirely clear on the difference.
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post #10 of 53
10/26/09 at 2:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
Jake, I will mail you money if you dress as Jesus for Halloween. Like a comic book, action figure-y Jesus.
I got a haircut on Saturday and she cut it a little too short for me to be Jesus-y anymore, otherwise I'd have done this.
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post #11 of 53
10/26/09 at 3:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
I agree with Jake. It's a symbolic act that will appease those who are more devout. If a couple of hours of church time will cause harmony in the family, what's the problem?
Yeah, that's my take on it too. If the kid grows up and doesn't feel like being a churchgoer in his or her adult life, no biggie - a little spritz of holy water in infancy isn't going to change much.
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post #12 of 53
10/26/09 at 3:38pm
I'd do it. It's a nice opportunity for a party and gifts for the little fucker. Also, a good time to eliminate all your enemies.
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post #13 of 53
10/26/09 at 4:26pm
Both my mother and my mother-in-law were kinda baffled by our choice of not christening our son. Our fathers didn't give a shit, and expected us to do so because we didn't have a religious mariage.

The argument of the grandmothers was: he won't be able to marry afterward. We told them it was bullshit, and that if he wanted to marry in a church, he'll do the necessary at the time. Not brawl, no fights. And beside, our families aren't going to church excepts for mariages, funerals or christening, so there's that.

I went to my cousin's baby christening, and my son was 6 months old. I thought the priest was kinda cool, so after the deed we hung around, and the priest came to see us, asking us where we baptized our son. Told him we didn't. The guy became kinda flustered, and asked us if we were gonna do it for the sake of his soul?

His exact words were: " Aren't you gonna let him enter the House of God?"

My awesome and irritated wife's reply was: "So that you or another priest enter his anus? No way."

So no christening for me. And you do get a bit less gifts.
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post #14 of 53
10/26/09 at 4:26pm
We were pressured by Miss K's maternal grandparents to get her baptized. I said hell no! Two reasons: First, I'm a Zen Buddhist so I wouldn't be able to promise to raise her in the Catholic faith. Secondly, after a piece of shit Catholic priest told my wife that she shouldn't get married again because she clearly didn't understand the sanctity of marriage (she's divorced from a gay man) I want nothing to do with these morons.
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post #15 of 53
10/26/09 at 4:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Savage View Post

His exact words were: " Aren't you gonna let him enter the House of God?"

My awesome and irritated wife's reply was: "So that you or another priest enter his anus? No way."

So no christening for me. And you do get a bit less gifts.
Your wife is indeed awesome!
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post #16 of 53
10/26/09 at 4:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
At first I was all "isn't that against your beliefs?", then I realized they have no beliefs for it to be against, and that putting your foot down on a non-belief is kind of funny.
Exactly.
We did it both times because it's basically a meet-the-baby party for everyone.
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post #17 of 53
10/26/09 at 4:30pm
RE: Martin

Now THAT'S a wife.
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post #18 of 53
10/26/09 at 4:35pm
Martin's wife is indeed smothered in awesome sauce.
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post #19 of 53
10/26/09 at 4:38pm
Thread Starter 
Is she? I dunno if calling a guy a rapist because of what he's wearing is the most awesome thing ever. I've never met a priest who couldn't be befuddled with a good old theological debate, without potentially slandering the guy. </killjoy>
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post #20 of 53
10/26/09 at 4:45pm
Having cracked quite a few jokes at the expense of a priest at a wedding rehearsal (much to the chagrin of the groom's family), I'll join in the "Martin's Wife=Win" camp.

EDIT: Being that the potential baby's paternal grandfather is a minister I imagine a for family's sake baptism is in the cards but it wouldn't be my first choice.
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post #21 of 53
10/26/09 at 4:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
Is she? I dunno if calling a guy a rapist because of what he's wearing is the most awesome thing ever. I've never met a priest who couldn't be befuddled with a good old theological debate, without potentially slandering the guy. </killjoy>
It's a priest from Eastern Canada. Of course he's a pedophile, it's in their want ads.
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post #22 of 53
10/26/09 at 4:50pm
"House of God's been closed to us for a while" woulda been way more kickass and confusing to the dude rather than the idea of he and another priest spit-roasting a kid on their wangs, but hey.
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post #23 of 53
10/26/09 at 5:05pm
Yeah, my wife is awesome.

As for a priest, and religion in general, an easy way to shut an overbearing religious person is askem them if they believe in Santa Claus, and pointing out the hypocrisy of not believing in him and yet doing so with God, as they share the same empyrical evidences.
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post #24 of 53
10/26/09 at 5:09pm
If my kids want to be baptized, they can choose to do so when they get older.
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post #25 of 53
10/26/09 at 5:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boomstick View Post
If my kids want to be baptized, they can choose to do so when they get older.
Yikes, you could be dooming them to limbo! (kidding, obviously)
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post #26 of 53
10/26/09 at 5:16pm
It's definitely rude, but it just goes to show that soul recruitment can be a harsh job, especially when not everyone automatically respects your frock. If a Scientologist game up to my kid with an E-Meter, I'd hope to have the balls to tell him to fuck off.

Man, priests. Who else on the face of the planet can (usually) get away with offering unsolicited advice to strangers about their own superstitions?
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post #27 of 53
10/26/09 at 5:33pm
no christening for us, no circumcising either. (For the boys or the girl.)

We live 5 hours away from all family to avoid just this ridiculous situation.
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post #28 of 53
10/26/09 at 7:58pm
We've brought it up a few times, though, at this point our son is 2 1/2 years old, so it may be a moot point soon. Though, it would be nice to get even more swag out of the deal. The other problem is, my side of the family is catholic, and her side is protestant, so, if we do one do we piss off the other? If we do both do we piss off both?
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post #29 of 53
10/26/09 at 7:59pm
This kind of shit is why I don't want kids. Good luck with trying to bridge the gap between two differing ideologies in the name of free stuff, Chris!
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post #30 of 53
10/26/09 at 8:01pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
Man, priests. Who else on the face of the planet can (usually) get away with offering unsolicited advice to strangers about their own superstitions?
But in Martin's case, they were in a church! Unless it was one of them Canadian Home Christenings I never hear about.
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post #31 of 53
10/26/09 at 8:32pm
Like I said, it was rude. So is an unsolicited "Why are you going to damn your child to hell for all eternity?"
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post #32 of 53
10/27/09 at 12:46am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
I agree with Jake. It's a symbolic act that will appease those who are more devout. If a couple of hours of church time will cause harmony in the family, what's the problem?
I dunno...the existence of religious institutions maybe? People are far too polite to religion, why should I have to go through any of the motions of religion just to appease my family and friends?

I think they should be thankful that I don't organize protests for every church service they attend due to the fact that they choose to install their children with their religious ideals rather than letting them choose what to believe for their selves. Especially since those beliefs are quite contrary to reality.
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post #33 of 53
10/27/09 at 12:48am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
This kind of shit is why I don't want kids. Good luck with trying to bridge the gap between two differing ideologies in the name of free stuff, Chris!
It's really not weighing on me heavy at all. My dad, who isn't regularly religious anymore (in other words, he's pretty much a holiday catholic now, where we were every Sunday when I was growing up) asked about it once. My mom (who goes to church with her husband every week) hasn't asked at all, and My S.O.'s parents, one of which works for a church, have asked twice. I imagine people with much stricter parents in terms of religion than ours deal with a lot more heat.

And, just so you know Jake, as most parents here can likely attest, getting stuff for your kid from their grandparents isn't tough to do. My parents dote more on my kid than they ever did on me. Of course, he's a lot cuter.
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post #34 of 53
10/27/09 at 1:33am
Priests don't deserve respect. They uphold a terrible dogma and are part of an organization that's committed countless atrocities throughout their entire existence, apologizing and recognizing almost none of them (they half-assed an apology for not standing against slavery), and are still propagating hateful (anti-gay), stupid (creationism), and downright harmful (no support for condoms in Africa) shit. The least they deserve is being called a pedophile in a sarcastic remark, whether they're in their stupid, tax-exempt church or not.

(In case it's not obvious, I was raised Catholic)
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post #35 of 53
10/27/09 at 1:48am
Symbolism matters. The fact that I was never baptized means something to me. I think it was one of the most respectful and respectable child-rearing decisions my parents ever made.
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post #36 of 53
10/27/09 at 2:00am
If you are secretly practicing Satanism, don't do this.
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post #37 of 53
10/27/09 at 10:52am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Z.Vasquez View Post
Priests don't deserve respect. They uphold a terrible dogma and are part of an organization that's committed countless atrocities throughout their entire existence, apologizing and recognizing almost none of them (they half-assed an apology for not standing against slavery), and are still propagating hateful (anti-gay), stupid (creationism), and downright harmful (no support for condoms in Africa) shit. The least they deserve is being called a pedophile in a sarcastic remark, whether they're in their stupid, tax-exempt church or not.

(In case it's not obvious, I was raised Catholic)
Thing is, I met some priests who are really worthy of respect, and some of them don't agree with the Vatican's stances on most things, and respect atheist people.

I really thought the one at the christening was like that, until he tried to insinuate that my son's soul was damned becasue of me. I actually asked him after if all the people that weren't christened because they existed before the time of Christ were all in Hell because Christ didn't come sooner, and he was still kinda shellshocked my the wife, so he kinda muttered something about the Old Testament, but he then avoided me for the few minutes we stayed there.

Now, I gotta find a way to piss off those Jehovah Witnesses, because my wife is, for some weird reason, too polite with them... (it's always an older lady and her daughter, so that might explain it...)
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post #38 of 53
10/27/09 at 10:57am
My (now) wife and I have talked about it, and if our eventual kids show an interest in any particular religion, we'll gladly take them to services so they can make up their own minds. But we're not indoctrinating them into anything without their knowledge and consent.
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post #39 of 53
10/27/09 at 11:55am
Presents change everything.
That's why everyone who wouldn't dare submit their infant child to the horrors of a christening still celebrates Christmas.
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post #40 of 53
10/27/09 at 12:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobClark View Post
Presents change everything.
That's why everyone who wouldn't dare submit their infant child to the horrors of a christening still celebrates Christmas.
Yeah, but I see Christmas as an occasion to see the family. The gifts, the tree, it's not Christian per se. If you don't christen your kid and go to church, something might be wrong there.
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post #41 of 53
10/27/09 at 12:06pm
Christmas is a retail holiday first and foremost. Most of the religious connotation that was once associated with it has been lost to Santa Claus. The true religious holiday is Easter.
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post #42 of 53
10/27/09 at 12:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
Christmas is a retail holiday first and foremost. Most of the religious connotation that was once associated with it has been lost to Santa Claus. The true religious holiday is Easter.
Aren't the bunny and eggs Pagan shit? And it's all about the chocolate, really.
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post #43 of 53
10/27/09 at 12:21pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
Christmas is a retail holiday first and foremost. Most of the religious connotation that was once associated with it has been lost to Santa Claus. The true religious holiday is Easter.
This. I was raised in a completely non-religious household, but Christmas has always been a big deal for us. I believed in Santa as a kid, and we're not squashing that particular irrational belief in our kids. Let them have that fun until they grow out of it.

My wife and I were married by a Justice of the Peace. Neither of our kids have been christened, and nobody in my entire extended family is particularly religious*, so nobody gives a shit. I'm thankful every day for my tolerant, wonderful family.

*Except for my paternal grandfather, who just passed away and was pretty religious late in life. And my paternal grandmother, who nobody in the family has spoken to in years, was last heard from when she joined Ba'Hai and got even crazier than she was before.
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post #44 of 53
10/27/09 at 12:28pm
So you see how a christening/baptism can also be regarded as a nonreligious family gathering?
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post #45 of 53
10/27/09 at 12:29pm
I was raised Roman Catholic, the wife as a self-described "Protestant," whatever that means. We are both, naturally, atheists.

When I called my mom to tell her I was engaged, she asked if we were getting married in a church. I laughed.

When our son was born, no one said jack about getting him Baptized on either side of the family, and he wasn't. It's none of their business. I do think that assorted siblings previously marrying Buddhists, Jews, and assorted non-believers had pretty much worn the grandparents down, by that point.
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post #46 of 53
10/27/09 at 12:29pm
Go ahead and christen your babies all you like if it means a little peace of mind. I was more militant about it until a friend of mine asked me to be his daughter's godfather. At first I thought that since I don't believe it wouldn't be right for me to swear that I would guide her way into the church or whatever. Then I remembered I don't believe in any of this stuff so I could really do anything they wanted without caring at all.

Got a nice watch out the whole deal, too.
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post #47 of 53
10/27/09 at 12:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobClark View Post
So you see how a christening/baptism can also be regarded as a nonreligious family gathering?
Isn't a christening/baptism a religious act all by itself? I mean, I can understand a party of some sort, but it wouldn't be a christening.
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post #48 of 53
10/27/09 at 12:34pm
Christmas used to be an entirely religious holiday a hundred years ago. Things change, but they don't change overnight. A christening can become whatever you want it to be. My wife's family is big and catholic, so christenings are the norm. Not having one or, worse yet, having a generic party instead, would have rocked the boat for no good reason. We had one for the party. Others enjoyed the religious aspect. Everyone was happy.
I'm not trying to tell people what they should do. Just explaining how it works for us and many others.
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post #49 of 53
10/27/09 at 12:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobClark View Post
Christmas used to be an entirely religious holiday a hundred years ago. Things change, but they don't change overnight. A christening can become whatever you want it to be. My wife's family is big and catholic, so christenings are the norm. Not having one or, worse yet, having a generic party instead, would have rocked the boat for no good reason. We had one for the party. Others enjoyed the religious aspect. Everyone was happy.
I'm not trying to tell people what they should do. Just explaining how it works for us and many others.
Oh I understand that. We thought about it, to be honest.
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post #50 of 53
10/27/09 at 1:23pm
Babies' heads are too soft to break the bottle. No alcohol is wasted. Win-win.



My wife and I had a "dedication" at her family's church (non-Catholic). No baptism. No presents for us. We had to make do with the baby shower and birth gifts.
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