The cult of the stillborn - Page 2

Fine, I'll downgrade you from "Worse than Hitler" to just "Worse than Dracula".

Dracula just got knighted. Just so you know.

I believe you mean Sir Doctor Catheter from Gremlins 2 : The New Batch.

I don't think anyone here thinks that. The guy from SomethingAwful deserves a kick in the nuts for that.

It's one thing to decry the taking of pictures of dead babies and exposing them publicly on the internet, which is creepy, no matter how you spin it, and attacking the grieving process, especially if it's remotely done in a private way.

Now you just made him angry Brad.

On one hand, I agree, but I hate attention-whoring in all forms. But at the same time, they made it a Facebook Group, where presumably other people on Facebook who had these equally undeniably creepy yet pretty goddamn tragic impulses could FIND THE GROUP and have someone to commiserate with. I mean, I still think that advertising it is weird, but they don't seem to be going out of their way to do that so much as they're just there.

I mean, if they make it private, what's the criteria for entry gonna be? "Show us a picture of your dead baby. And goddammit, that baby better not be sleeping!" It's kind of hard for me to judge them no matter how you slice it. The issue, not the dead baby.

But again, it's really just kind of shitty to make assumptions about how people who lost their child should properly grieve.

Public grieving is a common thing. People who are hurt want the entire world to stop and acknowledge their pain. Some take it farther than others, depending on how deeply injured they feel, I guess.
It can also be argued that by making it a public site they can reach out and help others in similar situations.

And maybe some of these people are attention hogs or just terrible cunts. But like others have said, I'm certainly in no position to tut-tut anyone who has been through such a tragedy.

I'll be first in line to make fun of a lot of dumb shit on the internet, and to do it in probably as cruel a manner as possible, but I just cannot reconcile mocking or trying to judge people that have gone through something like this. I know people that have gone through this, or worse, and it really may be one of the most horrible things. I only know that grief in the most tangential manner, and it still hurts. I can't even begin to comprehend what it feels like firsthand, so I just can't tell anyone that's going through that grief how or to whom they should express it.

Yeah, that was a horrible thing to do to them, no argument there. I mean, look, I can sit around and think the posting of pictures is creepy all I want. But on the other hand, I do have to defer to these people somewhat, because there's no way I'll ever know how that feels, or how horrific of a loss that must be. I have 40 years of photos and laughs and memories of my brother to cherish. These people never got the chance for a single day. I think it's weird, but in the long run, who am I to judge?

I think you may be right, Bob. Much of it can boil down to actual physical changes in the body, and not just emotions. As a comparison, a friend of mine lost his leg in an accident many years back, and after the amputation, he still felt phantom pain and itching where the leg used to be. It used to drive him crazy, he thought he was losing his mind, till his doctor told him that's a very common thing to have happen. I'd guess it may be similar, on a physical level, to someone who lost a baby.

True enough, but I guess I meant one without the post mortem photography.

I’m Anakin’s Mom. Obviously I don’t normally post on Chud (or even lurk) because I don’t like to infiltrate my husband’s space, but I couldn’t let this go without saying something.

Although from the outside it may appear as though they are attention-seekers, freaks, creepy, or nuts, these grieving parents are just that—grieving and parents. Their child was loved and they want the world to know their child. Sometimes it seems that if only you knew your child, that he or she didn’t really happen. Sharing with others allows you to, first, share your pain and get understanding, and, two, let others know that your child was here. Even stillborn children are born. They existed and their parents want that acknowledged. Other parents get that through announcements and living. Those of us who lose our babies, lose their total existence. Grief is not something that can be understood or that manifests itself the same way.

We don’t share pictures of Anakin after death, but if those were the only pictures we had, maybe that would be different. There are even photographers who, on a charitable basis, offer to do the professional photos for families of stillborn or terminal babies. When that’s all you’ll have, you cling to it. Such a group is meant for those who care and understand. They are actually good things because that connection wouldn’t exist otherwise. They are, in fact, online support groups. Those parents would feel even more alone without them. It’s not like they posted pictures on a random forum. They posted in a place that people are more prepared to see them. Those are groups you have to be searching for to find. I, myself, am a member of a few “loss of a child” groups on Facebook. I searched for them, and I knew what the possibilities were when I clicked on them.

There are unhealthy ways to grieve, but posting these pictures, alone, is not one of them. Actually, I think I’d worry less about these people because at least they’re acknowledging their loss and reaching out for others for help and understanding. I realize that people who haven’t buried their child would be taken aback, but those who have experienced a loss can appreciate such photos.

Not all of us have the luxury of finding it creepy.