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Best abstinence advice ever!

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
post #2 of 24
Fantastic! Now I won't be redfaced at my next family reunion.
post #3 of 24
Well, that's it, the last vestige I had of hope for humanity is gone. Thanks, Diva!
post #4 of 24
Thread Starter 
Just doing my part.
post #5 of 24
The chorus is scored to the Empire's theme from Empire Strikes Back.
post #6 of 24
How long before "Christian Side Hug" is appropriated into a dirty sex act...
post #7 of 24
Y'all excuse me I have some nuns, orphans and really cute kittens to go punch.
post #8 of 24
Wait, this was taking the piss, right?

RIGHT?
post #9 of 24
I say give that Christian wraparound to be doubly sure.
post #10 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Thomas View Post
Wait, this was taking the piss, right?

RIGHT?
Would you like a kitten to punch?
post #11 of 24
It's the christians in balaclavas that terrify me.

Masturbation is artificial sex = anyone else see this as a pro-wanking statement?
post #12 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan S~ View Post
Would you like a kitten to punch?
If this is for real Christian Rap - and my irony detectors are low right now, thanks to a bottle of red - then yes. Maybe three.
post #13 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Thomas View Post
If this is for real Christian Rap - and my irony detectors are low right now, thanks to a bottle of red - then yes. Maybe three.
post #14 of 24
I'm disturbed after watching those Edgy Dangerous Rappers jump up and down. I'm going to go lock my doors and windows now.
post #15 of 24
The aliens seriously need to come pick me up and take me home, because after seeing that (not to mention all the other crap I've had to witness this year), I refuse to believe I belong on this planet.
post #16 of 24
"I'm a rough rider, filled with Christ's love".....

Isn't "rough rider" gay slang?
post #17 of 24
Thread Starter 
Ha! That reminds me of the "Always Sunny" episode where Charlie thinks he's special because he found a stain on the wall that looked like Jesus.

Charlie (preaching to the drunks at the bar): “Here's a confession: I’m in love with a man. What? I’m in love with a man ... a man named God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha.”
post #18 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by dynamotv View Post
"I'm a rough rider, filled with Christ's love".....

Isn't "rough rider" gay slang?
It's someone who likes sex without lube.

What? Sometimes a guy just knows things and he doesn't know why he knows, he just knows.
post #19 of 24
Okay. So what's your excuse then?

It's basically Cartman's Christian rock band substituting Jesus for baby.
post #20 of 24
I read an article once where the writer stated that many people view religion as the only thing that keeps them from being an animal. In other words, they feel like they would have no self-control whatsoever without church and God in the picture. It sort of went a long way in explaining the high teen pregnancy rates in places where abstinence training was prevalent. All it takes is not focusing on God for a moment, one small hug, and *BOOM* they're fucking!
post #21 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ludwig View Post
I read an article once where the writer stated that many people view religion as the only thing that keeps them from being an animal. In other words, they feel like they would have no self-control whatsoever without church and God in the picture. It sort of went a long way in explaining the high teen pregnancy rates in places where abstinence training was prevalent. All it takes is not focusing on God for a moment, one small hug, and *BOOM* they're fucking!
That's scary but it rings true since most people are so stupid.

Also, I saw this video yesterday and today I gave my grandmother a Christian side hug, while rapping the chorus for her. Yes, it's just that powerful.
post #22 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Hill View Post
Also, I saw this video yesterday and today I gave my grandmother a Christian side hug, while rapping the chorus for her. Yes, it's just that powerful.
You're Satan, dude.
post #23 of 24
Teaching abstinence is like teaching someone how to drive a car and then telling them that to be safe, just don't drive.
post #24 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andre Dellamorte View Post
The chorus is scored to the Empire's theme from Empire Strikes Back.
......yeah...this earns it.
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