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Best abstinence advice ever!

post #1 of 24
11/25/09 at 5:50pm
Thread Starter 
The side hug, for when frontal hugs are just too much to bear.
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post #2 of 24
11/25/09 at 5:53pm
Fantastic! Now I won't be redfaced at my next family reunion.
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post #3 of 24
11/25/09 at 6:31pm
Well, that's it, the last vestige I had of hope for humanity is gone. Thanks, Diva!
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post #4 of 24
11/25/09 at 6:36pm
Thread Starter 
Just doing my part.
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post #5 of 24
11/25/09 at 6:57pm
The chorus is scored to the Empire's theme from Empire Strikes Back.
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post #6 of 24
11/25/09 at 7:07pm
How long before "Christian Side Hug" is appropriated into a dirty sex act...
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post #7 of 24
11/25/09 at 7:17pm
Y'all excuse me I have some nuns, orphans and really cute kittens to go punch.
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post #8 of 24
11/25/09 at 7:19pm
Wait, this was taking the piss, right?

RIGHT?
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post #9 of 24
11/25/09 at 7:25pm
I say give that Christian wraparound to be doubly sure.
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post #10 of 24
11/25/09 at 7:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Thomas View Post
Wait, this was taking the piss, right?

RIGHT?
Would you like a kitten to punch?
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post #11 of 24
11/25/09 at 7:38pm
It's the christians in balaclavas that terrify me.

Masturbation is artificial sex = anyone else see this as a pro-wanking statement?
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post #12 of 24
11/25/09 at 7:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan S~ View Post
Would you like a kitten to punch?
If this is for real Christian Rap - and my irony detectors are low right now, thanks to a bottle of red - then yes. Maybe three.
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post #13 of 24
11/25/09 at 7:53pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Thomas View Post
If this is for real Christian Rap - and my irony detectors are low right now, thanks to a bottle of red - then yes. Maybe three.
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post #14 of 24
11/25/09 at 8:30pm
I'm disturbed after watching those Edgy Dangerous Rappers jump up and down. I'm going to go lock my doors and windows now.
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post #15 of 24
11/25/09 at 9:47pm
The aliens seriously need to come pick me up and take me home, because after seeing that (not to mention all the other crap I've had to witness this year), I refuse to believe I belong on this planet.
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post #16 of 24
11/25/09 at 10:31pm
"I'm a rough rider, filled with Christ's love".....

Isn't "rough rider" gay slang?
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post #17 of 24
11/25/09 at 10:36pm
Thread Starter 
Ha! That reminds me of the "Always Sunny" episode where Charlie thinks he's special because he found a stain on the wall that looked like Jesus.

Charlie (preaching to the drunks at the bar): “Here's a confession: I’m in love with a man. What? I’m in love with a man ... a man named God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha.”
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post #18 of 24
11/26/09 at 1:46am
Quote:
Originally Posted by dynamotv View Post
"I'm a rough rider, filled with Christ's love".....

Isn't "rough rider" gay slang?
It's someone who likes sex without lube.

What? Sometimes a guy just knows things and he doesn't know why he knows, he just knows.
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post #19 of 24
11/26/09 at 2:09am
Okay. So what's your excuse then?

It's basically Cartman's Christian rock band substituting Jesus for baby.
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post #20 of 24
11/26/09 at 2:09am
I read an article once where the writer stated that many people view religion as the only thing that keeps them from being an animal. In other words, they feel like they would have no self-control whatsoever without church and God in the picture. It sort of went a long way in explaining the high teen pregnancy rates in places where abstinence training was prevalent. All it takes is not focusing on God for a moment, one small hug, and *BOOM* they're fucking!
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post #21 of 24
11/26/09 at 3:21am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ludwig View Post
I read an article once where the writer stated that many people view religion as the only thing that keeps them from being an animal. In other words, they feel like they would have no self-control whatsoever without church and God in the picture. It sort of went a long way in explaining the high teen pregnancy rates in places where abstinence training was prevalent. All it takes is not focusing on God for a moment, one small hug, and *BOOM* they're fucking!
That's scary but it rings true since most people are so stupid.

Also, I saw this video yesterday and today I gave my grandmother a Christian side hug, while rapping the chorus for her. Yes, it's just that powerful.
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post #22 of 24
11/26/09 at 10:01am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Hill View Post
Also, I saw this video yesterday and today I gave my grandmother a Christian side hug, while rapping the chorus for her. Yes, it's just that powerful.
You're Satan, dude.
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post #23 of 24
11/26/09 at 10:12am
Teaching abstinence is like teaching someone how to drive a car and then telling them that to be safe, just don't drive.
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post #24 of 24
11/26/09 at 10:56am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andre Dellamorte View Post
The chorus is scored to the Empire's theme from Empire Strikes Back.
......yeah...this earns it.
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