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Worst Songs Of The 00's

post #1 of 121
12/6/09 at 11:29am
Thread Starter 
http://blogs.villagevoice.com/music/...1/f2kindex.php

I almost want to throw Nickelback - Rock Star into the mix as my personal pre-emptive vote, but that's seriously low-hanging fruit since all of their stuff is uniformly terrible. Ditto Puddle of Mudd (jesus, that WAS 2001) with both of their singles being irredeemably shitty, dumb songs.

What are your nominations?
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post #2 of 121
12/6/09 at 11:36am
That is possibly one of the most aggresive and hate filled articles I've ever seen. It's like he's auditioning for a Pitchfork job or something, without possessing the key analytical nature of a pitchfork writer.
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post #3 of 121
12/6/09 at 11:38am
I don't really understand this:

Creed dug up Kurt Cobain's Eddie Vedder's corpse, raped it, and spawned hundreds of hhhuruuurrgging monster babies

How can a dead guy have the corpse of a living guy? Though I have no problem believing Creed would rape said corpse, if one existed.
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post #4 of 121
12/6/09 at 11:41am
Thread Starter 
guys it's a pretty terrible article but I don't give a shit let's talk about what the worst songs are
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post #5 of 121
12/6/09 at 11:43am
Well if you wanted a discussion you could have taken the time to write two/three paragraphs as way of an introductory post rather than linking to an article which is almost bad enough to be a literary hate crime.
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post #6 of 121
12/6/09 at 11:46am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spike Marshall View Post
Well if you wanted a discussion you could have taken the time to right two/three paragraphs as way of an introductory post rather than linking to an article which is almost bad enough to be a literary hate crime.
Sorry for asking the question in the original post and not adhering to your arbitrary rules of message board posting, you insufferably pedantic fuckhead.
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post #7 of 121
12/6/09 at 11:46am
Spike Marshall: Easy Like Sunday Morning
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post #8 of 121
12/6/09 at 11:50am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
Sorry for asking the question in the original post and not adhering to your arbitrary rules of message board posting, you insufferably pedantic fuckhead.
Yeah. You can't link to a TERRIBLE article with very little in the way of description, then get pissy when people assume that the purpose of the thread is to discuss said terrible article.
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post #9 of 121
12/6/09 at 11:51am
I'm always at a loss to discuss "worst songs of the year/decade" because it seems like it should be, at least for the most part, filled with terrible songs by good bands or artists. That would at least be interesting. But it always just ends up being songs by terrible bands or performers.
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post #10 of 121
12/6/09 at 12:56pm
Nickelback's "Something in Your Mouth" gives cancer to AIDS cells.
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post #11 of 121
12/6/09 at 1:44pm
I hate this thread, if only because I now have 'Blurry' stuck in my head. Burn.
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post #12 of 121
12/6/09 at 2:09pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spike Marshall View Post
Well if you wanted a discussion you could have taken the time to write two/three paragraphs as way of an introductory post rather than linking to an article which is almost bad enough to be a literary hate crime.
Did this escape you, Spike?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post

What are your nominations?
My nom has to go to either that crabcore shit or the very rancid Brokencyde. Seriously, they aren't even songs, they're people screaming and hitting instruments with blunt force.
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post #13 of 121
12/6/09 at 2:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan S~ View Post
Did this escape you, Spike?
From now I won't bother writing more than a line when I start threads and then I'll bitch at people when the point of thread is misconstrued.

I don't really give a fuck what Jake writes (largely because it's either over the top mock aggression or thinly veiled attempts to redeem himself by the awful company he keeps), but he had a go at two people for commenting on the article he linked without making it clear that that wasn't the point of the thread.
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post #14 of 121
12/6/09 at 2:13pm
I'm very proud that I don't know half of these songs.

Having said that, how is "You're Beautiful" or "My Humps" NOT the #1?
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post #15 of 121
12/6/09 at 2:15pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ratty View Post
I'm very proud that I don't know half of these songs.

Having said that, how is "You're Beautiful" or "My Humps" NOT the #1?
'My Humps' has a clear idea of what it wants to achieves it. It's only a failure when you take it out of its correct context.
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post #16 of 121
12/6/09 at 2:15pm
The article also strikes me as the author's personal list of "music I hate" as opposed to music everyone hated in the past decade. I mean I'm not the biggest Coldplay fan, but I definitely wouldn't put them anywhere near that article, nor would I begrudge anyone for listening to them.
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post #17 of 121
12/6/09 at 3:14pm
Scouting For Girls' entire output.
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post #18 of 121
12/6/09 at 4:46pm
It seems like it would be hard to construct a list of the worst songs of the decade. Primarily because most hit singles are awful and to know which are the worst would be admitting that you were able to stand said singles for long enough to be familiar with them.
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post #19 of 121
12/6/09 at 5:46pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spike Marshall View Post
I don't really give a fuck what Jake writes (largely because it's either over the top mock aggression or thinly veiled attempts to redeem himself by the awful company he keeps), but he had a go at two people for commenting on the article he linked without making it clear that that wasn't the point of the thread.
One more time for the really cheap seats:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake
What are your nominations?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake
What are your nominations?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake
What are your nominations?
I didn't realize that one clearly phrased question, EVEN PLACED ON A LINE BREAK from the rest of the entire post, could be so confusing. Christ.
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post #20 of 121
12/6/09 at 7:32pm
Fuck you all.

EDIT: Probably anything by the Cheeky Girls. If you're unaware of them, be thankful.
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post #21 of 121
12/7/09 at 12:18am
I'd like to put Toby Keith down for two: The Angry American, and She's A Hottie.
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post #22 of 121
12/7/09 at 12:19am
If you're talking country music, the conversation begins and ends with "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk".
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post #23 of 121
12/7/09 at 12:36am
I'd nominate that fucking awful "bananas" song by Gwen Stefani (I have no idea if that's the actual name of the song), or basically any song by Nickelback.

Reading through this thread was painful. Honestly Spike Marshall, what the hell is your problem? Do you go out of your way to be a whiney, butthurt dick? I'm wondering if it would actually be possible for you to get less likeable.
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post #24 of 121
12/7/09 at 12:38am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spike Marshall View Post
'My Humps' has a clear idea of what it wants to achieves it. It's only a failure when you take it out of its correct context.
Dude, that song is the most retarded song of all motherfucking time. It has about as clear and distinct an idea of what it wants to achieve as the kid on the bus who's wearing a styrofoam helmet and wetting himself does. The big "turn" in the song is this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Black Eyed Peas
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
In the back and in the front (lumps)
My lovin' got you,
That is, the song takes a description that is already literal, demonstrates its writers do not understand they are already being literal in their description, and tries to go make the description literal. It just fails epically on all levels, unless its aim is to make you want to commit aggravated assault in a club. Then it's a roaring success.
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post #25 of 121
12/7/09 at 12:44am
Anything bearing the name Lady Gaga.
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post #26 of 121
12/7/09 at 5:11am
Alanis' version of My Humps is great.

As for the worst songs... I nominate Are you human or are you dancer?
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post #27 of 121
12/7/09 at 5:35am
Pretty strong contender for worst song/music video/piece of art in the history of man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5886Nb_psg
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post #28 of 121
12/7/09 at 5:48am
Every single Creed song.
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post #29 of 121
12/7/09 at 5:58am
Eh, this thread is going to deteriorate into faux-macho posturing and hyperbole about genres and types of music some people can't be bothered to try or just don't plain understand. Old fogeyism may make an appearance.
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post #30 of 121
12/7/09 at 9:51am
No, I don't think Singer listens to music, Ali.

P.S. lololololol Spike Marshall is dumb
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post #31 of 121
12/7/09 at 10:09am
Okay I'll admit I didn't read the article until just now, I just blindly posted. But it reminded me of my unbrideled hatred for Jon Mayers "Your Body is a Wonderland."
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post #32 of 121
12/7/09 at 10:17am
I´d strongly argue for Enya - Only Time.

While it might have been a "just" lackluster Deep Forest rip-off in the first place I hate this song with a passion. How at the end of 9/11 this song has become the unofficial Original Soundtrack for "the war on terror" and has been subsequently been played to death for cheap emotional resonance is among the most tasteless thing I ever witnessed. And for this connotation this song belongs here in my humble opinion.
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post #33 of 121
12/7/09 at 10:20am
Quote:
Originally Posted by capinkevey View Post
Pretty strong contender for worst song/music video/piece of art in the history of man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5886Nb_psg
What the hell was that? That video deserves some kind of award for not having a single coherent second in it. My head hurts. Thanks.
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post #34 of 121
12/7/09 at 10:30am
The Pizza hut song.

A song who's sole lyrics are listing different fast food outlets.
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post #35 of 121
12/7/09 at 10:34am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ali View Post
Old fogeyism may make an appearance.
I'll take up the mantle.

All songs of the '00s are the worst because they are not heavy metal made in the '70s or '80s.
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post #36 of 121
12/7/09 at 10:52am
Quote:
Originally Posted by capinkevey View Post
Pretty strong contender for worst song/music video/piece of art in the history of man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5886Nb_psg
That's pretty bad, but the generic stuttery metal riff gives it one element that is at least inoffensive, and the headbanging gives it some unintentional comedy value.

Brokencyde on the other hand embodies such a previously undrempt of nadir for the entire human endeavour that the overall quality of our universe itself is being dramatically lowered by the fact that that this phenomenon now exists within it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa6qpgLvH30
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post #37 of 121
12/7/09 at 12:09pm
Seether needs to find a place in there. I haven't heard anything from them that doesn't epitomize everything that's wrong with rock music today.
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post #38 of 121
12/7/09 at 12:26pm
Well, there's a BrokenCyde song listed here. So there is some truth.

But why is there no Tokio Hotel here? I demand to know, Jan.
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post #39 of 121
12/7/09 at 12:29pm
You know my name: Cc
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post #40 of 121
12/7/09 at 12:30pm
'Let the bodies hit the floor' by Drowning Pool (aka 'the movie trailer song').
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post #41 of 121
12/7/09 at 12:34pm
Dragonforce.
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post #42 of 121
12/7/09 at 12:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brad Millette View Post
Dragonforce.
And Rhapsody. And Blind Guardian. And all that Power Metal/Fantasy bullshit.

Singing about your latest D&D campaign and recording it on CD is a genocide for the ears.
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post #43 of 121
12/7/09 at 12:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
'Let the bodies hit the floor' by Drowning Pool (aka 'the movie trailer song').
Oh god. I retract my previous entry of "YOU KNOW MY NAME" and humbly back Judas Booth's submission. If I never heard "LTBHTF" again, it would be like being told I'll never get a hang over ever again
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post #44 of 121
12/7/09 at 12:54pm
I may not know many (any?) of these songs/artists, but you guys are putting together an excellent list of stuff to be avoided in future, and I thank you.
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post #45 of 121
12/7/09 at 12:59pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb View Post
I may not know many (any?) of these songs/artists, but you guys are putting together an excellent list of stuff to be avoided in future, and I thank you.
Or perhaps an excellent playlist to torture the inmates at Guantanamo with
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post #46 of 121
12/7/09 at 1:22pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fritz Chrome View Post
That's pretty bad, but the generic stuttery metal riff gives it one element that is at least inoffensive, and the headbanging gives it some unintentional comedy value.

Brokencyde on the other hand embodies such a previously undrempt of nadir for the entire human endeavour that the overall quality of our universe itself is being dramatically lowered by the fact that that this phenomenon now exists within it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa6qpgLvH30
I wish I could unclick that link.
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post #47 of 121
12/7/09 at 1:37pm
"Drops of Jupiter" deserves a nod because, being a guy who normally doesn't pay much attention to lyrics and has a high tolerence for the nonsensical, I find its words too stupid to abide.

And the delivery of the whole sappy, toxic thing is just as terrible as its "poetry."
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post #48 of 121
12/7/09 at 1:46pm
Thread Starter 
Also:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKX8v46Z11E
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post #49 of 121
12/7/09 at 2:05pm
Raheem Devaughn - Customer

Bought this up in another thread. If there was even a drop of self-awareness in this song whatsoever, it'd be hilarious. But there isn't. And that's fucking TERRIFYING.
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post #50 of 121
12/7/09 at 2:10pm
A request: youtube is blocked for many of us at work, so please list the name of the band and song in your post so that we can know what you're referring to.
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