The Bottom 100 movies of the 00's

2. Eye of the Beholder - thankfully I've blocked most of this from my memory.

3. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Nearly 20 years of development, unlimited resources, gifted actors and stars and two of the most powerful men in the history of the medium. This was the result. Lucas and - especially - Spielberg should be fucking ashamed of themselves. I'm sure there were worse films made, but not at such a high-profile level and certainly nowhere near as disappointing as this.

I firmly believe that at some point Lucas and Spielberg had a conversation that went something along the lines of Lucas saying, "You give me CG prairie dogs and I'll let you have your spaceship".

4. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. What they sold was a Star Wars-like serial with a cocky fighter pilot fighting giant robots alongside his rival/past love interest Franky and a main villain played by a "digitally resurrected" Laurence Olivier.

What we got instead was about five minutes of 98% of what I just mentioned and well over two hours of the worst paced and most boring movie of the goddamn decade. Worst of all Totenkopf is a Colonel Kurtz type of villain for most of the movie but--unlike Kurtz in Apocalypse Now--he never makes an actual appearance. Olivier's "resurrection" is having an extreme close-up of his eyes from existing footage and new dialogue dubbed over the eyes. That is, everything that got you to buy a ticket turned out to be a lie aimed at tricking you into buying tickets to the most expensive effects reel ever produced. This is the one and only movie I ever walked out of thinking something along these lines: "I'm never getting those hours back." Motherfuck this movie.

This thread is already dead.

The Shangri-La sequence alone was leading me to pray for death. By the middle of that sequence, I had not only lost the will to leave the theater but to live. If anyone can offer up a defense of this film that portrays it as anything other than frame after frame of rape of the eyes and soul, I would be interested to read it.

There are so many...

SPOILERS AHEAD

Of the first two that come to mind, one everone will agree with, the other will polarize the boards.

5. The Collector. I have to admit I was intrigued by the premise, a robber breaks into a home only to find another more sinister presence has beat him to the punch. Now he must now act the hero and save the family because he simply cannot comprehend the the evil already there holding the famliy hostage. But in the end the whole movie is a torture porn, and a bad one at that. With plot holes the size of those in the ozone layer and it doesn't even use it's gore to emphasize the evil hunger present in human nature like the hostel films.

6. The Host - Many, many of you will scream and yell at me for putting this here. I don't know what film you guys saw, but the film I saw when I watched the Host was one of many unfinished ideas. I think my biggest problem with it is it has a completely unsympathetic lead. He acted like a whiny bitch the entire film, caring for him is like caring for Jar-Jar Binks. The false alarm virus in the film served no perpose to the story than to act as an obstical to the main characters goal. They could have gone so many places with the government or a corperation playing the virus card, but instead it is just a hurdle for the characters. My third biggest gripe is with the whole ending sequence. The government pours toxins meant to kill all living matter over a crowd of protesters to kill the monster and the "virus" in the area. Fine I have no problem with that. The people then start to bleed from the nose and ears and look as if they are dying. All is going how I expected it to. Our group of heroes enter and are totally unaffected by the poisions they breathe in at GROUND ZERO of the bio bomb and suddenly act like super heroes and single handedly take down the monster and all the protesters are okay and no longer dying... WTF?

C'mon, dude.

*time of thread's death 5:57 P.M.*

Sky Captain I understand, but The Host? Come on, shouldn't there at least be a semblance of objectivity?

Is this going to turn into another "prove you have no taste threads"?

Max Payne - Sheer mediocrity. Sucre from Prison Break as a jacked up junkie.

And SleeplessLumber goes on everyone's ignore list forever...

7. IT'S COMPLICATED - There are no words. Actually there are. But I'm done saying/typing them.

8) Rob Zombie's Halloween - How much do I need to say about this one that already hasn't? A remake that decides to reshoot half of the original yet thematically still leaves out everything that could have anything to do with what made the original special or interesting.

Is that how you handle people that have a different opinion than you on these boards? Forums are for having discussions, not just for having a bunch of threads where you post "I agree". You've read why I don't like the film, now present a counterpoint. Show me why you love it, address my complaints and I just may be able to see the film the way you do.

I've had films catch me on bad days before, and a rewatch sometimes can turn my opinion around.

9. Battle Royale II: Requiem - A horrendous retread that doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as the original

EDIT: Sleepless, noone's denying you your right to dislike the Host, we're just trying to avoid this list turning into films some guy hates

Dynamo, you should have known better. It's provably impossible to make a thread like this without yahoos putting good movies in it, and usually for no reason other than that people love them. Just walk away from the thread and let the healing begin.

9. Lady in the Water. Not only is it a completely horrible movie--and not even in the so-bad-it's-good way that The Happening would be--but the film critic character convinces me that Shyamalan is the most vindictive person in our culture this side of Sarah Palin. Also, his interview responses to questions about the film's inspiration lead me to believe he's a horrible father.

I have a feeling this list will have a lot of sequels. Attack of the Clones, Matrix Revolutions, etc.

EDIT: Also, every hacker movie; Swordfish, Antitrust, etc.

12. Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002) - One of the few movies I wish I had walked out of the theater on. Truly horrible experience. Rotten Tomotoes score: 0%

13. Shoot Em Up (2007) - It tried to spoof action films, but failed miserably. I know some Chewers unabashedly love this flick, but my entire theater sat in stoned silence agape at what anybody involved in that film were possibly thinking. Also, it is nearly impossible to make Monica Bellucci look haggard. Congratulations SEU, you accomplished something.

Edit: to fix ranking

Shoot 'Em Up is not a spoof. It's ridiculous. But it's not a spoof.

That makes it worse.

There is no objective way that THE HOST is one of the worst films of the decade. You could make the case for overrated if you're an idiot, but worst, never.

Suppose I should use the list format:

13. Attack of the Clones
14. Matrix Revolutions
15. Swordfish
16. Antitrust
17. The One
18. The Spirit

Shoot 'em Up just tries to be too many things at once. I think it could have been good if it just stuck to being an ultraviolent live-action Bugs Bunny movie with Clive Owen as Bugs and Paul Giamatti as Elmer Fudd. Shoehorning the stem cell and control debate--especially when your take on both is as retarded as this movie's is--and a lactating Bellucci just makes this the Icarus of ridiculous action movies.

20. Planet of The Apes (2001) - It has a good Tim Roth performance and hilarious editing where Wahlberg and Estella Warren fall in love by staring at each other. But that's it. Incredibly hyped and incredibly disappointing, without anything approaching a thought in the dialogue or the story, it was a slap in the face to anyone who got excited about Tim Burton films. It's maybe most memorable for removing Lisa Marie from them and replacing her with Bonham Carter.

I'm probably in the minority that thought Attack of the Clones was even worse than The Phantom Menace. Hayden Christensen was such a whiny bitch in way that annoys me more than child-actor Anakin. I definitely preferred the saber battle in TPM; it made up for some of what had come before. Bouncy Yoda just didn't do it for me.

Nice addition with The One. I keep forgetting it exists, but it's certainly in the bottom 20 of the decade.

The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)

I haven't seen it (who has?) but the question has to be asked, what were they thinking? For every film, the question has to be asked before one cent is spent is this: How much do they think the film will gross in total? - and from this, set a ceiling for the budget before any money is spent.

Did they seriously think this film could gross the $200 - $250 million from all sources needed just to break even if the $100 million budget figure is believed?

It barely grossed more than $7 million worldwide!

The Hot Chick -- Rob Schneider pretending there's a girl inside him. And not that way, but every bit as horrible as if it was.

Should we have a separate list and discussion thread? The list is getting lost in the shuffle.

White Chicks (2004)

When a kidnapping threat is held over two wealthy heiresses in the Hamptons, inept FBI agents Kevin (Marlon Wayans) and Marcus Copeland (Shawn Wayans), try to help out by disguising themselves as....fuck just kill me already.

Crash
Pearl Harbor
Clerks II

27. Epic Movie - Yeah, I know what you're thinking, but it was on TV the other day and a morbid sense of curiosity made me switch the channel. Well, this is the first film that made me literally want to vomit as a result of how bad it was. A hamster walking about on a keyboard could probably have written a funnier screenplay.

I've seen Pluto Nash. It's truly unremarkable and uninteresting. No knowledge can be extracted from its viewing.

Running With Scissors (2006) - Wow, what a clusterfuck.

Nicolas Cage in the Wicker Man. Though on youtube, a lot of people have turned comedy gold into refined comedy gold.

I agree with this assessment for mainly one reason: AOTC is where the audience is confronted with the truth that Lucas just put no thought whatsoever into the overall storyline before making the individual films. The story of TPM, for instance, has almost no bearing on AOTC or ROTS.

Given that Qui-Gon is never, ever mentioned in any of the last three movies and you get all the character set-up you need for the characters that will actually be in--or at least mentioned in--the other four movies in AOTC, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for the story that preceded it. And the wasted first act of the saga forces Lucas to make the actual Clone Wars--and everything Kenobi tells Luke in Episode IV--an offscreen occurrence.

Daredevil

Because it's completely normal to try and score with a chick you just met by fighting her on a children's playground. You're also supposed to be blind and have a secret identity to protect. Oh, and when you should be fighting crime, you instead paint your logo on the floor in kerosene. I lost a lot of faith in Kevin Smith, who has a cameo in this, when he positively reviewed this while panning Spider-Man.

Catwoman

I never actually saw this, but am including it anyway. I don't think anyone will fault me for it.

Gaining the knowledge that there is no knowledge to be gained is in itself knowledge.

I can see where you are coming from, I chose to watch this movie based on all of the raves here as well as its score on rotten tomatoes. I needed a big pick-me-up that day and was saving the Host for that purpose just like one does a fine wine.

The let down from my expectations was like tripping and falling into the grand canyon.

I was sort of fascinated with how bafflingly bad SOUTHLAND TALES turned out. I'm not sure if that fascination disqualifies it for this list, though.