The Bottom 100 movies of the 00's - Page 2

I never saw this, but Devin's review is so good I had to post it:

Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2007)

Most notably, the ending made *no* sense whatsoever. I mean if anyone could come up with an explanation, I'd be interested to hear it though I apologise in advance for the contortions you'd have to go through to make it happen.

Three insufferable, utterly phony indies:

Blow Dry (2001) Terrible, forced attempt to make a one of those charming, quirky UK comedies. Josh Hartnett is the Babe Ruth of the bad accent hall of fame. Rachel Leigh Cook is her usual charisma deprived self. Rickman and Nighy are wasted. Richardson and Griffiths in a subplot about a terminally ill lesbian which feels tacked on at best, tacky at worst.

Poolhall Junkies (2002)- If you've ever wished a guy with all the talent and modesty of Troy Duffy decided to make a movie about pool, cast himself as the lead, and play it like a retarded guy doing a Ben Affleck impression, then this is the movie for you!

The Chumscrubber (2005)- The characters are so one note, and the situations so obviously written by someone desperately trying to satirize middle class suburban life, that it makes American Beauty look like The Graduate.

You missed this movie. Give it another try, or don't pretend that it's horrible.

You could see it as a nod to Birth of a Nation, where the "enfranchisement" of the slave class after the defeat of Roth's character takes the form of the humans turning into hordes of zombie-like rapists and pillagers and the Roth's character and apes like him form the ape equivalent of a Neo-Confederate paramilitary group and are lauded as heroes after returning the nation to its former state.

DC and most of the Mall were built by slaves, which can account for why its stand-in in the film has the look of human architecture rather than the architecture you see earlier in the film.

It's a very funny movie but it's not for everyone.

Lolz

I'll nominate Tomcats. Fuck you, fat guy from Stand By Me.

THE HOST is a film that seems designed specifically to defy expectations-making it one where going into it with any preconceived notions of what you are getting a huge mistake. Or maybe it's the exact opposite of that scenario and the joy that is derived from it is because of ones preconceived notions being summarily swept aside as the film progresses.

BATTLEFIELD EARTH

The decade came out swinging in terms of bad movies when this was released in 2000! It amazes me every time I watch it, which is a lot.

Paradoxically, the worst movie of the decade also contains the finest moment of the decade, which is when John Travolta hits his head on a low ceiling and then whines about it to Forest Whitaker, and then there's a slow-motion shot of Forest Whitaker smiling at Travolta's antics, then it wipes to another unrelated scene. Just staggering.

The other 2 worst movies of the decade:

BATMAN BEGINS
THE DARK KNIGHT

Paranormal Activity

There are far worse films. But after all the hype surrounding this, Activity was a huge dissapointment for me. Some nice scares but the rest of the film reads like your average Blair Witch knockoff.

Tomcats - a Doctor eats a cancerous testicle
American Wedding - Absence of comedy

I'll acknowledge this is a bad movie. However, for myself and a group of my friends, "White Chicks" falls into the category of bad movies that are entertaining to watch when we're having a few beers or don't feel like being intelligent. I'm actually interested in seeing what the Wayans will do on their upcoming masterpiece, "White Chicks 2."

I would like nominate a movie that is fairly similar to "White Chicks," but fails pretty much on every level. That movie is "Soul Plane." How can a movie featuring Snoop Dogg, Ryan Pinkston, Tom Arnold, and Monique not be high-larious? (if I remember correctly, the marketing for "Soul Plane" featured a lot of variations on the word "high")

DREAMCATCHER. Ooby Doo we got some wok to do now....

Yes. Yes. YES.

It's pretty horrendous, but I'd say those first BRILLIANT 5 minutes save it from this list.

As for my entry:

Men In Black II

Just a master's class in ineptitude, taking the most boring, straightforward, cheap road in a filmic universe that left the door open for infinite awesomeness.

Sure I'm exaggerating but why should I see it again?

I am not exaggerating at all that the film falls into my own 100 worst list. I did not enjoy it.

You just patting me on the back and telling me to go back and give the film the old college try is like me doing to same to you and asking you to rewatch Crash.

Give me a reason to revisit instead of just dismissing my opinion. I am honestly curious about why the Host gets all the love because I CAN'T see why. Tell me, I'm not going to begrudge you your opinions and try to change them. I've read a ton of reviews on the film and most do not talk about the issues i listed, the few that do just acknowledge that the film was a bit preposterous. For me (the main character aside) the preposterousness was too much and I could not suspend disbelief.

The movie I can't remember the name of where Tim Allen falls off a roof while putting up Christmas decorations, and a blurry CGI Tim Allen composite falls face-first towards the camera. That was one of the worst of the decade.

Dude I tried, I really did. I was trapped in this room with a bunch of retards who found the entire movie hilarious, but even Terry Crews couldn't save me. Nobody in Hollywood mugs as badly as the Wayans. In fact I still wince everytime I watch an episode of Dexter. (Jennifer Carpenter)

Agreed, and tied with...

feardotcom. That will forever stay in the 7th circle of hell and Stephen Dorff deserves the career he created for himself and I hope he never finds his way out of it. And I think this movie made me hate Natascha McElhone, and scars any movie that she's in, this includes Ronin or Solaris. And now that I look at it, same goes for Stephen Rea. My least favorite actor alive.

You know how There Will Be Blood and No Country for Men automatically made 2007 a classic year for films?

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever and feardotcom made 2002 a shit year all by themselves. Fuck those movies.

I'm a big fan of the show and even I thought it was fucking terrible. Even though I have most of the show on DVD, I can't bring myself to own the movie for the sake of completeness (which has led me to sit through all sorts of terrible shit).

Okay, when the monster shows up for the first time, it's awesome in the staging and execution. Whatever you think about the film, if you deny that, you were just in the wrong mindset. It would be like denying the reveal of Ben Harper's head isn't startling.

Not sure the number, but--Van Wilder and Waiting

I know everyone likes Ryan Reynolds, and i actually have no dislike of the guy, despite the fact that he starred in two of the most unfunny comedies of the decade. The former is made by and for frat assholes and bros, and even in the awful genre of college shenanigan films that have literally the exact same plot beats, this one strikes as especially lazy. The biggest set piece includes a dog's jizz. And Tara Ried tries to play a smart, intellectual girl.

Waiting is infuriating. It thinks it's so clever, and you can see the shitty script at work. It takes a cast with solid potential (except for the Andy whatever his name is freak, who's just unbearable, and Dane Cook, who, surprisingly, is not in this enough to be one of the worst parts), and fails to use even a one of them for anything re motley funny. This is loaded with the worst kind of performances--mugging. I'm thinking especially of the rude customer lady and the angry waitress, neither of which should ever be allowed in front of a camera again.

I'm glad no one's mentioned The Room, because like The Happening it's just too enjoyable and possibly great, regardless of the filmmaker's intentions. Technically, it could be at the top of the list. I feel sort of the same way about Dreamcatcher, but it definitely belongs here.

I haven't seen all of them, but Domino? Firewall? Streetfighter: The Legend of Chun Li? The editing in the first and Chris Klein's performance in the last might bump them slightly up on account of their ambition.

Rollerball (2005), too. The latter is a movie with an entire sequence in nightvision that sent its director to jail.

I haven't seen this since it was in theaters, and I hated it as much as the next guy, but I think the reasoning behind the ending was that Tim Roth's character gets stuck in a spaceship, which he presumably figures out how to pilot, makes an escape through the wormhole that Wahlberg got sucked up in, goes back to the past on earth, and becomes Abraham Lincoln.

There's blood coming out of my ears now, by the way.

I haven't seen Waiting, but I think that's the Beakman's World girl, who's also in the Brady Bunch movie and Hung. She's done well elsewhere.

Terry Crews was in SOUL PLANE.

SWORDFISH is a hoot. The first 10 minutes and Vinnie Jones' demise are enough to keep it off here.

Worst movie of the decade was THE WHOLE TEN YARDS.

Yeah, well, OJ was a great football player.

ETA: ^^^My response to Felt Pelt, not Molt.

PERFECT STRANGER - Halle Berry, Bruce Willis, and a bunch of good actors playing characters that fail to behave like any human beings I've ever met, eroticism that hinges on boring scenes of cyber foreplay, trying and failing to build suspense around people trying to stealthfully attach flash drives to computers and navigate around computer firewalls, and let's not forget about the pointless dream sequences, a needless subplot about child molestation, and phone calls, phone calls, phone calls. And then it all culminates with a plot twist that is not only completely asinine, if you stop and think about it for two seconds you'll realizing that almost everything you just watched leading up to it was completely pointless filler.

WHO'S YOUR CADDY? - Not only so painfully unfunny it will make you reconsider all the negative comments you've ever made about Caddyshack 2, it also teeters dangerously close to being a modern day minstrel show. I don't know if I would consider it ironic or hypocritical, but for a movie in which the villains are white folk that are deemed to be looking down on people of color even when they neither say nor do either, the only characters that ever utter the n-word are all African-American. A cavalcade of appaling stereotypes: uppity country club conservative Caucasians that speak with hoity toity dialects vs. loud, obnoxious, fatty-smokin', malt liquor-drinkin', bling-baring, hip hoppin' African-Americans; and yet the racial aspect of WHO'S YOUR CADDY? ultimately backfires. The white people are frowned upon for being traditionally uptight while the excessively crude behavior of the black characters is championed, but it's the latter that actually come across as worse human beings than "the man" they're supposed to be sticking it to.

I'm not denying anything.

For me a horrible movie does not have to be bad from start to finish. It just has to fail at what it sets out to do. One marker for that failing is requiring me to make too many leaps of faith that it breaks me me out of it's story.

The more promising the movie is in its first act, the bigger it's failings seem, because it betrayed the trust I gave it when looking for escapism.

Another movie that falls into my 100 worst of the decade is the Descent. I'm not going to formally list it here because I don't want to be jeopardizing this thread with more than one "loved" movie.

The Descent was brilliantly suspenseful and claustrophobic up until the monsters were shown and then it turned into a gory action film which completely broke the mood it had set up and thus made me aware that I am watching a movie.

It is the feeling of betrayal that gets to me. At least the movies that most other people are listing here start out bad and therefore are more honest to its audience. Instead of getting you involved and then suddenly deciding to no longer make the effort.

Cat in the Hat - The makeup on Myers is the stuff of nightmares. He should be ashamed (if he's not still bathing in all the money he made off it).

Too tired for an explanation but there were soo many execrable Horror remakes this decade... so, so many.

However, even by such low standards The Fog (2005) is utterly, utterly fucking dreadful. Given the prevalence of this trend in the 2000s this should be in here as the stinkiest stool in a bucket of turds.

It's not 'decent' it's 'Descent'!!

And it was more than decent.

I keep forgetting this movie. 90% of the jokes are regarding whether or not Bruce Willis raped Matthew Perry. And the plot absolutely makes no sense whatsoever, and they think they can get away with it because after the big reveal(s) Perry says something along the lines of "that makes no sense!"

PERFECT STRANGE is a great choice. That's in my bottom five of all time.

ETA: NATIONAL SECURITY - It might be the worst buddy action movie ever made. No jokes hit. There's no attempt to create any sense of tone and the cut from Dugan's stuff to second unit is as jarring as a cut from color to black and white. There's no connection between the footage.

Disappointing isn't horrible. Gangs of New York was disappointing. In the case of The Host, you're dealing with internet hype, unless you saw Memories of Murder and thought it a masterpiece. A film is a thing itself, and though buzz may make you expect certain things, a good to great text is rarely simple.

wtf

Corrected, and thanks for pointing that out. I have long resigned myself to the fact that am cursed to always have some spelling or grammar mistake on every single post I make. I found that no amount of hitting preview and reading aloud can cure this odd affliction.

The definition of horribleness is in who is doing the defining. To me a great film that drops the ball halfway is worse than one that is horrible throughout. My thought process is that the filmmakers should have made a better film because the film's first act showed me they were capable of doing so.

Does this list officially start in 1999? I'll have to stand up for Eye of the Beholder, because it is a fascinating failure and it spawned the documentary Killing Priscilla. There are some good elements in the movie, but Ewan of course is way too young (not his fault), and Ashley Judd acts mostly with her eyebrows.

Um, no. Words have actual, objective, literal meanings, regardless of ...you know what, nevermind.

Horror certainly had a lot of ups and downs this decade. The Grudge is yet another awful remake. I don't actually know if the original is any better, but I hated the remake with a passion. A more controversial choice, but probably not as much around here would be the Saw. The fact that so many people are rabid fans of this series makes me wonder if I am losing my mind.

I admire you. Encountering persons who not only believe but will also defend the idea that some things do, indeed, have objective qualities is becoming a sadly rare thing.

Jesus, Sleeplesslumber, THE HOST and THE DESCENT? You're a worry, man.

Moltisanti's right on with THE WHOLE TEN YARDS. Me, I'm tossing in a vote for THE HOLIDAY, possibly the worst out of Nancy Meyers' smug, self-satisfied rom-coms from the '00s (although WHAT WOMEN WANT comes close, and I'm keen to hear why Sean Bateman has included IT'S COMPLICATED on the list).

Ooh, also the remake of ALFIE.

Is there really a point to having remakes on the list? Sure, there are less remakes made today than in any other point in film history, but the volume of films being made is also exponentially smaller. Modern remakes seem to be what studios turn out when they don't even want to bother trying or are trying to go for the closest thing to a sure bet that is possible. It's more surprising when a remake is fair-good than when it is horrible

Does that mean that good remakes like Dawn of the Dead aren't allowed in top movies lists?

The IT'S ALIVE remake is one of the worst things you can do to your eyeballs.

Whatever Number You're On) Everybody's Fine - It's the Zardoz of Old Bastard Family movies.