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Miscellaneous Advice

post #1 of 77
12/17/09 at 8:55am
Thread Starter 
If you tell someone you need a job and that person goes on to find you a lead for a position that matches your skills and interests, do not tell your new best friend that you'll call the lead "sometime after the holidays."

This is a sure way to guarantee that your benefactor will

never

help

you

again.
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post #2 of 77
12/17/09 at 10:13am
Oh you know you've got to elaborate.
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post #3 of 77
12/17/09 at 11:27am
Plus, never piss off Cobretti! That's lethal shit right there, you know?
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post #4 of 77
12/17/09 at 11:29am
I think I have a fair number of friends who are hiding under "the economy" thing to keep on not working.
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post #5 of 77
12/17/09 at 11:40am
At the moment there is one available job for every six unemployed persons. They may actually not be able to find work.
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post #6 of 77
12/17/09 at 11:46am
I've handed them jobs that they've turned down, because they didn't want the current benefit period to "go to waste". But thanks.
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post #7 of 77
12/17/09 at 11:56am
Ray, if Frank Cobretti and Phil propose a job to you, you say "YES"!
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post #8 of 77
12/17/09 at 11:56am
My Wife is in HR so she has lot of agency contacts. Many is the time she has been asked to find jobs for "freinds" who without fail will turn down every job offer presented to them. Not only is it anyoying it actually reflects on her professionally with these agencies - hence she tends not to do it now.
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post #9 of 77
12/17/09 at 12:10pm
I once spent almost a year in a job I didn't really want because a friend really went out on a limb for me and I didn't want to make her look bad. Backing off from stuff as serious as this is pretty shitty.
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post #10 of 77
12/17/09 at 12:36pm
If you're in need of a job to the point where you're asking friends for help, then you fucking take the shit that's handed to you. Or AT LEAST pursue it to the interview process before you decide, "eh, I don't think it's a good fit" or whatever. And even then... you needed a fucking job, right? You can always quit if you find something better, you know.
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post #11 of 77
12/17/09 at 12:54pm
Thread Starter 
It's about credibility. If I recommend you to someone, that someone says, "Have that friend of yours give me a call," and you don't call right away, it makes me look bad. That limits my ability to help the next guy.

Doesn't mean you have to take the job. But you do have to make the call.
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post #12 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:07pm
Mine were really particular circumstances. She pushed really hard for this position. She practically created it for me. It would have looked really bad for her if I didn't take it.
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post #13 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by FrankCobretti View Post
It's about credibility. If I recommend you to someone, that someone says, "Have that friend of yours give me a call," and you don't call right away, it makes me look bad. That limits my ability to help the next guy.

Doesn't mean you have to take the job. But you do have to make the call.
It's also about respect. If you went to bat for this guy and came through for him, he OWES you the respect of at least following through on the work that you did on his behalf.
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post #14 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by FrankCobretti View Post
It's about credibility. If I recommend you to someone, that someone says, "Have that friend of yours give me a call," and you don't call right away, it makes me look bad. That limits my ability to help the next guy.

Doesn't mean you have to take the job. But you do have to make the call.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Judas Booth View Post
It's also about respect. If you went to bat for this guy and came through for him, he OWES you the respect of at least following through on the work that you did on his behalf.
Yes, these. I'd be aching to punch this dude's teeth in if he shrugged it off like that.
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post #15 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:27pm
Don't cross the street without looking both ways, and by that I mean look for both blacks AND Mexicans.
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post #16 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:34pm
Sorry about this whole thing, Frank. I had an assistant manager position at Kinko's come free and I couldn't pass up the discount toner. I hope you don't think less of me.
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post #17 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:35pm
If you wipe more than twice you're officially fingering your butt, you degenerate.
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post #18 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:37pm
Remember it's "Righty-Tighty", but "Lefty-Looks Like An Accident If You Plan It Right".
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post #19 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:40pm
Is it wrong that I imagine Jake and Brad as the two old guys in the Muppet Show balcony?
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post #20 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:42pm
Only if you don't imagine them fistfucking a dog while reciting some Shakespeare in Hungarian.
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post #21 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:43pm
I know a girl who was out of work as of the crash last year, and I emailed her the contact info for every single admin assistant recruiter in NYC. Now, even if you have no skills as an admin, they can potentially still set you up with work like answering phones as a receptionist (which was my very first job in NYC over 20 years ago, and I just learned assistant skills from there). So I send her all the info - keep in mind, she's been crying to me about how they're going to turn off her utilities, kick her out of her apartment, etc. After gathering all this info for her, she dismissively dries her tears and says, "Oh, I'd go crazy if I had to work in an office." Nice. So, a couple of months later when she's crying all over again about still being out of work, I didn't even offer to help her. I mean, why knock yourself out for someone who's just going to shrug off your efforts? I don't blame Phil and Frank for being pissed - it's common courtesy to at least dial the phone and hear what these people have to say.
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post #22 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean Blackwell View Post
Is it wrong that I imagine Jake and Brad as the two old guys in the Muppet Show balcony?
Statler and Waldorf.

And no, this wouldn't apply to Brad. Brad's got the whole Cockzilla, destroyer of Mecha Vaginadan thing going.
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post #23 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:45pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Savage View Post
Only if you don't imagine them fistfucking a dog while reciting some Shakespeare in Hungarian.
Twlefth Night ok?

ETA: On topic, I find it the height of arrogance to think that a job (especially one that may just be temporary and be able to get you through to your next desired place of employment) is beneath you.

When I went back to school last year, I took any odd job I could get until I landed where I am now. Catering, video store, yard maintenance, you name it. And if I can go from making a damn fine living (mortgage business, RIP) to doing that, anyone can. Believe me, I'm a little bitch and I managed to pull it off.
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post #24 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:45pm
Remember, wild animals are more scared of you than you are of them. So take solace in the fact that the bear eating you right now is absolutely terrified.
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post #25 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brad Millette View Post
Remember, wild animals are more scared of you than you are of them. So take solace in the fact that the bear eating you right now is absolutely terrified.
Is it time for a new signature? I've had Matchstick's for well over a year now. Hmmm...
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post #26 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:51pm
On a similar note to Sean's advice: don't think you're entitled to a job. I was such an entitled asshole first thing out of college, kept me unemployed for months on end. God, I was (and probably still am) a moron.
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post #27 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:53pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean Blackwell View Post
ETA: On topic, I find it the height of arrogance to think that a job (especially one that may just be temporary and be able to get you through to your next desired place of employment) is beneath you.

When I went back to school last year, I took any odd job I could get until I landed where I am now. Catering, video store, yard maintenance, you name it. And if I can go from making a damn fine living (mortgage business, RIP) to doing that, anyone can. Believe me, I'm a little bitch and I managed to pull it off.
To follow up on this: it's always easier to find a new (and better) job when you're already working. Get ANY gig and then go for your 'real' job.
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post #28 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:55pm
Remember, communication is the most important part of a relationship. If issues arise, simply address your spouse, and calmly explain to her that she is a witch and therefore must be purged from God's creation.
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post #29 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean Blackwell View Post
Twlefth Night ok?

ETA: On topic, I find it the height of arrogance to think that a job (especially one that may just be temporary and be able to get you through to your next desired place of employment) is beneath you.

When I went back to school last year, I took any odd job I could get until I landed where I am now. Catering, video store, yard maintenance, you name it. And if I can go from making a damn fine living (mortgage business, RIP) to doing that, anyone can. Believe me, I'm a little bitch and I managed to pull it off.
Yeah, this. I'm glaring hatefully at you, two years of working a server tray/deli counter/espresso machine/cash register.

Granted, I didn't have shit before that since I worked with a family member in construction beforehand, but going from $10/hr to minimum wage plus tips was kind of a kick in the balls. So glad I lucked out with a solid office gig that actually gives me enough money to survive, take night classes, and have money left over. Also, benefits!
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post #30 of 77
12/17/09 at 1:58pm
Just because it has a tapered end does not necessarily mean it should be inserted.
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post #31 of 77
12/17/09 at 2:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean Blackwell View Post
Just because it has a tapered end does not necessarily mean it should be inserted.
Oh, bullshit.




And before I landed my current job (which I thank some imaginary deity for each and every day), I was applying/pursuing everything. And if someone gave me a lead, I acted on it the first minute I could.

Shit, I even sat through the most demeaning interview at Barnes & Noble (and got denied the job!).

And while all that was going on, I had this bum of a fucking roommate (and best friend, always a bad mistake) charity case living with me who was continually turning down/fucking up work or job opportunities -- many of which I'd provide him with -- all while not paying me dick. Kicked him out just in time to not totally ruin our decades long friendship.
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post #32 of 77
12/17/09 at 2:24pm
At Barnes and Noble, did you have to take some dumb standardized placement test? I had to take one back when I applied there at a ripe 18 years of age and flunked the bejesus out of it. I don't know what the deal was, but the same test showed up when I applied at Blockbuster and CVS, and I kept failing it. I don't know if it was just Dumb Teenager Syndrome or a larger indicator of how much I suck at life, but if I ever see that test again I'm going to rage out and kill a computer.
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post #33 of 77
12/17/09 at 2:27pm
The trick is to never answer the questions honestly...
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post #34 of 77
12/17/09 at 2:28pm
I didn't! I picked the corniest, most customer-friendly seeming ones out of the bunch.
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post #35 of 77
12/17/09 at 2:33pm
Never try to impress the person who is interviewing you by showing off your Google skills and bringing up personal details about the interviewer.

Saying stuff like "Your daughters are pretty" is generally not a good idea to say during an interview if I haven't shown you a picture of them.
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post #36 of 77
12/17/09 at 2:33pm
Perhaps you were just what they were looking for and you shot yourself in the foot by trying to game the system. If you fail the test answering the way you think they want you to, if you have cause to take the test again, answer honestly and see how the results differ.
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post #37 of 77
12/17/09 at 2:33pm
A friend of mine wanted me to help him get a job in commercial art. So, first thing I asked him was what are your qualifications? What do you know about the field? Ever work in it before, etc., etc. Turns out the guy never even picked up a pencil in his life, and wanted me to teach him how to do what I do. I then politely suggested he look in another field for employment.

Oh, and never moon a werewolf. Or go out partying with your boss until 4:00 AM, then wake your wife and tell her "Bitch, cook us breakfast."
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post #38 of 77
12/17/09 at 2:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
At Barnes and Noble, did you have to take some dumb standardized placement test? I had to take one back when I applied there at a ripe 18 years of age and flunked the bejesus out of it. I don't know what the deal was, but the same test showed up when I applied at Blockbuster and CVS, and I kept failing it. I don't know if it was just Dumb Teenager Syndrome or a larger indicator of how much I suck at life, but if I ever see that test again I'm going to rage out and kill a computer.
No. Perhaps they had rejected me before I got to that point.

Honestly what probably sealed it was me being over qualified. They could tell from my (already strategically dumbed-down) resume that this was just something to pay the bills until I found a "real" job.

That was one of the hardest parts of getting laid off and being unemployed for four months this past year. "Real" jobs that I was qualified for were few and far between, and I couldn't get any of the stop-gap jobs to simply pay bills because I was over-qualified. It was so fucking frustrating to continually get denied by Blockbuster, a job that I was far "above" (only in terms of work experience/previous pay. Nothing at all against those who work those jobs, it's just not what I want to do.)

I'm sure all the career retail/sales people have been getting their kicks watching all of us "professionals/college boys" come groveling.
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post #39 of 77
12/17/09 at 2:45pm
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away!" is sound advice, but it does not apply to Doctor Doom. This is because he is not a licensed medical practitioner.
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post #40 of 77
12/17/09 at 2:54pm
Dr. J > Doctor Doom > Doc Ock > Doctor Detroit > Dr. Love > Danny Aiello in Jacob's Ladder > House M.D.
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post #41 of 77
12/17/09 at 2:59pm
Why the fuck is Doc Brown missing from that lineup???

The Draper is displeased...
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post #42 of 77
12/17/09 at 3:00pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by joeypants View Post
Honestly what probably sealed it was me being over qualified. They could tell from my (already strategically dumbed-down) resume that this was just something to pay the bills until I found a "real" job.
You can do that? I always thought that misrepresenting your info was grounds for termination or rejection when they ran the background check.
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post #43 of 77
12/17/09 at 3:02pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cuchulain View Post
You can do that? I always thought that misrepresenting your info was grounds for termination or rejection when they ran the background check.
That's assuming they're using a background check service worth a fuck.
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post #44 of 77
12/17/09 at 3:03pm
Doc Hollywood trumps them all.
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post #45 of 77
12/17/09 at 3:05pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy225 View Post
A friend of mine wanted me to help him get a job in commercial art. So, first thing I asked him was what are your qualifications? What do you know about the field? Ever work in it before, etc., etc. Turns out the guy never even picked up a pencil in his life, and wanted me to teach him how to do what I do. I then politely suggested he look in another field for employment.
Wow. No words for that one.

Hey, Tim - I'd like to be a tall, skinny supermodel, and also 20 years younger. Could you please make that happen for me?
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post #46 of 77
12/17/09 at 3:14pm
Always tie your shoelaces with a double knot. Enough people die every day by tripping on their shoelaces to field an amateur bowling league. In this rate amateur bowling will be extinct in six years. Do your duty. Stop the slaughter.
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post #47 of 77
12/17/09 at 3:21pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean Blackwell View Post
Is it wrong that I imagine Jake and Brad as the two old guys in the Muppet Show balcony?
Almost as wrong as the fact that you called them "the two old guys" and not Statler and Waldorf. No offense, Jake. I quite enjoy your jesting. Brad, you mean well, but try way too hard.

Miscellaneous advice, eh? Never assume.
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post #48 of 77
12/17/09 at 3:28pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby Bear View Post
Almost as wrong as the fact that you called them "the two old guys" and not Statler and Waldorf. No offense, Jake. I quite enjoy your jesting. Brad, you mean well, but try way too hard.

Miscellaneous advice, eh? Never assume.
And yet, Brad's polar bear line slays your grouchiness, you Irish drunk!
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post #49 of 77
12/17/09 at 3:30pm
It's okay, Martin. I'll just have to live without the appreciation of Bobby Bear.

Somehow.
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post #50 of 77
12/17/09 at 3:31pm
Hang in there Brad. Just not from the ceiling fan.
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