I Will Assign a Narrator to Your Posts

Post here, and I'll tell you which celebrity will read your posts in the CHUD audiobook.

Anderson: Lucas Black
MissZooey: Cynthia Nixon
Doc Happening: Peter Gallagher, if Peter Gallagher were a late night deejay for an oldies station.
Merriweather: Stephen Fry, in Hitchhiker's mode
BobClark: Now that I think about it, I'm going to have to go with the just-above the fray but still quick with a quip Adam Scott
Jake: Ben Foster
Bobby Bear: Ben Daniels
Tati: B-movie actor extraordinaire Joaqium De Alameida, the "Spanish Phil Hartman"
Humanoid: Bill Pullman, because your posting about "Faith in Film" makes me think of that show he did about the end of the world
Nordling: Jesse Plemons
KidInTheHelmet: Bill Simmons, sportswriter
Feral: Jeff Anderson
Sean Blackwell: Michael Shannon
Dickson: William H. Macy
Arjun: Willam Dafoe, simply because you have the best avatar ever
Bloody Wanker: Charlie Hunnan
Anakin's Dad: Matthew Fox in "acting is serious buisness" mode
Timothy225: Steven Van Zant, but not Sopranos, "Little Steven's Underground Garage" Van Zant
SebastianOB: Steve Carell as Michael Scott
Judas Booth: Jensen Ackles
JuddL: Vince Vaughn
Chris Miller: Josh Brolin
Raspberry Leper: Prince. Yes, Prince.
Parker: Gary Sinise
Bodhavista: Jeff Bridges as The Dude
Dre: Sam Rockwell. The easy answer's Zach Galifinakis, though.
Feltpelt: Frank Oz
joeypants: Nicolas Cage
Spike: Who's the lead on the Inbetweeners, the guy with the great deadpan? That kid.
LisaNY: Debi Mazar. Many people think she's shrill. I think she's awesome.
Schwartz: Wendell Pierce
Whirlybird: Todd Louiso
Mattolli: Bill Paxton
FilmNerdJamie: Victor Garber
VanRead: Tommy Lee Jones
kingcujo1: Taylor Negron
Eyeball Kid: Danny McBride
Arainon: William Sadler
HBarr: Neil Patrick Harris
Mr. Cellophane: Patrick Wilson
Hocken: David Tennant doing an american accent
Hammerhead: Chris Eigman
Jim Kelly: Christian Bale, doing his Newsies/Shaft voice
Ludwig: Christopher Guest
Nekkerbee: Johnny Knoxville
Cylon Baby: Jamie Bamber, but Jamie Bamber on Law and Order UK, where he's the British love child of Chris Noth and Jerry Orbach.
Ryan S: I'm going to go left field and pick Ian McShane here, because I get a kick out of hearing Ian McShane narrate informative posts about sound
Cameron: Ed Westwick. You know why.
Diva: Wanda Sykes
Vivesector: Alec Baldwin
DJ Dylan: Heart! Also, Patrick Fugit
Justin Clark: Jeffrey Wright
whiskey tango foxtrot: Jim Beaver, star of TV's Deadwood and Supernatural
Greg Clark: Rob Lowe (or Cougar Town's Dan Byrd)
Kung Fu Cornelius: Ving Rhames
EvilTwin: Jeremy Irons
Jan: Peter Stormare
tommy five tone: Guy Pearce or Paul Bettany
BubWilliams: Billy Drago
OCallaghan: Terrence Stamp, from The Limey
Princess Kate: Kristin Schall
Timothy Q: Topher Grace
Chris Olson: John Slattery
Bancroft Agee: Liev Schreiber
Nicolas: Scott Caan
Iggy: Joe Mantenga
Renn: Emile Hirsch
Old Man Singer: Peter Fonda
HunterTarantino: Chris Gore
Ray: Steve Coogan as Tony Wilson
DragonMa: Ken Wanatabe
Will Kane: Jon Hamm
El Thain: Patrick Stewart
Jakespeare: Martin Starr
nooj: John Cho
Rheoku: Larry David
Erix: John Leguizamo (because he's from New York, and Latino, but he doesn't always play Latino. It's the best, the best of both worlds.)
soylent green: Damien Lewis
Pop Zeus: Okay, Norm MacDonald, but Norm MacDonald doing Burt Reynolds. It's a big hat. It's funny.
Martin Savage: Matt Damon
Rain Dog: Bryan Brown. Boom.
Chris Spider: Tobey Maguire
BrundleFly: Ralph Fiennes
Fat Elvis: Elvis Mitchell

Anderson: Lucas Black, in late-period Friday Night Lights/Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift mode. WHen he's trying to be charming, rather than retarded. Think him at the end of Jarhead, too, actually.

Zooey: Cynthia Nixon, but not the "I'm so much better than Sex & the City" Cynthia Nixon, the slightly laid-back, but willing to get in your face, Tony Award-winner Cynthia Nixon. If Nixon is unavailable, Laura Linney.

Bob: Joe Pantaliano or James Caan. Alternatively, John Cusack in High Fidelity mode.

(I'm going to jump around with these, as I may have to go back and read some posts. It also helps if you specifiy what part of the country you're from so I don't assign you someone with a Southern accent if you're from the Bronx. Or, you know, I could just read the "location".)

Nordling: Erring on the way young side, but I'm going to go with Jesse Plemons, aka "Matt Damon's brother."

Tati: The easy choice would be Border Incident period Ricardo Montabalm (when he had a real shot at being a huge star, but Hollywood was all racist and stuff), but I'm having a hard time combining your intelligence and enthusasim with an actor of South American (or, if you want to go with the industry's tendency to cast actors from one country as characters from another, Latin American/Spanish) descent. So watch this space.

Jake: Ben Foster, but much in the way that Christian Bale uses his Jack Kelly/Newsies accent for Shaft, Foster will be using a slight variation on his voice from the underrated kids show "Flash Forward" (also starring Jewel Staite). I could also go with TMNT-era Sam Rockwell.

Dickson: William H. Macy, incorporating elements from his Fargo, Spartan, and State & Main performances. Or Tom Hanks.

No, I'm saying that the only actor I can think of from Brazil is Rodrigo Santoro, and I just don't hear his voice coming off your posts. There are plenty of smart actors who are Latin, but the ones I know, I'm just not feeling.

Anakin's Dad: Late-period William Baldwin or "acting is serious buisness" Matthew Fox.

Haha, sorry, Tati. I almost didn't post that, because I thought it might be a mistake. I can't name any Argentinian actors. I promise to do right by you, I just gotta think about it some more. (Although, seriously, Montabalm is a suave dude in that movie.)

Judas Booth: Jensen Ackles. Obviously.

I'm casting for voice, not appearances, Judas, and Ackles' penchant for classic rock/metal on Supernatural is what makes him the perfect you.

No, you have to post in here to get a narrator.

Parker: Gary Sinise, part Ransom, part CSI: New York, all hard-ass (and my pick for Parker if they ever make those novels into another movie).

(I have to head to work soon, I'll be back tonight.)