Lying to your kid about Santa

It depends on whether or not you care if your kid ruins it for other children. Because there's no way a little kid who knows Santa's full of shit isn't telling. If I ever have kids I'm going to explain to them that Santa's fake, but other people don't know yet so it'll just be our secret. Like that other stuff.

Hopefully, your kid will be too perceptive to buy that Santa bullshit.

"Hey (future child of undetermined gender), look at all the presents Santa brought for you this year! You must've been a very good!"

"Uh, dad, there ain't no way that big white dude fit through that skinny-ass radiator pipe."

Yes, your child will learn ebonics before discovering the myth of Santa.

I didn't feel betrayed at the reveal, mostly because I'd sort of figured it out once I noticed Santa had the same handwriting as my mother. My parents tried to go the "Oh, well we help Santa by doing the labels", but I wasn't buying it.

But rather than feeling lied to, I was sort of impressed with the level of subterfuge.

Santa Claus has always seemed to me to be a way for parents to issue thinly veiled threats to their children throughout the year while deflecting responsibility and fallout. It's not you being a complete asshole and threatening to pettily crush the year's hopes and dreams of a toddler because he or she did something that mildly displeased you. Good heavens, no. No, it's Santa doing that.

Really, if you want to show that you have an absolute allegiance to truth and aren't a passive aggressive and lazy parent, I don't see the downside to not going along with the illusion passive aggressive and lazy parents use in lieu of actual parenting.

I think lying to your kids about some stuff is an important ritual of growing up. Lying about Santa could be part of it. Its unfair and silly, but at the same time, when kids discover that they've been lied to about Santa, they might consciously (or subconsciously) learn a valuable lesson: Kids are dumb.

Actually, it's not my personal baggage. My late brother had a combined immune deficiency disorder, I was riddled with cancer, my mom was often in bed doubled over in pain and puking from severe rheumatoid arthritis and cancer, and--in between medical bills and the rising cost of maintaining the family business--my dad brought home $8,000 a year for a family of five. We lived in a rundown house in rural California with rats in the walls, cockroaches in the carpet, and holes in the roof. That part of California floods and freezes in the winter and has an average temp of 115 the rest of the year. So, yeah, we didn't get the commercial version of Christmas, it was always a purely religious holiday. (My mom made a point of not lying to us because she thought it was both wrong and a road to us not believing her during hospital stays. If a procedure was going to hurt like fuck, she told us it would. Also, she never used Santa as a proxy for her worse angels as a parent.)

Where my conception of Santa comes from is from the parents of other kids in the community. They never asked the kids not to do something, like sane and caring people would. No it was always something like: if you do x again, Santa isn't bringing you y. I always thought it was messed up.

Santa is all the more silly because nobody really follows up on the whole "you get coal if you're bad" threat. It was a good idea in theory, making be good by bribing them with presents, but you KNOW all those little bullying shit heads out there got truck loads of presents. Hell, if I had a kid, and he was a little shithead, you bet your ass he's getting coal on Christmas!

There are a lot of versions of "Santa." There's "St. Nicholas," "Kris Kringle," Basil of Caesarea, etc. There's the Santa that brings gifts, St. Nicholas who is the patron saint of giving, the Finnish goat that demands presents....

I'd say it's up to you. I don't plan to give my kid any religious overtones but I don't have a problem with the idea that there is a cultural aspect to some mythical figures (e.g. Tooth Fairy isn't exactly religious but lots of parents give their kids money for their teeth). I won't lie and say that Santa is coming down our non-existent chimney, but I don't have a problem with modifying the idea so that kid isn't confused by all the pro-santa-ness out there. For example, you can modify the St. Nick thing by saying that Santa is someone who encourages us to give to one another during the time of family togetherness during the holidays. That's not entirely false and still explains the santa-gift association.

Also, keep in mind that your little one won't be saying much until it's a little older, and it will be 2-3 years before you get to a lot of questions and answers. So you've got time.

ETA: Also you could use "Father Christmas" which can mean he's a symbol of the day (Dec 25 or the day of your choice). You can explain any religious/pagan/whatever by sharing what you want your holiday traditions to be and that other people do other things (e.g. religious things).

Alex, the best intentions and kids wont always match up.

You are going to wind up lying to your kids about all sorts of things. If little Timmy or Jenny paints an ugly picture are you going to tell them it sucks?

You are going to have to lighten up a bit when you become a parent. Have a good time with it. You don't have to teach your kids all of life's hard lessons right off the bat.

My family lied to me about Santa and I turned out fine.

Some of my fondest childhood memories include a belief in Santa. And when I found out the truth, instead of feeling "betrayed" or whatever, I just felt like I was growing up.

Let's not kill every bit of joy left in the world. The early Christmas memories will far outweigh the inevitable no Santa fallout.

Or what Singer said.

Kids believe in all kinds of stupid shit.

I'm sure children of all backgrounds can have happy childhoods, horrible childhoods, or boring childhoods. I'm not sure Santa plays all that huge a role in defining a child's well-being.

Thank you cynicism. I almost forgot about you this holiday season.

Now let's all go tell the Jewish kids there was no way in hell that oil actually lasted.

I found out Santa was fake but didn't let my parents know. I figured they would keep buying more toys if I stilled believed in him.

My sister couldn't wait to tell me later that he didn't exist and had to sit me down and do the big reveal, only to have me say "Well, duh, I've known all along".

When I was a kid, it was all about the magic of it and just going to sleep and knowing that you would wake up and all these presents from out of nowhere would be there. I guess if I knew it was my parents all along I would just refuse to go to sleep and wait for them to get tired and hand them over :-)

As a parent I just love the anticipation and the innocence of it all. I also suspect my almost 9 year old has figured it out, but that's actually more fun. If she tells me she did what I did when I was a kid I'm just going to have a really good laugh about it with her (I'm hoping that's the case, at least eventually).

Well, that's not really playing fair, is it? It's a personal decision for you and your wife to make, and it'd be kind of tough for anyone to convince someone they should lie to their child about a fictional character who'll bring them toys if they're good.

My personal take is that it's pretty much harmless, kids sure seem to enjoy it, and you know that they'll find out the truth eventually. At the same time, I don't think you'd be depriving the child of anything if you tell them the truth from the beginning either. "Tradition" is hardly a reason to fool your kid. If you don't want to do it, don't.

Now Jesus, on the other hand...

If you want to get cute about it, sticking with God/Allah/Brahma/a supreme being would be better. Not that many scholars think that Jesus of Nazareth is a fictional character.

I'd advise against Googling this topic, unless you want to read about what a heartless, soulless, child-abusing monster you are if you even think about not letting your kid have a magical Santa childhood.

So your kids can have the same enjoyment you did? I mean, if you loved it and have no regrets about it, what's the hangup about doing it for your kids?

Well, when I was a kid, we got both. We had presents from Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Susie and from Santa. So he wasn't really the be-all end-all of Christmas gifts. His name usually got attached to the OHMYGODWANT present.

As a new parent for all of two weeks now, we've had this discussion and pretty much came to the same conclusion as some of the others; Santa for a kid can be pretty cool. Of course there's always the one kid in class that will cry once some jackass tells them that Santa doesn't exist, but whatever. And like what Singer said, I felt like grownup being in on the big adult secret once I found out.

As for...

there's plenty of other more-awesome motivators you could use, if you so choose, such as coulrophobia:
The thought of pretending I have a clown on speed dial as a motivator for my little girl amuses me to no end.

Agree.

Today I heard "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" on the radio. Little kids think that song is a heart-wrenching tale of a home destroyed by infidelity.

You don't have to lie. Just tell the kid there's a Santa Claus, and whenever the little tyke finally wises up, explain to him or her that due to a quantum misalignment, Santa Claus did exist but now never existed. It can't technically be proven false. At least not by an eight year old.

Yeah, just explain subjective reality to your kid. Santa did exist when you believed in him, now he doesn't because you don't. Lay a hand on their shoulder and say, "You just killed Santa Claus."

In the grand scheme of things will it really matter? No. But it's hard to think about my kids not having that crazy anticipation, that look in their eyes. The thing is, kids love Christmas and you can think it's all about presents but it's not. There's something about the whole package, and the fat man is a big part of that package. Now I certainly don't know for sure, but I'd bet if I'd told my kids right away that there wasn't a Santa that I'd be feeling a little deflated right now instead of their excitement bringing me some extra joy which quite honestly most of us need at this time of year.

I can't wait to lie to my kids. Over Thanksgiving, I convinced my 4-year-old nephew that my wife was half cow, since we could hook a machine up and milk her to feed the babies. We are getting some practice in this Christmas. My daughters are 6 months old. We are still setting out the milk and cookies (Santa specified Chocolate Chip), my wife refuses to put the gifts under the tree until after the girls fall asleep tonight, and we've already decided that Santa's going to "slip in through the mail slot." We also sprinkle oats and glitter on the ground outside to lure in the reindeer. The Santa story can be as much fun for the parents as it is for the kids.

I wrote this several years ago:

I came home one day in early December and, before I even removed my tie, my 4-year-old boy nailed me with the tough question: “Do you believe in Santa Claus, Daddy?”

I hadn’t discussed our family’s position on one Mr. Claus with my wife, so I shot from the hip: “No, son. Santa Claus is an important part of our shared cultural experience, but I don’t believe that he exists in real life.”

“Well, I believe in Santa Claus.”

“Why’s that, son?”

“Because I saw him at the mall.”

Two weeks later, I took my son to my Navy Reserve squadron’s kids’ Christmas party. As one of our Sailors rolled into the room in full Santa regalia, my son broke through the crowd of delighted children and planted himself directly in front of the man. “Remember me, Santa? Remember me?”

The Sailor thought fast. “Ho, ho, ho! Of course, of course!”

My boy turned to face me, his eyes bright with triumph and conviction. “Now do you believe in Santa Claus, Daddy?”

Y’know, I suppose I do.

I'm working off no sleep here but as a new parent who is going to end up spending his daughters first Christmas in the hospital with her, I was thinking about the subject a bunch today (even before Alex's post).

There is the social pressure reasons to tell. Like mentioned above having your kid ridiculed for a common secular childhood belief is pretty shitty.

Then there is using "Santa watching" as a behavior tool. Yeah thinking about it as a logical adult is twisted but 90% of the shit we watched and read as children is pretty fucked.

Then the the guilt and appreciation like Dickson mentioned. The fact my mother hid presents and went through all this process so I could believe in something portrayed as pure good made me appreciate them so much more when I figured out the true.

Parents do tons of weird shit but in the end it works out. And mostly for the better.

Brand spankin' new kid, Jcassady? If so, congrats! If not, I hope your little gal gets better soon!

You know, I just had a memory of when I played Santa for my parents when I was around 8 or so. I don't know what the hell I got my mom, but dad definitely got a big box of Milk Duds in his stocking. I can still see the look of surprise on his face.

My cousin and his wife have 3 kids: two 2.5 year old twins (1 boy, 1 girl) and a 6-month old daughter. They will not even tell their kids about Santa because they remember being disappointed when they heard Santa wasn't a real person. You might ask "well, how can they keep their kids from knowing of Santa"---well, they don't take their kids out to many public places, plan to home-school them and do not let them watch any TV, so no chance of seeing anything Santa-related on the tube. When they bring the kids over to my parents' house, the TV must be turned off the entire time.

Personally, I think that even though there was disappointment when you learned the truth about Santa, that doesn't outweigh the fun that comes from it and the lessons one can learn from the idea of Mr. Claus. Yeah, it sucks when the kids learn, but they're resilient and won't be sent into a deep depression over it.

I find it's best to just not talk to children at all. They're stupid.

Yup.

Those kids are gonna be social goddamn butterflies once puberty hits, huh?

How far do you take it, Alex? If you're an atheist, then why celebrate Christmas at all? Isn't that buying into a much bigger lie, one that has much bigger implications for your kids?

I totally missed that post. Jesus, Will.

Going to my cousin's house tomorrow for Christmas. Curious what the fuck he & his wife tell the kids as to the reasoning behind it all.

My parents threatened me with violence if I showed up wearing a Santa outfit.