Lying to your kid about Santa - Page 2

Bring a DVD of Gremlins. Say you were just trying to help.

I enjoyed believing in Santa and see it as a harmless childhood diversion like an imaginary friend. I never hated my parents for keeping the myth going for as long as possible. In fact I didn’t let them know that I knew for several years after I found out. I found out when I was 7 and kept it to myself out of fear of getting fewer presents. My seven year-old brain came to the conclusion that if they were buying presents that were from Santa and if I told them that I knew they might buy fewer since they wouldn’t have to cover for the fat man anymore.

My snarky comment wasn't directed at you or anything.

Let kids have a little magic when they're young. Let them believe in these things because the real world is shitty enough. Shitty parenting not withstanding, I see nothing wrong with it because I've seen what it means to a kid who has nothing, lives in a shelter with his mother because his father decided it was fun to kick the shit out of mommy after an 18-pack of Coors, get a present from Santa. A little magic and whimsy ain't bad. Just my two cents.

I'd say that anything that keeps up the imagination of a child isn't a terrible thing. Also it contributes to the cognitive development at their age.

As a kid I think I always knew Santa wasn't 'Real' (i remember this because I was more mad at my sister for spoiling it for me then the actual reveal)
But it was a fun tradition. Making up the tree, being with my family, writing the letters and waking up Christmas morning and seeing all the presents that 'appeared'

I think that your kids will be fine and will love the ideas and notions that 'believing' in santa brings.

Besides, They might end up resenting you for not letting them believe in Santa like the other kids.

If they're practicing Jews, then yes, they did/do harbor "some strange belief" - Elijah the prophet, food restrictions, circum-goddamn-cision...

Yes, because Santa has so much to do with the birth of the Christ child.

I'm not trying to be a smart ass, but there is absolutely nothing about Santa and Christmas anymore that have anything to do with celebrating the birth of Jesus. I'm having trouble finding a succinct way to make my point, but it seems weird to me that Annual Gift Man gets connected to Christianity- besides the obvious. I would never even begin to tell anyone how to raise their children, but I would think you could let them experience the Santa thing without sacrificing your beliefs.

As you pointed out, it is bizarre. As a kid, I often wondered where Santa fit into the grand scheme of things. I would ask questions about which part of the bible established Santa and his extraordinary magical powers.

As a side note, I recently had a laugh when a guy I work with- a Jehovah's Witness- was just talking about how they don't celebrate birthdays, Christmas, etc. Sure enough, he didn't have a problem accepting and promptly spending the $25.00 Wallly Mart gift card we received as a Christmas gift.

"I'm sorry I didn't have any of you, kids, but I enjoy not being a parent."

Edit: I think I would let my kids enjoy the Santa thing while they were able. I gotta think that with the internet and whatnot, that's a much smaller window than it used to be. I'm thinking by age 7 or 8 they're done. I have good memories of believing in Santa and I wasn't shattered by the reveal. If you raise kids who are shook to their core by there being no Santa, you probably did it wrong.

Here's my take on it, Alex - I've met you, and met your wife, and I have no doubt you're going to be great parents. To put this much thought and worry into being honest with your kids is great.

That much being said, the reason you think the legend (or whatever) of Santa is dishonest is because you're a grown up. But remember, Santa isn't for grown ups - Santa is for kids. Always has been, always will be. My opinion? Just let your kid have something that's always been an incredibly fun, magical part of childhood. Why wreck it just for the sake of being honest?

As previous posts have pointed out, there are quite simply going to be times in your child's life when you're going to have to feed them a white lie now and then. Hopefully not that often. And mostly, those are done to protect your child from something that could be a little too huge for them to understand. But Santa? I dunno, I just think that's painting the whole "We're going to be 100% honest with our kid" thing with a little too broad of a brush. I don't mean to sound harsh, because you know I'm happy for you and I think you're cool, but there you have it.

I never felt betrayed or dismayed when I found out Santa never existed, and I don't know anyone else who ever felt that way either - it's all a part of being a little kid, and eventually growing up. Kids are smart, yours will be too, and at a certain age, they normally just figure it out for themselves - no harm, no foul. In the meantime, they have a hell of a lot of fun.

And to be honest, some of my most favorite, happiest Christmas memories are from being little and thinking Santa existed. Memories of dictating letters to Santa while my brother wrote them out for me, memories of my sister taking me to sit on Santa's lap out at the mall. I still recall a lot of that stuff with great fondness, which I wouldn't have had if my parents had spelled it out to me early on.

Also, for the record, I do agree with you about the non-religious angle - if that's not your thing, you can keep Jesus, etc. out of it. But Santa's never been a religious thing, he's always just been a good time for kids, so why not?

It's a little kid thing, dude - let your kid be a little kid over some stuff. That's just my two cents, Papa.

I remember "Made In China" on everything I got for Christmas being part of the "waaaaaaait a minute" moment....

My son is 9 and this was the last year. The faith was cleary in question leading up to Christmas, some of his friends don't believe, etc. His mother and I are selfish though and we just wanted to enjoy the whole experience of Christmas with our child one last time before the realities of the adult world started the slow creep towards him.

Watching a human being, who a couple of years ago needed reassurance there were no monsters under his bed waiting to eat him or couldn't survive without constant supervision and care, take these small steps towards full independence and eventual adulthood leaves this parent more than a bit melancholy about the whole deal. But I think we've done a good enough job thus far and the "lie" of Santa was a good one because it came from a place of love.

I also really don't see how Santa relates to wanting to be non-religious around the holidays. Like I said, if you want to be sure it's not "Saint Nick" because that's too religious, make it "Father Christmas" and make it about your family Christmas traditions. You don't have to have Santa come down chimneys if you don't want to, you can have him be the jolly guy at the mall and on the TV.

I think it will be easier to give you kids some kind of Santa than to try to socially isolate them from any exposure to Santa or explain why EVERYONE else does the Santa thing but you don't, even though you DO have Christmas (which is Christ-mass and much more odd, to me, if you're a non-religious person). I'm not terribly religious but I'm ok with the general cultural christianity of my family and much of our society and doing the Christmas and Santa thing.

I won't go out of my way to lie but, like many things that are too complicated for a 3 year old to understand, then I'm going to aim for an explanation that's not so much of a lie but also a simple way for them to grasp the idea. Like the "babies are made when a man and a woman get married and love each other." Sure, that's not the COMPLETE story, but it's not really a lie, and do you really want to discuss reproductive physiology or give a sort of glossy and easy-to-grasp version for a young child? They can learn how much the world is complicated and difficult a lot later.

I wouldn't worry about Santa, I'd worry about explaining that everyone has different traditions and "these are ours" and it's ok that all the other girls and boys have theirs (e.g. religious ones). It will be a lot harder once your kid goes to other kids' houses for sleep overs or has to wait until after the kid gets home from worship and you have to explain all that in a way that doesn't make your kid the dick who thinks everyone else has weird beliefs nor that y'all are going to hell.

I actually had a kind of jarring experience when it came to waking up to the reality about Santa Claus. You see, my parents told me, when I first became curious enough to ask after the truth of the Santa Claus story, that one year they'd heard hoof-beats on the roof. I was about four at the time, and this convinced me thoroughly. About a year or two later though, I began working things over in my mind, and began to doubt this account. I finally confronted my mom in a Grand Union* parking lot, and forced her to fess up to her deception. She admitted to the ruse, and for a while, that was that. Then however, I began to grow agitated and distressed that she had worked to actively deceive me about such an important issue. I demanded answers. Instead, I was told that in fact the first story about hoof-beats HAD been true, and that the later retraction of the story had been false.

This caused a great deal of confusion, to say the least.

Eventually I grew old enough to just realize the truth about Santa on my own, but there were life long doubts and parental trust issues that grew out of the bungled handling of the Santa Claus Question.


*A wonderful but now mostly defunct New England grocery store chain

May i suggest this as a gift?



"Why yes honey, santa existed, until the Easter Bunny called a hit on him and he got macheted to death"

Now, on a serious note, i'd go with Terry Pratchett's argument on the subject:

Death: Humans need fantasy to *be* human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.
Susan: With tooth fairies? Hogfathers?
Death: Yes. As practice, you have to start out learning to believe the little lies.
Susan: So we can believe the big ones?
Death: Yes. Justice, mercy, duty. That sort of thing.
Susan: They're not the same at all.
Death: You think so? Then take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder, and sieve it through the finest sieve, and then show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. And yet, you try to act as if there is some ideal order in the world. As if there is some, some rightness in the universe, by which it may be judged.
Susan: But people have got to believe that, or what's the point?
Death: My point exactly.

I loved "having Santa around" as a kid, and fully intend on giving my kid (should I ever have one) another jolt of "magic" in their life when they're young.

Sure, there are plenty of other outlets for "magic" with children, but I say the more the merrier.

I wasn't hurt or shattered when I found out the truth. In fact, I felt like I'd figured something out and was sort of on top of things for a moment (on of my earliest memories of that feeling, actually).

My parents and family had way too much fun with the Santa thing for me to not do it.

I don't think you're a grump or curmudgeon if you don't do it with your kid. However, the whole "I'm not teaching my kids about LYING" bit takes it too far, I think (not directed at you necessarily, Alex).

Joey, I don't think it's the initial lie about Santa that I found troubling, it was how the whole situation devolved into a status quo where I wasn't sure whether or not an obese man who piloted flying forest mammals existed or not. I think as soon as you doubt it, and ask, you deserve the truth. And after you know the truth, your parents should not then return to telling you he does exist.

The admission of the non existence of Santa, followed by the retraction of that admission, is what I found difficult to deal with.

I don't see anything wrong with "the lie" for one basic reason, it's fun. I still clearly remember drawing up my Christmas list as a kid, my sister and I pretending to open presents, and going to visit Santa every year. And if I ever have kids I want them to have those same memories. It's all apart of being a kid.

My Sister's discovery of Santa was a pretty traumatizing moment for her, she found out while watching an episode of Punky Brewster and she was just completely blindsided by it.

ETA: I completely agree with Kate on something? You should just admit it when the kids start questioning. I figured it out in like first grade because I was curious so I got out of bed and peaked down the stairs.

I never told my oldest that Santa wasn't real. I just never talked him out of his belief.

As he's grown old enough to figure this stuff out for himself, I'm letting him do so on his own.

I do the Santa thing with Kayla for a lot of the reasons listed already - it's fun to give kids something to believe in. I don't use Santa as disciplinary leverage (which is fucking stupid - if THAT'S your go-to then what do you do when your kid stops believing?), and Santa only brings one or two gifts out of everything she gets, but with Kayla it's not about presents. It's about magic and flying reindeer and Rudolph's red nose. Plus she really digs the fact that Santa does all of this for nothing but milk and cookies so he becomes a sort of allegory for generosity in her little mind. And yeah, she can learn and gather all of these things without the fat man from the north pole, and I make sure she does, but as someone already said, there's no such thing as too much magic. We don't give Santa any weight, he's just something wonderful and pure and magical to believe in. And kids like to believe in things.

That said though - given your motivations (directed towards Alex) I don't think it would do any harm at all to do it the way you're thinking of doing it. You're not coming from a cynical, jaded, or otherwise disgruntled place, so I think no matter which way you went it'd be six of one, half a dozen of the other.