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Miscellaneous Awards For 2009

post #1 of 37
12/31/09 at 11:40pm
Thread Starter 
This year, it's not half assed! Hooray!

Best Surprise Nudity: Ken Jeong, The Hangover

Best Giant Nudity: Dr. Manhattan, Watchmen

Most Horrifying Surprise Nudity: Charlotte Gainsbourg/Willem Dafoe, Antichrist

Kill of the Year: (COURTESYSPOILERTAG)Hitler, Inglourious Basterds (/SPOILER)

Almost Kill Of The Year: The Flasher, Observe and Report

Douchebag of the Year: Daryl Sabara, World's Greatest Dad

Best Use Of Music: Nat King Cole, Unforgettable, Watchmen

Best Original Song: Ed Helms, The Tiger Song, The Hangover

Underutilized MVP: Eric Bana, Star Trek, Funny People

Best Opening Credits Sequence: IT'S A TIE. Watchmen & Zombieland

Best Movie That Should've Gone Straight To DVD Without That Being An Insult: Paranormal Activity

Best Movie That Should've Gone Straight To DVD And Yer Goddamned Right It's An Insult: X-Men Origins Wolverine

Performance Better Than The Film Deserves: Zach Galifianakis, The Hangover

Film Better Than Its Shitty Main Performance Deserves: Jennifer's Body

Cameo of the Year: Bill Murray, Zombieland

Cameo of the Year that DIDN'T GET RUINED WEEKS IN ADVANCE, THANK YOU FUCKING INTERNET: Eminem, Funny People

The 2009 Darth Maul Memorial Excellence In Badassery Award:

No. Contest.

Have at it, people.
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post #2 of 37
1/1/10 at 12:22am
most fucked up thing ever put on celluloid shown in over 3000 movie theaters: Crank: High Voltage
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post #3 of 37
1/1/10 at 2:12am
Best franchise revival : Star Trek. Can you still believe that happened?
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post #4 of 37
1/1/10 at 2:52am
Most Horrifying Surprise Nudity: Ken Jeong, The Hangover

Douchebag of the Year: Adam Sandler, Funny People

Best Movie That Should've Gone Straight To DVD Without That Being An Insult: (tie) Extract, Pandorum

Underutilized MVP: Steven Lang, Public Enemies, AVATAR

Breakthrough Performance: (tie) Sharlto Copley, District 9. Max Records, Where the Wild Things Are
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post #5 of 37
1/1/10 at 3:27am
Im gonna suck at this:

-Best "now you wish you gave me that first chance"; Neil Blomkamp, "District 9"
-Best "Irritating C*nt" of the year: Rachael Harris, The Hangover.
-Best "Double Dip": Mike Tyson, "The Hangover" and "Tyson".
-Best "kid on kid violence": G.I.Joe
-Best "Cheaper but far, far better". Tie; "Distric 9", "Moon"
-The "Malick" award for taking your time for greatness: TIE; Kathryn Bigelow (The hurt Locker", James Cameron (Avatar)
-The "Fountain" award for a film that deserved better: "Drag Me to Hell"
-The "Bullet time dove" award for overused effect in film: Star trek's "Lens Flares"
-The "I wish it was 2010 already" award: TIE "Daybreakers"/"KickAss"/"Iron Man 2"

EDIT:

-The "Two sucks in a row" award: Rob Zombie, "Halloween 2"
-Best full frontal assault on entertainment, logic and all that's good in this earth: "Transformers 2"
-2010 use of 3D perverts cant wait for: "Piranha 3D"
-The "This year's Microwave Emitter" Award: The Matrix of Leadership/Cube Shard , "Transformers 2"
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post #6 of 37
1/1/10 at 3:28am
Most Luscious Lips:
Snake Eyes in GI JOE: RISE OF THE COBRA
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post #7 of 37
1/1/10 at 4:22am
Giving Christoph Waltz an award named after Darth Fucking Maul is insulting.
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post #8 of 37
1/1/10 at 5:17am
Best use of music: The Entity rape theme used when Landa suddenly appears behind Shosanna; also Bowie's "Cat People (Putting Out Fire)".

The Watchmen? Come on!
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post #9 of 37
1/1/10 at 5:53am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
Giving Christoph Waltz an award named after Darth Fucking Maul is insulting.
I was going to say this, but didn't feel like starting the year by pissing on someone's thread.
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post #10 of 37
1/1/10 at 9:03am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
Giving Christoph Waltz an award named after Darth Fucking Maul is insulting.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Francis Wolcott View Post
I was going to say this, but didn't feel like starting the year by pissing on someone's thread.
If it makes you guys feel any better, I spent a large amount of time seriously considering renaming that section for Landa.

In the end, though, who cares? It's meant to be a fun thread, full of things that I generally wouldn't mention in any sort of serious discussion of a film, and that award's always been my favorite part of doing these every year. And there simply are no villains even close to reaching that level of greatness. None. To have not given it to him would've been the insult.

If we are going to be so literal about this, though, give me an alternative: A great villain, great for whatever parameters you want to hold dear, with less than 20 minutes total screentime, in a B-Movie atmosphere, who meets a truly glorious comeuppance.

Only one I got off the top of my head is Stephen Lang. Besides having a mech with a knife, there's not much worth mentioning there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Elvis View Post
Best use of music: The Entity rape theme used when Landa suddenly appears behind Shosanna; also Bowie's "Cat People (Putting Out Fire)".

The Watchmen? Come on!
Both moments are great, but Unforgettable scoring The Comedian's death and the opening credits are the two scenes where Zack Snyder transcends his source material. Far greater and trickier achievement there.
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post #11 of 37
1/1/10 at 9:28am
Landa has more than 20 minutes screentime. [/nit]
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post #12 of 37
1/1/10 at 9:31am
I would just have Landa as THE Character of the year (although obviously i need to come up with a better name than that).
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post #13 of 37
1/1/10 at 1:13pm
Quote:
If we are going to be so literal about this, though, give me an alternative: A great villain, great for whatever parameters you want to hold dear, with less than 20 minutes total screentime, in a B-Movie atmosphere, who meets a truly glorious comeuppance.
The Bubba Ho-Tep Award?

The Lo Pan Award!

The Hans Landa Award.

(And drunk people often piss where they aren't supposed to; apologies.)
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post #14 of 37
1/1/10 at 1:33pm
Best "Crippled Marine Conversing With Blood Thirsty Colonel Who Is Gracefully Shadowboxing In A Mech Warrior Rig" scene: Avatar

*Colonel Quaritch shadowboxes gracefully in mech warrior rig*

Colonel Quaritch: "Do right by me, and I'll make sure you get your legs back."

*Fluidly turns around in mech warrior rig, and points at Corporal Jake Sully's paralyzed legs with GIANT MECH WARRIOR HAND to hammer home the point that Corporal Jake Sully is a tragic parapalgic*

Colonel Quaritch: "I'm talking about your real legs."
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post #15 of 37
1/1/10 at 1:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
The Bubba Ho-Tep Award?

The Lo Pan Award!

The Hans Landa Award.

(And drunk people often piss where they aren't supposed to; apologies.)
Maybe "The Anton Chigurh Award" would work? I think his screen time is more than 20 minutes total, though.

At least no one is saying "The Ledger Award". Only because that's what the Acadmey Awards are going to be renamed.
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post #16 of 37
1/1/10 at 1:54pm
Film which revealed just how fucked up the psyches of most messageboard posters are:

Tie: Drag Me To Hell/Jennifer's Body

The 'Wanting To Be Part of the Conversation' Award for diminished standards when confronted with Blockbusters:

Transformers 2

Best 'Goddamn, it's good! But I'd spent so long laying the groundwork for my hatred' film of the year:

Star Trek
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post #17 of 37
1/1/10 at 3:29pm
Thread Starter 
Its all good Phil. Long as i dont find a puddle outside my apartment. As for renaming the award? Well, Anton Chigurh did win two years ago....
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post #18 of 37
1/1/10 at 3:36pm
-The "Monkey Lincoln Memorial" award for most WTF ending: "Knowing"
-The "This is how you pull off retarded but fun, Mr Bay" award: "2012"
-The "I think i just got mind raped, but in a oh so pretty way": "Antichrist"
-The "Fuck up of the year" award: The screwed subtitles in the "Let the right one in" dvd.
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post #19 of 37
1/1/10 at 3:49pm
As much as I liked the opening credits for Watchmen and Zombieland, my favorite is Observe & Report's opening credits to the tune of "When I Paint My Masterpiece."

Most Bizarre Use of Cameos: Crank 2: High Voltage (Corey Haim, Ron Jeremy, Ginger Spice, David Carradine, Lauren Holly, etc.)

The Way Better Than It Had Any Right Being award: Orphan, G.I. Joe, My Bloody Valentine, Land of the Lost

Best Improbable Twist: Orphan

Worst Improbable Twist: The Perfect Getaway

Best Final Scene: A Serious Man, Where the Wild Things Are, Inglourious Basterds, The Hurt Locker
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post #20 of 37
1/1/10 at 4:22pm
The Brevity Is the Soul of Wit Award for best storytelling in a limited amount of time: TIE -- the "Married Life" sequence from Up and the opening credits from Watchmen.
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post #21 of 37
1/1/10 at 4:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Dickson View Post
The Brevity Is the Soul of Wit Award for best storytelling in a limited amount of time: TIE -- the "Married Life" sequence from Up and the opening credits from Watchmen.
Definitely. Up, in particular.

Best Actor to Convey "Lady, I Really Wish You Would Stop Using Big Words And Talking About Scientific Facts That I'm Too Dumb To Understand" With Just His Face: Giovanni Ribisi, Avatar.
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post #22 of 37
1/1/10 at 4:51pm
The Best Use of High-Def on Television Award: Shooting the "Dealbreakers" promo on 30 Rock. Also a contender for Funniest Fucking Scene on TV Award.
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post #23 of 37
1/1/10 at 5:27pm
Best Use of Music Runner Up: "I'm Losing You" The Brothers Bloom
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post #24 of 37
1/1/10 at 6:43pm
Best use of music:

"Boom Boom Boom (DJ Ammo, Poet Named Life Megamix)"
by the Black Eyed Peas
in GI JOE: COBRA RISING
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post #25 of 37
1/2/10 at 1:39pm
Best Traumatizing Kid's Movie: Where The Wild Things Are

Best Unexpected Laugh: Nude Ken Jeong popping out of the trunk and beating the living crap out of our heroes in The Hangover. I was expecting something to come out of that trunk, but I sure as hell wasn't expecting THAT.

Best Movies I Didn't Get To See In Theaters And Still Haven't Seen, Goddammit: Moon, District 9, Inglorious Basterds, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Watchmen

Movie I'm Most Sick Of Hearing About: Avatar

Most Pleasant Surprise: Sherlock Holmes

Best Trailer for a 2010 Release (tie): Iron Man 2 and Inception (the second one)

Best Trailer of 2009: Where The Wild Things Are
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post #26 of 37
1/2/10 at 6:18pm
You went to see that Disney movie opening night, but missed Inglorious Basterds in the theatre? Priorities, kid.

Most Pleasant Surprise: Taken
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post #27 of 37
1/2/10 at 8:15pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Elvis View Post
You went to see that Disney movie opening night, but missed Inglorious Basterds in the theatre? Priorities, kid.

Most Pleasant Surprise: Taken
Dude, I'm an absolute Disney freak, and I haven't seen anything by Tarantino. When it came down to it, I just didn't have the time (though I have seen way more movies this year in the theater than I have in a long time). Thanks for the advice, though.
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post #28 of 37
1/2/10 at 8:41pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Elvis View Post
You went to see that Disney movie opening night, but missed Inglorious Basterds in the theatre? Priorities, kid.

Most Pleasant Surprise: Taken
Actually, there a category: Surprise Badass of the Year. Neeson wins that easily. Jackie Earle Haley's a close second.
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post #29 of 37
1/2/10 at 8:56pm
Most Horrifying Bleeding Gums Scene: In The Loop.
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post #30 of 37
1/2/10 at 9:38pm
Best Dentures:
Leonard Nimoy in STAR TREK
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post #31 of 37
1/2/10 at 9:54pm
Best Line of Dialogue: "Your an F-star-star-Cunt" In the Loop
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post #32 of 37
1/2/10 at 10:02pm
Best "OH BURN" towards an elderly person: In The Loop

"...What the FUCK is Cocoon doing here?!?!"
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post #33 of 37
1/2/10 at 11:21pm
Best Use Of an Old(er) Film To Make An Existential Point: Manhattan Melodrama in Public Enemies
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post #34 of 37
1/2/10 at 11:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Clark View Post
Both moments are great, but Unforgettable scoring The Comedian's death and the opening credits are the two scenes where Zack Snyder transcends his source material. Far greater and trickier achievement there.
The KOYAANISQATSI music scoring Dr Manhattan's memories of his origin is a masterstroke, if you ask me.
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post #35 of 37
1/2/10 at 11:53pm
I Can't Believe It's DTV! Award: Blood and Bone (also a contender for Best Credits Sequence, End)
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post #36 of 37
1/3/10 at 3:33pm
Most Convincing Prison Thug: Kimbo Slice, Blood and Bone

Best Cameo(runner up TIE): Krist Novoselic, Worlds Greatest Dad

Invisotext: Harrison Ford, Bruno
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post #37 of 37
1/3/10 at 3:43pm
Best Joke That Cracked You Up More Than Everybody Else You Know (To An Uncomfortable Degree):

"I masturbate so much with hand cream, I forget people use it for shit other than masturbating. Literally, when I'm in public and I see someone pull out hand cream, I'm like "This guy's about to jerk off!" "--Funny People
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