"Either put on these glasses or start eatin' trash can" - Ever been in a fight?

I've been in a number of fights - between 5 and 10, I believe - all of which were during (primary) school and high school. As such, they largely followed the "let's wind up the geek" format, so I won't bore anyone with the particulars. My then-vibrant ginger hair and generally pleasant demeanour made me a bully magnet, but I always defended myself. I took my fair share of knocks but still won all but two of them. Even if I hadn't came out mostly victorious, though, I'd still be most pleased with the fact that I stood up for myself and didn't just stand there and take it.

Never had a fight outside of highschool. A few times at concerts or around town it's gotten close. Usually it's some drunken asshole and his drunken friends.

Fortunately I don't worry too much about these kind of things since I've trained in martial arts for a few years recently. I want to get back into martial arts again because it's a great stress reliever.

It's weird, I got into a number of fights as a young kid, but backed off and got bullied in my early teens.

When I was a kid, I wouldn't think twice about slapping someone like a bitch who talked shit, or planting someone's face into a dried bird shit riddled chain-link fence a few times. I would fight people twice my size and win, had a lot of spunk.

I don't remember what the hell happened because in my early teens I became shy and withdrawn; a loner, I was just getting into cinema and took up drawing, kept to myself about this stuff because it wasn't "cool" being a geek...and that attracted alot of bullies. I remember being punched in the face for not giving up my lunch money once and not doing anything but sit there shell shocked that someone would actually physically harm me...morally it just seemed wrong and I hated fighting.

Never got into a fight after that until about a year ago. I was with two friends (both girls, fairly attractive but lesbians)...we were at a club near Melrose Ave (The Dime) and having a good time drinking. I noticed a tall guy (bigger than me) hitting on them at various points through the night, but they weren't having it. Anyway, after the bar closed I was lagging behind as they were leaving. Outside the tall guy had caught up with them and was walking alongside. I said something like, "who's this guy?" in a bit of a tone. Next thing I know, he's shoving me...I shove back, ready to rumble. But before I could start swinging my girl companions started beating this guys ass. They grabbed me and we took off to the car and left.

A few months ago I was at a fairly swank bar in Culver City. My buddy from New York had just moved into town and a we were hanging with a couple of girls we'd met there. Out on the patio area there were quite a few people. And this really annoying asshole was literally shoving his way through people...he was drunk, but it was blatantly rude. The first time he shoved his way through us, I was so shocked it didn't register until he took off. The next time he came back, he shoved his way past the girls we were talking to...as he came near me, I gave him a swift elbow to warn him. He came after me and his friends immediately grabbed him and apologized...said it was his birthday. I said if he wants to live to see another one, he'd better back off.

Again, I hate fighting, but I'm a fairly morally dogmatic person and I don't put up with certain things, and will throw down if necessary.

Being six foot six at closing time is a fairly efficient way to find yourself in a lot of trouble. I've been sucker punched so many times by little guys it's ridiculous, I'm not exactly the fighting type (literally spent my whole life having it explained to me that because I was bigger than other people I could hurt them and therefore I always shyed away violence) so I'm usually reliant on my friends to try and help defuse situations.

Usually I can talk my way out of most stuff and the other times I can at least buy enough time for security or whoever to get involved. It's just a depressing fact of life that little drunk guys will always pick a fight with big guys to sate their own egos. The ONE time I did get annoyed enough to fight back it was pretty rough for both of us. Apparently playing rugby can translate well into a fight but you take as much punishment as the other guy in doing so.

Maybe it's because I've got a mouth that can generally get me out of most situations or just not finding myself in the wrong place at the wrong time out of dumb luck, but in 33 years, I've honestly never had a punch thrown at me in anger ever.

I don't take this for granted tho, I count myself immensely fortunate.

I've had the opposite experience. I"m 6'10'', and I find that tends to help me avoid trouble. Every once in a blue moon, I run into a guy with a Napoleon complex, but for the most part, I find that my size helps diffuse situations.

The only fight I have been in was at a concert. This guy came up to my sister and started pulling her hair. I just walked over and planted my elbow in his nose, breaking it. I dont remember what band it was (it was a Minneapolis group), but the lead singer saw the paramedics escort him out and yelled "It aint a concert unless a mother fucker breaks his shit!"

Maybe it's a British thing. Violence at closing time and binge drinking is a part of our culture. Maybe you're meaner looking than I am. That can make a lot of difference. There's probably a ton of microcalculations going on in the minds of drunk assholes when they decide start fights.

Spike, I worked at an international backpackers hostel for 2 years...I checked in and partied with ALOT of Brits. I know exactly what you're talking about.

You guys, Irish and Aussies were fucking nuts.

Haven't been in a God's honest fight since high school. Nearly got into it with some dickhead on a crowded bus one day who couldn't stand the fact that I was in his space existing and not able to move, but thats it.

Also, damn, there's a lot of tall Chewers. Thankfully, I am one of you (6'8), and thus immune when the revolution comes, but damn.

Three times in jr. high.

Bullies used to mistake my relatively quiet nature for meekness. I'd generally ignore them, but there would come times where they'd try to pick on me when I was in EXACTLY the wrong mood to deal with them, and I'd unload on them. I won every single one of my fights, and only had to serve any kind of detention on one of them.

I agree it's probably a british thing as I find being 6'4 and over 300 pounds people never get in my face. I'm also very diplomatic and never go to bars so if I'm around drunks they're usually people I know. I did have a few fights in elementary and high school nothing exciting.

A bunch of Hasidic Jews once.

If we are counting serious high school fights, my record is 12-1. The 1 was harsh, though. Sophomore year of high school, asshole waited for his moment after me whaling on him for three minutes, got in one good punch straight to the front of my face, bent in the entire bottom front row of teeth, my two top front, and knocked out a canine. Had to be taken to the ER. That one punch was the reason I had braces till I was 23.

And no, the fact that I later found out the kid's entire back and midsection were purple for a month and a half did not make me feel any fucking better.

Yes, I've gotten my ass kicked many times.

In the library at high school, a group of guys were throwing little bits of screwed-up paper at me, so I grabbed a computer swivel chair and threw it at them. It didn't hit anyone, but it landed on their table and knocked all their stuff on the floor and scared the shit out of everyone.

THEY NEVER BOTHERED ME AGAIN.

I remember I got into a fight over whether Ken or Ryu (duh) was cooler. I only threw a couple of punches then went to hide near the covered bike stalls.

I'll kill all of you.

TO THE BREAK O DAWN BEBEHH

SO debated making this joke.

Okay this I gotta hear.

I'm 22-1-1

I've only ever been in one fight, and I will now recount that experience

In the summer between 6th and 7th grade, I went to a YWCA sleep away camp for a month. It was great and one of the best times in my childhood. It gave me a real appreciation of the outdoors and it was great making friends with new people

But about a week after camp started and we'd all bonded, this other girl arrived in our cabin. She was late for some reason, I don't remember why. She was weird though, sort of moody and brooding and she did not fit in well. At first we gave her a chance, but after a while we'd all kind of ostracise her and make fun of her. Then she started to get violent, slapping people and stuff, culminating in an incident where she tried to break my finger and drown me when we were on a sail boat! She got in trouble after that and had to have mediation with the rest of the cabin.

There was only a week left or so, and we all tried to keep our distance and avoid conflict

The last night there, she had blown off a cabin bonding/memory sharing event (at the end of each night we'd share something about our day that we liked, and this was the culmination of that), and we were all kind of annoyed about it. When we got back to the cabin to go to sleep, we were all asking her why she treated the bonding thing with so little respect. We may have also been teasing her a bit. Anyway, inexplicably she totally flipped out, and puched one girl a bunch of times. I was hiding in my sleeping bag on an upper bunk, but I was kind of trapped in there and she climbed up and started to choke me.

It was pretty scary and I thought I was going to die.


She got pulled off me though, and the girl was forced to sleep in another cabin with an adult overseeing her.

I managed to return from camp safely, and went to middleschool that fall

I went back to camp the next year, and amazingly, they'd allowed the nutcase to return as well. But thankfully she was in the session before me (July, I went in August) and we did not cross paths.

It's the only time I've ever been in a "fight" (even if it was one sided) and it was pretty scary.

PS Even worse stuff happened at camp that year, and it made people say the camp was "cursed", but that's a tale for another time

I think Jake was making fun of fabfunk. Dude bragged on this site about taking down the Jewish Mafia in Central Park, or something.

I've heard tales about camp krusty but damn.

Yeah, it was kind of nuts. Like I said, I loved camp... but it was a trying experience

If people wouldn't feel it would be derailing the thread, I'd be happy to share the stuff that went down that was even worse.

Leme know.

Hell, since I'm 18 I've barely been in fights. Before that, I was thin and geeky, and got bullied. Past 18, I've started kung fu and bulked up a 100 pounds. Now people don't want to fight.

But it's really because I look like I want to fight and a few times some assholes called me out, asking me for a fight, I've turned around, dropped everything, and had my usual psycho look and shit-eating grin. One guy, who pushed my wife quite rudely, didn't back down. It was over in 10 seconds

Seriously, martial arts will only give you a couple of edges in a street fight, There's so many factors to consider that knowing how to fight is just one of them. One-on-one are rare thing. Luck is one very important skill to master. I got lucky, one day I may not, which is why I'll avoid fighting until confrontation is unavoidable. Then I go psycho. And even then, I gotta go easy unless there's a weapon or multiples opponents, because with my training I could be held accountable for my actions.

I've been in a couple of fights but nothing story worthly, however I have seen some very funny ones.

On a night out in Bristol we stopped off for some cheap food and beer at a Weatherspoons before heading for some more interesting bars. There was a bunch of rugby players in the far conrer doing the some insanse drinks and drinking games (Mixing every drink in the bar into one bucket and downing it for example), anyway things got out of hand and some drinks got spilled over a group of girls.

Que 4 bouncers decending on the rugby guys and asking them to leave, of course things got very heated and a fight broke out between the bouncers and drunks. At this point one fo the drunks decided the best form of attack would be to dive at the biggest bouncer and pull his trousers down, so thats what he did, taking the guys pants with him.

So imagine if you will a bouncer trying to throw people out of the pub with his bare butt on display, covering his junk with his hand as he did so.

Probably the best fight I have ever seen in my life.

I think I've only been in one "fight", and that was in 5th grade. Did not fare well. The last time I remember throwing a punch in anger is when I was 12, and I hit the wrong guy. Thankfully, he knew it and didn't return fire.

At 5'9" and 175 lbs, I'm just not an imposing guy. I work out, but I'm fit rather than big muscled. I'm also not a bar goer, and rarely go to concerts, so I don't tend to be in places where fights seem more likely.

I faced a shotgun once. My girlfriend, myself, and two others were walking through the neighborhood at night, about 10. This is in Texas, btw. The other two got pretty far ahead of me and my gf. Me and her walk past this house, and this man stomps out of his screen door, screaming, yelling, and holding a shotgun. He aimed at me. I stepped in b/w my gf and this man. I figured talking calmly would be the best approach, since obviously I can't out run a shotgun blast. Apparently, some neighborhood kids vandalized his van over and over, costing hundreds of dollars of repairs. He had a security camera installed. He had proof we fucked up his van. I told him I'd watch the videos with the police right next to me. I did not do it. Eventually, he lowered his gun and walked back inside. Like Chris, all I could think of is "if he's really going to pull that trigger, push her to the ground, and try to jump out of the way." There was a big rock nearby, and I figured pushing her behind that would give her at least a little chance. Anyways, that's my big confrontation, other than a few fights as kids and in high school, which weren't really anything to write home about.

At least 2 years of High School were one long round for me.
Worse damage I've done to someone else is a tie: I bit a schoolmate in the arm and draw blood (guy kicked me in the balls, hard...that means all rules are off in my opinion) and I hit someone with a chair; both got me and my parents meetings with the principals, but I got off because most of my clasmates were bullying dicks and I was one of the few guys who stood up to them.
Worse fight outcome for me has to be being in the recieving end of a thrown glass in a bar fight.
That fucking hurt.

EDIT: I also sliced open some asshole's hand with a boxcutter, but it was an accident so it doesnt count.

Sho-Ryoken!

God dammit, that made me laugh for a full minute.
Well done.

Although the closest I ever got to a Sho-ryoken was when we played soccer in the hallways with a ball in fire in high school.
The Principal did not like that.

So you're a Ryu-type of guy, right? Because the ball of whatever is the Hadouken. The other one's the uppercut.

EDIt: Can't spell Ryu, apparently....

Id say so, after running into so much Ken playing a-holes online in SFIV.

I cant help picturing Human Torch cartman fighting robo jews in South park whenever the fabfunbk story pops up.

I was always able to talk my way out of trouble in school, usually by making a self-deprecating joke at my own expense that got the other guy laughing (or most likely thinking I was too much of a dork to sully his knuckles on).

Last year, I was at one of Dave's shows. There was a drunk, drunk, DRUNK woman in the audience, shoving her way to the front, trying to crawl up the lead singer's leg. Everyone was getting out of her way, but, as I was against the stage, I had no place to go (and, really, fuck her and her big purse and sense of entitlement). When she pushed me, I leaned back. She responded by grabbing me by the hair and shoving me onstage. Dave stopped playing, the lead singer started yelling. My sister's girlfriend (who is 5'1" about 110 pounds, tops) jumped on this girl and started punching her in the stomach, getting her throat clawed for her trouble. I was trying to pull them off of one another and, because I was between them, the drunk woman hit me in the face and spilled her beer on me. A couple of friends intervened at that point and frog-marched the woman out of the bar, threatening to "fuck her up" if she didn't keep walking.

Now, if you're paying attention, you'll notice that I didn't do a damn thing aggressive in the course of this entire altercation. I indicated my right to stand comfortably and pulled my sister's girl off of this awful woman. Yet, somehow, among my friends, this is the story of The Time MissZooey Totally Got in a Huge Fight with a Big Ol' Drunk Lady at DaveB's Show.

Playing with a band in Granite City, IL (first mistake). I've seen a zillion bar fights over the years with different bands. You usually keep playing until things get out of hand and the owner shuts off the lights or calls the cops. No one bothers the band most times. It's just an annoyance.

Not this time.

Two guys fighting over a woman. Things escalate (as they do) and start to get out of hand. Then, some moron makes a move for our chick singer. You don't mess with the chick singer. The drummer jumped over his drums and onto the idiot. I pulled our singer out of the way. The guy pushes the drummer off and tries to come after her. So I hit him with my guitar.

Knocked him onto the dance floor. When the cops got there he was trying to get them to arrest me, but we'd already packed most of our gear up and told the cops that as soon as the fight started we had begun tearing down so there really wasn't any way we *could've* assaulted a patron.

I sort of love that my telecaster has a bit of a scar on the lower edge from that evening.

The last true fight I ever got into was in the 5th grade, with my friend Sandi's cousin, Janet. Sandi, rather than break it up, actually stood as look-out in case any teachers were coming. It was your standard fight between two 11-year old girls - lots of hair pulling, slapping and hanging onto each other's shirts while we spun around the playground.

Although this next story wasn't a true fight, I did get into a rather interesting incident about six years ago. My only defense is that it was my second day back at work after my brother's funeral, so I was really trying my best to hold it together all day at the office, and my head was still spinning over losing him. So all I can say is - my common-sense defenses were down.

I stopped off to pick up a couple bags of groceries on my way home from the subway. So I'm heading down my street, in my boring little secretary clothes, with my little handbag, my tote bag and my groceries. Apparently, I wasn't walking fast enough for this guy behind me, who rudely shoved past me and muttered, "Why not walk a little slower, stupid?" I retorted back to him, "I'm sorry - was there something you wanted to say to me?"

Before I go any further, let me clear up a few things. I'm willing to bet I wouldn't have been quite as mouthy if this had been a big tough thug, but he was maybe two inches taller than me, and about 63 years old - he looked like a professor at NYU.

Second, I'm a very non-violent person. I don't believe that fighting solves anything, and in NY, it's a good way to get killed. But again - the grieving can make you lose some of your inhibitions. And again - he was a scrawny 63 year old guy.

Third - despite being non-violent, I have one physical feature that really helps people back off from me. I have total crazy eyes when I get mad. I wouldn't hurt a fly, but my friends have told me that they'd even back off when they've seen my eyes when I'm angry. So I'm sure even though I wasn't really ever going to clock this guy, my eyes said otherwise.

Anyway, when I said that to him, he turns around, stalks back over to me, and says, "Yeah! I said 'Why not walk a little slower, stupid?' Want me to say it again?"

I said, "Fuck you, jerk off."

He says, "Boy.... someone should have beat the shit out of you years ago." I mean - pardon me? Issues with women maybe? Because I sure as hell didn't know this guy or anything, and this was all because I didn't hoof it up the sidewalk fast enough to suit him.

At this point, the grief took over straight into bad judgement. I dropped my purse, tote and groceries on the sidewalk, and in my little secretary clothes, I took two steps towards him, looked him straight in the eye with the "crazy eyes" and said, "Yeah? You think you're the guy to do the job?"

He steps BACK two steps and clearly looks worried. So while still trying to be Mr. Tough Guy, he stammers, "Uhh.. uh, I'd love to teach you a lesson, but uh... I don't want to go to jail for assault."

I re-take the two steps towards him, and while still looking him straight in the eyes, I go, "Yeah... I'm sure that's the only reason."

At that point? He turned around, bolted across the street to the other side and down the block. I made a 63 year old man run for it. Sure, yes, he was an asshole with a big mouth, and he didn't know I wasn't even going to take a swing at him, but there you have it.

I've barely told anyone that story because honestly, it really is just embarrassing. My brother probably would have been appalled at my behavior. Plus, again - if this guy had been some sort of crazy man, it could have turned out very differently.

But you know, it does go to show one thing. You know when you have those moments of trying to see what the other person might be feeling, when someone is rude, and you try to give them the benefit of the doubt by thinking, "Well, you never know. Maybe they just got fired. Maybe they just got broken up with. Maybe someone they love just died." Who knows, he could have been going through one of those things too. OR, he could have just been an asshole who loved mouthing off to people, and never stopped to realize, "Hey, maybe it's her first week of work after something horrible happened." I supposed you just never do know what someone else may be going through.

Wow.

In dance club, there's always drunker people or assholes, dancing kinda rough, pushing willing or not on the ladies, such as my wife. When she has enough of being pushed by some asshole, she exchanges places with me. Usually my mass alone is enough to stop them, or else I either push back or start dancing while subtly elbowing the offender's lower ribs, grazing them. It rarely fails. And once I think, some dumbass asked me what my problem was. After pointing out that he caused disconfort to my wife and her friends, I asked him if he wanted to fight for that. He said no, and went away.

But again, it so rarely goes there.

She's got The Look, people.
Fear her.
Also, who won that 5th grade fight?

Oh, neither of us. A teacher started heading towards us, and Sandi started hissing, "Teacher teacher teacher!", so we stopped. After the teacher cleared out, we didn't resume the fight - we just sort of called each other a jerk and walked away.

Oh well...still, Im pretty sure you would had walked away with that girl's scalp otherwise.

Was in a bunch of fights in school, but most of those tended to be me holding a dude in a neck breaking headlock or attempting to choke someone out. I was a pretty big (fat) dude, and I usually only had to deal with uppity "small" folk. I got sucker punched once, I must have had a complete look of WTF? on my face because everyone started laughing including me and the guy who hit me. It was a little surreal. I used to be a bit of a bully when I was 15 or so, not sure why. I used to only pick on guys who used to wind me up though, but once I started, it took a little bit before I would let them off the hook. So anyway, I'd been picking on this kid all day, so the next day he got his brother to come get him after school and to teach me a lesson. Long story short, it ended with me hitting the brother with his own bike and me stamping on the spokes. I didn't even get into trouble cause he started it, but I still feel pretty bad about it and didn't have another fight until my last year of college.

This dude was stealing/borrowing my motorbike without my permission in college, he ended up doing it a bunch of times. Most of the time I wouldn't say anything but the onetime I did, he started back at me. I think he initiated the fight thinking I was going to back down (I'm pretty quiet regularly) but I was pretty pissed and he's a dick so I was ok with having a go at this point. He started to apologize and even though everyone was egging him on, I got the impression he was going to chicken out, so I just slapped him, open hand and everything. It made a huge noise and hurt my hand, and he cut the inside of his cheek on his teeth. He stared at me for a few seconds, so I punched him in the face a couple of times then got him in a headlock and banged his head into the lockers. Somehow we ended up on the floor, I managed to pin his arms, which isn't as easy as it sounds, but luckily I'm a fat fucker. I flicked him on the forehead a couple of times (I have no idea why) and asked him if he was done? He agreed he was, so I got off him and kicked his crash helmet down some stairs.

I gotta say, I felt pretty cool about myself after.

I used to play rugby for the Findus working mens club in Grimsby/Cleethorpes, but I'm not a drinker, so managed to stay out of trouble but I've seen some horrendous fights. I'm all about having your mate's back but there was no way I'm getting in a drunken brawl with a dozen dudes.

I was similar in that I fought many more times before I started kung fu than after. In school, before school, after school, on weekends, it seemed like there were always scraps to be had and being indiscriminate as to my choice of opponent I won and lost in equal measure. But my mother put me and my brother into a kung fu school when I was 13 and a combination of the rules of the kung fu school (fighting outside the school and tournaments meant expulsion) and realizing how many people were learning this stuff and were really good at it convinced me to steer clear after that.

Since then I've had only one fight that was outside of kung fu or the muay thai gym and that was less of a fight and more of a case of seven Tongans beating the everliving shit out of me and a mate one night when we were in a place we shouldn't have been. There are plusses and minuses to living in the biggest Polynesian city in the world and some of those minuses messed my pretty seventeen year old face up a treat. Apart from that I've been streetwise enough in one way or another to avoid that kind of trouble.

I also still remember the first rule I ever learned in kung fu, that the best self defence is a fast pair of heels. I've never had to resort to running yet but it's always in the back of my mind. You just never know what (or who) the other guy has in his back pocket.

I've been a few fights in my time.The worst one was probably the time me and my friend brent were at a bar and this random drunk guy picked a fight with him. Brent is well over 6 feet and goes about 250 pounds and this drunk asshole had a Napoleon complex going on.Well,he jumps onto Brent's back and starts punching him out of nowhere. Brent tosses the guy off without much effort then the guy's two friends come over with a pool stick and a bottle as weapons. I grab a pool stick and smack the bottle out of the guy's hand and brent punches the guy with the pool stick right in the face.As brent deals with that guy the one who i had smacked the bottle out of his hand comes at me.I kicked him right in the balls and gave him a headbutt to the face. Brent hit the other guy about 4-5 times when the bouncer rushed over and broke it up.

A few years ago me and a friend were walking to a pub just as we got to the door two other blokes were walking past us who I barely even registered, one of them turns to me and says all aggressive like, "What the fuck are you looking at you fucking prick?" and squares up to me, right in my face. Now I wasn't even looking in their general direction, I think he was off his head on coke or something and just spoiling for a fight, they both looked about 17, skinheads, bumfluff mustaches etc but they still looked like they could handle themselves.
I'm not one for violence at all and I mumbled something back, trying to calm the situation down a little. Doesn't work at all. My friend is also very mild mannered so I was thinking we're going to get fucked up here, then my friend steps right up to the guy, right in his face so their noses are touching and screams as loud as possible, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE NOW BEFORE I MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A BITCH IN FRONT OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND, YOU FUCKING CUNT". The guy flinches, waits a couple of seconds while my friend is still right in his face then turns and walks away.

As soon as they are out of sight my mate almost collapses in relief and we go and get pissed.

It's a great technique if you can pull it off, just sheer intimidation. I've used it a couple of times since when someone tosser has started on me or my girlfriend. Square right up to them, shoulders back, chest out, fists balled, stare them straight in the eye and don't look away, maybe even add some 'Gandolfini breathing' and whisper some threat at them and you'll probably scare them off. The majority of people like that only pick on those that they think are weaklings and can't defend themselves, if you make them think you could beat the shit out of them they'll usually crumble. It's worked for me and I've never been punched or had to punch someone. Christ knows what I'd do if it didn't work though!

I suspect it's because you drink a whiskey drink, you drink a vodka drink, you drink a lager drink, you drink a cider drink.

Then, if I'm understanding things correctly, you sing a song that reminds you of the good times.

In seventh grade, a guy sucker-punched me out of nowhere (I was just washing my hands in the bathroom, and I didn't even know this kid), my nose started bleeding, and I started crying. The end. Then we both had to see the principal, which I remember being pissed off about. I didn't do anything, why did *I* have to go too?

That's it. I'm another tall chewer(6'7"), and like others have been able to talk my way out of any other shady situations.