Film Recommendation Ettiquette

I actually regret never calling back the girl who recommended Crash to me and screaming at her at the top of my lungs for 30 minutes.

I kinda regret that you didn't do that.

I hate having to say "It's a good movie, but I don't think you'd like it."

Thing is if the recommendee has as shitty taste as the recommender, she may end up loving that piece of shit - whereas the actual good film you recommend may end up getting a review along the lines of "Yeah it was kinda interesting"

I only recommend films to people who's taste I have a pretty good idea of and even then I'm still a bit gun shy.

I had a very very close friend give back my copy of The Host the other day saying it was one of the worst films he'd ever seen. I've placed a moratorium on recommending stuff to him for a while as a consequence, cause I thought I got his taste before that.

I usually ask them what their tastes are in movies. Some people just blurt out whatever they saw recently that was garbage.

If you establish yourself from the get-go as someone who has awesome taste no one else can relate to, you grant yourself a sometimes-useful "underdog" status:

An "I didn't like it" does little to dissuade someone from watching a movie you don't like, and people take your every recommendation with intrinsic warning, but there's no loss of respect on either side if you don't agree (which is nice; I hate having to reiterate the huge problems with the Dark Knight and District 9)--and there's no need to equivocate about Crash ("oh, uhh...the editing is pretty good!*").

But the best part is when people are just stunned by how great Speed Racer, Lost Highway, Marie Antoinette, Badlands, or Face/Off (or any such recommendation) is--because those are all great films that are unfairly maligned by vocal minorities but which most audiences end up loving nonetheless. The unfortunate flip side is if I claim to love a movie people assume it's widely-hated because apparently my tastes seem contrarian to some (they aren't). I could recommend Raiders of the Lost Ark and people would assume it's terrible and then be thrilled by how great it is. It's weird.

I also enjoy watching people respond to awesome movies they just don't get for whatever reason. Throw a party and bring the Fly, Freddy Got Fingered, Billy Madison, Starship Troopers, Night of the Hunter, Breaking the Waves, Torque, XXX: State of the Union, Imitation of Life (or a Fassbinder homage to it), Brazil, Our Lady of the Sphere (or Brakhage or whatever), Transformers 2, Point Break, Buffalo '66, etc. and you have two movies: an awesome one onscreen and a hilarious one on your friends' uneasy faces.


*Which it is.

This one. All the time.

On the flipside, my Mom usually recommends something to me based on how weird the trailer looked. "That looks like a movie you'd like..."
Probably as a result of making her watch Tarantino years back.

I recommend Emmanuelle to everyone. It's like gum. Nobody hates gum, therefore nobody can hate Emmanuelle. Win-Win all around.

"Oooh, that sounds like a movie about a lovely young girl", replied Granny Anderson

LAST TANGO IN PARIS with a side of butter. Never fails.

With me, people tend to get a second source to confirm that a movie's up their alley before they'll add it to their Netflix queues. I guess I told too many folks to check out "Riki Oh: The Story of Ricky," not knowing their barometers for awesomeness were clearly broken.

I just told her it was like Madeline, but with more fucking.

Anyone who recommends Crash — obviously meaning the Haggis film — gets an enthusiastic agreement from me: "Yes, brilliant film, beautifully capturing J.G. Ballard's theme of technological alienation alleviated by outlaw sex." Then I watch as their brains break, since most people who gush over the Oscar-winning Crash won't even have heard of the Cronenberg.

It's tough. I like to recommend GOOD movies that I think will play to LCD tastes and are underseen, but it's tough.

The other day my buddy and I were in the driver's room at work and we were discussing the racial subtext in District 9 and this other guy just started shaking his head going "it's just a movie, Dave." And obviously it is, but apparently he doesn't quite get that there can be interesting things going on aside from the overt plot.

Which is frustrating; at worst D9 is a splattery sci-fi crowd-pleaser that you don't HAVE to bring your brain to; but it's so much better when you do.

I guess most people would rather have Transformer 2's sambots.

TO ADD - the worst is that two of the hands-down BEST fucking movies I've seen, that I think 100% of people would enjoy, won't be watched because they have subtitles.

Rando - "If I wanted to read, I'd pick up a book"

Me - "What, are you worried that an hour in your lips will get tired?"

That was pretty much my Blu-ray review.

I'm disappointed more of my friends didn't actually want to think about it.

I always suggest movies I'm sure the person will like, not movies I like.
For instance- I seriously suggested a Martin Lawrence movie to a friend the other day because they loved Norbit. I seriously felt as good about that as when I suggested MOON to a sci-fi fan at work.

Exactly, and to do otherwise seems pretty inconsiderate, really. If you know someone well enough to think of something they've not heard of that's well suited to their personality and tastes, they'll hopefully appreciate both the film and your thoughtfulness - everybody wins. It shouldn't matter if you don't personally find your pick for them as awesome as some challenging cult obscurity or whatever. In the end they're the ones taking the hours out of their day, and I wouldn't want them to feel like I wasted their time.

I usually opt-out of conversations where films I have no interest in are the subject, mainly because the people that are discussing them tend to stare at me blankly when I list my issues with said films and retort with "Well, I was entertained" or "I thought it had a good storyline" because they're simply not as into this shit as I am and they're not going spend an inordinate amount of time debating it. I do not force the issue.

My brother is one of these people, as he generally has the taste of a dog's asshole. I'm thinking of having him killed and replaced with a pod cinephile.

I refuse to acknowledge such a person.

I never rely on this, as people's tastes are fickle...I recommend movies I have a hunch they might enjoy based on their taste, but I always try and do them the favor of expanding their cinematic experience. I don't care if their favorite movie is Save The Last Dance, everyone should experience 2001 A Space Odyssey at least once. If they don't like the movie and give a stupid reason for it, "slow and boring", I tell them to stop asking me for recommendations because all they're interested in is being spoon fed leftovers.

My life, summarized.

Often, I resort to this, shamefully. If Luca's quote already feels condescending in my mouth, I feel like I'm totally dismissing when the person when I recommend stuff based on whatever I can glimpse he might like. [soapbox] Half the problem with most people's opinion on film is that they barely watch movies. Personally, if there's anything I might love about a movie is when it totally shows me stuff that I couldn't have expected before watching it, whether how the movie itself work, where it goes or what it wants to say and, if somebody is asking me for a recommendation, I shouldn't waste the chance to recommend stuff that might blow someone's mind. Now, I know not everyone thinks as much about film as I do (or a lot of people on sites like this) and I'm not saying everybody should, but if someone's asking for your recommendation based on some movie guy or whatever "cred", I guess the best case scenario is to show them stuff that is actually good, and they might not know about it due to lack of constant tv spots or having been released in the far far past of last year. [/soapbox]

Of course, the flipside to that is when friends have flat out wrong opinions on movies you recommended, you'd have to be a man much greater than me not to keep the "oh wow, he's a moron, never noticed that before" thought in the back of your head everytime you talk with them from then on. I'm pretty sure I hold back on recommendations/opinions with a couple of friends for this exact reason.

I don't see why someone wouldn't recommend a movie outside someone's normal cinematic taste if they explain the merits of the film. There's nothing inconsiderate about that and you're doing them a favor...they may even like it and expand their taste. It's a no-lose situation if you preface the recommendation with guidance. If they don't want your help, they can fuck off and continue to enjoy their safe diet of shitty movies.

You've obviously never been to Singapore.

I made the mistake of recommending Let the Right One In to a woman I work with who loves horror films, especially vampire films.

She weirded out after watching it and made vague aligations that she now thinks I'm a pedofile. Some people have a real problem with kids in horror films.

I don't recommend films to her anymore.

And I hate gum.

I used to get friends round for movie nights, complete with beer and snacks.

We once watched USED CARS. I find it blisteringly funny. But I think my friends laughed only twice during the entire movie. I know comedy is subjective, but this is USED CARS!

Part of the problem I have recommending is that someone might not take me seriously on a quality film because they know I also like some trashier stuff. If I have company over and they're perusing my huge DVD collection, I'll get:
"How's this one?"
"Oh that's great..."
"Yeah, but you own THE TOXIC AVENGER. You'll watch anything."

You need to invite different company over if they think Toxic Avenger is trash.

Yeah Darkmite8, I think that says a lot more about their tastes than yours.

Stop being their friends. Also, kill them so they don't procreate.

This happens to me all the time. Literally moments ago, it was suggested I watch "SOUTH LAND TALES"


Now, I've seen that film. It was one of the first films I ever just turned off without finishing.

But I pretended to like it when the person brought it up, going so far as to praise the Rock's performance.

Why?

Because life is hard enough without alienating everyone. If I come off as a superior bitch whenever I get a movie recommendation (as I easily could have, had I shared my real SLT views), it would just make my day more difficult

Sometimes it's easier to just smile and nod and hope the conversation ends quickly

Like, I like DEXTER, but I think the writing and certain members of the cast are often terrible.

But when people ask me about the show, I just say "Michael C Hall is great"

I learned long ago you make no friends by shitting all over someones favorite tasteless film.

The person in question is really nice, and when I told him I had a cold he was genuinely concerned. To me, having someone around to say "get well soon, Kate!" is more important than being intellectually honest about my opinion on SOUTHLAND TALES


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Plus, conversely, I've given plenty of recomendations that were poorly recieved. So now I try to go LCD with most of my suggestions, unless I'm talking to close friends

I've had people tell me they "hated" CITY OF GOD after I'd suggested they see it, so next time they ask if "I've seen anything good", it's easier to just toss out "AVATAR" or whatever

PS I have a super bad cold, and as I was typing this I had some person going on and on about how I should gargle with "apple cider vinegar" as it's an "old Vermont remedy". I could have gotten into a critique of her quaint medical suggestions, and brought up the fact that I'm a Bay Stater, but it's easier (on my throat and my brain ) to just smile and nod and hope they'll shut up quickly