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John Mayer is a giant douche

post #1 of 73
2/10/10 at 9:31pm
Thread Starter 
Excerpts from his Playboy interview:

On Jessica Simpson:

Quote:
That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just fucking snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.
On Jennifer Aniston:

Quote:
If Jennifer Aniston knows how to use BitTorrent I’ll eat my fucking shoe. One of the most significant differences between us was that I was tweeting. There was a rumor that I'd been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, 'These are the new rules.'
On chasing Black tail:
Quote:
I don't think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a fuckin' David Duke cock. I'm going to start dating separately from my dick.

<snip>

I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She's super hot, and she's also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she'd be like, 'Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.' And you'd be like, 'What? We weren't talking about that.'
On having a "hood pass":

Quote:
Someone asked me the other day, 'What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?' And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, 'We’re full.’

What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.
On upping his fame whoring in 2010:

Quote:
From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the shit out of me. I've been trying to prove to people I'm not a douche bag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That's fucked up, man. I'm not dating. I'm not even fucking. So now I'm going to experiment with 'fuck you.' In 2010 my goal is to get more mentions in Us Weekly than ever.
I want to punch this guy in his nalgas.

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post #2 of 73
2/10/10 at 9:41pm
So, will the apology statement happen in one week or two? I personally hope he doesn't apologize, if you're going to be a raging douchebag, you need to own that shit.
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post #3 of 73
2/10/10 at 9:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JacknifeJohnny View Post
So, will the apology statement happen in one week or two?
How about a couple hours
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post #4 of 73
2/10/10 at 9:51pm
Thread Starter 
So he apologizes to random people for using the N-word, but not to his ex's for dishing about their relationships with him? I see his priorities are in the right place.
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post #5 of 73
2/10/10 at 9:51pm
And here I was hoping he'd ride the douche lightning.
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post #6 of 73
2/10/10 at 9:53pm
Rhetorical (RHETORICAL) question -

What in the blue hell do you have to do to/with/near/around someone to get called "sexual napalm"? I'm... well, I'm kind of in awe right now.
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post #7 of 73
2/10/10 at 10:03pm
I don't usually do this, but...



Yeah. Does not surprise.
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post #8 of 73
2/10/10 at 10:04pm
Well, Jessica was seriously hot when he was banging her, but boy does he have diarrhea of the mouth.

Just shut up and play yer guitar John.
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post #9 of 73
2/10/10 at 10:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey View Post
Rhetorical (RHETORICAL) question -

What in the blue hell do you have to do to/with/near/around someone to get called "sexual napalm"? I'm... well, I'm kind of in awe right now.
Not sure what he does, but I'm sure he loves the smell of it in the morning.
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post #10 of 73
2/10/10 at 10:11pm
I seriously do not get how a guy who openly compares his genitalia to one of the leading members of the white separatist movement in America gets lain. This just does not compute. Are girls really that into fame and money?
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post #11 of 73
2/10/10 at 10:17pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cuchulain View Post
I seriously do not get how a guy who openly compares his genitalia to one of the leading members of the white separatist movement in America gets lain. This just does not compute. Are girls really that into fame and money?
Plenty of not rich, not famous douchebags get laid, it's not even a theory, it's a proof. Also, he's cute, "funny", and plays a guitar.
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post #12 of 73
2/10/10 at 10:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cuchulain View Post
I seriously do not get how a guy who openly compares his genitalia to one of the leading members of the white separatist movement in America gets lain. This just does not compute. Are girls really that into fame and money?
Quote:
Originally Posted by JacknifeJohnny View Post
Plenty of not rich, not famous douchebags get laid, it's not even a theory, it's a proof. Also, he's cute, "funny", and plays a guitar.
But, to answer your question, yes.
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post #13 of 73
2/10/10 at 10:24pm
"Being" John Mayer, i.e, being able to fuck with reckless abandon, is the reason to pick up a guitar. I own one, but I play like a cripple walks, so...
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post #14 of 73
2/10/10 at 10:31pm
Following JacknifeJohnny stament:



Kids. Don't do drugs, He could be banging Jessica Simpson!
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post #15 of 73
2/10/10 at 11:32pm
Frusciante is God.
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post #16 of 73
2/11/10 at 12:14am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon View Post
.
Just shut up and play yer guitar John.
Actually, please DON'T play your guitar.

Anyway, if you've ever listened to his hit song Daughters, you already knew some of this:

Lyrics

I know a girl
She puts the colored* inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the (*ahem*) sugar walls are continually changed
She's also like a maze because she's amazing
And I've done all I can. Seriously, I've done them all
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Where steps equals vagina and heart equals my flesh hinge
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Yeah, right
Everything has to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
So they can grow up to be rubbed on by JM
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers,
By the way, a mother and a daughter at once is my every Monday night.


Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
I know that sounds like Leatherface
But I'm talking about getting laid
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made
And we all know what kind of mess I mean
...
...
...
Spermstains (x3)

I read this on the SAT once:
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
So, how many brothers were there?

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
I just sang "boys" a lot
Get ready, here's some more
Boys to men,
Motownphilly? Motown FEELS me**

On behalf of every man...especially the lower half
Looking out for every girl (first breasts, then ass, then maybe face)
You are the guide and the weight of her world
But if she gains weight aside from you: dumped

Saw this on the SAT:
So fathers, be good to your daughters in the first car going 90mph.
Daughters will love like you do in the second car, travelling 45mph.
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers are in a police car chasing first car.
Which will get to the "So mothers, be good to your daughters too" diner first?


*OK because he has a Hood Pass.
**OK because he has a Hood Pass.
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post #17 of 73
2/11/10 at 12:22am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
So he apologizes to random people for using the N-word, but not to his ex's for dishing about their relationships with him? I see his priorities are in the right place.
Well while the latter is certainly creepy the former is downright fucking offensive. I hope he gets his ass beat down.
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post #18 of 73
2/11/10 at 12:30am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Elvis View Post
Well while the latter is certainly creepy the former is downright fucking offensive. I hope he gets his ass beat down.
That's too good for him. I hope he succeeds in divorcing dating from the apparently independent thoughts of his dick and a black groupie pulls a Tobias Beecher on him.
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post #19 of 73
2/11/10 at 12:43am
Nice to know Jessica Simpson's good at something.
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post #20 of 73
2/11/10 at 12:57am
Ahhhh, how sweet...people actually think celebrities are angels.

Guess what? They're just like everybody else. Ignorant, foul, rude, offensive, smelly, self centered and pandering...scratch that, celebrities are worse than everybody else. They take the former adjectives and sprinkle cocaine on them.
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post #21 of 73
2/11/10 at 2:13am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Elvis View Post
Well while the latter is certainly creepy the former is downright fucking offensive. I hope he gets his ass beat down.
Yeah but if he's gonna dole out mea culpa's, he should get them all in at once. Not to go all gender on this, but I'm offended by how he's talking about these women, painting them as sexpots or technology idiots. It's insulting.
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post #22 of 73
2/11/10 at 2:19am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bradito View Post
Nice to know Jessica Simpson's good at something.
Seriously. Sexual NAPALM? I always figured she'd be a bit of a prude due to that upbringing.
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post #23 of 73
2/11/10 at 2:22am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by HarleyQuinn22 View Post
Seriously. Sexual NAPALM? I always figured she'd be a bit of a prude due to that upbringing.
She was virgin when she married Nick Lachey, so he opened up the flood gates. I'm sure once she realized how awesome sex is, she made up for lost time.
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post #24 of 73
2/11/10 at 9:49am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
Yeah but if he's gonna dole out mea culpa's, he should get them all in at once. Not to go all gender on this, but I'm offended by how he's talking about these women, painting them as sexpots or technology idiots. It's insulting.
Please.

Don't play that card. He's clearly talking about two specific individuals. He's not saying "all women".

That's like saying cos this guy's a fucking dick, all men must be fucking dicks.
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post #25 of 73
2/11/10 at 9:53am
Is it wrong that I think the guy's kinda cool for saying that stuff?

ETA: what the hell's a hood pass?
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post #26 of 73
2/11/10 at 9:56am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
Yeah but if he's gonna dole out mea culpa's, he should get them all in at once. Not to go all gender on this, but I'm offended by how he's talking about these women, painting them as sexpots or technology idiots. It's insulting.
I think he was calling her old, not a technology idiot.
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post #27 of 73
2/11/10 at 10:03am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evi View Post
what the hell's a hood pass?
You probably know it as a nigger pass.
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post #28 of 73
2/11/10 at 10:06am
Nope, it's not a term I'm familiar with.
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post #29 of 73
2/11/10 at 10:06am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evi View Post
Is it wrong that I think the guy's kinda cool for saying that stuff?
Yeah, the n-word use bothers me, but he's much more of an attention whore than an actual racist.

The rest of the excerpts make me wish all celebrities randomly slung vitriol at each other.
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post #30 of 73
2/11/10 at 10:06am
I think Evi's people would call it a Kaffir pass. Still no idea what it is, though.
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post #31 of 73
2/11/10 at 10:28am
When I was just reading the excerpts posted in here, I figured the biggest douche was whoever brought up the racist ideal of the "hood pass", because it's essentially saying black guys will beat up/mug/kill any white guy for not having said pass. It's a racist notion that's completely fictional.

Then I saw Mayer brought it up to begin with. Sigh. Can't he just record an all blues guitar album with Double Trouble and never speak publicly or pick up an acoustic guitar ever again?
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post #32 of 73
2/11/10 at 11:12am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evi View Post
Is it wrong that I think the guy's kinda cool for saying that stuff?
I do think its amazing that John had the balls to be that candid. He should have stuck by what he said though. If you're gonna go out, go out with guns blazing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Thomas View Post
Please.

Don't play that card. He's clearly talking about two specific individuals. He's not saying "all women".

That's like saying cos this guy's a fucking dick, all men must be fucking dicks.
Yeah, he's talking about two specific women... in the most stereotypical way possible. Doesn't make it any less awful.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
I think he was calling her old, not a technology idiot.
For most women, that's way worse.
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post #33 of 73
2/11/10 at 11:17am
Was clarifying, not suggesting it was better...
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post #34 of 73
2/11/10 at 11:19am
Thread Starter 
I know.
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post #35 of 73
2/11/10 at 11:22am
And I guess the guy's a dickhead, but it seems double-standard-y for us to be more or less okay with strangers ripping these people apart, then click our tongues over a guy speaking from personal experience.

Doesn't excuse the 'hood pass' nonsense, though....
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post #36 of 73
2/11/10 at 11:37am
The guy is an enormous tool and for the hood pass comments alone he should probably be removed from the gene pool just to be safe, but I don't see why the stuff he said about Jennifer Aniston is all that bad. He's shaping her to be a giant fucking bore, which she certainly seems like. The 1998 line did make me chuckle.
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post #37 of 73
2/11/10 at 11:42am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon View Post
Well, Jessica was seriously hot when he was banging her, but boy does he have diarrhea of the mouth.

Just shut up and play yer guitar John.
From In The Loop:

Quote:
Simon Foster: Come on, Malcolm, he asked me for a personal opinion.

Malcolm Tucker: Why didn't you say? He asked you. Fuck, of course, that explains it. If he'd asked you to fucking black up, or to give him your PIN number or to shit yourself, would you have done that?
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post #38 of 73
2/11/10 at 11:44am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
And I guess the guy's a dickhead, but it seems double-standard-y for us to be more or less okay with strangers ripping these people apart, then click our tongues over a guy speaking from personal experience.
That's kinda what makes it awful. He does have a relationship with these women; it's more personal. Both of them have spoken out about issues of trust, which is something everyone struggles with, but celebrities probably more so due to their fame. Talking to the media about people that trust you to keep your personal business personal is a shitty thing to do. I'm not saying that what he's said about them is worse than using the N-word. But its easy to pass judgment on something that is so black and white. Dishing on past relationships is a douchy thing to do and I think he needs to be called out on it as well.


ETA: Video of John making another apology during his Nashville concert. In sum, he's gonna end his "quest to be clever all the time".
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post #39 of 73
2/11/10 at 12:13pm
Right about now, Jennifer Aniston has got to be thinking, "Okay, no more actors. No more musicians. Maybe I should start dating chemical engineers."
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post #40 of 73
2/11/10 at 12:35pm
Jen, you're old as fuck (for this place, not for the world), but if you're reading, I can be single real quick. I'm very discreet. But I'll haunt your dreams.
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post #41 of 73
2/11/10 at 12:36pm
Seriously - no love for Matchstick's rewrite? The last chorus really sells it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevin Matchstick View Post
Saw this on the SAT:
So fathers, be good to your daughters in the first car going 90mph.
Daughters will love like you do in the second car, travelling 45mph.
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers are in a police car chasing first car.
Which will get to the "So mothers, be good to your daughters too" diner first?
Reply
post #42 of 73
2/11/10 at 1:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveB View Post
Seriously - no love for Matchstick's rewrite? The last chorus really sells it.
I'll cop to not reading it, therefore not knowing there was funny buried in there.
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post #43 of 73
2/11/10 at 1:34pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Thomas View Post
Jen, you're old as fuck (for this place, not for the world), but if you're reading, I can be single real quick. I'm very discreet. But I'll haunt your dreams.
Ha! Ha! I read that as told by Craig Robinson's character in Knocked up. "It's not cause you're not hot, I would love to tap that ass. I would tear that ass up. I can't let you in cause you're old as fuck. For this club, you know, not for the earth."

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveB View Post
Seriously - no love for Matchstick's rewrite? The last chorus really sells it.
Having never heard the song, I didn't know what was rewritten.
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post #44 of 73
2/11/10 at 1:42pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
Having never heard the song, I didn't know what was rewritten.
I think I've only heard little parts of it myself, but the rewritten parts seem pretty obvious to me.
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post #45 of 73
2/11/10 at 1:46pm
Thread Starter 
Eh, guess I didn't find it that amusing. It happens, even for Matchstick. I'll give him props for the Motown Philly stuff.
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post #46 of 73
2/11/10 at 1:51pm
I love me some Matchstick.
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post #47 of 73
2/11/10 at 1:57pm
Dickhead.

But he's spot on about Aniston.
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post #48 of 73
2/11/10 at 2:01pm
How do you know it's spot on?

She doesn't tweet? Whan an old-ass bitch!
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post #49 of 73
2/11/10 at 2:07pm
I believe Jamie is referring to her reputation for clamming up when she is ever asked about her personal life on a talk show or something.
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post #50 of 73
2/11/10 at 2:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scott View Post
I believe Jamie is referring to her reputation for clamming up when she is ever asked about her personal life on a talk show or something.
Thank you.
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