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Holy Shit, I'm an ignorant asshole

post #1 of 33
3/19/10 at 1:34pm
Thread Starter 
How in the hell did I never notice or know about The Onion's Sunday Magazine/Weekender covers until today? That's so unbelievable narrow and pathetic I could hit myself.

I'm literally in tears here at work looking at these.

http://www.theonion.com/content/maga...ost_terrifying

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post #2 of 33
3/19/10 at 1:37pm
Yeah, I saw the link over in the Burton/Addams Family thread and killed a good 30 minutes going through them.
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post #3 of 33
3/19/10 at 1:46pm
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post #4 of 33
3/19/10 at 1:49pm
Though the byline on the 9/9/05 issue - "The Inspirational And Surprisingly Erotic Story of 84-Year-Old Bertha Puttnam's Return To College" is seriously cracking me up right now.
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post #5 of 33
3/19/10 at 2:00pm
Every time I see the cover for "Meet the Polish Selena" I'm useless for a good couple of minutes. And my boss has had "They tried to teach my baby science!" on her door forever. ETA: That's actually how I first ever heard of it; took me a week in this job to notice the Onion logo in the corner. Love the Weekender.

Edit -- There we go. Sweet Jesus.

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post #6 of 33
3/19/10 at 2:15pm
Thread Starter 
I fucking almost fell out of my chair @: We Talk to Craig T. Nelson, Founder of Craigslist
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post #7 of 33
3/19/10 at 2:46pm
One of my most favorites:
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post #8 of 33
3/19/10 at 3:08pm
"Could THIS ASTEROID solve Global Warming, Iraq, and Poverty?" might be my favorite.
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post #9 of 33
3/19/10 at 3:27pm
I'm gonna have to go with this one.
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post #10 of 33
3/19/10 at 3:48pm
There's nothing I don't love about this one:



The whole section is a goldmine though.
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post #11 of 33
3/19/10 at 4:05pm
If you grew up in the late 70s and 80s and there was a greenbelt or wooded area near your house, this one should really strike a chord:

http://www.theonion.com/content/maga...s_why_are_they
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post #12 of 33
3/19/10 at 4:08pm
I grew up in the 80s/90s, but mysterious forest porno was still a thing then.

The best part was the mild moment of dread while popping in found, unmarked VHS tapes and hoping that it wasn't either A) a snuff film, or B) going to get stuck in the VCR much to the chagrin of your parents.
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post #13 of 33
3/19/10 at 4:10pm
Laura Bush once called out The Onion for a parody article about her husband. Once.

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post #14 of 33
3/19/10 at 4:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
I grew up in the 80s/90s, but mysterious forest porno was still a thing then.

The best part was the mild moment of dread while popping in found, unmarked VHS tapes and hoping that it wasn't either A) a snuff film, or B) going to get stuck in the VCR much to the chagrin of your parents.
Found porn. Those were interesting times at school the next day.
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post #15 of 33
3/19/10 at 4:13pm
The Winner.
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post #16 of 33
3/19/10 at 6:04pm
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post #17 of 33
3/19/10 at 6:05pm
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post #18 of 33
3/19/10 at 6:07pm
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post #19 of 33
3/19/10 at 6:08pm
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post #20 of 33
3/19/10 at 6:09pm
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post #21 of 33
3/19/10 at 6:11pm
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post #22 of 33
3/19/10 at 6:13pm
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post #23 of 33
3/19/10 at 6:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael Shaver View Post
New winner.
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post #24 of 33
3/19/10 at 6:28pm
Do tell him what he can't do!
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post #25 of 33
3/19/10 at 6:35pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Clark View Post
I'm gonna have to go with this one.
Oh god, that's another one that had everyone at work wondering why I was "breathing funny."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael Shaver View Post
If it weren't for The Onion, I don't know how I'd make it. It's one of the only things I can count on when I not only need to laugh, but flat out demand tears of laughter.
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post #26 of 33
3/19/10 at 6:42pm
A couple of my favorites:



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post #27 of 33
3/19/10 at 7:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eyeball Kid View Post
If you grew up in the late 70s and 80s and there was a greenbelt or wooded area near your house, this one should really strike a chord
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove View Post
Found porn. Those were interesting times at school the next day.
Ahhh, the glory days. I was more physically fit from hiking then than at any other time in my life.
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post #28 of 33
3/20/10 at 1:23am
I wish there was a bigger version:

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post #29 of 33
3/20/10 at 2:58am
http://www.theonion.com/content/maga..._media_running


http://www.theonion.com/content/maga...er_financing_a
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post #30 of 33
3/20/10 at 11:33am


Glorious thread.
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post #31 of 33
3/21/10 at 6:14am


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post #32 of 33
4/1/10 at 2:39pm


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post #33 of 33
4/1/10 at 2:45pm
hahaha, "Minorities to watch out for"
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