Funny drunk stories...

One time Patrick got really fucking wasted at a party my friend was having. Not only did he flirt with every person - man and woman - at the party in front of me and tell me he didn't even like me, but he pissed all over my desk and computer when we got home.

...well, it's funny now.

I bought you a new mouse pad.

My dad ended up paralyzed from a series of strokes and died alone in a shitty by-the-week hotel room!

also he was a fucking abusive dickhead so it's pretty hilarious in retrospect

Jake got to get all serious in this bitch.

sorry guys i ruined everything

Yeah, you're about as much fun as a marathon viewing of Radio Flyer.

In college I had a Star Wars DVD release party and ate tons of candy, got really drunk and spent most of THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK in the bathroom pissing out of my ass.

lol.

Lesson learned: drinking is never funny.

I went to a friend's engagement party and woke up the next day in a pile of glass with sick in my pocket. I hope it was my own.

Hm, this thread isn't going well.

I got a lap dance from a manager from work at my 21st birthday party and then her and I both ended up making out with the same girl and nearly got into a threesome.

Oh, and then one time I threw a shoe at my best friend and called her a cunt.

You just never know what you're going to get with me!

On the first day of reporting in my new unit when I was at the Army our commander gave us a few days off to get settled. So a friend of ours from cadet officer training offered to take us out for drinks and to show us around town. I blacked out after the second bottle of tequila.

I woke up the next morning on the floor of my house, with a bag with about a dozen servings of pie next to me. My roommate woke up drenched in blood from a wound on his shin almost down to the bone but no visible damage to his trousers. The third guy was arrested by the traffic police riding his scooter 20 miles outside of town with a blood alcohol content of 1.75. To this day none of us remembers what happened. I have a feeling this is for the better.

I dropped a girl down a flight a stairs once when I was drunk.
Actually, I was just barely buzzed - she was drunk and I was carrying her. And it wasn't a flight of stairs, it was five steps down from a porch in front of a bar. But I did drop her. Off the second step. Onto gravel. Unfortunately her momentum took me down with her.
I have no good drunk stories

Also, nearly died at a ripe 18 years of age after the Jeep Cherokee being driven by a drunk hick crashed into a house at 45 miles per hour! I wasn't wearing a seatbelt, but thank god I was in the backseat, haha!

Omg jake are you ok I think we need PK to start a "Chudmunity drunk driver alert thread" so we can all be notified after it happens.

The worst thing I've ever done is woken up in a Hotel by the sea. I live completely Inland, it's a fucking hour and a half train journey to the coast in any direction from me and yet somehow I managed it.

Hey, did they give him free net access?

I'm kind of amazed it's possible to have a 'funny' drunk story. Funny ambien story? Sure. But alcohol? All my alcohol experiments have ended in misery and nausea

no I think that was like 1998

BTW, Jake, I am sorry to hear about your Dad. That is pretty terrible.

Free HBO, then. Cool.

Clearly, PK, you simply have not drunk enough alcohol in a single setting. Next time, double your intake, if not more.

I once continually asked a friend of mine if it was okay if I sat on the couch with his girlfriend with my arm around her telling her about why I thought girls were stupid. Then I told her that her hair smelled nice and she was super pretty.

Then one time I passed out face down on a sidewalk outside of a bar and my ride showed up and took pictures and laughed before waking me up and getting me into the car.

I only turned 21 about five or six months ago by the way. I do a lot of stupid things in a very short amount of time.

Oh, I have been drunk plenty before. When I started to drink I wasn't completely great at judging my intake levels (as in how much, and how quickly) and got very drunk a few times.

Since I turned 21 I've gotten to know how much is the appropriate ammount to drink but still rarely if ever imbibe. Basically marijuana is my alcohol and the pot "hangover" only leaves me hungry and sleepy. I have a weak stomach to begin with (I get car sick very easily) and there is just no valid reason for me to drink something that will make me feel like vomiting.

He was paralyzed. So, he couldn't change the channel. It's called reading for content. Jeez.

I think he mostly just kept screaming for help for a day as his ability to use his upper body slowly dwindled after the strokes became more frequent and then he died. Alone.

Also one time I spit in this girl's truck while she was driving me home from a party. I had spent the entire week prior to that trying to get into her pants. She got super pissed and ignored me from that point forward. Kinda depressing, actually.

I hope it had 'wings' and a 'dry-weave top-sheet'...

My regular partners in crime and I threw a dude a bachelor party one weekend in Portland, OR the end result of which involved being kicked out of our hotel rooms after the first night and then having the hotel call a biohazard clean-up crew to clean the room. Absolutely 100% no bullshit.

This past St. Patrick's Day, I went to lunch with a friend and his new fiancee. He had brought her back home to introduce her to a bunch of us before their wedding in August. After the meal, I invited the group over to my place later that evening. Not really getting any confirmation, I decided to start my partying early that evening with a bottle of Jameson and a six-pack of Guinness.

Of course they all show up, along with another mutual friend and his new fiancee. By the time everyone's there, I'm pretty damn drunk. Someone mentions watching a movie and I then learn that half the people in attendance have never seen Die Hard. I promptly lose my shit.

After forcing everyone to watch the movie, I continue drinking. The last thing I remember is Bruno uttering his famous one-liner. Next thing I know, I'm on the bathroom floor sans pants. I can't find them, so I just leave the bathroom and walk into the living room, not knowing if everyone is still there. I yell "I'm alright! Possible rape!" but luckily nobody was present. I then promptly walk to my bedroom and collapse until noon when my sister shows up with Whataburger.

I call my friend to ask how bad I got and he made sure to note that I didn't get too terrible. However, the people who hadn't seen Die Hard can't really claim to have seen it now since I spent the whole movie, as my friend put it, "Yelling about how much you love that Reginald guy." I also told them I would definitely be at their wedding (in Minnesota...yay fifteen hour drive) and gave his fiancee a really long, uncomfortable hug.

As for my pants? I found them in a closet. They were hanging from a shirt rack but my wallet was missing. I know they were the pants I was wearing because my belt was still in them. Where was my wallet? In the laundry room, in a separate pair of pants,folded on the washer. I have no clue what happened there.

God, I miss Whataburger. Perfect hangover food.

I got completely plastered at a midnight (8 o'clock really, but they called it a midnight showing) showing of Dirty Dancing. My friend snuck in a six pack and two 40s. I hadn't eaten since noon. 8 hours since eating + half a sixer and a 40 = bad news. I staggered out of the theater and straight to a bar and had two pints. Then I promptly threw up my liquid diet and what was left of my noon time Taco Bell lunch. My girlfriend drove me home and we had to stop every 2 minutes so I could puke some more. Then I puked at home and mumbled/slash sang "The Time of My Life" and passed out.

Drunk is still the best way to see Dirty Dancing.