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A Guide to First Alien Contact.

post #1 of 36
4/7/10 at 5:30pm
Thread Starter 


Seems there are some sci-fi references, aint it so?
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post #2 of 36
4/7/10 at 5:50pm
Dunno bout sci-fi references but that's pretty funny and makes some good/interesting points
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post #3 of 36
4/8/10 at 1:46pm
Is it weird that this made me slightly nervous about screwing up the math part?
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post #4 of 36
4/8/10 at 1:50pm
That would be awesome. To be so horrible to actually offend the aliens enough that they'd attack Earth. Or mess up the planets and have Earth be the fifth one.

"OK, no intelligent life here. Time to make room for the new highway."
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post #5 of 36
4/8/10 at 1:53pm
That's a cute diagram and all, but it makes an awful lot of silly assumptions about what a visiting alien race might ot might not know about humans.
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post #6 of 36
4/8/10 at 2:10pm
"Algorithims, mofo, do you speak it?" is pretty freaking funny.
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post #7 of 36
4/8/10 at 2:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob Singer View Post
That's a cute diagram and all, but it makes an awful lot of silly assumptions about what a visiting alien race might ot might not know about humans.
From H.G. Wells to M Night, we've been making those assumptions for decades now.

By the way, can we introduce an addendum that we DON'T let the aliens see any movies until we've had a chance to properly brace them for that shit? Last thing we need is for some galactic NAAET to see Independence Day, and nuke our asses, just for the irony.
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post #8 of 36
4/8/10 at 3:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan Bean View Post
Is it weird that this made me slightly nervous about screwing up the math part?
I used Wikipedia to quickly review the Pythagorean theorem and how to calculate the diameter of a circle. I'm ready.
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post #9 of 36
4/8/10 at 3:37pm
What about mashed potatoes Zooey? Did you train for them?
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post #10 of 36
4/8/10 at 3:52pm
My God, man! Worry about yourself! It's just as likely to be me as it is you!
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post #11 of 36
4/8/10 at 3:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Savage View Post
What about mashed potatoes Zooey? Did you train for them?
potatoes would be a mistake everyone know nightshade plants are poisonous.
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post #12 of 36
4/8/10 at 4:08pm
My potato skills are sharp. Sadly, I'm the mathematical equivalent of Brigadier General Jack D. Ripper.
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post #13 of 36
4/8/10 at 4:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Savage View Post
My potato skills are sharp. Sadly, I'm the mathematical equivalent of Brigadier General Jack D. Ripper.
my math skill are good, but I can't spell. so I might be good to go.
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post #14 of 36
4/8/10 at 10:47pm
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post #15 of 36
4/8/10 at 11:14pm
I find it strange that I have not yet encountered in film or literature an alien race that is more culturally diverse than us. Well, that might not be the term I'm looking for but what I mean is while the aliens are shown to be technologically superior we are always shown to be culturally superior - we have more forms of music, more languages, more styles of architecture, more emotions, and so on. And of course the biggest conceit of all - that we have something very unique and special about our morality, determination, or mindset that makes us humans better than the more advanced species.

We need to come to terms with the possibility that we may one day encounter an alien race that is absolutely better than us in every way possible. Even porn.
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post #16 of 36
4/9/10 at 3:29am
I think evolving towards a sort of mono-culture seems logical, at least judging from the historical progression here on Earth. And as our ability to understand and manipulate the human genome grows genetic diversity will probably diminish too. I follows well that an advanced space faring civilization will have followed the same path.

And as for humans being 'special', well if you're writing a human centered story you have to make their participation in it somewhat worthwhile at least.
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post #17 of 36
4/9/10 at 4:04am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Black_Dahlia View Post
I find it strange that I have not yet encountered in film or literature an alien race that is more culturally diverse than us. Well, that might not be the term I'm looking for but what I mean is while the aliens are shown to be technologically superior we are always shown to be culturally superior - we have more forms of music, more languages, more styles of architecture, more emotions, and so on. And of course the biggest conceit of all - that we have something very unique and special about our morality, determination, or mindset that makes us humans better than the more advanced species.
Most of the time when Aliens do appear in film/literature they are usually a negative; I may be being a bit broad here but generally aliens=trying to kick our ass, and this idea of them being an ultra-sophisticated society sans culture , music and that most unique of all human emotions, "love" is what makes them just as frightening as the city melting death rays they inevitably posses.
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post #18 of 36
4/9/10 at 12:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Black_Dahlia View Post
We need to come to terms with the possibility that we may one day encounter an alien race that is absolutely better than us in every way possible. Even porn.
Yes. Alien porn. That is happening!
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post #19 of 36
4/9/10 at 1:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Black_Dahlia View Post
We need to come to terms with the possibility that we may one day encounter an alien race that is absolutely better than us in every way possible. Even porn.
I have long wanted to see a sci-fi film adaptation of "Pets" by Porno For Pyros. Some days I feel like I would settle for a porno version. Some days I think that's what I'd actually prefer.
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post #20 of 36
4/9/10 at 1:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios View Post
I think evolving towards a sort of mono-culture seems logical, at least judging from the historical progression here on Earth. And as our ability to understand and manipulate the human genome grows genetic diversity will probably diminish too. I follows well that an advanced space faring civilization will have followed the same path.

And as for humans being 'special', well if you're writing a human centered story you have to make their participation in it somewhat worthwhile at least.
On the contrary, I think culture has only gotten more and more fractured throughout history. Especially in the last 100 years.
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post #21 of 36
4/9/10 at 1:58pm
Do you believe that an American, a Greek and say, a German would have actually been able to engage in conversation a hundred years ago the way we are able to now? They'd actually have to spend a huge amount of time trying to find out what everyone is trying to say and establish some common ground. And that's assuming they all spoke the same language. The amount of humans with shared values, experiences and level of education right now is unprecedented in all of human history. And it's only going to increase.
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post #22 of 36
4/9/10 at 4:08pm
There are still far more uneducated and destitute peoples on the planet than otherwise. But just taking the developed world, I more meant the evolving culture of ME and hyper-personalization. Sure, we're all connected, but at the same time we all have a voice, and want nothing more than to have that voice be distinct. But yeah, MASSIVE thread derail lol let's talk about Alien porn more.
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post #23 of 36
4/9/10 at 4:40pm
t3cii beat me to The Far Side.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Clark View Post
By the way, can we introduce an addendum that we DON'T let the aliens see any movies until we've had a chance to properly brace them for that shit? Last thing we need is for some galactic NAAET to see Independence Day, and nuke our asses, just for the irony.


"You people just like to blow things up!"
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post #24 of 36
4/9/10 at 5:21pm
I'm less worried about them seeing Independence Day and more worried about them seeing a copy of SPACED INVADERS.
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post #25 of 36
4/9/10 at 5:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg Clark View Post
I'm less worried about them seeing Independence Day and more worried about them seeing a copy of SPACED INVADERS.
But the aliens in that are wisecracking heroes! It's that Enforcer Drone that's the problem.
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post #26 of 36
4/9/10 at 5:25pm
If those probe-happy Grays ever get a load of THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE, they'll assume we're kindred spirits and "official" first contact will be smooooove.
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post #27 of 36
4/9/10 at 6:37pm
You all had better hope that I'm not alien's first contact if the success of that encounter comes down to speaking motherfucking algorithms.

The idea freaks me out so much that I may carry around my high school textbooks with me everywhere I go until either a) I make first contact and don't kill us all, b) I die, or c) someone much better at math makes first contact.
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post #28 of 36
4/9/10 at 7:14pm
Thread Starter 
As long as any of us doesnt drop to his/her knees and starts venerating, we're good.
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post #29 of 36
4/10/10 at 2:49am
The whole problem with First Alien Contact is Deus ex machina. You have two laws that need to get around thermodynamics and relativity. This lead to Clarke's three laws, any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Therefor any space faring aliens are either gods, angels or demons depending on one out look.
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post #30 of 36
4/10/10 at 2:57am
What if the aliens we first make contact with are made up entirely of creatures who exactly resemble Christina Hendricks? Can we skip the algorithms and go straight for the space sex? I'm even willing to be OK with possibly igniting an interstellar war/get eaten by a space vagina in this scenario.

OK, maybe I should pass off the First Contact baton to someone else.
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post #31 of 36
4/10/10 at 11:10am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg Clark View Post
What if the aliens we first make contact with are made up entirely of creatures who exactly resemble Christina Hendricks? Can we skip the algorithms and go straight for the space sex? I'm even willing to be OK with possibly igniting an interstellar war/get eaten by a space vagina in this scenario.

OK, maybe I should pass off the First Contact baton to someone else.
No, keep that baton; love is the universal language, so I think were safe with you as an accidental ambassador.
However, if the creatures look like Sofia Vergara, step aside, buddy.
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post #32 of 36
4/10/10 at 1:27pm
Who's to say we wouldn't be the ones to have superior technology? What I mean is, maybe inteligent life exists elsewhere but the resources needed for space travel don't exist on their planet. Hell, maybe hundreds of years from now we'll be the "aliens" making first contact on some primative world.
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post #33 of 36
4/10/10 at 2:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbrother View Post
Who's to say we wouldn't be the ones to have superior technology? What I mean is, maybe inteligent life exists elsewhere but the resources needed for space travel don't exist on their planet. Hell, maybe hundreds of years from now we'll be the "aliens" making first contact on some primative world.
That does not get rid of the Deus ex machina problem. It just put us in that Role. If technology fallows Moore's law, how much technology with we have in say two hundred or even four hundred years?
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post #34 of 36
4/10/10 at 8:00pm
Hello!

I was looking at that alien contact guide earlier today. It was definitely witty and planned out with great crare. All the same I recently felt compelled to chime in with my own two cents on this most serious of topics. I do hope you will forgive any typos contained in the opinion paragraph that is to follow the introductory section you read now. At present, I am tele-communicating with you through my radio telephone 'of the Aaaiir' and pressing the lettered telegraph keys in the propper sequence is a matter of no small di fficulty for me. And so, without further delay..

While I can appreciate the intelligence of the mind that assembled such a fanciful 'how to', never the less I must now proceed to render all of it's advice moot:

aliens that were advanced enough to travel here would not just blunder onto the scene one day and require explanation for the state of humanity from the first Joe Schmo they wncounter.

From our radio transmitions to their no doubt careful planning, they'd have ample
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post #35 of 36
4/10/10 at 8:06pm
Opportunity to learn every facit of every detail of all there is to know about we humans and our blue planet.

If they so desired, they could speak in english (or ancient egyptian for that matter) from moment one...


The advice about preparing for your eventual death at the hands of violent extremists? Probably pretty sound advice for the first person to prove the existance of alien life

PS PS i loved the admonition not to say something dumb when you tell the world about the big moment. Someone at NASA would have done well to have shown a similar chart to Mr Armstrong..
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post #36 of 36
4/12/10 at 2:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg Clark View Post
What if the aliens we first make contact with are made up entirely of creatures who exactly resemble Christina Hendricks? Can we skip the algorithms and go straight for the space sex? I'm even willing to be OK with possibly igniting an interstellar war/get eaten by a space vagina in this scenario.

OK, maybe I should pass off the First Contact baton to someone else.
Tell me more about this scenario. Does the giant space vagina belong to Alien Hendricks? If so, is her vagina huge or is ALL of her huge? If she had a vagina big enough to eat you, wouldn't that proportionally make her boobs the size of Venus? Does the alien carpet match the alien drapes? Pressing questions, all.
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