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Wife found my porn rash.

post #1 of 278
Thread Starter 
It's not like I watch it very often, or really ever. But I have a few DVDs left over from my college years. I don't know why I have never thrown them out, but anyways, my wife was cleaning our room, and found them in my pajama droor. Now she is PISSED. Like REALLY PISSED. I kind of just laughed it off, but that only made it worse. I told her I would toss them out, but she's like "no, keep them". Ussualy I can make things better, anytime I screw up, and she gets overly mad, but i have no idea what to do this time. I think I hit a nerve with her this time.
post #2 of 278
Let her cool down, a day should do it. Explain again it was something from a while back and buy her something small (but nice). Unfortunately you will need to have "the talk" with her.

The very best of luck.
post #3 of 278
Thread Starter 
well, i will add more to this. She found one in the DVD player at home in our bedroom. Dummy me, forgot to take it out. I know I said I don't watch them often, and that's teh truth. But, being married, it's funny how the sex-life differs from "dating" to "married". Being 26, my hormones are still on overdrive, and 2 times a month is kind of light.
post #4 of 278
Sleep with a waitress, that should get her off being mad about the porn thing. In all seriousness seems like you two really need to talk about this. If you're feeling deprived then it's best to speak with your wife about this.
post #5 of 278
hahahahaha
post #6 of 278
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whirlybird View Post
Sleep with a waitress, that should get her off being mad about the porn thing. In all seriousness seems like you two really need to talk about this. If you're feeling deprived then it's best to speak with your wife about this.
and then there's always that
post #7 of 278
Hehe. I'd suggest we watch some together to spice up the sex-life but I dunno, your wife sounds kind of uptight. No offense.
post #8 of 278
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evi View Post
Hehe. I'd suggest we watch some together to spice up the sex-life but I dunno, your wife sounds kind of uptight. No offense.
she can be, but then sometimes she can get kind of kinky too. All depends on how many glasses of wine she has had. I really never figured it would have been an issue untill she said "so, is that what you want me to do?". How the fuck to you answer that?
post #9 of 278
I'm sure there's an appropriate Berenstain Bears book for just such a circumstance.

And it could've been slightly worse (yet infinitely creepier!) had she found some hidden porn 'stache.

post #10 of 278
Talk to your wife about it, not a bunch of strangers on the internet. Second, learn how to clean so she doesn't have to tidy up after you. Finally, laughing at someone when they're angry with you probably isn't the best way to go.
post #11 of 278
Thread Starter 
I have tried to talk to her about it since I laughed. it wasn't like a blew her off, it was like, we were having an normal convo, and just out of nowhere she said "nice porn in the DVD player by the way, so, is that how you want me to act"
post #12 of 278
Just talk through it dude. Ask her exactly what bothers her about it so much. Maybe it's feeling you were dishonest, maybe it's insecurity about what she thinks you need or maybe she thinks you're a creep because your porn's a bunch of underaged-clown fetish videos. We can't answer that for you.

Oh and if you do have an issue with your sex lives, I'd bring it up, not sweep it under the carpet.
post #13 of 278
Ahhh stealth attack.

When was this? Today?
post #14 of 278
I'm loving "droor!" It's like a fantasy novel word.
post #15 of 278
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by devincf View Post
I'm loving "droor!" It's like a fantasy novel word.
Something Gimli would say when he's drinking beer. LOL
post #16 of 278
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike's Pants View Post
Ahhh stealth attack.

When was this? Today?
Yesterday. She was working, and I was gone when she got home visiting my grandma. We were eating dinner when she brought it up. AKWARD.
post #17 of 278
Seriously, twice a month sucks. Talk to her about that. Explain that its not what the girls in the film are doing, its just that you have urges that need to be satisfied at least once a week. Jeez, if I didn't "clean the pipes" at least 3 times a week, i'd be walking around with a constant bonk-on.

But yeah, talking about the issue and being candid is the only way forward. You married her, so you must be comfortable talking openly and honestly with her.

If it makes you feel any better, a buddy of mine (who was about 32-33 when this happened) got nothing off his wife for months on end and very rarely indulged in porn. But he had a small stash under his bed, for emergencies. One day, his 3 year old daughter walks into the living room with a handful of porn films in those flimsy DVD-covers and flings them at his wife. Imagine how THAT conversation went down....
post #18 of 278
NickP's things to do list:

Sunday - Watch a pornographic movie
Visit Grandma
Monday - Spell a bunch of shit wrong
post #19 of 278
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raspberry Leper View Post
NickP's things to do list:

Sunday - Watch a pornographic movie
Visit Grandma
Monday - Spell a bunch of shit wrong
I can spell "Banch of shit" right

wait, maybe not....
post #20 of 278
it's ok Nick, spend some more time on the boards and your spelling and grammar will improve!

twice a month is harsh, if my wife and I only have sex twice a week something is wrong..but anyways. Keep your head up man! and well, see if she wants to watch it with you. That's a good way to spice things up without the need for wine. (but it sure as hell helps)
post #21 of 278
Quote:
Originally Posted by NickP View Post
she can be, but then sometimes she can get kind of kinky too. All depends on how many glasses of wine she has had. I really never figured it would have been an issue untill she said "so, is that what you want me to do?". How the fuck to you answer that?
Dude. I'm no relationship expert. But you need to seriously start discussing things or we will be reading about you two on the nightly news.
post #22 of 278
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove View Post
Dude. I'm no relationship expert. But you need to seriously start discussing things or we will be reading about you two on the nightly news.

Why? Someone being a little more experimental after imbibing is par for the course.
post #23 of 278
Quote:
Originally Posted by billylove View Post
Dude. I'm no relationship expert. But you need to seriously start discussing things or we will be reading about you two on the nightly news.
I am no lady expert, but, generally speaking, we do like to have sex more than twice a month. So, uh, maybe find out what's going on there. Maybe she has a low sex drive, which is cool, but that's something you should have known about already. Maybe something else is up. It'd be good to know.
post #24 of 278
If you were hiding Porn from your wife it seem sthat there are more issues there.

Tell her you brought it up here and see if that smooths things out.
post #25 of 278
In any case, keep us updated, Nick! Because, you know... we're concerned... and stuff.

*giggle*
post #26 of 278
Quote:
Originally Posted by jay f View Post
If you were hiding Porn from your wife it seem sthat there are more issues there.

Tell her you brought it up here and see if that smooths things out.
Oh, absolutely.

I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping an aspect of your sexuality to yourself when you're in a relationship. But you've got to really be aware of how much you're keeping private, why, and how important it is to you. It could be nothing, or it could be a huge deal. Depends on a lot.
post #27 of 278
The first thing you need to do is send me your porn. The next thing is I don't care I have all your porn.
post #28 of 278
Yeah, I'd agree that the real issue is why you felt you had to keep the porn a secret. She's supposed to be your wife, not your mom.

And the correct answer to, "nice porn in the DVD player by the way, so, is that how you want me to act" is: "Ideally, yes."
post #29 of 278
You're 26? Why the fuck are you married?
post #30 of 278
Hahahaha I waited till 27. But I made sure we had it going on in the bed room if you know what I mean.

Nick, speaking of sex drive. Has hers lessened since you got married or were you two always at a twice a month?
post #31 of 278
This kind of reminds me of that Chris Rock sketch about men and how they hide their porn like Batman and have all these secret hiding places - but the women always find the porn cuz the men leave it in the VCR.
post #32 of 278
Quote:
Originally Posted by Farsight View Post
And the correct answer to, "nice porn in the DVD player by the way, so, is that how you want me to act" is: "Ideally, yes."
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonBaseNick View Post
Nick, speaking of sex drive. Has hers lessened since you got married or were you two always at a twice a month?
Thinking that female sexuality is exactly as portrayed in porn is the leading cause of getting laid only twice a month. Trust me on this.
post #33 of 278
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey View Post
Thinking that female sexuality is exactly as portrayed in porn is the leading cause of getting laid only twice a month. Trust me on this.
Pfft. I hear about girls finding dicks in pizza boxes ALL THE TIME.
post #34 of 278
And Scriven passes the baton....
post #35 of 278
No offense, but I think the problem is that *you have a secret stash of pornography*. I am not going to criticize how you spend your free time but in the age of the internet it seems decidedly odd to have porn physically hidden away in your home somewhere. It would be hard not to be freaked out after stumbling across something like that.
post #36 of 278
Kate would you like some of this pizza
post #37 of 278
Someone link his wife to this thread, please.
post #38 of 278
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonBaseNick View Post
Hahahaha I waited till 27. But I made sure we had it going on in the bed room if you know what I mean.

Nick, speaking of sex drive. Has hers lessened since you got married or were you two always at a twice a month?
Dating, we would have sex 4 to 5 times a week ussualy. Rarely would go more then 2 days without alteast a quickie. We do have a child together, and I think that is the main cause of her low libido. I heard that having a child can really kill the drive in many women, and I can see why too.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't mad that we don't have sex alot anymore, but I do understand why it's not happening as much as it used too.

I'm just honestly suprised she is THIS MAD at me having some porn. Like I said before, she can be very sexual and kinky when the timing is right.

As far as my "hiding it", it's not like I'm Tony Soprano, hiding it in the birdfeeder, or cold air returns, they are just lying at the bottom of one of my clothing drawers. I don't think any wife, or live in mate would appreciate porn just sitting on the DVD shelf next to UP, and Harry Potter, even if they were okay with it.
post #39 of 278
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by devincf View Post
Someone link his wife to this thread, please.
hey, probably wouldn't make it worse.
post #40 of 278
Quote:
Originally Posted by devincf View Post
Someone link his wife to this thread, please.
Great. The first CHUD-involved murder.


That I would know about, anyway...
post #41 of 278
Quote:
Originally Posted by NickP View Post
I don't think any wife, or live in mate would appreciate porn just sitting on the DVD shelf next to UP, and Harry Potter, even if they were okay with it.
Alphabetically, PORN does come between PIXAR and POTTER, so I see your point.
post #42 of 278
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raspberry Leper View Post
Alphabetically, PORN does come between PIXAR and POTTER, so I see your point.
ha, glad you caught that.
post #43 of 278
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
Kate would you like some of this pizza
Thanks Jake, I now know what it feels like to have MT Dew come out the nose. lesson learned here: don't eat lunch while surfing the Chud boards.
post #44 of 278
Jake:

I usually get take out. I find delivery people unsettling, for the most part.Judging by this thread? That feeling is not unwarranted.
post #45 of 278
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Princess Kate View Post
Jake:

I usually get take out. I find delivery people unsettling, for the most part.Judging by this thread? That feeling is not unwarranted.
u never ordered the Sausage Special from Papa Johns?
post #46 of 278
I have never had a porn stash while in a relationship. But we have had a porn stash. Together. If that isn't cool, said relationship isn't cool.
post #47 of 278
That chain is not in my area as far as I know, NickP. We have a Papa Ginos and a Dominos, but I prefer local pizza. We have a few quality places close by. I tried a Dominos earlier this year (for the first time since the 2004 boston DNC) and it was awful. The cheese did not congeal when it got cold, it *dried out*.
post #48 of 278
You're 26, you're married and you have a kid. You've brought this on yourself and deserve no one's pity. Good luck.
post #49 of 278
"nice porn in the DVD player by the way, so, is that how you want me to act"

"Is that what you want me to do?"

Dude...wtf kind of porn do you have in there?? I mean any girl that sees regular porn...then yeah, that's what I want you to do. Suck my dick and fuck me. I mean, that's simple. But I can understand if she's pissed if you got Anal Acrobats in there, some German kink and scat, clown porn, or some tranny porn.

Anyways, good thing she didn't look on your computer...

At least in my case that would spell certain doom.
post #50 of 278
Let me save you some time....

Go get a lawyer and get a divorce. You're 26 and wasting your prime having sex twice a month.


Now...if your wife has some sort of weird vaginal condition that causes it to lose functionality unless the moon is in some sort of waxing or waning phase...then that would be interesting and worth sticking around for.
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