Broken Hearted Chewer Support Thread - Page 5  

Color doesn't matter but you should drench yourself in berry juice and/or blood so it looks like you are wearing more than just the loincloth.

Yeah peacocking is the way to go.

Check if she's a vegetarian or if she has any food allergies before you attempt to spit anything on her.

You have got to get out of this mentality. Maybe it isn't therapy so much as it is your mindset. You've got it into your mind that this won't change. Therefore, it won't.

I know a lot of Chewers are creative sorts (I'm an aspiring writer myself). I'm not suggesting this is a community of Morrisey-types, but does anyone deal, or attempt to deal, with heartbreak by immersing themselves in creative pursuits? I know I do.

That's one of the best things you can do, actually. It's tough sometimes. But anything productive is great, and I'd say among the options of being productive, being artistically creative is one of the best ones.

I went through a really shitty break-up a while back (One of three with the same girl. Smart!) and then participated National Novel Writing Month. I wrote a book about a guy who moves to a South American beach with a plan to kill himself in a year's time. Any of you guys want to read it? Hello?

But yeah, finding something to do creatively is a huge help. Writing it was pretty cathartic, even if my friends began calling me every 10 minutes to make sure I was still alive once they found out the premise.

Chin up, L.D. It's gonna get easier. It wasn't that long ago I looked forward to nothing more than just talking to the girl I mentioned before. Now? I literally just passed up an opportunity to do just that... and it's no skin off my nose.

To paraphrase Walter Schreifels, good things are coming your way.

You're going to continue to struggle too. In hindsight these things all seem so trivial. But when you're going through it, it's hard to imagine anything worse really. It just touches a very unique nerve.

Hang in there. I recommend buying David Cross's "I Drink For A Reason," specifically for the chapter on breaking up. Few have said it better.

I finally moved on by acceptance and forgiveness. I've gone back to talking terms with my ex, but that doesn't mean I'm going to use them. I do blame stuff on her immaturity and massive ego.

I think you guys will find peace in your heart by going onto Facebook in fifteen years and seeing how your exes got all heavy and prematurely aged after never leaving your hometown and shitting out kid after kid for a decade.

I mean, I've heard that helps some people.

Hahahaha i went to a party on saturday. And my Ex Ex was there. I hadn't seen her in like 3 years. Maaaaaaaaan she got weird and fast. Talk about dodging a bullet.

Actually my ex is already emailing me just making sure I had no assumptions about the break up and if I ever wanted to call her for advice, to do so.

Ironically I'm older, and I was the one who had to explain stuff to her. Never ever dating someone that young ever. God I hope I don't have to burn this one away, I usually like to have some form of communication open.

You too, huh?

EDIT: For Lloyd:
- Maintain the sever. It's over.
- Keep busy. The first week actually out of her place was the WORST for me because I was all bummed out after moving to an entirely new part of town, plus I had to get acclimated to a new house, and then the new roommates were both out of town that entire week so I had no other human presence in the place and had alienated the two best friends that I had at the time. That was one lonely, lonely fucking week, and I picked up the phone and started dialing that number a lot more than I should have. I did a LOT of walking and spent way too much time at the gym, to say the least. But, I also did a couple of personal "spoil myself" things (other than jerking off in the tub with candles burning), which helped a lot. Hang in there and trust me, it gets better.

How young was she, by chance?

<whips notebook out, may need the notes for future use this summer>

There's a 5 year age gap. She just turned 22 (I'm 27).

Five years is a gap the size of Texas when you're younger. If you were 50 and she was 45, it wouldn't be a thing at all.

Well, it looks like that exchange took the course I thought it was going to. She wrote back that she just wants me to know that she appreciates the content of my correspondence and still cares and wants me to know the terseness of her replies flow from her "introversion."

We're going to take a break from this little letter writing campaign now. These things just gnaw at me. It would be really great if things just did not work at all, but everything sort of points to the conclusion that, if neither of us were quite as damaged as we are, there could be something beautiful there. Aw, the problems of a suicidally depressed product of an abusive and impoverished home falling in love with a high-functioning autistic girl.

On the upside, I did manage to get in with a hot blonde and a super religious Muslim girl.

The blonde showed me her panties but just before letting it slip that she has two DUIs on her record and one of those devices you have to blow into to start the car installed. I sort of view drunk drivers as being just slightly above child molesters on the ethics scale, so that went nowhere.

The Muslim girl talked about giving me a handjob right before having a kind of breakdown and talking to me about her relationship and confidence problems. And then she told me she feared being used and abused, could only be with someone who shared her values and was looking for marriage and she didn't think I was that guy. Then she apologized for "being a bitch" and cut off the exchange.

So, yeah, the usual weekend for me.

Cuch, you don't want a real relationship with a woman. You want drama.

I've had bad breakups just like anyone, and some have certainly taken time to get over, but some of the folks in this thread come off as freakin' psychotic.

I get enough of that with my violent, psychopathic, space cadet of a brother and horrible parents. Trust me, I'm not seeking out drama. It just sort of finds me. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with not knowing what an actually healthy and normal relationship looks like and--if I were insured--I would like nothing more than to sort out what it is that I do that waves in the crazies for landing. But that's not in the cards at the moment.

And it just sort of sticks around because you just sort of permit it instead of just sort of sorting your shit out.

Damn, reading all this just makes me happier I haven't had to deal any with this shit yet. All of my relationships with women so far have been pure friendship, although that's mostly because most of my female friends are either unavailable or sweet-but-insane.

And yes, I say this as a 20 year-old. Stop laughing.

Hahahaha. That comes after an entire thread of hand holding and bro hugs and no movie talk at all.

Yeah, I had a five year gap with one of my exes, and it was cited as a big reason for our break up - she also said she didn't want to settle down - and then a year later she's pregnant to a guy two times my age.

In hindsight she may have been feeding me some bullshit.

I think there was some talk of Say Anything and John Cusack!

Heh I got the same as well, but I told her before I didn't want to settle down at the moment. When we were breaking up she kept telling me thats what I wanted. WTF indeed.

Bullet = dodged

Speaking of wtf and settling down, figured I would just vent this here:

Was seeing this girl last summer who I told time and time again I had no intentions of settling down, and we eventually had a breakup that consisted of her sending me a fuckload of pissed off screaming voice and text messages of the "you ain't shit, i can do so much better" variety while she was super drunk with her friends. This, of course, was later followed by advances towards me after I distanced myself/severed contact after realizing she was kind of batshit nuts.

So, we've been kind of friendly since then, after she's sent civil texts and we've seen each other out at late night spots since then with no issues. So, I was then happy to say I had no girls that I've been with and have lingering issues/problems/beef with.

So, said batshit girl sends me the following text out of nowhere yesterday (haven't seen/talked/txted her in a few months), "I wanna marry you and have your kids so bad only if u knew".

wtfffffffffff... I've told her time and time again that I have no intentions of settling down right now with ANYONE. I enjoy the freedom and 0% drama of single life. Such a creepy message... I know I would never send that type of crazy shit to a female.

I haven't responded to the text... but I'm worried that doing that might make her even more obsessive. I'm going to continue dodging bullets.

Yeah, keep dodging, in fact, just ignore her unless it crosses the line where you have to call the cops.

Mine broke up with me, and it caught me off guard because she said while in Europe she realized it wasn't going to work, but didn't feel right telling me over email. So she kept up being my "girlfriend" and then decided to tell me the second we met.

Run holy shit run away screaming
Also, this.

Are you kidding? You should respond immediately! Sounds like she might be The One!!!

Yeah, it sounds like you could get a lot of mileage out of the whole "obey" portion of the marital contract.

And "till death do us part", obviously.

I was this close to posting a gif of dodging bullets by The One Neo. Irony.

Don't respond. If you see her, be polite, but do not bring up the text. If she brings up the topic again, tell her directly that it's not gonna happen and leave it at that.

Truth be told, I think she did the right thing here. I'd be beyond pissed if a guy didn't have the balls to tell me to my face that it was over. I'm sure she'd be hurt if you ditched her via email, so instead of taking the pussy's way out, she came home and told you to your face. Would you have preferred a Dear John email?

It's funny, because I have friends who encompass the spectrum of romance. Like the buddy who completed a stunning Josh Hamilton-like rise from the ashes, from boozing and fucking his way out of college, dodging two fake pregnancy scares and attracting the crazy to settling down with a teacher.

Or perhaps the friends who were, frankly, made for each other but took two years to figure it out and then set a wedding date after their first dinner together as a couple. (Six years and a daughter later, they're still together.)

Or maybe the buddy who had horrid, horrid luck/taste/whatever (eight years without a date), and told me two years ago about this college-age intern at his company. Six months ago, they get together for drinks and have been inseparable ever since. (Literally. The amount of PDA I have had to witness via Skype would piss me off if it wasn't one of my best friends.) And to throw in another twist, he's 30, she's 23.

So, my point is keep hope, my brothers and sisters. Weird shit happens all the time. And as for me, I'm staring at my version of friend 3 with a bit of Indy/Marion thrown in. Yikes...

Yes. Dodge those fuckers like Neo, man.

EDIT: Damn it, someone else made a Neo joke. Why the Hell didn't I expect that?

Well yes I was hurt, and I'm glad she told me, but I was upset we didn't even talk about it. It was just 100% going fine (she was even still flirty up till she told me), then suddenly out of left field. We were even still strong right before, so I felt more upset that she didn't discuss things with me before hand, or that she was feeling this way. So in a way I felt I was lied to. Really though our relationship had no long term potential, and when we had that talk, she kept assuming things about me.

edit: Really though I was over it pretty fast, I just don't like dishonesty and non communication in a relationship.

Man up, people. Jeez.

So long as there's a rider for cutting.

Haha, thanks for the words of encouragement everyone. I'll continue just being chill on the texts (i haven't and don't intend to respond), and thankfully no further attempts at contact from her were made... so far.

Although, in retrospect... a true Neo move would have been a simple "No" as this particular bullet was fired toward my crotch.


Yup, that's how I usually am... with any ex, honestly. I see someone out, they're getting greeted with a smile and a "how's it goin". Also, the town I live in is way to small to create unnecessary drama with people. I like being able to go out without trying to avoid people. I enjoy watching the fights around here, not being a part of them.

If there is one thing I have learned from my break-ups it is that women will make their decision to leave months before they actually do. Once they decide in their head it is over they will then put their back-up plan into effect, i.e. the next guy they are going to be with. Once that has been going strong for a few weeks they turn around and let you know they are through.

Yeah, I tend to agree with this. There are always exceptions, and anyone can just flip in the heat of the moment and end things, but from what I have observed, by the time she's telling you, it's the last formality for her on a private checklist that started well before your day of getting the news.


Fake flirty is the worst. It's condescending. Worse, we guys want to believe until the very end..and, yes, a little ways after the fact.

Pure ice-cold evil.

This thread is getting kind of woman-hatey.

Well, I'd feel that way about anybody who would/could do that. So... everyone.

(goes to get a tub of ice cream)

To qualify my post, Evi, I was simply saying something I had learned.

Learning that has done several things for me with regards to future relationships and I should have said these up above:

1) Maintain communication constantly. Once lines go down begin to figure out why and stop the exodus from happening if you want to stay in.

2) Learning the behavioral aspect of most, not all, women during break-ups has taught me to be a better look-out for warning signs up front

3) The biggest thing is that learning the thought process involved in a woman ending a relationship has helped me to be able to move on quicker rather than falling into patterns of trying to reconnect and prolonging my own misery.

...getting?