Depression - Page 2

The danger lies in not being completely truthful about the situation to the wellness center staff. By not being honest, the staff could underestimate Pomp's issue, or worse, assume he is not being truthful and overestimating his issue. Complete and utter honesty about your physical and mental health is imperative. You could have a biological issue that is causing psychological illness or vice versa. A doctor cannot make a diagnosis without all the pieces, and by hiding some of the pieces, you risk not fixing anything or making it much worse.

So, which is it, self-harm or scratching it like an itch?

Wow, you really have no idea w hat you're talking about. No, Kate, you do not know your mind better than those trained in the field. You were a very possible danger to yourself based on what you told them and they did what they had to do. What if you had told them what you had and they just let you go, only for you to kill yourself that night? That would be negligence.

Very true. Even though I was diagnosed at an early age, I'd spent much of my life just trying to understand the problem (it doesn't go away entirely, you just learn to manage it better). We're fortunate to live in a time when doctors genuinely understand the mechanisms behind clinical depression & that there are effective treatments available.

To be fair to Kate, if I was hospitalized and MAD MEN was about to start, they'd be right about me being a danger to myself or others. Because I would have done some Sarah Connor type shit to get back to my TV.

I'm totally kidding. That's a ludicrous statement you made, Kate, and I'm only sorry I'm at work so I can't respond to you in more depth. And I say that as someone who you know likes you.

I'd kind of like to know what fantasy world Kate inhabits in which it is actually likely that you'll be detained for your own safety and that of others if you're straightforward with your psychiatrist. At least in California, the municipal, county, and state governments are so broke that you need to be believably on the verge of doing Joker from TDK shit to even get consideration for that.

You're forgetting she mentioned the Bushido code. The Bushido Code. It's very possible they locked her up for fear of attack by a samurai.

As a former roommate (and still very close friends) of someone who battled depression, and the current boyfriend of a professionally licensed clinical social worker, I can say never ever be afraid to talk to someone. Always always seek help when you feel you need it, and even if you're not sure if you do or not. It blows my mind to hear about some of the frankly mundane reasons some people seek therapy when I know how many people who really need it avoid it at all costs.

Wow. All I can do is wish Pomp and the rest of you well. I've never been depressed to the point of suicide, but a year and a half of trying and failing to find a job after college made me plenty sad. Having lots of support certainly helped. My parents and lil sis never gave up on me, and my social circle, particularly my boyfriend, adamantly refused to let me sit at home and wallow in it.

My story ain't shit compared to what I've read here, but I really hope you guys get the help that you need. Everyone deserves to be happy. There's too much good shit in the world to spend your brief time on Earth being miserable.

First of all, I can't believe PK actually suggested not disclosing everything to your doctor. Stuff like this could prove dangerous but luckily everyone here knows better than to take anything she says seriously.

Second. It is wrong of you to disparage a person as important as Alexander just because PK has some creepy crush on him.

Pomp, I don't have a lot of detailed advice to give, nor have I dealt with chronic depression. I do want to say I think you're doing the absolute right thing in seeking professional help, and also wanted to echo the people saying build up a healthy, strong network of support. These two things are crucial.

I can give you some encouragement regarding seeking counseling: prep yourself for a search. It may take two or three counselors before you find one who "clicks." When I was going through my divorce, and the years after, I was on very rocky ground. Counseling, while perhaps not saving my life, transformed it incalculably for the better. But I had to "go through" - meaning have first appointments with - a number of counselors in order to find one who I was comfortable with and I felt like I could open up to. Because counseling is, ultimately, two people talking to each other, it needs chemistry and connection in order to work. Don't give up or despair if the first counselor you meet with doesn't seem to have it going on. You'll find one.

Im in therapy for depression and that Asperger nonsense PK doesnt believe in, and I cant even fathom how wrong and downright moronic her advice was...AT LEAST you should open up slowly in each session with your therapist until you feel ready to take on more personal and intimate talk with him/her (for me, it took almost 2 years).

And Id like to pont out that Alexander clearly had an impact and relevance in human history (hell, the guy even changed natural geography, just because Tyre really needed to go down), but PK´s crush on him borders on insane.

I was recently diagnosed with panic disorder/agoraphobia/depression. I've had panic attacks since high school, but it eventually escalated into agoraphobia and depression. These both, obviously, caused a lot of problems.

But, to get to the point, it's important to tell your doctor everything, as others have mentioned. They need every piece of information to get a proper diagnoses. And sometimes it does take meeting with a few counselors before you find the right one. The same is true of psychiatrists, if you go the medication route.

You don't even always need to go directly to a counselor. I told a nurse when I went to my regular physician to have a blockage in my ear removed. And I doubt anyone will "lock you up." Its the spread of that sort of awful misinformation that makes people hesitant to go (I had former friends give me the same sort of advice).

I've suffered from a form of depression since I could remember. My dad was an alcoholic, and my parents fought constantly. My sister and I went through the cycle of: seperation -- getting divorce -- working things out -- back together, for years and years. I was a lonely child, my sister was always out with friends. I was on Adderall and Ritalin through elementary school, and was a drooling zombie because of it. The rest of high school was a nightmare, and thought about killing myself on the night of my graduation... instead I got drunk and fells asleep with a bottle of tequila on my sisters kitchen floor.

I'm married and I'm never able to open up to her or anyone. I don't allow myself to become close to anyone.

It's been a rough year, I lost a good friend to cancer in January, and my grandmother passed very unexpectedly in Febuary. I never saw my grandmother as much as I should have; I don't have any pictures of her and my daughter... I have to live with that.

I have decent to really bad days. My wife lost her job a year ago, and I've aged five years from stress and worry.

I get virtually no enjoyment out of life, I think I do it because my family's been so hurt over the years; I'm not selfish enough to cause more damage.

I've been fighting with depression for the last 10 years or so, and an anxiety disorder for about as long - the anxiety attacks were spread out, until around December when they became a weekly thing, sometimes daily. This was down to an emotionally abusive and generally stressful relationship, which I only ended a few days ago.

There was nothing violent about it, or overtly aggressive in the way she treated me, but a great deal of passive aggressive emotional blackmail, designed to hit me in my weak spots and make me susceptible to her requests/demands. It may seem spineless to get stepped on like that, but the way these comments were used was pretty devestating on my already fragile state of mind. I felt like if I did not give her what she needed (often in terms of paying her bills or whatever) that I would be solely responsible for her life going to shit, things like "Well I guess I'll just be homeless/starve/kill myself."

I don't think there was any real malice in the way she behaved, I think she has a whole lot of issues of her own and I have tried to get her help, and will continue to do so whenever she feels like speaking to me again. I'm not going to leave her up the river, but I am absolutely done with trying to make such a toxic relationship work.

I went without my therapist for a year or two, shortly before I started my relationship, and when things started to turn sour I lacked the inclination to return and open up. I'll be booking an appointment with her next week. I continued to get my medication, and even started getting treatment for my anxiety attacks since they have ramped up over time.

Keeping to myself, though, that was a big mistake. That's what made things get worse and made me get seriously sick. Keeping these things to yourself is never the wisest solution, you should never assume the professionals you have turned to are going to screw you over.

And what they did to Kate wasn't even close to the betrayal of trust she seems to be making it out to be; it may have been distressing for her but a little perspective, through hindsight, should show that this was the best reaction to her situation. Everyone else seems to have their heads screwed on, so I'm not fretting over anyone taking her anecodte with any seriousness.

I wish everyone here living with their depression the very best. Get the professional help you need, and also take comfort in strong support networks, either from your family or friends (both in real life, or places like this).

That happens with college wellness centers, unfortunately. They don't have a time scheduled for walk-ins?

If this is really frustrating you, why not look for a local mental health center and/or the ER?

Glad to hear it, hope that goes well for you PE. It's the aniversary of the Moon Landing, that has to be a good sign!

Hang in there. Sadly, this seems to be very common with any sort of therapist. They ALL have no space for months.

I'd use this time to try to write down problems you've been having, how you've been feeling, etc. It can be hard putting these kinds of feelings into words, especially when you've just met a person. Having it down in words can help a lot. Try thinking of specific examples where your depression has gotten in the way of your life, when it seems to be the worst, etc.

At the very least, organizing these thoughts can help you get through your first appointment and ensure it'll be a productive one.

EXACTLY. If you have a fair bit of stuff lined out before you even go in there, you're doing at least 80% better than the folks who just wander in there a complete mess - while going in as a complete wreck is absolutely understandable and I'm assuming fairly common, I'd like to think that keeping a cool enough head or enough of a sense of self-awareness to figure out what's wrong before going in to talk to someone about it bodes well for your management of and eventual recovery from depression.

Keep strong Pomp. As other guys have mentioned, when you feel so bad, it's really the little things that get you through the day. It might sound lame, but just looking forward to watching a show you like, or watching a movie or eating something you like, spending time with a friend/family member often helps you get past all the bullshit that comes up every day. I know how difficult it can be and if possible, find something that can inspire you a bit each day. It could be a person, it could even be a song. I've had that. Something so small just brightens up your day a little bit. I wish you luck friend.

Ripoll makes a great point. Journaling REALLY helped me get a handle on my issues. I found it worked on three different levels. First, I had to sit down and commit my thoughts to the screen. This meant I had to focus on putting them in some verbal format, pulling them out of some emotional morass. Second, I would re-read them. hearing my own thoughts back a day or week later gave them a new focus. Third, when I showed them to my therapist it gave him more insight into my thoughts than our conversations could alone.

Please keep chiming in here and keep us posted. As you can see, many of us have had similar problems and would be happy to help you.

Patrick is dead on the money. My first appointment with my therapist was quite awkward because I just walked in blind, thinking that they'd do all the work but I was very wrong, the conversation stuttered along and was ultimately unhelpful.

I spent the next week trying to pin down some talking points, how to explain my issues, etc, and I walked into the next appointment and things went really well. We could begin dismantling these points and getting to the heart of the matter, and from that point on every session was very illuminating and helpful. It really is a great idea and worth considering.

Just wanted to say well done on deciding to get help. Admitting that you can't deal with issues on your own can be really hard, and laying all that out in front of someone else can be even harder. I've recently reached the point where I've accepted I need help to move past some things that happened to me, and although I'm not ready for therapy yet I have opened up to friends who had similar issues, and have joined an online support group which is already helping me a lot. Depression is a very misunderstood illness and it is good to see someone willing to open up about it in a public forum - and nice to see that the chewers can be respectful when it comes to sensitive issues :P

Another? Didn't know that was part of your bag.

Welcome to the club, my friend. Nothing like a good old, "I think I'm dying" to help you seize the day!

I'd give you advice, but sadly, I don't have any. I went to see therapists, etc. and all I ever got was that "calm down, count to 10" horseshit. Yeah... doesn't work so much.

It's hard as hell, but you just have to learn to wrap your head around the fact that "everything's going to be alright." Way easier said than done. I've spent a lot of time conditioning myself in the belief (and it's not false) that this is just some weird physical reaction to stress, and that I'll be fine.

My doc also gave me a scrip for some anxiety medicine when I first started getting them, and that helped me get a grip on it so that I could work through it the old fashioned way. (I got a light dose of Oxazepam because I don't like feeling drugged/doped [normally anyway, if THAT'S the intent I go with more illicit things] and I wanted something to take for the acute bursts of it, not a daily drug like Zoloft or something. Which I tried once, and loathed immensely.)

Also, exercising and meditation (during "normal" days, not during the actual attack) do wonders.

I second the meditation advice, it helps train your mind to focus. Meditation by Eknath Easwaran outlines the passage meditation technique, which is really easy to get a handle on and very effective.

Panic attacks are always fun. Especially if you're at the drive-thru of a Burger King when you're 16.

I third the meditation advice - my psychologist helped me get started on calming breathing techniques and then moved on to mindfulness meditation. Used in conjunction with Citalopram SSRIs on a daily basis I can say it's really helped me keep on a more even keel. The citalopram (aka Celapram) is really quite mild (although I'm on the second lowest dosage you can get I think), but it's enough to stop me from the persistant anxiety attacks (and dizzy spells, insomnia and the occasional full blown panic attack) and the feeling that my mind is on a racing circuit/spiralling out of control. The mindfulness meditation takes a bit of practice but it is instantly calming as well as a good habit to form in general I think. Using those 2 approaches (medicinal & behavioural), as well as a series of sessions with the psychologist (who gave me homework exercises in between sessions) really helped me pull myself together; so a variety of tools may be helpful for you as well. Good luck.

Shuggie Otis, INSPIRATION INFORMATION is great chill out music, Pomp

Do you want happy or relaxing? I don't know your specific tastes Pomp, but I always find a bit of good classical to be pretty soothing for the soul.

Keith Jarrett-The Koln Concert

I know how tough Panic Attacks can be, so I feel for you man. I'm going through the same thing right now. I got serious GERD, and many times, I get panic attacks when I get a serious attack. I had to go to the ER cause I though I was having a heart attack. Medication is helping me out alot right now, and the knowledge that there isn't anything majorly wrong with me. So my advice would be to try some meds, and concentrate on breathing steadly when you get one... best of luck man.

Yay! More food for the fire!


I can't handle this. Jesus. I'm currently paying out 325/month to various credit card collection agencies because my mother used my information to obtain cards in '02-'04. I only make about $500/month. I just want to scream. I'm tired of being responsible for her, I'm tired of cleaning up this mess, but I can't talk to anyone about it. I've tried. I can't talk to my paternal grandmother or my father, because if they found out I was paying these bills (that have since gone into collections because she stopped the payments in August of '09, back when she lost her job. I didn't know about these cards till about April or so of '10) they would give me all sorts of hell about prosecuting my mother and sending her jail.

I can't talk to my friends, because they don't seem to grasp how incredibly shitty this is. I can't talk to any of my maternal family because 'that's just Karen'. Just every couple of weeks, it hits me how screwed I am because of her inability to be fiscally responsible. And then I get a call form her saying that she needs $70 from her three kids for the cellphone bill. It's my fault for not putting my damn foot down and getting my own plan and my own phone, but when I told her I was going to do that she bitched about being under contract. I can't afford this. I pay 100/mo for car insurance, and whatever is left I ration for a credit card that I have that's in good standing still that I use for my own personal use (that I haven't used because I'm adverse to cards and can't justify using credit cards when I apparently had three/four that are in collections that I never knew about)......

I can't breath. I can't look forward. All I see is the continuing drain of the resources I have to clean up her mess. I can't leave my grandmother's house because I have to ration my gas money, and any other expenditures. I can't do anything beyond fucking walking because I can't afford it. I just....got. Crying jags, and moments of utter despair. It's supposed to be just money, but damnit. I can't save, I can't do jack. I am told about how people are doing things and going places and having fun in their twenties, and here I am shackled to these damned cards and that damned woman. I don't have the money to see my sister, my sister (who she has done this to at well) can't take off work for one weekend for her birthday, let alone come up here to see me for it.

I can't have any hobbies. I can't...I can't do anything.

And then she asks for 70 dollars for her cellphone bill, which has spiraled to 220 a month. Last month it was 40 dollars and 120. How the hell does this bill ....

It's not depression. I can still taste food. I...I just don't know what to do. But I won't take money from other people, I can't do that. I tried to call her today because I am so upset and so frustrated and then before I can speak a word she's all "I can't talk to you because I'm so exasperated"

What the fuck? Maybe if she got a damned job (She's been unemployed intermittently since '09. She got a teaching degree, etc...But hardly anyone is hiring teachers and she refuses to get a job that doesn't involve teaching)...I can't do this. I'm so unhappy it hurts, and I can't breathe a word of it to anyone.

There's some blunt advice for that situation, but then, you probably already know what it is.

It's fucking fucking hard when you have to be a parent to your parent, it also plays on a whole bunch of emotional programming as well as just being an epically shitty situation to find yourself in. I was there for a few years myself and wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Wayward, I'm feelin ya.

Thanks to both of you. Getting it out in a somewhat public sphere helped me breathe a bit.

And looking at that snazzy picture of Al Swearengen.

Ultimately, she's making you make her tough choices for her, which is all kinds of fucked up. She also seems to be more than content with that kind of choice as long as it fails to inconvenience her. Facilitating that is basically enabling her abuse of you and others. If I were you, I'd start making arrangements for a quick and hasty exit from the grandparents' house--you have to have made friends at college with a spare couch at this point--in case you need it and finally take the steps to shift the responsibility for these choices to the actually responsible party. In the long run, it's the best move for both of you.

YEP. There right now, trying to get out of the situation but at the same time I genuinely love my parents and want them to do well and honestly have no idea why/how they're still pissing away money in spite of not having to pay rent.

EDIT: actually I do have an idea but I don't want it to be that idea

Glad to see I'm not alone.

On one hand you can't help but fantasize about just cutting all ties from anyone and leaving so you can begin again unburdened by everyone's problems. On the other hand you imagine something bad happening to people you can't help but care about, something that you could prevent but didn't and feel like the biggest shit in the world.

Fucking shit sucks.

Honestly I still have distance issues with all the members of my immediate family after what we went through following my dads death. Shit leaves some deep emotional scars.

My wife lost her job a year ago, and she lost her uemploymant yesterday. With a house and a baby, it's going to be extremely difficult to make it on my wage alone. We're going to have to cancel our health insurance, TV, and whatever we can, and that's hardly a dent in our expenses.

This shit is so depressing. I've worked two jobs for most of my adult life and for fucking what? I don't see the economy getting better, any time soon, and none of my family can help me.

I'm 26 and feel like I'm already waiting to die. So much for dreams, a?

On PE's music question, I'd also suggest some form of classical music that works for you. Despite my non-religious life, I actually find old, old-style, Latin masses (say Josquin du Pres) incredibly soothing. Maybe it's the repetition and the choral work along with the bells that tap into my meditative side - but then again I loved that stuff long before I started dealing with my issues.

That's just it. I'm not rich, but I make fairly damn good money for a 25 year-old sans degree, and I can sort of afford to help them on occasion (I'll REALLY be able to afford it in September once all my debt is paid off...again...but we ain't gotta tell them that), so of course I end up getting weak and sending them $100-200 gift cards for their local Wal-Mart (yes, fuck Wal-Mart, it's all they've got, etc.) every once in a while just so that I can be assured that they've got food on the table. I just can't wait to stop bleeding money here and there. Jesus christ.

The amount of money I've bled over the last few years would be enough for me to be a third of the way into paying for a house of my own. I'm half living like a monk because I have to always be ready to pitch in in a moment's notice. But still, what the fuck am I supposed to do?

Let's see....Over at least 2000 dollars toward paying off the credits in my name she took out in this year alone, plus various contributions over the past years.

I just keep telling myself it'll be worth it to have my credit rating improved and after I've settled these issues, I dream of throwing it all in the respective faces and then sever all ties. And help my sister.

It's a happy dream.

Lewis, I am terribly sorry about all that. It may sound sentimental and corny, but it'll get better. It has to.