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I'm going to play Jarts this holiday weekend

post #1 of 43
7/2/10 at 5:38pm
Thread Starter 
Somehow, somewhere, some way. Fuckin JARTS.
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post #2 of 43
7/2/10 at 5:53pm
Get a helmet.
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post #3 of 43
7/2/10 at 5:54pm
Thread Starter 
I don't even know where to find them. Do they sell them in Canada?
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post #4 of 43
7/2/10 at 6:19pm
If youre a handyman, here's a solution.


Im free of any responsibility if you proceeded with this.
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post #5 of 43
7/2/10 at 6:21pm
What in the living hell is a jart
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post #6 of 43
7/2/10 at 6:24pm



Railroad spikes with fins. Lawn darts. You put a little round tube on the lawn and try to toss your spike in from about thirty feet away or so. If you play doubles, the guys opposite you launch the fuckers at you. Vice versa.

Wonderful game for when you want to commit sibling homicide. I believe you can't actually purchase them any more in the US.
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post #7 of 43
7/2/10 at 6:25pm
Oh god, lawn darts. Okay.

GOOD LUCK, JBIMH!
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post #8 of 43
7/2/10 at 6:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
What in the living hell is a jart
The awesomest way to get an aciddential lobotomy, thats what they are.
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post #9 of 43
7/2/10 at 6:32pm
Pithed like a frog in biology class.
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post #10 of 43
7/2/10 at 6:34pm
I'm assuming that it just had to be completely unprofitable for a ban to go into effect. Even in states--like CA--that have strict regulations on fireworks, for example, it's not hard to get them. They don't sell heavy duty ones in rural areas due to the danger of setting massive forest fires, but in relatively more urban areas, you can get damn near professional level devices. Does anyone have the statistics on serious injuries and deaths related to lawn darts?
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post #11 of 43
7/2/10 at 6:37pm
It is appalling to hear that the sale of lawn darts has been banned in America, at the same time that Chicago's handgun ban was ruled unconstitutional. To quoute my Chud-pal, the late Dreary Louse, this is the nanny state run amok. I salute you for making the choice, as a reponsible adult, to play lawn darts (Why are they called jarts? What is with the j?) on our nation's birthday

Lawn darts are good fun, but sadly I don't have any plans lined up for this 4th of July. It just kind of snuck up on me this year and now I'm at a loss as to how to occupy myself, like an ant that got it's ant hill stepped on
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post #12 of 43
7/2/10 at 6:43pm
John Krasinski has something to tell you
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post #13 of 43
7/2/10 at 6:54pm
I was in Walmart last weekend to pick up an outdoor game for a Stag Party (it was a day long event) and asked a clerk about some lawn games. He said that They might have lawn darts in the sporting goods section. I thought to myself "The illegal Lawn Darts are in Sporting goods??"
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post #14 of 43
7/2/10 at 7:02pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
Oh god, lawn darts. Okay.

GOOD LUCK, JBIMH!
Is it a semantic thing maybe, like "junior high" versus "middle school"? I've heard the term lawn darts before, but I always knew them as jarts. Most fun deadly weapons ever.
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post #15 of 43
7/2/10 at 7:03pm
They used to sell em at Canadian Tire. Doubt they do any more.
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post #16 of 43
7/2/10 at 7:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan Banks is my hero View Post
Is it a semantic thing maybe, like "junior high" versus "middle school"? I've heard the term lawn darts before, but I always knew them as jarts. Most fun deadly weapons ever.
Yeah, i got confused. Jarts just sounds weird. I want to play jarts while sharting in my jorts.
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post #17 of 43
7/2/10 at 7:10pm
Okay, so they don't sell them in the USA anymore, but is it illegal to possess lawn darts? Illegal to play?
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post #18 of 43
7/2/10 at 7:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
Pithed like a frog in biology class.
That's a terrible lisp you have there, Jake.
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post #19 of 43
7/2/10 at 7:12pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryoken View Post
That goes a long way towards explaining why the site's staff seems to hate the guy.
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post #20 of 43
7/2/10 at 7:16pm
Thread Starter 
I'm not editing the title of this thread, so you lawn dart fruits can fuck the fuck off.
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post #21 of 43
7/2/10 at 7:21pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cuchulain View Post
I'm assuming that it just had to be completely unprofitable for a ban to go into effect. Even in states--like CA--that have strict regulations on fireworks, for example, it's not hard to get them. They don't sell heavy duty ones in rural areas due to the danger of setting massive forest fires, but in relatively more urban areas, you can get damn near professional level devices. Does anyone have the statistics on serious injuries and deaths related to lawn darts?
The problem is that it's sort of impossible to play the game in any meaningful way with less-dangerous substitutes. The darts need to be weighted and they need to be sharp. Even an acceptable plastic alloy substitute would be able to puncture a testicle.

The funniest part about this is that my parents never let me watch MIAMI VICE, but they let me play jarts with a bunch of drunkards. Fuckin USA!
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post #22 of 43
7/2/10 at 7:49pm
My dad taught me how to do the long distance spike. Instead of making a nice arc with the throw, you heave it down at an angle toward the target. If it sticks it can be awesome. If it doesn't it tends to carom around the yard. And trust me...the old jarts could puncture a car door if your spike didn't stick in the ground. My uncle never quite forgave me for ruining his Hornet.

"Jarts" is more than acceptable to me, Banks.
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post #23 of 43
7/2/10 at 7:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by teledork View Post
I believe you can't actually purchase them any more in the US.
They have wimpified ones. Kinda like the US version of absinthe.
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post #24 of 43
7/2/10 at 7:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan Banks is my hero View Post

The funniest part about this is that my parents never let me watch MIAMI VICE, but they let me play jarts with a bunch of drunkards. Fuckin USA!

We went on a camping trip, and one of the memorable moments was playing jarts in the pitch-dark - a person would stand over the circle and hold a lantern as the other two people chucked their jarts in his general direction. Alcohol was involved.

"This," I told myself, "is going to end badly." No reportable injuries though, much to my surprise. I figured somebody would get jarted in the foot.
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post #25 of 43
7/2/10 at 8:30pm
From lawn Jarts. com:

On December 19, 1988, all Lawn Jarts were banned from sale in the United States by the Consumer Product Safety Commission. Lawn Jarts, used in an outdoor game, have been responsible for the deaths of four children, the latest being in early 1997 near Elkhart, Indiana. It should be noted that the specific incident that caused Lawn Jarts to be made illegal also involved beer, and that, when engaged in responsibly, the recreational use of Lawn Jarts is less dangerous than baseball.

Yup, you were lucky, chavez.
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post #26 of 43
7/2/10 at 8:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryoken View Post
From lawn Jarts. com:

On December 19, 1988, all Lawn Jarts were banned from sale in the United States by the Consumer Product Safety Commission. Lawn Jarts, used in an outdoor game, have been responsible for the deaths of four children, the latest being in early 1997 near Elkhart, Indiana. It should be noted that the specific incident that caused Lawn Jarts to be made illegal also involved beer, and that, when engaged in responsibly, the recreational use of Lawn Jarts is less dangerous than baseball.

Yup, you were lucky, chavez.
FOUR deaths.

Yet swimming and guns are still legal.
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post #27 of 43
7/2/10 at 8:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chavez View Post
FOUR deaths.

Yet swimming and guns are still legal.
But swimming and guns arent marketed to kids...right?
Also, indiana aside, i wonder what other states the rest of the incidents took place.

EDIT: you can see the actual document here.
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post #28 of 43
7/2/10 at 8:50pm
From Retrocrush:

But the grand-daddy of dangerous toys has to be the famous Lawn Darts (or JARTS, as some versions were marketed as). This once popular game was all the rage until a 7 year old girl was impaled in the head by an errant toss. The grieving father took the case to court, and the Consumer Product Safety Commission argued that they had only received less than a dozen injury complaints. After being pressed to investigate further, they found that in one year, there was 6700 injuries and 3 deaths related to the seemingly innocent toys. The blunt metal tip, as it comes crashing to the earth, can generate a whopping 23,000 pounds per sq. inch of force, making it no problem to turn a kid's head into a pincushion. In 1988 they were not only recalled, but made illegal to sell, even in thrift stores. Apparently they're still available in Canada, but they could use some thinning of the herd, from what I've seen.
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post #29 of 43
7/2/10 at 8:58pm
You can still find them on E-Bay last I looked.

My brother still has a set around.
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post #30 of 43
7/2/10 at 9:00pm
FOUR people died and lawn darts are now illegal? Polar bear facepalm, America. To paraphrase Bill Maher, I don't hate my country (especially not on 4th of July weekend!), *I am embarrassed for my country*

BTW, from what you guys are saying, it should still be legal to make your own lawn darts and give them away for free?
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post #31 of 43
7/2/10 at 9:06pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryoken View Post
From lawn Jarts. com:

On December 19, 1988, all Lawn Jarts were banned from sale in the United States by the Consumer Product Safety Commission. Lawn Jarts, used in an outdoor game, have been responsible for the deaths of four children, the latest being in early 1997 near Elkhart, Indiana. It should be noted that the specific incident that caused Lawn Jarts to be made illegal also involved beer, and that, when engaged in responsibly, the recreational use of Lawn Jarts is less dangerous than baseball.

Yup, you were lucky, chavez.
Jarts: 30% safer than most gunfights.*




* Since he can't post it himself, I'm going to give credit where credit's due. That was BrianM's joke.
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post #32 of 43
7/2/10 at 9:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan Banks is my hero View Post
Jarts: 30% safer than most gunfights.*

* Since he can't post it himself, I'm going to give credit where credit's due. That was BrianM's joke.
One of the comments on the pages i visited:

"Lawn darts came in packages of two pairs, so you can kill 4 people if youre a really good shot.
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post #33 of 43
7/2/10 at 10:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chavez View Post
We went on a camping trip, and one of the memorable moments was playing jarts in the pitch-dark - a person would stand over the circle and hold a lantern as the other two people chucked their jarts in his general direction. Alcohol was involved.

"This," I told myself, "is going to end badly." No reportable injuries though, much to my surprise. I figured somebody would get jarted in the foot.
I watched this game. From in between my fingers. Crazy, drunk bastards.

Also, that story Krasinski tells about jarting* his brother cracks me up. I like the impression of his brother running around the yard, jart bobbing merrily behind him.


* - Jart. They are called jarts, you fancy bitches. What do you think this is, England?
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post #34 of 43
7/2/10 at 10:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chavez View Post
FOUR deaths.

Yet swimming and guns are still legal.
To be fair, only five games of jarts have actually ever been played.
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post #35 of 43
7/2/10 at 11:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan Banks is my hero View Post
The problem is that it's sort of impossible to play the game in any meaningful way with less-dangerous substitutes. The darts need to be weighted and they need to be sharp. Even an acceptable plastic alloy substitute would be able to puncture a testicle.

The funniest part about this is that my parents never let me watch MIAMI VICE, but they let me play jarts with a bunch of drunkards. Fuckin USA!
Shocking, but my father was the same way. About playing jarts with drunkards, he let me watch Miami Vice as well. Not too many boundaries in the Cassady household.

Actually, Banks, because my parents are cleaning out the garage for the big move you could probably have his jarts. He probably wouldn't charge you as he loves you way more than me.
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post #36 of 43
7/3/10 at 12:03am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan Banks is my hero View Post
The problem is that it's sort of impossible to play the game in any meaningful way with less-dangerous substitutes. The darts need to be weighted and they need to be sharp. Even an acceptable plastic alloy substitute would be able to puncture a testicle.
Bean bags?
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post #37 of 43
7/3/10 at 12:44am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jcassady View Post
He probably wouldn't charge you as he loves you way more than me.
Well maybe he wouldn't if you'd jart with him once in a while. You ever heard of that? An American boy refusing to have a jart with his father?

Quote:
Originally Posted by neoolong View Post
Bean bags?
How are you supposed to puncture a testicle with those?
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post #38 of 43
7/3/10 at 12:52am
Banks eats danger and craps risk.
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post #39 of 43
7/3/10 at 12:54am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chavez View Post
risk.
That game is not nearly as fun as Jarts.

EDGE: JARTS.
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post #40 of 43
7/3/10 at 1:45am
The only difference between guns and Jarts is that when a Jart kills someone, it's an accident.
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post #41 of 43
7/3/10 at 2:33am
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryoken View Post
From lawn Jarts. com:

On December 19, 1988, all Lawn Jarts were banned from sale in the United States by the Consumer Product Safety Commission. Lawn Jarts, used in an outdoor game, have been responsible for the deaths of four children, the latest being in early 1997 near Elkhart, Indiana. It should be noted that the specific incident that caused Lawn Jarts to be made illegal also involved beer, and that, when engaged in responsibly, the recreational use of Lawn Jarts is less dangerous than baseball.
Not surprised this happened in Indiana.. Funny thing is that I just found a set of Jarts last night! (still in their original box!) I'm thankful my wife's grandmother is a complete hoarder!

funny thing, is that the grandmother lives in South Bend, Indiana.. The Jarts will be used Saturday night..alcohol will be involved.. I'll keep you all posted.
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post #42 of 43
7/3/10 at 10:33am
I'm pretty sure that we still have our set of jarts somewhere. I'll look for 'em later on and snap a pic if I can find 'em.
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post #43 of 43
7/3/10 at 11:26am
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey View Post
Also, that story Krasinski tells about jarting* his brother cracks me up. I like the impression of his brother running around the yard, jart bobbing merrily behind him.
I once saw a nailgun-head accident, so that "PLONK!" sound he did for the jart hitting its mark is oddly kind of accurate.
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