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Can anything prepare you for...the 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos?

post #1 of 110
7/20/10 at 11:53pm
Thread Starter 
As seen in this 17 minute infomerical hosted by "Sugar Slam" and "DJ Clay", the legions of Insane Clown Posse fans are getting ready for the next gathering of the Juggalo Family.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0xewi_Gdc8

Yes, it's "fast becoming world-renowned for its uniqueness."
There's going to be helicopter rides! Seminars! Washed up 90's rappers! Performers with names like ILL E. GAL and Anybody Killa.
Plus "YO THE ORIGINAL", Gallagher, smashing watermelons and stuff. Their hyping of him is so awkward in it's attempt to make him sound hip.
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post #2 of 110
7/21/10 at 10:40am
If we don't nuke this from space, we're missing a golden opportunity.
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post #3 of 110
7/21/10 at 10:44am
I love how they spelled "camaraderie" incorrectly at the :38 mark. That's some god damn fried gold right there.
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post #4 of 110
7/21/10 at 11:32am
Juggaloos, the gift that keeps on giving. I think Nick should make Devin attend on the CHUD company dime. If you thought Star Trekkin was good this could lead to a pulitzer.
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post #5 of 110
7/21/10 at 11:44am
To answer the titular question:

Yes. Several things can prepare you. They include:

1. A decorative codpiece
2. A diaper
3. Lube
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post #6 of 110
7/21/10 at 11:48am
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveB View Post
To answer the titular question:

Yes. Several things can prepare you. They include:

1. A decorative codpiece
2. A diaper
3. Lube
*starts crying and hyperventilating*
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post #7 of 110
7/21/10 at 11:51am
Really really really would like to go to this, but it's way too expensive.
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post #8 of 110
7/21/10 at 11:52am
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveB View Post
To answer the titular question:

Yes. Several things can prepare you. They include:

1. A decorative codpiece
2. A diaper
3. Lube
Please never leave, Dave.
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post #9 of 110
7/21/10 at 11:55am
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveB View Post
To answer the titular question:

Yes. Several things can prepare you. They include:

1. A decorative codpiece
2. A diaper
3. Lube
4. Broad spectrum antibiotics
5. Your copy of the new DVD release:

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post #10 of 110
7/21/10 at 12:01pm
Oh my god I really want to see BIG MONEY RUSTLAS

I think I've seen Sugar Slam getting sugar slammed.

edit: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO what are you doing Method Man & Redman
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post #11 of 110
7/21/10 at 12:02pm
Im going to go there and get rich by selling miracles.
And by miracles, I mean refrigerator magnets.
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post #12 of 110
7/21/10 at 12:10pm
"for the first time on the mic, the girl I went to high school with, no lie, Tila Tequila"

lol
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post #13 of 110
7/21/10 at 12:10pm
I, for one, am heartened to see that the Juggalos are respectful of their Juggalette sisters. I am sure that The Revenge of the Juggalettes will be a shining beacon of feminist consciousness-raising, the likes of which Cave-In-Rock, Illinois has never seen.
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post #14 of 110
7/21/10 at 12:12pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissZooey View Post
I, for one, am heartened to see that the Juggalos are respectful of their Juggalette sisters. I am sure that The Revenge of the Juggalettes will be a shining beacon of feminist consciousness-raising, the likes of which Cave-In-Rock, Illinois has never seen.
"So get in there, mah juggalette bitches... and u horny juggalos too *wink*"

AND IF YOU LIKE MIDGETS
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post #15 of 110
7/21/10 at 12:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan S~ View Post
Please never leave, Dave.
"I put that on my nuts, bitch."
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post #16 of 110
7/21/10 at 12:19pm
helicoptor rides
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post #17 of 110
7/21/10 at 12:20pm
The announcer just slays me. As far as I'm concerned, nothing tops "The Gathering has fresh and exciting shit to do all around the fuckin' clizzock!" said in that great radio voice, and then he goes on to rave about the helicopter rides and carnival games. This shit is incredible.
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post #18 of 110
7/21/10 at 12:21pm
Can anything prepare me? Yeah. Mustard gas.
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post #19 of 110
7/21/10 at 12:32pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Olson View Post
The announcer just slays me. As far as I'm concerned, nothing tops "The Gathering has fresh and exciting shit to do all around the fuckin' clizzock!" said in that great radio voice, and then he goes on to rave about the helicopter rides and carnival games. This shit is incredible.
I heard "around the pizzark" and figured he was talking about the festival grounds. But yours makes much more sense.

I love that there are seminars. The thought of Juggalos with briefcases and Power Point presentations is mindblowing.
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post #20 of 110
7/21/10 at 12:39pm
"I put that on my nuts." The announcer rocks.
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post #21 of 110
7/21/10 at 12:39pm
FLASHLIGHT WRESTLING. WRESTLING LIT ONLY BY THE FLASHLIGHTS THAT YOU BRING.

Fuck helicopters.
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post #22 of 110
7/21/10 at 12:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll View Post
FLASHLIGHT WRESTLING. WRESTLING LIT ONLY BY THE FLASHLIGHTS THAT YOU BRING.

Fuck helicopters.
And it's at like 5 a.m. and a lot of the wrestlers will be drunk as hell!!!
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post #23 of 110
7/21/10 at 12:43pm
The utterly unironic enthusiasm for the whole thing is adorable. Really.

I assume a CHUD thread for Big Money Rustlas is in our very near future.
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post #24 of 110
7/21/10 at 12:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
*starts crying and hyperventilating*
Jake, lean closer. There's something I've been meaning to tell you. It's only two words, but they mean so very, very much. Are you ready? *Dark. Carnival.*
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post #25 of 110
7/21/10 at 12:45pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattioli View Post
Jake, lean closer. There's something I've been meaning to tell you. It's only two words, but they mean so very, very much. Are you ready? *Dark. Carnival.*
* starts laughing all over again *

Dammit, Mattioli.
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post #26 of 110
7/21/10 at 1:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveB View Post
I love that there are seminars. The thought of Juggalos with briefcases and Power Point presentations is mindblowing.
I can't get this image out of my head, and frankly, I don't think I want to. I'm laughing so hard right now.

Also, Jimmyfly Supersnuka.
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post #27 of 110
7/21/10 at 1:09pm
RIP Ass Dan

(can't seem to find the SNL spoof on youtube or I would post it)
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post #28 of 110
7/21/10 at 4:46pm
oops.
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post #29 of 110
7/21/10 at 4:48pm
Countdown to mostly-lurking poster who thinks that ICP gets a bad rap.
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post #30 of 110
7/21/10 at 4:49pm
ll right everyone, I'm ready to do this South Park Style.

I'll do the Cartman thing and wade into the group, but I don't have a Juggalo-Proof suit. I need someone to get on that, stat so I don't get infected with stupid. If I get one of those, I will wade into the middle of the group and plant explosives. The explosives will be disguised in the shapes of Faygo cans. I'll plant them on the main stage, then get out of there as quickly as I can, then detonate the devices remotely.

I need a support team monitoring my moves from some sort of armored vehicle. You guys have to watch my vital signs and also listen for signs that I may be sympathizing with the Juggalos. If that happens, you HAVE to detonate the bombs immediately so that I can die quickly and with my honor intact.

So to recap. I need:

1. Anti-Juggalo suit.
2. Faygo disguised high powered explosives
3. An armored vehicle of sorts
4. A support team of like minded people.

The time is now. Who's coming with me?
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post #31 of 110
7/21/10 at 4:57pm
It would be like preparing for dinner with Jesus.
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post #32 of 110
7/21/10 at 5:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by KungFuCornelius View Post
ll right everyone, I'm ready to do this South Park Style.

I'll do the Cartman thing and wade into the group, but I don't have a Juggalo-Proof suit. I need someone to get on that, stat so I don't get infected with stupid. If I get one of those, I will wade into the middle of the group and plant explosives. The explosives will be disguised in the shapes of Faygo cans. I'll plant them on the main stage, then get out of there as quickly as I can, then detonate the devices remotely.

I need a support team monitoring my moves from some sort of armored vehicle. You guys have to watch my vital signs and also listen for signs that I may be sympathizing with the Juggalos. If that happens, you HAVE to detonate the bombs immediately so that I can die quickly and with my honor intact.

So to recap. I need:

1. Anti-Juggalo suit.
2. Faygo disguised high powered explosives
3. An armored vehicle of sorts
4. A support team of like minded people.

The time is now. Who's coming with me?
I dont have an armored vehicle, but we could do it old school; you strap on the explosive ICP vest and the preassure rigged hand held detonator; if it looks like you're starting to get pulled in, i'll snipe you from a nearby position.
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post #33 of 110
7/22/10 at 4:03am
I find the fact that Method Man, Redman, and Slick Rick will be there incredibly depressing.
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post #34 of 110
7/22/10 at 10:28am
This video was enlightening -

I, for one, am glad to learn Warren G possesses the ability to regulate ninjas. I never gave him enough credit back in the day.

It took them ten years to make Big Money Rustlas? Was Terrence Malick making it or something?

This commercial does make me wonder why more festivals don't advertise with: "You'll probably get laid" - but given the options available there I'd probably prefer to french kiss an enraged manta ray.
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post #35 of 110
7/22/10 at 10:51am
My friend's joking response to me sending him that image for BIG MONEY RUSTLAS:

"that is gonna have to be a blu ray purchase
i need my juggalos in HI DEATH"
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post #36 of 110
7/22/10 at 11:32am
Tha'RIGINAL Gallagher man, not that fake ass Gilligan shit.

Also, there exists "the Alfred Hitchcock of hip hop", and his name is Prozak.
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post #37 of 110
7/22/10 at 12:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Disciple_72 View Post
RIP Ass Dan

(can't seem to find the SNL spoof on youtube or I would post it)
First thing I thought of as well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael Shaver View Post
I find the fact that Method Man, Redman, and Slick Rick will be there incredibly depressing.
Seriously depressing.
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post #38 of 110
7/22/10 at 12:41pm
I'm amazed nobody's commented on the lesser acts. My favorite has to be the Psychopathic Rydaz, with their uniform outfits comprised entirely of a shitload of red bandanas and godawful bandana shirts. Amazing.

EDIT: From a wardrobe perspective, I mean. They're all just astonishingly bad.
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post #39 of 110
7/22/10 at 12:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
Excellent, thanks Diva! So much great stuff in that clip. That "we didn't sell out and get you a buncha porta-johns, yo!" line is even funnier after seeing the "truly underground/no corporate sponsorship" claims on the new commercial.

also, gotta love how deadly serious Pedrad becomes with "LITERALLY, EVERYONE IS GIVEN A PITCHFORK."
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post #40 of 110
7/22/10 at 12:58pm
On the bright side, maybe a tech dude on the stage crew can show 'em how a magnet works.
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post #41 of 110
7/22/10 at 1:01pm
That wrestler in the back of the car is SO high.
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post #42 of 110
7/22/10 at 1:03pm
Needed the disclaimer: "ICP is not responsible for any cell phones being stolen by seagulls"
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post #43 of 110
7/22/10 at 1:12pm
Now ether I'm getting old or I missed the memo but why do all these rap stars paint their faces like Kiss?
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post #44 of 110
7/22/10 at 1:15pm
They're not just rappers, they're INSANE CLOWNS! Who have formed a posse.
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post #45 of 110
7/22/10 at 1:17pm
but... but it wasn't just the ICP it was all of them! All of them I tell you! Kiss Faces everywhere I looked.
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post #46 of 110
7/22/10 at 1:20pm
They're following the Insane Clowns.
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post #47 of 110
7/22/10 at 1:27pm
As insane clowns go they're total pussies. Pennywise didn't need no posse - he was a lone wolf.
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post #48 of 110
7/22/10 at 1:38pm
I just watched the video for Miracles. If you edited all of the "fucks" out of it, I think it would be right at home on the Trinity Broadcast Network...
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post #49 of 110
7/22/10 at 1:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil View Post
Also, there exists "the Alfred Hitchcock of hip hop", and his name is Prozak.
"Prepare to get SPELLBOUND, bitches!"

I think what scares me the most is that this is apparently the 11TH year for this.
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post #50 of 110
7/22/10 at 3:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryoken View Post
I dont have an armored vehicle, but we could do it old school; you strap on the explosive ICP vest and the preassure rigged hand held detonator; if it looks like you're starting to get pulled in, i'll snipe you from a nearby position.

Hmm, explosive vests are soooo 2005. I have another idea. This requires lots of Faygo bombs though.

I'm a fat guy. I have a taste for the theatrical. I'll go undercover as a shitty clown rapper. All I need is some greasepaint, shitty clothes and to not bathe for ohh...ever. I'll need to rent a helicopter. We have the helicopter on standby as I take the stage. I pass out cases and cases of rigged Faygo bombs. I get on the mic and tell everyone not to open them just yet. When everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has a can, I'll get back in the helicopter and grab a megaphone that is onboard. I'll tell everyone to start shaking the Faygo, because I want to see what it looks like when they open them while I'm in the air. The helicopter pulls away and you can detonate the soda bombs as we fly safely away.

Does anyone have a helicopter? And a megaphone?
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