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Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff

post #1 of 26
8/16/10 at 2:39pm
Thread Starter 
See clips on HuffPo.

Lisa Lampanelli and Whitney Cummings win hands down. They weren't afraid to cross the line, and were good sports when they were the target of people's jokes. Gottfried, Giraldo and Ross each had a few moments of funny, but the non-comedian roasters ( Hulk Hogan, Pam Anderson, and Jerry Springer) fared predictably bad. Though at least these people knew Hasselhoff personally. I feel with each iteration of this series, they bring in people who are completely unrelated to the guest of honor and so the roast just becomes a series mean-spirited jabs and not at all friendly fun.

And I know Pam is an easy target, but just as I felt during her own roast, I thought the shots at her were particularly hurtful. There are so many things to pick on her for (her terrible acting, fake tits, and obsession with PETA) that the near monopoly of slut jokes were lazy and uninspired.

That said, the onslaught of shots at Seth McFarlane being a talentless hack was glorious. I could've listened to that all night long.

If you happen to catch it while channel surfing, its worth a look. But i wouldn't go out of your way to watch this - except for the glorious montage of Hasselhoff's bad acting. If anyone can identify the movie or TV show in which David is dancing in a white shirt, I'd be forever grateful. That shit is fucking hilarious and I can't for the life of me figure out in what context David's character would be dancing like that.
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post #2 of 26
8/16/10 at 5:53pm
I liked it, but it wasn't as good as some of the previous ones.
Lampanelli, Cummings and Geraldo were good. The rest were hit or miss. And yeah, the celebrities are just terrible at this.

Pam's looking fine though.
My favorite is still Shatner's.
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post #3 of 26
8/16/10 at 6:01pm
Sometimes I wonder if they invite Lampanelli just because they can be so brutal to her. I thought Cummings and Gottfried won. Was a bit disappointed in Ross. MacFarlane looked airbrushed.
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post #4 of 26
8/16/10 at 6:18pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tati View Post
My favorite is still Shatner's.
That was good. I also recall Dennis Leary's being pretty great.
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post #5 of 26
8/16/10 at 6:28pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
That was good. I also recall Dennis Leary's being pretty great.
Yeah but the Leary one had Dane Cook. And Leary looked like he had no idea who Cook was. So it loses points for that.

Only saw a few pieces of Hasselhoffs but I have the full thing waiting for me on the DVR.

Gotta agree that Shatner's is still the best.
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post #6 of 26
8/16/10 at 6:53pm
Thread Starter 
Wait, you are saying that Leary not knowing who Cook was is a bad thing?

According to Wiki, The Shatner Roast got nominated for an Emmy!
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post #7 of 26
8/16/10 at 6:58pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
Wait, you are saying that Leary not knowing who Cook was is a bad thing?

According to Wiki, The Shatner Roast got nominated for an Emmy!
No I'm saying Dane Cook being there was a bad thing. It was just made even worse since it looked like Leary didn't know who he was.
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post #8 of 26
8/16/10 at 7:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post

That said, the onslaught of shots at Seth McFarlane being a talentless hack was glorious. I could've listened to that all night long.
I agree, but I'm not sure what some of them were talking about, honestly. I think it was Jeff Ross who made a crack about McFarlane ripping off South Park? Not really sure where that came from. Let's try to get it right people, Family guy is a rip off of the Simpsons*, not South Park! How do you mess that up?


* Gilbert Gottfried had it correct, so he just becomes even more awesome in my mind.
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post #9 of 26
8/16/10 at 8:15pm
Yeah, Gottfried talking about McFarland never learning to wipe his ass because The Simpsons haven't shown it yet was pretty great.
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post #10 of 26
8/16/10 at 9:36pm
The montage had the Nick Fury tv movie but no Starcrash? That is not right.
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post #11 of 26
8/17/10 at 9:07am
Lisa Lampinelli is always great in these.
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post #12 of 26
8/17/10 at 11:13am
Lampinelli, Ross and Giraldo were hands down the funniest roasters. Giraldo especially. But that's not really a surprise, they are always the best because they do every single one.

For some reason George Hamilton calling Hulk Hogan a fag had me laughing very hard. And about the only funny stuff outta Godfried was the Simpsons stuff. Hulk, Pam Anderson, Springer and Whitney Cummings (who?) not all that funny. Hell, Piers Morgan and Sharon Osbourne were funnier than severeal of the roasters (David, have you pissed yourself yet).
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post #13 of 26
8/17/10 at 2:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul755 View Post
Hamilton calling Hulk Hogan a fag had me laughing very hard.
Yeah, no idea who wrote his part but him saying it repeatedly was very funny. Giraldo was great, as always. I found Springer quite funny too, especially when he started fake flirting with the Baywatch girls in the audience ("I'm not very good looking, but I'm rich as shit!"). And yeah, they were mean as fuck to Pamela Anderson.
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post #14 of 26
8/17/10 at 2:43pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Disciple_72 View Post
And yeah, they were mean as fuck to Pamela Anderson.
Cummings basically told Pam to get AIDs and die. It was brutal.
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post #15 of 26
8/17/10 at 2:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
Cummings basically told Pam to get AIDs and die. It was brutal.
I thought it was even more awkward (and a bit too much) when she told Hulk Hogan his daughter should do the same.

This wasn't very good. Seth Macfarlane was an awful host and even Giraldo, who's normally great, bored me.

I couldn't help but laugh whenever George Hamilton was shown on screen though.
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post #16 of 26
8/17/10 at 5:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
It was brutal.
Yeah, I felt bad for her. The comedy pros can easily take it/dish it out, but it's got to be hard on some of the "special guests" at these roasts. During the commercials they were showing backstage clips of different people responding to jokes aimed at them, most were laughing it off or trying their own funny comebacks. Her response: "This too shall pass."
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post #17 of 26
8/17/10 at 11:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
Cummings basically told Pam to get AIDs and die. It was brutal.
Cummings was on Stern talking about her bits that got edited out. One joke she said she wrote but didn't have the balls to tell at the roast:
Hoff and Pam have worked together a lot, you could say they're an entertainment team, kind of like Abbot and a slut with hepatitis C.
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post #18 of 26
8/18/10 at 12:57am
Thread Starter 
Holy shit! I guess its good she has some boundaries.
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post #19 of 26
8/18/10 at 4:41am
Roasts are serious business. Someone pointed me to that clip of Jamie Foxx burying some schmuck during his own routine at an Emmitt Smith roast. It's hard to watch because the guy has nothing to come back with.
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post #20 of 26
8/18/10 at 5:25am
I remember that one. Jamie Foxx was a TERRIBLE roastmaster, constantly trying to upstage people during their bit. But Jeff Ross was great, as always.

"Shaq, your knuckles looked bruised. Did you walk here?"
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post #21 of 26
8/18/10 at 6:01am
As soon as I heard about Jeff Ross I spent a day on Youtube watching all his roasts. Fucking insanely funny. Though that Shatner one wasn't as good. Not as effective when he laughs at his own jokes.
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post #22 of 26
8/21/10 at 6:28am
Here are the Whitney Cumming's jokes that got cut. She went IN, damn!

Quote:
http://whitneycummings.tumblr.com/

Here are the jokes from the Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff that didn’t make broadcast that I did on Howard Stern this morning.

Seth mcfarlane. You’ve officially done the impossible. You’re a multi millionaire, you’ve created successful shows, you can help my career, yet I still don’t want to fuck you.

What a bunch of idiots. I haven’t seen this many dicks up close since pilot season.

Jerry springer, george Hamilton. Everyone up here is so old. I didn’t realize comedy central’s demographic was heaven.

Everyone is talking about how I gave sexual favors to be here. No. This is embarrassing. I’d blow someone to get off this show.

Jerry Springer? George Hamilton? I couldn’t blow anyone here if I wanted to–none of these men can get erections.

If I blew someone up here I wouldn’t be on comedy central I’d be on the history channel.

jerry springer, jeff ross, greg giraldo. This dias is so useless and gross, pam is probably going to try to fuck it it.

Jeff Ross.

Jeff, why aren’t you successful? You’ve had so many chances to make it. Your career moves slower than lisa lampanellis metabolism.

I wouldn’t fuck you if I was hulk Hogan and you were brooke Hogan.

Lisa lampanelli

lisa, you spend all this time talking about how you have sex with black guys. Nobody is having sex with you. Your vagina gets hit less than jeff ross’s IMDB page.

jerry springer

Everyone on your show is disgusting, ignorant, toothless, white trash. Basically everything pam needs to have an orgasm.

Pam Anderson

Pam and hoff worked together for a long time. You two are like a famous duo. You two are like Abbott and a slut with hepatitis.

Pam, Your vagina is like the finale of lost: 10 million people have seen it, everyone was disappointed, and everyone who was in it died.

Pam its ironic that you’re an animal rights activist. If you love animals so much why don’t you boycott your leathery face.

Pam, You’re like kate gosselin. You’re a old, you’re blonde, and you’re a fame whore. The only difference is the 8 babies that came out of your vagina were aborted.

Hulk Hogan

I have seen your daughter, Brooke Hogan. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. No, I mean she literally looks like she fell out of a tree.

Your daughter Brooke inherited a lot from you: her blonde hair, her tan skin, her dick.

Hoff

Hoff, you’re like george hamiltons dick. you don’t work.

You’ve spent years of your life on baywatch with pam Anderson, Carmen electra and yasmeen bleeth. If you don’t have genital warts, I think hepatitis c owes Tommy Lee an apology.

You’ve been around more herpes infested vaginas than a toilet at the kardashians house.

David hasslehoff is such shitty actor that if there was a movie made about the life of david hasslehoff, the actor they’d hire to play him would be david hasslehoff.

Ive seen your music videos it seems like you’re trying to do an elvis thing with the swagger and deep voice. Too bad you didn’t go all the way with the elvis thing and have talent and kill yourself.

Hulk Hogan isn’t the only horrible father up here. hasslehoff has two daughters as well. Between the two of you you’ve brought more more dumb whores into the world than sarah palin.
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post #23 of 26
8/21/10 at 9:28am
For me, Gregs joke was the winner: You used to have a car that started when you talked to it. Now you have a car that won't start when you blow into it.
Followed up by: You're such a drunk, when alcohol does its taxes, it lists you as a dependant.

Cummings joke about Hulk : You're always wearing, like, spandex around your crotch. You have less sperm in your balls than pam has in her mouth right now.
then she followed it up with Pam/M Night Shamylon movie joke, was really good.

i thought this was Gilberts best roast and actually thought it was Lisa's worst.
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post #24 of 26
8/21/10 at 11:22am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dom Mac View Post
Here are the Whitney Cumming's jokes that got cut. She went IN, damn!
I thought her "set" was really short compared to everyone else. And damn you are right, she went all out.

I'd love to know what was cut out from everyone else.
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post #25 of 26
8/22/10 at 11:23pm
delete
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post #26 of 26
8/23/10 at 1:40am
watching the Larry the Cable Guy roast on CMT...they butchered this thing to shit.
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