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Suck it teetotalers! Drinking = Longer Life.

post #1 of 24
8/31/10 at 6:48am
Thread Starter 
Science once again proves it's the best thing mankind has ever created. I knew alcohol felt too good to actually be bad. I'll be knocking down some extra celebratory ice cold Stolichnaya after dinner tonight.

Cheers.
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post #2 of 24
8/31/10 at 9:56am
Of course heavy drinkers outlive nondrinkers, they fucking kill us in hit and runs all the time.
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post #3 of 24
8/31/10 at 11:27am
Quote:
Originally Posted by JacknifeJohnny View Post
Of course heavy drinkers outlive nondrinkers, they fucking kill us in hit and runs all the time.
Zing!
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post #4 of 24
8/31/10 at 11:31am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by JacknifeJohnny View Post
Of course heavy drinkers outlive nondrinkers, they fucking kill us in hit and runs all the time.
It's your fault for assuming that you're allowed to wander the streets when the cool people are out having fun.
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post #5 of 24
8/31/10 at 11:32am
I'm shooting for immortality, then.
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post #6 of 24
8/31/10 at 11:41am
Heavy drinkers' corpses will take longer to decompose as well (probably)!
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post #7 of 24
8/31/10 at 12:00pm
The operative words here are “moderate drinking”, so don’t get too happy. But if someone created an alcoholic beverage that not only cleaned the kidneys (beer does this), but also fully restored and protect liver function, it would be happy days indeed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glisten View Post
Heavy drinkers' corpses will take longer to decompose as well (probably)!
And they’ll probably burn faster during cremation.
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post #8 of 24
8/31/10 at 12:07pm
Longer life!? Psssh! Like I wanna live longer during the sucky years! You can have it alllllll to yourself, gramps!

Yes, I am one of those teetotalers...
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post #9 of 24
8/31/10 at 12:19pm
I am invincible.
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post #10 of 24
8/31/10 at 12:21pm
I'm gonna seduce you and cut off your lion's mane. Then we'll see how invincible you are...
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post #11 of 24
8/31/10 at 12:37pm
So what does this mean for those of us who went from heavy drinking to occasional drinking?
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post #12 of 24
8/31/10 at 12:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by stelios View Post
It's your fault for assuming that you're allowed to wander the streets when the cool people are out having fun.
Stelios, you can officially check "be hilarious in a second language" off your bucket list. [welles.gif]
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post #13 of 24
8/31/10 at 1:11pm
It says moderate drinking is 1-3 drinks a day. I'm guessing that's 1 oz of alcohol per drink? Not 2 shots of Maker's Mark per drink. *does math* So 6 drinks a day is heavy? Do one thing and do it well, I suppose.
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post #14 of 24
8/31/10 at 1:18pm
Thread Starter 
My definition of 'a drink' is a glass of hard liquor or two glasses of wine or one bottle of beer.
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post #15 of 24
8/31/10 at 10:16pm
Quote:
The authors of the new paper are careful to note that even if drinking is associated with longer life, it can be dangerous: it can impair your memory severely and it can lead to nonlethal falls and other mishaps (like, say, cheating on your spouse in a drunken haze) that can screw up your life. There's also the dependency issue: if you become addicted to alcohol, you may spend a long time trying to get off the bottle.
Glug glug
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post #16 of 24
8/31/10 at 10:33pm
I came across the word "teetotalers" for the first time just about two weeks ago. Still not exactly sure how to say it.
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post #17 of 24
8/31/10 at 10:35pm
Tee-Total-Ers.

Alternately:
Fuh-King Puh-see

I'm just kidding, I totally respect your life choices, whatever they may be, unless it's like, you know, pounding kidass.
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post #18 of 24
8/31/10 at 10:47pm
Drinking may effect some aspects of your health in a positive manner, but it still negatively effects you as well. Alcohol *is* poison, that's a scientific fact. There are body systems harmed by it's ingestion. Lemme know when they debut synthehol, until then I will stick with trusty cannabis
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post #19 of 24
8/31/10 at 10:52pm

So. You total the tea.
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post #20 of 24
9/1/10 at 9:37am
*slathers on more social lube*
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post #21 of 24
9/1/10 at 9:41am
I will live forever!

Quote:
Originally Posted by CDI F. Kelly View Post
It says moderate drinking is 1-3 drinks a day. I'm guessing that's 1 oz of alcohol per drink? Not 2 shots of Maker's Mark per drink. *does math* So 6 drinks a day is heavy? Do one thing and do it well, I suppose.
In the US, one drink is generally 2 ounces of hard liquor (a shot), 5 oz wine, or one 12 oz bottle of beer.
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post #22 of 24
9/1/10 at 7:31pm
Does it still count as moderate drinking if I save a weeks worth of drinks for Saturday?
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post #23 of 24
9/1/10 at 7:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Princess Kate View Post
Drinking may effect some aspects of your health in a positive manner, but it still negatively effects you as well. Alcohol *is* poison, that's a scientific fact. There are body systems harmed by it's ingestion. Lemme know when they debut synthehol, until then I will stick with trusty cannabis
It may technically be "poison" but our bodies have become pretty damn good at metabolizing it. Also, alcohol may be responsible for the rise of civilization itself.

See: http://blogs.howstuffworks.com/2010/...-civilization/

And
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/sc...n-1869187.html

I only drink about a beer a week on average. Clearly, I need to step things up.
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post #24 of 24
9/2/10 at 3:02am
Haha, I'm such a fucking nerd. I just reread the "Drinking = Longer Life" part of the thread title, and now all I can think of is collecting heart containers in Zelda games.
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CHUD.com Community › Forums › CULTURE, HUMOR, & FREE FORM › Misc. Culture › Suck it teetotalers! Drinking = Longer Life.