EXHILE ON MAIN STREET (6.1)
Alright, boys and girls, we have one preliminary matter to address before this ride pulls away from the curb. Ready? Then click
here and, if you’re so inclined, imagine a kick-ass montage of the last five seasons of Supernatural while doing so. Feel better? I thought so. And with that, buckle up and, as my man Chuck Berry once said, let’s get motorvatin’…
I.THE ROAD SO FAR…
Do me a favor: picture the Dukes of Hazzard. Got it? Now, instead of cousins, imagine that Bo and Luke are brothers. And, instead of a day-glow orange Charger, they drive a black-as-sin Impala. And instead of compound bows with dynamite-tipped arrows, they fight with… actually they probably do have some of those in the trunk. Never mind. Lastly, imagine that, at the conclusion of last season, Boss Hogg possessed Bo. Before Boss Hogg could lay waste to all of Hazzard County, however, Bo—with Luke’s assistance—managed to momentarily regain control, hurling himself into Hazzard’s jail cell. Luke, distraught at these events, cut ties to Uncle Jesse and Cooter. As our season opens, Luke is no longer running Shine, but is on the straight and narrow and shacking up with Loretta Lynn or some other ‘70s country music chick…
II.THIS STRETCH OF ROAD
As the episode opens, we’re treated not to the buzz saw caterwauling of Brian Johnson, but to the night movin’ dulcet tones of Bob Seger. This should be our first clue that this is not your daddy’s Supernatural season premiere. As “Beautiful Loser” plays (more on that below), we’re treated to a montage that flashes between Dean as we know and love him (Dean Classic) and Dean as a firmly entrenched family man (Daddy Knows Beast?). Nevertheless, despite Dean’s slightly more conservative haircut, it’s fairly obvious that he fits into his newfound lifestyle about as well as a square peg in a round hole. The Impala may be under wraps, but Dean is drinking too much and sleeping with a holy water-dipped rosary and sawed-off shotgun beneath his bed.
The episode kicks into gear (to the extent the episode ever kicks into gear) after Dean’s big night on the town with his chubby neighbor, Sid. When pressed, he had explained to Sid that, pre-domestic bliss, he had been an exterminator (“You have no idea what’s in some people’s walls… eat ‘em alive.”). As they leave, however, Dean’s spidey sense starts tingling after he hears a scream. One abandoned building investigation later and he’s sure something wicked his way’s come. Bloody fingerprints, scratched signposts and sulphur. Y’know, standard demon sign. And, just like that, domesticated Dean is pulling his piece on Yorkshire Terriers and, duh duh DUH, getting attacked by our boy, Y.E.D.
And here is where we get to the main thrust of the episode. Y.E.D. gives voice to Dean’s fears, asking, “Did you really think we were gonna let you keep this?” and telling him, “You can’t outrun your past.” Of course, this makes perfect sense because Y.E.D. is no more than a Djinn-induced hallucination. We learn this from Sam—shocking, I know—whom has arrived just moments before to plunge an antidote-bearing syringe directly into Dean’s chest.
Looking to defuse Dean’s suspicions, Sam demonstrates that he is, indeed, Sam with a variety of tests—silver knife and salt water—that could never ever in a million years be faked. Never. Ever. In fact, it turns out that Sam has been out of the Lucifer Cage for close to a year, but neglected to tell Dean because Dean had managed to escape the hunter’s lifestyle. Dean is none too pleased. Sam also tells Dean that he’s hooked up with a new crew of hunters partially composed of the cast members from defunct Fox shows, although they call themselves the Campbells (maybe after Nieve Campbell?). Dean is even less pleased because he feels like Sam’s cheating on him.
And so Sam introduces Dean to the Campbells: Silent Dude, Girl-More-Irritating-Than-Meg-2.0, Parker Lewis and… wait for it… Samuel. Yep, Sam and Dean’s grandfather (possessed and ganked in Season 4’s “In the Beginning”) is back, seemingly pulled out of heaven by the same force that pulled Sam out of the Cage. What’s more, the Campbells are the surviving members of Mrs. Winchester’s family: 3rd and 4th cousins, twice removed, or something like that. This is, of course, despite the fact we learned that Y.E.D. had wiped all of her family and friends out back in the day. Oh, wacky retconning. What’s even more, we learn that the Campbells are not particularly tight as they seemingly could care less that (presumably) a relation who’d been keeping an eye on Dean’s house has been killed by the Djinn.
Sam and Dean flee with Lisa and Ben to the sanctuary of Bobby’s booby-trapped house (“Assume the décor is loaded.”). This provides us with some much needed Beaver as we learn that Bobby was fully aware of Sam’s return, but decided to keep it from Dean because Dean managed to escape the life. We also learn that, despite his promise, Dean tried to free Sam from the Cage (“Of course I didn’t leave it alone. Sue me!”). At the same time, Dean is jonesing to get back in the game and, mostly, banging slutty waitresses because he tries to break it off with Lisa, telling her, “I should have known that if I stayed with you something would come because something always does.” But Lisa is having none of that. And so, Sam and Dean head back to Dean’s house to finish off the Djinn.
At the house, Samuel (and why does Sam insist on referring to his grandfather by his first name? Respect your elders, dude) goes Basil Exposition, explaining to Dean that something is seriously out of sync on the night side: “nocturnals” out in broad daylight, werewolves roaming under the light of a half-moon, and dogs and cats living together. Standard mass hysteria stuff. This apparently includes the gang of Djinn harassing Sam and Dean because they are: (a) able to camouflage into society (rather than looking like members of the Lollapalooza sideshow), (b) work together, and (c) kill with touch alone. This does not prevent Sam and Dean from dispatching them, however, with the assistance of a few judiciously aimed swings of the old golf club.
As the episode closes, Dean—his hair now in Dean Classic style—has elected to stay home with the old ball and chain to Sam’s simmering disappointment and resentment. And, thus, Sam goes roaring off in his sucky Dodge Charger. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Sam and Dean, Grampy Campbell and crew have kidnapped one of the Djinn. I somehow doubt that can be any good for the Winchester boys.
III.MONSTER MAŃUEL
When asked, my amigo, Monster Mańuel, tells me that Djinn are, according to Arabic folklore, one of the three sentient creations of Allah; the other two being humans and angels. The Qur’ an—when not being burned by ignorant Southern preachers—describes Djinn as being made up of smokeless flame, although able to assume human form and, ostensibly, speak with the ultra-irritating voice of Robin Williams. For our purposes, the Djinn first made their appearance in Season 2’s “What Is and What Should Never Be”.
FUN FACT BONUS MANIA: In 1998, a Pakistani nuclear scientist proposed that our energy crisis could be resolved by tapping into the awesome powers of the Djinn. No, seriously. This guy, Sultan Bashiruddan Mahmood, is now—excepting Doc Brown—my favorite scientist ever.
IV.GREATEST HITS OF MULLET ROCK
As mentioned, this episode was horridly deficient in AC/DC music. Instead, we *ahem* rocked out to Bob Seger’s “Beautiful Loser” (in the interests of full disclosure, I must admit that, over my strongest protestations, “We’ve Got Tonight” was my senior prom theme). Let’s briefly check out the lyrics:
“He wants to dream like a young man,
With the wisdom of an old man,
He wants his home and security,
He wants to live like a sailor at sea.”
Sound like anyone we know? Dean, maybe? And
“He’s your oldest and best friend,
If you need him, he’ll be there again,
He’s always willing to be second best,
A perfect lodger, a perfect guest.”
That sure sounds a lot like Sammy and the Winchester boy's relationship.
V.THE QUOTABLE WINCHESTERS
Again, this was an episode strangely deficient in another Supernatural staple: great quotes. No snark. No pop cultural references. No Cas. And so, I give you the following meager quotes:
Lisa – “When the guy who basically just saved the world shows up at your door, you expect him to have issues.”
And this Sam and Dean exchange:
Sam (hoisting a driver) – “Golf? Really?”
Dean (exasperated and embarrassed) – “It’s a sport!”
VI.LAST CALL
Eh, it wasn’t the greatest season opener I’ve ever watched. That being said, what many have perceived as defects in the episode were, I believe, deliberate choices made by the writers. Yes, the episode did seem a bit plodding. Yes, it did seem a bit disjointed. But that’s Dean’s life now. He’s living a plodding existence disjointed for the simple fact that he’s forced himself into a mundane world to which, no matter how badly he wants it, he cannot ever belong. It’s far too late for that. So, let him enjoy this half-life. I trust he’ll back on the road again soon enough.
My rating for “Exhile On Main Street”?
out of 5. 
