THE PLOT OF FINAL DESTINATION 5 WILL BLOW YOUR MIND.

The lovelies over at Collider ran the press release for the new fifth Final Destination movie and in what is the least surprising news since the last time Tim Burton and Johnny Depp worked together, the plot is as follows:

“In this fifth installment, Death is just as omnipresent as ever, and is unleashed after one man’s premonition saves a group of coworkers from a terrifying suspension bridge collapse. But this group of unsuspecting souls was never supposed to survive, and, in a terrifying race against time, the ill-fated group frantically tries to discover a way to escape Death’s sinister agenda.”

Remember part four?

“In this FOURTH installment, Death is just as omnipresent as ever, and is unleashed after one man’s premonition saves a group of PEOPLE from a terrifying RACE CAR CRASH. But this group of unsuspecting souls was never supposed to survive, and, in a terrifying race against time, the ill-fated group frantically tries to discover a way to escape Death’s sinister agenda.”

Three?

“In this THIRD installment, Death is just as omnipresent as ever, and is unleashed after one WOman’s premonition saves a group of FRIENDS from a terrifying ROLLER COASTER CRASH. But this group of unsuspecting souls was never supposed to survive, and, in a terrifying race against time, the ill-fated group frantically tries to discover a way to escape Death’s sinister agenda.”

Two?

“In this SECOND installment, Death is just as omnipresent as ever, and is unleashed after one WOman’s premonition saves a group of PEOPLE from a terrifying CAR ACCIDENT. But this group of unsuspecting souls was never supposed to survive, and, in a terrifying race against time, the ill-fated group frantically tries to discover a way to escape Death’s sinister agenda.”

One?

“In this FIRST installment, Death is just as omnipresent as ever, and is unleashed after one MAN’s premonition saves a group of STUDENTS from a terrifying AIRLINE CRASH. But this group of unsuspecting souls was never supposed to survive, and, in a terrifying race against time, the ill-fated group frantically tries to discover a way to escape Death’s sinister agenda.”.

I’m being a smartass and it’s not news when a horror franchise adheres so closely to its formula that it becomes a Mad Libs game. But, the first film was pretty good and the second film was delightful so there’s a part of me that still suckers up to this franchise even though the last two films were absolutely horrible.

Well at least Tony Todd’s back this time.