EXHUMED: Tales From The Crypt - Page 2

Yeah, even though this episode is pretty awful, it's at least silly awful. There are some episodes coming up that are just straight-up uneventful and dull.

BAM. The one you've been waiting for. Cutting Cards.

Awesome. Great write up. My fave ep of Season 2 by far. Something that I really enjoyed in rewatching this one was the leap it asks you to take between the 2nd to last scene and the final scene. It lets you and your imagination fill in a hilarious sequence of events that leads to where we find the characters at the end.

Also, it's just a great 20 or so minutes of hardass actors acting hardass against the wonderful undercurrent of the hard ass's insecurities.

I got my first negative comment today, and it's got everything you could ask for in a troll. It's mean, weirdly personal, and has nothing to do with my actual criticism. I feel like I just graduated high school.

New article up! Episode 2.4: 'Til Death

Disagree with the low score! This is one of the episodes that stick with me the most for some reason. Maybe it's the....more exotic settings? It calls to mind Creepshow something fierce - maybe's it's the smarminess of D. W. Moffet, maybe it's the feverdream quality of the epilogue. It just really, really works for me.

The third act is pretty good, but it takes nearly 20 minutes of uninspired plodding to get there.

Good call on Creepshow, though. The zombie-skeleton Margaret make-up is heavily inspired by "Father's Day".

The Robin Williams/Billy Crystal movie?

I have a lot of problems with this episode, but Margaret's wacky montage where she tries out what different kinds of zombies she's going to be in front of a mirror (including a hilarious out-of-date rapper impression) isn't one of them.

Patrick, I just want to reiterate: this is a wonderful feature. Keep up the GREAT work.

And the final "kiss" shot of this last episode still gives me the heebie jeebies. Not unlike Mariel Hemingway's in a previous episode. Yeesh. Sex+ Gross= One freaked out Peter Judson

Back from Thanksgiving break, with one of the most surprisingly great episodes yet: http://chud.com/articles/articles/26...uot/Page1.html

I wouldn't say the direction is masterful (it feels to me like a point and shoot TV production), but I will confess I may have slightly low-rated this one. As far as the ones with second tier talent go (Til Death, The Sacrifice), this is one of the best, and one of the best season two eps as well. The acting is a bit hokey, but amusingly so.

Miguel Ferrer dominates, in...The Thing From the Grave.

I remember my favorite part of this being when Ferrer gets smugly excited to tell Hatcher that Secor is dead... "You wanna know why he's not coming to save you? Well, it's cause I buried him outside. Yep! He's dead and I killed him and he's rotting in the fucking ground right now!" Woo hoo. Love Ferrer.

If I had my way, Ferrer and James Woods would have been paired off in some sleazy buddy cop movie written by Shane Black during the late 80s/early 90s. And it would have been glorious!

The worst, most bullshit episode in the entire series run: The Sacrifice

Ha! Great write up. I remember the blandness of this one. Funny, the lame saxophone stuff is what immediately comes to mind. That and the Homeless monologue. Great write up on a bad ep. Though, for my money, not the worst of the series. There are a few in season 5 or 6 that have a claim to that. And even season 3's "Undertaking Parlor", with the obnoxious kids, that might be my most hated

Yeah, I'm inclined to say calling this the worst of the series is maybe premature. However, I can't say I remembered it. In fact, I'm absolutely positive I watched it a couple of years ago when I rented the second season through netflix, and yet in my recent rewatch for the article, I found I had no recollection of it at all.

I haven't seen seasons 5 through 7 yet, but I think it's by far the worst episode of the first four seasons.

In other news, Riviello saw this the other day and sent it to me:

I've missed a few of these but I'm all caught up now. It turns out I'm a lot less familiar with this show than I thought. That second Walter Hill one sounds amazing.

Exhumed is on a holiday break, but in the mean time why not snuggle close to the fire with your family, sip some egg nog, and listen to some not-at-all dated holiday Cryptkeeper rap?

An interstellar burst, Exhumed is back to save the universe. The latest episode (covered by John) features Lee Arenberg, Katey Sagal, and a gimmicky supporting turn by Sam Kinison.

I didn't think I saw many of these, but I've seen every one of the episodes covered so far.  Looking forward to the next installment.

Good write up and good to have these back. From what I remember about this episode, I think you're spot on about the lead actor's performance. Aggressively obnoxious. On the other hand, I'm a total Kinison mark, so I can't write this one off completely. I could be remembering wrong, but isn't there a line in this one where Kinison puts on his squeaky "girl voice" and says to a groupie "Hey sweet tits, happen to mention that I killed my banker just now?" That makes me smile. But I guess that's all this episode left me with.

The problem with Kinison here is that he's not riffing, he's reciting bad dialogue for an ill-defined character, dialogue that's been fashioned as a Sam Kinison routine by someone much less funny than Sam Kinison. Honestly, if he'd played the lead role instead of Arenberg, this might have been an excellent episode, script notwithstanding. It would at least be a better curio. 

Excellent call John, replacing Arenberg in the lead with Kinison would've given this episode its own distinct energy and life from other episodes, regardless of the script.  Again, good write up.  Unfortunately, if my math is right, this means that "Four-Sided Triangle" is coming up next.  That one I remember as a crushing bore with nothing to recommend besides some Patty Arquette cleavage and a slobbering Chelcie Ross.

World famous creep Tom Holland (seriously, Fright Night is FUCKED) brings us another twisted sexual freak show in which you are asked too ogle a retard's (played by Patricia Arquette) braless torso. Fun!

Terrific write up on a boring episode.  Seriously, when you lay out all this ep's potentially great ingredients like you did, you just have to shake your head at how boring it wound up being.  Terrible clarity of execution, I had no idea how retarded (or not retarded?) Arquette was supposed to be.  I even remember thinking that the ending WAS her little set-up to take out the farmers, like you hinted at.  Then watched it again and wasn't sure.  Then that 'fantasy' shot of the scarecrow that leads nowhere... and on and on.  Fortunately, like you alluded to, after suffering through this there are a couple favorites of season 2 coming up in Ventriloquist's Dummy and Fitting Punishment.  Looking forward to your write ups. Been enjoying these.  Love this show, warts and all.

New Exhumed is up, about one of my favorite Crypt episodes ever, The Ventriloquist's Dummy: http://bit.ly/fIS8q6

There's a new edition of Exhumed up, and it ain't no Candy Girl. I cover the delightfully wacky body-swapping episode "Judy, You're Not Yourself Today" starring Carol Kane and Frances Bay. I think it's one of my best yet, so check it out.

Somewhere, there's got to be some 24-minute meandering prog rock epic being written called Alison Porchnik, What Are You Hiding Under There?

 

I havent followed these nearly as closely as I should (which is sad, since I watched pretty much every episode up till about season 5 at least three times each), but this was indeed a great rundown. Keep these coming.

Nice write-up indeed, Patrick.  I'll have to watch this one again, don't remember it well, but I do remember having a fondness for the score.  Didn't this one have a fun, kinda Tango-driven, score to it?

Good stuff, these fill the void left by the loss of "Star Trekkin'" nicely.

 

I'm definitely going to have to start using "Smeagoling out" sometime.

John's got a great new one for us, covering the "urban" episode Fitting Punishment.

Nice. This is one of my favorites of this season.  Moses Gunn (Firestarter) is fantastic.  And, as I said in an earlier post, this doesn't have a great twist and isn't particularly clever, but it's the tone that distinguishes it and sends it near the top of my season 2 list.  It's funny, I'm not a ghost or supernatural thriller guy at all, but the last remaining episode from this season that I like more than "a little" is another straightforward ghost story ep "Television Terror."  Lovin these write-ups.  Keep 'em comin.

Someone mentioned in the comments that it would sure be nice if these episodes were available streaming, and damned if that isn't exactly right. While I enjoy writing about the terrible episodes, the ideal way to watch this show would be cherry picking the best ones. If you have to rent, you don't want to get stuck with a disc of one great one, two okay ones, and three shit shows. 

 

That said, the next one due up is a righteous stinker, and still almost worth a look. 

The righteous stinker in question is the ever so meta Korman's Kalamity. Your milage depends almost entirely on your tolerance for the incredibly silly and appreciation of rubbery monsters.

To paraphrase a great man: A deformed monster falls in love with a mummy. This is what Thomas Edison invented this shit for. This week's episode is Lower Berth, which reveals the origins of the Crypt Keeper and has dicks being cut off with hedge trimmers.

A Hitchcock inspired episode, with flavors of of Rear Window and Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Mute Witness To Murder. The sets, however, feel straight out of Hellraiser 2.

I had written a bit about the weirdo sets, specifically comparing them to German Expressionism and the Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (what with the mad psych doctor and all), but the article was getting long and I figured any chance to limit pretension in these articles is worth taking.

Enjoyed the Television Terror write up.  However, it was also a sentimental favorite of mine from Season 2.  I never found the first half dull and enjoyed the atmosphere.   However, maybe that was due to the "Next Week's Episode" tease that showed an old lady with a chain saw.  Had me lookin forward to it.  Old Ladies with chain saws are one of many reasons I love Crypt.  "Hang in there, babe!"

My Brother's Keeper. Arjen was totally dead on when he called this a Farrelly Brothers movie, which is probably why I love it so much.

In this one, I forget, do they ever explain or even address how Stark coordinated his conspiracy?  Did he write letters to these prostitutes while his brother was sleeping?  How did he hide the waivers around the house, etc?  Curious to know how he pulled this stuff off.

I think that's another intentional joke, like the Lamborghini they drive.

Well, you know, fine line between "intentional joke" and "no one on set ever asked". I think the episode has a little of column A, a little of column B.

http://www.chud.com/40841/exhumed-tales-from-the-crypt-episode-2-18-the-secret/

 

and since I like having a record of these, here's Television Terror as well

 

http://www.chud.com/39358/exhumed-tales-from-the-crypt-episode-2-16-television-terror/

 

As for The Secret, I imagine I'd be in the minority on it being all right. I don't mind any of the actors, even the kid. I just think the script is the problem. But as a concept, I think it's pretty sound, one of the better ones this season, even.

 

Speaking of which, Season Two. As I mentioned in the article, it's one of the less successful seasons, for me, although I'm pretty spotty on 6 & 7. I hear bad things, so we'll see. It has a lot of the episodes that got more play, especially on Fox, when Crypt got syndicated, so I think it's reputation is a bit inflated. The strange thing for me is why they picked some of the stories they picked. A lot of them just don't lend themselves to adaptation, or to the style Crypt had set for itself. There's excellent stories they wouldn't get around to adapting for two or three years, so why are they making Four Sided Triangle? That said, the big name episodes are still pretty good, and there's a few nostalgic gems in there too. 

 

Top Five Season Two

Cutting Cards

Mute Witness to Murder

Television Terror

The Ventriloquist's Dummy

Fitting Punishment

 

Bottom Five

Four Sided Triangle

The Sacrifice

Korman's Kalamity

The Switch

For Cryin Out Loud

 

Performances to savor

Moses Gunn, Miguel Ferrer, Lance Henriksen, Richard Thomas, Don Rickles, Jeffrey Tambor

Good points all, John.  And I look forward to Season 3's write-ups.  (I too have all the Crypt, Vault, Haunt, Shock SuspenStories, and Crime SuspenStories, and agree that many of the story selections are puzzling, particularly so early in the show's run).  That being said, though I think seasons 3 is very strong on the whole, I don't think there's an episode in season 3 that I like as much as, say, Cutting Cards or Fitting Punishment from Season 2.  I remember really liking The Trap, Abra Cadaver, Top Billing, Tobe Hooper's Dead Wait, Mulcahy's Split Second, and Walter Hill's Deadline.  But I haven't pulled them out for re-watching over the years in the same way that I have "The Man Who Was Death" or "Cutting Cards."  But perhaps your upcoming columns will change all that.  Thanks again, John and Patrick, and keep 'em coming.  They are definitely being appreciated.

Oh, and the listing is fun, so I'll try to play too...

 

SEASON 2 - TOP 5:

 

Cutting Cards

Fitting Punishment

The Ventriloquist's Dummy

Television Terror

Dead Right

 

BOTTOM 5:

 

The Sacrifice

Four-Sided Triangle

Korman's Kalamity

'Til Death

The Secret

I knew I forgot to put the link up somewhere.

 

As we venture into Season 3 I have to say I'm actually in new territory. I've seen a handful of episodes from Season 3 and 4 but not all of them. Mostly, like John mentioned in this latest entry, I find myself pleased with how varied the episodes are, even if they aren't all winners.

 

My top 5 would be:

 

The Ventriloquist's Dummy

Three's A Crowd

My Brother's Keeper

Cutting Cards

Judy You're Not Yourself Today

 

While the bottom would be:

The Sacrifice

The Sacrifice

The Sacrifice 

The Sacrifice

MotherFUCK The Sacrifice

Kyle MacLachlan. Bank Robbery. Vultures. Car Accidents. Highway Patrolmen. Handcuffs. Carrion Death. John kicks off Season Three with a bang.