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MOVIE OF THE DAY: CONAN THE DESTROYER

post #1 of 25
10/1/10 at 6:20pm
Thread Starter 
Worthless.

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post #2 of 25
10/1/10 at 6:37pm
Whyyyyy? Just ugh. Not much else to say about this.
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post #3 of 25
10/1/10 at 6:46pm
I've been wondering if I should revisit this. Guess not.
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post #4 of 25
10/1/10 at 6:49pm
One of two movies I ever walked out on. I think I was 12 or 13 when I saw it, so I didn't exactly have refined taste. As soon as he punched the camel I knew there was no way the movie would be worth it.
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post #5 of 25
10/1/10 at 7:53pm
Fuck it. I'll say it. I enjoy this movie. I was a kid, and it hit all the right buttons for me by being silly and having Arnold sword fighting and battling monsters. I still enjoy it.
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post #6 of 25
10/1/10 at 10:32pm
CtD is not a good movie by any means, but it will do in a pinch. I strongly disagree with the poster in the comments section who said that the original Conan stories weren't very good.
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post #7 of 25
10/1/10 at 11:17pm
It's certainly closer in spirit to the Howard stories than the first film, but that's about all it does right. And a big boo to Poledouris for simply recycling "The Orgy" for the scene where Dagoth comes to life. He definitely phoned this one in.
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post #8 of 25
10/2/10 at 2:46am
Wholeheartedly agree with the article. CtD shits all over the triumphs of the first Conan film, and is just worthless garbage.
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post #9 of 25
10/2/10 at 3:00am
Because I was once young and dumb, I used to prefer this to "Barbarian." I got better.
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post #10 of 25
10/2/10 at 3:21am
I've always liked this film better than the first. It's FUN, dammit. No bogging down in endless pseudo-philosophising about what it means to Be A Man; just lots of fights, stunning physical specimens for every taste, and beautiful photography by Jack Cardiff.

You want to see how godawful bad this could have been, just check out Red Sonja. Or better, don't.
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post #11 of 25
10/2/10 at 4:00am
Pretty bad movie but I'm with Rene that I enjoyed it. It had Arnold fighting monsters and punching a camel and that was pretty great to 11 year old me.
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post #12 of 25
10/2/10 at 6:02am
I've never understood the argument for DESTROYER being good because it hews closer to Howard's work. That's like saying the TV mini-series SHINING is better than Kubrick's for the same reason. Pure nonsense reasoning. Accurate adaptations can still suck.
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post #13 of 25
10/2/10 at 6:26am
And it's not really closer to Howard's Conan anyway. It's all the way on the other side of Millius' one.

I really, really hate this movie. It came this close to making me not like the first one. I'm fonder of Hawk The Slayer and Beastmaster than of this shit.
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post #14 of 25
10/2/10 at 6:46am
For the defense, Exhibit A:

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post #15 of 25
10/2/10 at 6:49am
Which one of these does not belong?
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post #16 of 25
10/2/10 at 7:08am
Something for everyone in that pic.

EVERYONE.
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post #17 of 25
10/2/10 at 7:20am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hammerhead View Post
For the defense, Exhibit A:
What use were they anyway? It could have been three dudes for all I care. Either Millius' or Howard's Conan would have been all up in the princess' business before you could say Cimmeria. Not this PG 13 emasculated dried husk of a man, though.
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post #18 of 25
10/2/10 at 8:13am
Arnold's drunk scene was slightly funny. And the fight in the hall of mirrors is funny for his facial expressions. And Olvia D'Abo is hot. That's about it.

The leaden pace kills any of the action scenes. Especially the big finale. Just fucking awful.

I did listen to some of the commentary with the comedian who played Conan's sidekick. He's convinced that it's a much better movie than Barbarian. It plainly isn't.

Now if only Arnold had fit in KING CONAN: CROWN OF IRON before he ran for Governor...
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post #19 of 25
10/2/10 at 3:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hammerhead View Post
I've always liked this film better than the first. It's FUN, dammit.
It's lighter, for sure, but not fun. It's just dumb. Like many Hollywood fantasies, it focuses on the genre elements without at all understanding what makes a great fantasy story great. The stuntcasting of Chamberlain and Jones only hurt the movie.

And even without the pseudo-philosophizing, after a satisfyingly bloody and R-rated first flick, it was really discouraging to see this one with all the sharp corners sanded down.
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post #20 of 25
10/2/10 at 3:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluelouboyle View Post
I did listen to some of the commentary with the comedian who played Conan's sidekick. He's convinced that it's a much better movie than Barbarian. It plainly isn't.
I freely concede that Tracey Walter gives the worst performance in pretty much anything here. But at least you Brits get commentary tracks-- we're still waiting for an anamorphic transfer.

ETA: And come on-- Wilt "20,000" Chamberlain as the guy you hire to protect the virgin princess? That's priceless.
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post #21 of 25
10/2/10 at 3:42pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hammerhead View Post
I freely concede that Tracey Walter gives the worst performance in pretty much anything here. But at least you Brits get commentary tracks-- we're still waiting for an anamorphic transfer.

ETA: And come on-- Wilt "20,000" Chamberlain as the guy you hire to protect the virgin princess? That's priceless.
Having Wilt Chamberlain guard a virgin princess reminds me of the old saying about letting a fox guard a henhouse.
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post #22 of 25
10/2/10 at 4:05pm
The only thing I remember about this movie is the virgin princess having some spectacular tits. Like, holy-crap-what-is-happening-to-my-pants-when-I-was-only-12 kind of spectacular.
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post #23 of 25
10/2/10 at 4:09pm
I remember reading...Starlog Magazine, and being...speechless (a rarity), after reading that...Conan The Destroyer was going to be, PG!
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post #24 of 25
10/2/10 at 4:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg Clark View Post
The only thing I remember about this movie is the virgin princess having some spectacular tits. Like, holy-crap-what-is-happening-to-my-pants-when-I-was-only-12 kind of spectacular.
Just so long as you were only 12. 'Cause she was only 15.
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post #25 of 25
10/2/10 at 4:29pm
I was...16, when, CTD arrived in theaters, and she was just...fine to me too.
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