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Excuses you've made up

post #1 of 24
11/21/10 at 11:14pm
Thread Starter 
Getting out of something, leaving early,missed work and school assignments. We've all made up whoppers of excuses, and sometimes they work! I've used "I didn't do the homework because I was at the doctor's." more often than I can count which has worked more often than not because of the wheelchair.

Tell me about yours.
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post #2 of 24
11/21/10 at 11:27pm
"I am sick"/"I feel sick". Mostly use that one to get out of family obligations, probably more often than I should

Edit: If pressed for symptoms I try to stay vague: ''a profound weariness" or a "weakened condition"

If forced to specify; fever and vomiting, 'perhaps from something I ate'. It's good to add that last bit so you don't have to play at being ill the next day. You can just say you got over it and must have been food poisoning. Want more time off? Say it turned out to be the flu because your malady still lingers
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post #3 of 24
11/22/10 at 7:22pm
Surefire excuse that works every time: " I had diarrhea."

HOWEVER, it works best in face to face instances. Since it's pretty embarassing, if you can say it to your boss's face, they'll have to believe it's true.
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post #4 of 24
11/22/10 at 7:34pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Allen View Post
Surefire excuse that works every time: " I had diarrhea."

HOWEVER, it works best in face to face instances. Since it's pretty embarassing, if you can say it to your boss's face, they'll have to believe it's true.
You are a wise man.
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post #5 of 24
11/22/10 at 7:37pm
George Costanza holds the key to these things:

"If you believe it, it's not a lie."
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post #6 of 24
11/22/10 at 7:43pm
I once told this guy I was working with that I couldn't come in that day because I was suffering from ennui.

He said: Don't worry about it man, just rest up. I'll see you next week.

I think he was too embarrassed to admit that he didn't know what ennui was.
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post #7 of 24
11/22/10 at 8:28pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Erix View Post
I once told this guy I was working with that I couldn't come in that day because I was suffering from ennui.

He said: Don't worry about it man, just rest up. I'll see you next week.

I think he was too embarrassed to admit that he didn't know what ennui was.
The upside to this is that as long as you didn't put it in writing, he wouldn't even be able to look it up. I imagine if you checked his search history that night it would go something like "onwie", "unwee" "anweigh", "uhnyee", "onn-wee", and "korean teeen cockluvvers".
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post #8 of 24
11/22/10 at 8:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schwartz View Post
"korean teeen cockluvvers".
Come on, man, I don't even live near Erix much less work with him.
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post #9 of 24
11/22/10 at 8:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
Come on, man, I don't even live near Erix much less work with him.
I never meant to implicate you, Jake. For one, I'd assume no platinum executive member of the Cockluvver Web Ring would have to stoop to anything so common as a google search. We have a Favorites list for a reason, amirite?
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post #10 of 24
11/22/10 at 8:53pm
I was once super late to a class of 6 people. My excuse was that I was late because I had to comfort a friend who was going through some stress concerning a wedding and needed cheering up.

This was actually true. And the instructor was very understanding, but it was still a BS excuse.
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post #11 of 24
11/22/10 at 9:04pm
"My stepdad's probably going into rehab for alcohol dependence and he and my mom are on the verge of splitting up. I spent most of last night talking her out of having a nervous breakdown and then trying to avoid having one myself."

It was true at the time despite the fact that neither thing ended up happening, but that's one helluva bomb to drop on bosses. They never really asked for details after that.
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post #12 of 24
11/22/10 at 9:07pm
I was able to take a short vacation to San Diego with some friends by taking advantage of my divorced professor's terrible (I'm assuming) marriage by claiming that I had to go down there to patch things up between my divorced mom and dad by going down to see him there.

She was very supportive of my family troubles.

I'm going to hell.
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post #13 of 24
11/23/10 at 3:18am
Family fuckin' emergency. Every god damn time.
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post #14 of 24
11/23/10 at 4:22am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carpet View Post
Family fuckin' emergency. Every god damn time.
Amen to that. This is one more reason to have children in the family.
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post #15 of 24
11/23/10 at 4:40am
I wonder what percentage of bosses know that "food poisoning" is code for "hungover as shit". I'd hope at least half.
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post #16 of 24
11/23/10 at 5:00am
"Spent the morning on the toilet" is always a ringer. No need to cough or fake a hoarse throat while you leave the message. Course in this day and age, you can text or email that you're not coming in!
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post #17 of 24
11/23/10 at 8:33am
I've used the hoary favorites of family emergency and digestive emergencies. For the former, usually all you need to do is indicate you're fine, but had to take care of some other people's problems. For the latter, they're only too glad you didn't leave a crater in the company shitter.
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post #18 of 24
11/23/10 at 5:17pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Ripoll View Post
I wonder what percentage of bosses know that "food poisoning" is code for "hungover as shit". I'd hope at least half.
What does it matter? The diarrhea is real either way.
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post #19 of 24
11/23/10 at 6:21pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virtanen View Post
Amen to that. This is one more reason to have children in the family.
I have blamed many a stink fart on innocent babies.
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post #20 of 24
11/23/10 at 6:26pm
Winter: it's good for providing excuses for tardiness.
- Traffic was a bitch.
- I passed 3 accidents on the way in to work.
- We were all stuck behind snowplows.
- I couldn't get out of the driveway.
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post #21 of 24
12/2/10 at 9:11pm
I did the whole "Fake doctor's note" thing at an old job. Still can't believe I got away with it.
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post #22 of 24
12/4/10 at 4:34pm
Was trying to meet a few postmark deadlines for grad school applications. Important stuff that was apparently not important enough to NOT procrastinate on... Called my manager and faked car trouble and crying and I don't know how I'm gonna pay for this...

The next time I saw her at work, she comes up to me and softly says, "My husband and I discussed this and we're willing to help you out with your car if you tell us how much it is."

Oh god. I STILL feel guilt over that one. I even thought about coming clean. That's how much it bothered me.
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post #23 of 24
12/4/10 at 4:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by 88 Inches View Post
Was trying to meet a few postmark deadlines for grad school applications. Important stuff that was apparently not important enough to NOT procrastinate on... Called my manager and faked car trouble and crying and I don't know how I'm gonna pay for this...

The next time I saw her at work, she comes up to me and softly says, "My husband and I discussed this and we're willing to help you out with your car if you tell us how much it is."

Oh god. I STILL feel guilt over that one. I even thought about coming clean. That's how much it bothered me.
I have been having difficulty bringing myself to complete the test for my drivers license. I won't go into all the reasons why, but I have not done it. Unfortunately I told the people at work I was about to do it, and that was like two months ago. Then they all started asking every day if I'd did it, and I'd say "I am going to do it tomorrow" because I really did intend to do it soon, but I never did. Then I had to start making excuses like "My parents couldn't drive me", only to have my coworkers turn around and offer to drive me instead

Earlier this week I just gave in and lied about having passed the written driving test. Hopefully that gives me some breathing room
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post #24 of 24
12/6/10 at 12:45am
Car trouble.

I have never owned a car.
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