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Chelsea calls Jolie the big C

post #1 of 21
12/7/10 at 7:48am
Thread Starter 
Stay classy, Chelsea Handler.

I'm stating this for the record: if you find Handler funny or charismatic in any way, you're well and truly suspect in my book. She's fucking useless.
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post #2 of 21
12/7/10 at 7:54am
Ohhh, I thought this was about the Clinton daughter....

Don't know this "Chelsea". Don't know much from my bomb shelter.
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post #3 of 21
12/7/10 at 1:53pm
Exactly. Who? You take "friend of Aniston" and "talked shit about Jolie" out of the equation, and you're not left with much.
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post #4 of 21
12/7/10 at 1:58pm
I would probably sleep with her.
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post #5 of 21
12/7/10 at 2:01pm
Of course you would. You're a well documented manslut.

Now, me wanting to sleep her, well that carries some weight. Because I'm an eclectic individual and accomplished lover, you know?
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post #6 of 21
12/7/10 at 2:05pm
Marc Maron keeps praising Handler on his podcast, and I can never understand why.
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post #7 of 21
12/7/10 at 2:07pm
Chelsea Handler is the female Dane Cook as far as I'm concerned. Not at all funny and inexplicable popular.
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post #8 of 21
12/7/10 at 2:13pm
I generally have pretty loose taste. I wouldn't touch this with King Ghidorah's dick. That "female Dane Cook" comment is a bullseye if ever I heard one.

Also, as a reformed Jersey dweller: Nothing good has ever come from Livingston that didn't come from the Mall.
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post #9 of 21
12/7/10 at 2:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
I would probably sleep with her.
But, she's a fucking hag. Aim better than that, Jake. Go after that Elayne Boosler puss.
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post #10 of 21
12/7/10 at 2:25pm
Chelsea Handler's booze-addled visage makes me giggle. She's got major vodka-face. The airbrushing in her magazine layouts are a thing to behold.

Bonus points for sleeping with the head of E! programming then, SOMEHOW, landing a show on the E! Network. The comics that appear on her show blow as well.
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post #11 of 21
12/7/10 at 2:43pm
No love for frequent guest Chris "Nerdist" Hardwick, Mangy? I think he's pretty good. Put him in "Hard & Phirm" with Mike Phirman, and he's great.

But then I know him from his podcast, and I've never seen a nanosecond of Chelsea Handler's show. That's probably not going to change.

I suspect Maron likes her because she presumably has comics he likes on and let's them mostly be themselves? Am I close?
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post #12 of 21
12/7/10 at 3:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mangy View Post
Chelsea Handler's booze-addled visage makes me giggle. She's got major vodka-face.
See, I find that attractive because I know that means she's gonna make some bad decisions (read: me).

But yeah, Hardwick's good just based on Nerdist. It makes me forgive him for that awful MTV show with Jenny McCarthy, at the very least.
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post #13 of 21
12/7/10 at 3:57pm
Seperate, Mike Phirman and Chris Hardwick are fine comedians. But Hard 'n Phirm is horrible.
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post #14 of 21
12/7/10 at 4:09pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Clark View Post

Nothing good has ever come from Livingston that didn't come from the Mall.
I was born at the hospital in Livingston. So, thanks.
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post #15 of 21
12/7/10 at 5:03pm
I was born in University Hospital in the armpit of Newark. Just because the hospital's awesome doesn't excuse the town it's in.

Livingston: A Great Place To Get Yourself Injured.
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post #16 of 21
12/8/10 at 12:01am
This chick is so helplessly unfunny she should host a late night show wait a minute...

She sucks though.
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post #17 of 21
12/8/10 at 12:51am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Olson View Post
Marc Maron keeps praising Handler on his podcast, and I can never understand why.
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post #18 of 21
12/8/10 at 3:19am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake View Post
But yeah, Hardwick's good just based on Nerdist. It makes me forgive him for that awful MTV show with Jenny McCarthy, at the very least.

All things being equal, I'm going to try to put myself into Mr. Hardwick's situation, because it is only fair...

MTV Exec dude: "Umami, we want you to co-host this show with Jenny McCarthy. The show is gonna be awful, just unbelievably stupid, & you will never fuck Jenny no matter how hard you try. After a few years, she will be replaced by Carmen Electra, & you will never fuck Carmen no matter how hard you try. But both of these chicks are gonna be in their prime when we air the show, they're gonna wear low-cut shirts & tight pants, & we'll give you this broom closet where you can retire after each show & jerk off until your penis is reduced to a vapor trail."

Me: "Yay!"
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post #19 of 21
12/8/10 at 4:07am
Good point.
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post #20 of 21
12/8/10 at 12:36pm
She's only 35 but looks 55. Imagine how much of a hag she'll be when she hits forty and her face really goes to shit. And she's not funny. Her whole act is pretty much the same as Kathy Griffith's, i.e. stealing from Joan Rivers persona. Why are so many female comics today so angry and hateful? You would think after the way she bombed hosting the MTV Awards she'd be in decline by now.
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post #21 of 21
12/8/10 at 6:12pm
WWTDD chimes in on behalf of Team Jolie.

Quote:
Jennifer Aniston is upset with Chelsea Handler for calling Angelina Jolie a home wrecker and a cunt, because, as we all know, Jennifer has tried so hard to keep her feelings about Angelina private, and the last thing she wants to do is to keep reviving stories about her and Brad Pitt.

No seriously that’s what this says. As you can probably tell, it makes a lot more sense if you haven’t read anything about Jennifer Aniston in the past 5 years. A source tells Popeater…
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