Christians says "End of Days" in May

Laugh when nothing happens.

Guess I can write off that Master's degree I'm supposed to be getting in May.

My stepfather's parents strongly believe this and are a part of the movement to spread the word. It makes for interesting family gatherings. In my younger days I would have probably had more to say about this to them, but I am at a point where it is just easier to take the pamphlet, nod your head, and go on with life. The occasions I have to encounter them are few and far between.

Halloween is my favorite time of the year, this year's sounds like it is going to be blast. I'm not sure how they plan to spend the final hours before they get raptured to Heaven, but I'm thinking of possibly stopping by just to witness the process of explaining to themselves why they are still here on May 22nd.

Well, according to Jesus, "Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away. But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only." (Matthew 24:35-37)

But apparently they think they have some inside knowledge.

Sheesh.

From my experiences, that is what this boils down to. It's pride in knowing. Which I'm pretty sure is a sin.

Oh, couldn't they at least wait until the last Harry Potter comes out?

Rapture in May, actual end of the world in October. Potter in July. Tree of Life opens May 27. I think we're good.

And when they're proved wrong again, they'll have some dumb reason.

I wish there was a drop-dead date and when nothing happens they're like "maybe I'll just be a good person and loosen my shit up and not be so poop".

So how would this affect their lives? I would dearly love to talk to this woman on May 22nd, just to see how she plans on spending the rest of her days now that she has definitive proof that God doesn't want her.

Surely a job for the Daily Show's special report team come May 22nd. Paging John Oliver....

Ya know, I do kinda want to see PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 4. But I don't want to spend my last night before the apocalypse doing so!

Four days before my birthday. Fuck you Jesus. You're probably going to cost me a blu-ray.

Fellas, do you see what happens when you put a girl through a tough break up? Rather than start over again, they just cheer for Armageddon.

Wow. Way to not have any faith.

I'm ready for May 21st...bring on ARMAGEDDON!

They were proven wrong the minute they came up with this date. Pre-fail.

Harold Camping is an idiot. I think he also predicted this in 1994, right?

Again? The world will end again? Humankind has had more endings than Return Of The King.

It would be nice if these folks would actually read their Bible once in a while.

"But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left.

“Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. 43 But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. So you also must be ready, because

the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him."

Matthew 24: 36-44

Next time some religious crazy gets up in arms about some negative portrayal of Jesus and Christianity I hope the above passage, where Our Lord And Saviour is compared to a fucking BURGLAR, gets brought up.

Great story idea. "Life after the Rapture doesn't come."

THE PASSION OF THE HAMBURGLAR

I am really way too fucking easily amused today.

Agents is right, though. Jesus shows up all the time at my house. Knocks on the door at like 3 in the damn morning, he's drunk on wine, complaining about all the shit his dad is making him do and eats all my left over pizza and beer, doesn't pay me for it and then leaves. I mean, if he would just call first...

I think Kirk Cameron made a series on that subject. I'm sure it's uninteresting as hell. Wait, I didn't mean that.

No, that series is about Kirk Cameron failing miserably to be convincing as an investigative reporter.

...Yeah, I watched the first one for shits and giggles.

Mexican dude?


Also, there are select segments of the crazy zealot population that believe the rapture has already occurred hundreds of years ago, and that our existence is already the embodiment of the remainder of tortured souls awaiting judgment day. While I of course don't buy into any of this hooey, I enjoy this theory, only because it would make the annoyingly self righteous all the more ridiculous.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

And you thought Episode I was the Great Disappointment.

"Earth. Shit. I'm still only on Earth..."

Seriously, just how willfully self deluded and intellectually dishonest do you have to be to be able to come back from something like this? These dates coming and passing can only mean one of two things. It either happened and God has deemed you unworthy or the very core of your faith is bullshit. Either way, how does something like this not profoundly change you?

How do you know that is at the core of their faith in the first place?
The article doesn't really give much background as to who these people are.

This is crazy. We all know that the end date is going to be February 22 at 4:33 PM (Pacific).

I believe that because I just said it and I want it to be true.

It always bothers me how these people worship a god who supposedly created this great big wonderful world for us, and they can't wait for it to end.

Isn't the whole belief system of such fringe elements of Christianity based upon the proximity of The Rupture, Apocalypse or whatever and one's preparation to suffer God's final judgement? Do you have a better idea of their beliefs?

I have no first hand knowledge of them, since over here even the staunchest Christians laugh at those Apocalypse obsessed fools.

See, that's why they had to re-invent suicide as a mortal sin, otherwise all the faithful pining for heaven could just off themselves and get right in.

Christians: Good at predicting stuff and analogies.

With Jerry Brown in, the Ex-Governator has plenty of free time now to let Satan know that he's a FUCKING KWAYYYA BOI. Coincidence, or all part of God's Plan?

May 22 is my birthday. I would have been 32 and my child would have been born less than a month later. Shit.

Guess I better go cash in my savings on hookers and blow.

Don't take as criticism against you, more to the author of the article, I wish they had outlined a bit more who this group is (a Church, an interdenominational movement, etc???).

But I don't know, a lot of these type of fundamentalist Christian groups are fundamentally about salvation and revelation via the Bible. Some are obsessed with the end of times, and this might be one of those groups.

What I was trying to say was that this could be a group that has come up to this conclusion, not necessary a Church that was founded on that date being the end of times. We've seen this before, the Jehovah's Witnesses predicted the end of the world was going to be in 1975. Date came and went and it didn't collapse their belief system.

Sometimes groups like this will just say they interpreted it wrong, or maybe leave it open ended (well it was 2011 but maybe towards the end). I think most of the time they'll just say they got it wrong and won't have a crisis of faith.

I met some of these guys a long time ago, I remember going to a meeting in some church were the speaker was saying how he wasn't saving for his daughters college fund because the world would be over by the time she was old enough to attend college.

I always wanted to find that guy again and ask his daughter about that worked out for them.

But there'll always be a no-prize like explanation, I had a friend who was the son of a pastor and as a good fundamentalist said salvation is Sola Fide to the extreme. I asked him, what if someone was "saved by faith alone" and then mass murders his family? He then said of course "well then he was never really saved". So there's always an escape clause, specially when you take out the possibility of any type of intellectual discussion out of your theology.

Fucking Stelios, man. First, "more endings than Return of the King" but then he follows that up calling it "the rupture." Nice work, buddy. And if rupture wasn't intentional, keep that to yourself. Don't ruin it for me.

An extremely casual search tells me that these are a loosely organized group of people that listen to Harold Camping's radio show. Apparently Camping believes that all current churches are apostate and people should just listen to his program. Also he writes books about when he thinks the end of the world will be. I wouldn't be surprised if the actual number of die-hards in this group spreading the May 22nd doctrine is like 34.

My family used to be Jehovah's Witnesses when I was a lad, I can remember being told that the world would end in the year 2000. What's weird is they instilled that belief into me so strongly that when it came around (and I hadn't been one for years) I still felt the smallest bit aprehensive when that date rolled around.

A day or so before New Year's Eve, 1999, I invited this guy I knew to a party that friends were throwing. He said, quite dejectedly and unable to look me in the eye, that he couldn't come because his mother demanded that he come to church with her that night and watch her soul ascend to Heaven at the stroke of midnight.

I felt terrible for him, but as weird and depressing as it might have been, I would have loved to have been in that church at 12:01am.

My birthday! I get Armageddon for my birthday! Just what I wanted!

"OK, Kyler! Don't forget to make a wish when you blow out that candle!"

Poof.

END.

You know... they might be on to something.

Yeah, I don't buy any of this shit, but reading this in conjunction of all that crap doesn't exactly give me the warm and fuzzies. When the birds and the fish and the bees just start up and dying, something ain't good.

It's all Happening!

First fish. Birds. Then people consenting to be run over by mowers...