As a piano player of intermediate skill, I've always been incredibly jealous of those 5 year old Chinese piano prodigies that seem to be everywhere on YouTube. I sometimes wonder if I'd be better off if I had a childhood like theirs - or, on the other hand, if I've gained something of any worth from having a childhood full of encouragement and freedom to fail when I wanted to.
This article explains the gulf in parenting styles between the American mainstream and Chinese immigrant parents, from the perspective of one of the very Chinese mothers described:
Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it's probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children. (And it's true that Chinese mothers get in the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training, interrogating and spying on their kids.) Anyway, the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud.
By contrast, I don't think most Westerners have the same view of children being permanently indebted to their parents. My husband, Jed, actually has the opposite view. "Children don't choose their parents," he once said to me. "They don't even choose to be born. It's parents who foist life on their kids, so it's the parents' responsibility to provide for them. Kids don't owe their parents anything. Their duty will be to their own kids." This strikes me as a terrible deal for the Western parent.
Personally, I doubt that America can keep up with the world unless we pick up a few tricks from this style of parenting; the excessive period of free-floating self-discovery is going to be revealed as a massive waste of time for most people.
