CHUD LIST: COCKBLOCKED! – DISCUSSION THREAD

You can look forward to a fun, informative, discussion-worthy list folks. Feedback is great, comments are amazing, and help with spreading it across the planet is the best!

Nice first entry. I hate Mars Attacks and would much rather have seen Dinosuars Attack. However I'm not sure I'd want to see it at the expense of Jurassic Park.

Oooooh, this is going to be fun.  Those cards are hilarious.

Brilliant, offbeat, hasn't been done before idea for a list. Love it. Thanks for taking the time to do these and not just pump out 10 Best Ass Kissers in Film or something rote and done before. Not that I don't enjoy those lists, but CHUD lists are great because they wed film history, intelligence, wit and criticism into a perfect potpourri of discussion and then filters it through a thread of hilarity.

I hope one entry is 'Star Wars cockblocking THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY'.

Mars Attacks "hasn't aged all that well"? The fuck? It's the last god damn watchable thing Burton made and is still delightfully, hilariously chaotic.

Great idea for a list tho.

Fucking great. I love this stuff and never seem to know about it. Great first entry too. If they're all of this caliber, this is revving up to be an all-time CHUD favorite.

Until I talk about how Birth of a Nation cockblocked...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick Nunziata 

Until I talk about how Birth of a Nation cockblocked...

Disneys Nazi Supermen Are Our Superiors?

Great idea for a list, and a great first entry. Can't wait to see what else you guys dig up. I know there are a couple of Stanley Kubrick films that got cockblocked, like his Napolean film and that holocaust film he wanted to do in the early nineties. 

Not much to add, but yeah great idea for a list and first entry. I'll save my "but what about...?" comments for after the whole thing is done.

I think I would have only been interested in Dinosaurs Attack! if it had the ludicrous gore, and I doubt Burton would have done 2 R rated movies in a row.

A recent news article this past week has a perfect candidate for this list. 

That's all the "would could will you...???" on that.

I wonder if John Sayles knew about these cards when he was writing his "Dinosaurs with Lazer Guns" script  for Jurassic Park IV.

The world still needs Joe Dante to direct that John Sayles screenplay for Jurassic Park IV.  Raptors with guns blowing away drug dealers?  Cinematic gold!

Make it so, Spielberg!

Those cards are incredible. Nuptial Nightmare is still cracking me up...

Great idea. Great first piece. Great cards.

It must be my hate of late Burton speaking and retroactively altering my opinion but I feel that this was a cockblock that had extremely beneficial results. 

I was going to be flippant and ask who Johnny Depp would play, but this would have come out at the time when Burton was still making interesting choices instead of making the same ugly film over and over again. A Danny Elfman dino-score might have been interesting though.

Great article and hopefully the start of an amazing list.

This is a splendid idea for a series. Really nice work Renn.

Dinosaur Satan!

Quote:

Originally Posted by WayDen 

Nuptial Nightmare is still cracking me up...

Yeah. I kinda want a poster of that one.

Thanks for the good responses guys- this should be a fantastic list. 

By the way, I am playing commissioner of the list and all that, but the core idea was all Nick's.

A little late in replying on the intial entry in the Cockblocked list, but it's a great idea for a list, and an awesome first entry. I'd heard of the Dinosaurs Attack card set before, but this was the first time I'd heard that it was going to be made into a movie. It definitely could have been really fun. I agree on Mars Attacks! being a lot of fun, although I stand by Sleepy Hollow being Burton's last good movie. I still remember seeing Mars Attacks! and being surprised that just about all of the name actors get killed so quickly in the movie.

Great idea guys.   I had never heard of DINOSAUR ATTACKS cards before, so thanks for introducing me!    I can see why they weren't successful though.  "Hey mummy,  come and look at 'Our soldiers flattened"!

Blamo! http://www.chud.com/37432/chud-list-cockblocked-day-2/

Those cards are fantastic. I'm sure the movie would have been delightful. Like Godzilla by way of Troma. Probably would have been reviled at the time but surely a cut classic among gore hounds and acid droppers. And we probably would have seen the Piranha remake about 5 years sooner.

Great list idea, guys! Full steam ahead

Top notch. Haven't seen Season of the Witch since I was a kid, but it freaked me out then. I'm in no rush to revisit though, as the Halloween series has never been my thing. While I appreciate what the first Halloween did, it's farrr from my favorite Carpenter movie, and the sequels I do remember were steaming piles.

I think they may have been able to pull this off if it had been the second film in the series. But much like Bordello of Blood sank the Tales From the Crypt (movie)series, it may not have mattered.

I'm a card carrying member of both the "Fans Of Halloween III" and "Dr. Daniel Challis and his 'Stache are awesome" fan clubs, so this was a pretty interesting and cool entry to read. I loved the "What If" part.

Looking forward to the next entry.

Yep, I'm a fan of Season of the Witch, also.  It certainly isn't remotely scary or even all that good, but it's got a goofy charm, and I like that it's a mashup of 70's paranoia films and Bond flicks.   It's certainly not the original film, but I can't imagine ranking it lower than all the subsequent Myers installments, which are all cinematic pestilence.  I disavow the shit out of all of those.   In my alt-universe, Trick R Treat is the true Halloween 4 film. 

That was fascinating Mr.Miller.

It's weird now reading about a John Carpenter so passionate, experimental and well, conscious, these days. I miss that guy almost more than anything else in movies.

This list is awesome. Best thing on CHUD in a while. Please continue it forever.

While it has never been verified, "supposedly" Carpenter's Prince of Darkness originally started out as an idea for a possible Myer-less H4 before the Akkads demanded that The Shape return.  Another interesting tidbit is that Carpenter & Hill were still involved for awhile after it was decided to bring Michael back for Halloween 4.  The screenplay they had sanctioned (by Dennis Etchison) apparently had a great deal of supernatural overtones, with the town of Haddonfield actually willing Michael back into existence somehow by trying so hard to forget him.  I guess their pent up repression would have resurrected him as an actual boogeyman!?!?.  Anyway, apparently when things came to an empass they sold off their ownership of the series and washed their hands of it, with that screenplay not being apart of the deal.

Here's some catch-up from the comments section:

- Don't know whether he was being serious, but I am pretty sure Tarantino has stated that his idea for Halloween 6 was to take Myers into space!

- Peter Jackson's unused NOES 6 script involved a disgraced Kruger at first being a punching back for sleeping pill-popping teens to beat on in their dreams........until he manages to actually kill one and gain power again.  It also had a detective who is permanently stuck in dreamworld due to being in a coma.  Bob Shaye in the end decided to go with buddy Rachel Talalay's less-inspired take instead.

Honestly, I wonder how much better it would be received if that three wasn't in the title.

Another great write-up. This one I knew more about, but I had never heard about Joe Dante's involvement.

I'd never heard that about Dante either. Interesting.

Stellar entry, Josh.

I'm just annoyed we lost a undiluted Nigel Kneale script, as anyone else who has seen Stone Tape or Quatermass and the Pit will probably agree.

Greatness definitely robbed. Although a yearly Halloween horror anthology would demand a type of horror fan that doesn't exist in numbers big enough to support it.

I wish I was living in your alternate universe, Josh.

The road not traveled indeed. I love the idea of a TRICK 'R TREAT style anthology during the heyday (?) of slasher movies. One wonders what the landscape of horror movies would be like if Carpenter and gang managed to squeeze out an untamprered SEASON OF THE WITCH straight after the original Halloween.

2-for-2 on this list guys, excellent stuff! Looking forward to part 3

Fantastic. This kind of thing really does separate CHUD from the rest.

Informative, well researched, funny, compelling and rich.

Thanks Josh, Thosh.

Sadly, we did get a yearly Halloween slasher series...unfortunately, that series was Saw.

Great write up. I love the depth of research that go into these. Any film fan should take a look.

This article reminds me, it's probably a good thing Hollywood never got its hands on Kneale's story "The Year of the Sex Olympics". I do love Halloween III though, despite the Kneale disownment. It really does feel like it takes place in that same Carpenter world, plus it's just so bugfuck nuts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xagarath Ankor 

I'm just annoyed we lost a undiluted Nigel Kneale script, as anyone else who has seen Stone Tape or Quatermass and the Pit will probably agree.

Those are great, and I agree it would definitely be interesting to see what Kneale's original version was like. And since we're talking about anthologies today, Kneale had his own (thankfully untampered with) anthology show in Beasts. Some top 1970s slow burn British TV horror there. In particular the episode called "Baby" is the kind of thing that still has the power to jack people up with an all alone/lights off viewing.

see below Renn...

Elisabeth sexes it up!

http://www.chud.com/37661/chud-list-cockblocked-day-3/

"She really wanted to jolly someone's roger." 

You've got a way with words, Elizabeth. I was laughing and informed by this pirate movie that would have been. I feel it was a missed opportunity to see Verhoeven get all grand with the sex and violence.

Although if he really wanted to make pirate porn he should have just directed this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Rain Dog 

 

 

Fascinating yet again - great work Ms.Rappe. Yeah it really does seem that no matter what, the pirate genre was destined for rocky shoals back in the 90's regardless. Verhovens T&A love probably didn't help matters but still, it really does seem that people just weren't up for high seas pillaging back then in any form.

 

As a huge fan of the genre it makes me sad that even now, no one really seems to bet on a great pirate movie any more and that, despite the massive success of Disneys efforts, no other studio or director has seemingly wished to take a rapier stab at sailing those waters, leaving Jack Sparrow to degenerate into a sitcom on the high seas all by himself.

 

Where are my proper historical pirate adventures? Hell at this point I'd even take a remake of a classic like Captain Blood if it meant more Depp-less high seas swash and buckle.

Thanks!

And I agree. I could go for a real pirate movie in the vein of Master and Commander. There are dozens of good stories to be told.  I get why Hollywood tends to favor fantasy but was there really no other way to tell Anne Bonny's adventures without a heady dash of Basic Instinct?

The 90s were a dead spot for historically oriented film anyway, at least until 1995 when all things Scottish became hot.  So I suppose it's just as well.

Great work Elizabeth, that was an informative and an interesting read. I think I would have prefered that version than the god awefull Cuthroat Island we got.

One tiney little request, can you put a NSFW warning on the article, that picture at the end came as a bit of a shock.

Yeah, as much as I like the first POTC film, I'd love to see a grimy, R-rated take on the pirate movie.  As much as the Michael Caine thriller, The Island, is kind of dumb, it at least portrays pirates as the scummy, rapey thugs that they presumably were in real life. 

Imagine a pirate movie along the lines of Verhoeven's Flesh & Blood.  That could have been gloriously sleazy. 

Cutthroat Island is horrible, but I still watch it from time to time because I love seeing Frank Langella in villainous roles.

90's Harrison Ford and Kevin Costner battling in a high seas swashbuckling love triangle? Move over Titanic. Put me in that alternate timeline, girlfriend!

Thanks for the kind words, everyone.  And NSFW tag added....

One of my friends is currently arguing with me that I dismissed Verhoeven a little hard, but I see less of Flesh and Bone and more of Showgirls in his ideas.  However, I'm happy if anyone disagrees with the bullet dodged angle. :)

I saw Cutthroat Island in the theater way back, and remember it being ok. Ii hadn't seen it in years, and last summer I picked up the Blu-ray of it, and aside from Frank Langella, it's a piece of crap that deserved a spot on the Worst CGI list for a few of the scenes.