Depression - Page 3

Yes and no.  Everything seems to make it bad, and yet, not all the time.  Sometimes I can eat Taco's with hot sauce and feel fine, other times, it's a mission just trying to go to bed without have my stomach bulg and my heart do "flip flops" (PVCs).

 

I think my anxiety, right now, is mostly due to a health problem I don't want to really talk about.  The doctor says not to worry, because it's not BAD BAD, but it's still bad.  Sleepless nights.... constant worrying about my son's future if something was to happen... etc.. etc... etc...

I'm sorry.  This is probably woefully inadequate but see if there are any local restorative yoga or meditation classes in your area.  I can't tell you how much it helps with coping with anxiety, insomnia and panic attacks.  I have also had an ulcer before--have you been tested for that? 

Yep, pretty much have had every stomach test there is.  H Pylori, Ulcer, Cancer,... you name it, I had it tested.  I'm the type, that keeps a lot bottled in, specially from friends and family.  In the past, I have noticed that when upset, mad, nervous, I tend to carry it in my stomach. 

 

I tried doing Yoga, and I couldn't stop laughing at myself throughout it.  I'm a pretty big guy, as far as build and height goes... but I am so unflexible.  I live by a beach, and there's a place that has yoga classes on the beach, I just felt to embarrassed doing it infront of people.  Any recommendations for "at home" Yoga DVDs?  I'll bench press and do squats in an overpacked gym no problem, but get me in that child's pose and I feel funny.

NickP, how are you sleeping? For a lot of people, a lack of good sleep keeps them from adequately dealing with stress, which leads to anxiety problems. First thing I'd try is get away from the computer/TV/whatever shiny object you look at at night at least an hour before you plan on going to bed. Switch to a book, magazine, or comic (if that's your thing), and if you absolutely need music on, it should be on the quieter side. My guess is things should get a little bit better after a few weeks, but there are probably some other stressors in your life that you need to learn to deal with better. Improving sleep quality goes a long, LONG way, though.

funny you say that, I have restless leg syndrome as well.  Legs are so bad, my feet are numb in the morning.  I go to bed at 10, and don't fall asleep till midnight at the earliest.  Up at 6am, so a good night sleep is something I am not getting.  I live behind the computer... at work... at home, and then when I'm not on the computer, it's sports on TV.  How I don't weigh 300 pounds is beyond me. 

Restless legs can be tricky, especially because there's not a lot of info about what they're symptomatic of. The best advice I could give there is similar to the sleep advice: find ways to manage stress that work for you. If you don't exercise regularly, start. Even if it's just a brisk 15-30 min walk every day.

 

And it might sound strange, but try taking a break from processed foods for a while. Worked wonders for me.

 

I really recommend yoga class rather than a DVD, but beach yoga or any kind of showboat-y yoga is also not cool (I feel too self-conscious in these classes).  Do an internet search for yoga classes and look for these words:  restorative, meditative, breathing, gentle.  The kind of yoga I practice is Anusara and my local Y has an amazing class.  A lot of yoga teachers don't teach that the poses aren't as important as breathing and focusing your mind on your breath.  The poses are ways to learn how to keep breathing in spite of stress, to stay focused and not panic.  Even if you just sat in child's pose, breathing and clearing your mind for an hour you'd still be doing yoga. 

 

 

 

 

 

Sounds like irritable bowel syndrome or even celiac. I get it as well, brought on not just by stress but by eating too many wheat products. The fact that it was pizza did that to you is telling and what rang very familiar for me.

 

Try changing your diet man, brain chemistry is so intrinsically linked to it. Cut out the wheat for a while and see if it makes a difference (we eat way too much of it in the west and its in everything, but our bodies aren't really all that evolved to cope and get nourishment form it like it is other grains like spelt for example). Try sticking to fruit and veggies with some meat and carb rather than processed shit and you may see some real change not just in the bloating and anxiety, but in your head in general. Do you drink much? Try not drinking for a week or two.

 

Your bowel and guts are the most sensitive organs in your body, they're literally the canary in the coal mine letting you know if your stress levels are too high - yet we often treat them so poorly.

 

I'm no expert, it's just what I've found and I had very similar symptoms to what you describe.

Most recent therapist I went to this summer was such a disappointment... Over a period of months I worked myself up to give therapy another shot after years and years of assuming those people couldn't understand me or my issues, but I figured "why not?". So, I'm sitting down with this woman and within the first 10 minutes I mention that I smoke pot, and she just gets this ugly sneer on her face and says "let me stop you right there - I've known someone who was catatonic and couldn't speak or get out of bed after having smoked marijuana!"

 

And it was all I could do not to just roll my eyes at her reefer madness. I gamely tried to remind her that her apocalyptic pot warnings were not based in science, and were in fact totally anecdotal, but she continued to act like a know it all, as if I had no idea what I was talking about

 

I have real issues that I'd like to be able to discuss, but instead I've got someone who is jumping all over me with judgement for smoking pot?

 

It just wasn't going to work, and I never made a follow up appointment with her

 

Telling people to "get therapy" is a nice suggestion and all, but the reality is that many of these so called mental health professionals are full of judgements and bias, and often look down on your lifestyle and life choices

Today has been shit. I woke up and from the get go have been shaking like I ODed on caffeine. I kept away from the all caffeinated products all day because of this and my shaking hasn't gone away at all. it is even effecting the way I type, if it weren't for spell check you'd be seeing a lot of errors in my posts today. I've spilled my water twice on me today and overall I'm very short tempered, it's lucky that I'm alone because I'm in the mood to argue. 

 

Normally when I have this strange type of energy squirrel caging inside of me like I'm hopped up on cocaine I'd go to the gym to try to work it off, but it's so strong today that I'm pretty damn certain that I 'll injure myself if I start throwing weights around.

 

It's like a day long anxiety attack, and what's worse is I have no idea what triggered it. There is NOTHING going on right now that I'm stressing over.

@Tim K

 

I know exactly what you're talking about. While not as acute or pronounced as what you're experiencing, my anxiety sometimes manifests in similar extremes (uncontrollable shaking, teeth chattering, punchiness). From my experience, I can only suggest breathing. Sit or lay down in a quiet space, take long, slow deep breaths. Don't think about anything else & concentrate only on your breathing.

 

If anything, this helps me get a better grip on the chaos (if only somewhat).

Tim K, I'm sorry.  Art Decade's advice sounds good.  Even just breathing has a physiological effect. 

 

I have a short mantra I sometimes say in my mind (not out loud) when I'm doing yoga or trying to meditate to calm down.  It sounds really stupid on a message board but it actually helps:  "I breathe in, I calm myself.  I breathe out, I smile," just repeating it over and over, and when stressful thoughts enter your head, don't fixate on them or pass judgment on yourself, just let them go and try to switch your focus back to breathing. 

Thanks for the advice, both of you. I think I'm going try to do the breathing and maybe throw on a movie and see if I can sit still for two hours or so.

I HIGHLY recommend doing yoga.  It took some prodding to get my boyfriend to do it, but now that he's started, he can't stop.  He's got a pretty stressful government job, and I wanted to find something to help him relieve stress.  He was genuinely shocked at how much better he felt after his first yoga session.  Said it was like he could feel the stress leaving his body. 

 

A tip for insomnia: take any electronic devices, save for your alarm clock, out of your room.  You'd be surprised how much better you'll sleep without all of that shit in your room.  When you have the computer and TV in there, it distracts you from going to sleep.  Your bedroom should be for sleep and sex only.

My wife and I have done this. No TV at all, and our phones are charging on the other side of them room. You'll be surprised how quick you get to sleep if you don't have a TV on 24/7

 

What a great use of everyone's time and bandwidth.

I'm generally an anxious person, but I just started a new job and something snapped. I wake up feeling like I'm out of breath and all panicky. I feel nauseous and gag all morning before work. I don't know what to do...

Makes sense to me...

Well, yesterday I did a complete 180 on my diet.  I had nothing but water throughout the day.  Oatmeal for breakfast (steel cut oats) and had a piece of salmon and spinach for lunch.  For dinner, the wife made me some chicken breast, green beans and a nice salad with some homemade cranberry salad dressing.  My stomach was still doing some spasms after eating, but I was able to get a light workout in (30 minutes of weights, and 10 minutes of stretching).  I tell ya, I slept like a baby last night.  Stomach is feeling okay today, going to try the same daytime diet and see how that goes.  I just have to get it in my head, that this isn't a quick fix... this has to be a lifestyle change. 

 

It's the only way it'll stick mate. Good work tho.

 

Keep it up and I almost guarantee you'll find you enjoy how it makes not just your body but your head feel, you'll really not want to go back to eating so much shit.

 

You actually lose your taste for it, for all the grease and sugar and fat. I spent most of my life guzzling and inhaling the richest foods, the sweetest shit, constantly. Never thought I'd be able to break that craving. Now, I have a hard time eating even delicious good food in a restaurant that's too rich. You'd be amazed how your body can feel and function when you start putting half decent food into it. I'm not talking nothing but granola bars and yogurt, just exactly what you're doing Nick - good fresh (my god that's so important) tasty yet straightforward fare. Our bodies aren't that damn evolved, they still respond to the nutrients they always have, it's just our diets in the west have strayed so far from that, seemingly in the states worse than anywhere. Are there any farmers markets or general markets in your area Nick? Try and find some places where you can get the freshest, even organic stuff (well organic meat anyway, organic veggies are a crock imo).

 

People are so quick to jump on drugs to calm the chemicals swirling around our heads and bodies, when in actuality the chemistry we need to balance is the one that's been thrown so out of whack living in an environment we're not really evolved to handle. If we just do some of the most basic changes to our lifestyles or our diet to bring ourselves more in step with what our bodies actually need rather than what we think they want, the changes that can be felt are pretty amazing - at least for a guy like me who always poo-pooed that idea.

 

I'm no filthy scientologist, I'm all for therapy and drugs if they're required and have family members who may be dead without those two things, but I think at the same time, it's worth trying to fix the small stuff and see what a big difference that can make rather than jumping straight for the medicine cabinet.

 

 

 

there's a great place called the Fresh Market about ten minutes from my house.  Their produce is spectacular.  I could eat their garden fresh salsa all day.  they do have organic meats there, and I've had the organic chicken... it was really good.  Makes you wonder about all those hormones they pump into everything.  That's why I stay away from dairy (live in Wisconsin, so you can imagine how hard that is)

 

About three months ago, I did this cleanse thing with my wife.  It's not a supplement or anything like that.  What we did, was drink smoothies for two days.  Smoothies we made with fresh veggies and fruit.  My favorite was Kale, Spinach, Cucumber, Strawberry, Banana and Kiwi.  It was filling, and I tell you, after the two days, I felt great.  I fell back into the world of eating "shit" soon after.  I'm so tempted to do that again, or at least mix that in with a sensible diet.  Ah fuck it, I'm going to stop by the fresh market tonight, and get some veggies.  No reason I can't have that twice a day between meals. 

 

still pretty anxious today, but my stomach is better.  I just can't shake this adrenaline feeling I have, almost like i want to run and run and run. I'm going to workout tonight once the wife gets home (watch the lil guy).  

You're still in very early stages yet, your body may still think this is a completely temporary thing (like those other times) it'll take a while before doing the healthy thing becomes the normal and eating crap will feel like the anomoly. Stick with it and it may help the adrenaline issues as well. Exercising at night is a good idea, maybe think about getting up half an hour earlier if possible (and if you're sleep habits settle down) and taking a good walk - great chance to listen to some tunes, clear your head and ready yourself for the day. If you're body wants to expend energy, then expend it my good man.

FYI: I am back on the Welbutrin, the sexy time depression medicine

 

Nick - can I ask how things are going?

in the space of a month i have gone from "normal" to on meds and seeing a therapist. blaarg

Wellbutrin works wonderfully in combination with the Seroquel and Trileptal I take for my bipolar...whenever I fall into a longterm depressive episode my psychiatrist puts me back on Wellbutrin for awhile and it always helps.

It's been 2 months since I've started taking bi-polar meds. Being able to pay attention is a bit easier now and I don't have all the racing thoughts that I used to have, funny enough I miss that. My wife enjoys the fact that my mood is even but I still get fits of depression, but they just last about a day. Nothing major.

 

I'm a big believer in therapy.  It can have a lot of value, but it takes time.  It can take years to build up the kind of trust you need to have a breakthrough, but in my mind it's worth it, even if initially it seems pointless.  Hang in there.   

 

 

That's been my problem lately, can't keep my mind focused on one thing at once. I try to watch a movie and get swamped in all sorts of dark emotions and thoughts. So far at least the welbutrin *may* be assisting with that. No real clue, but I may perhaps be more focused

 

 

The only problem is that all that therapy takes a great deal of time and money, both of which are in short supply in today's world
 

 

 

I've heard that it's supposed to be used in conjunction with other stuff, but right now I'm just going off the Rxs my Nurse Practitioner gives me. I've not even been able to find a regular MD for just medicine issues, so I have this well meaning but untrained nurse who is just tossing prescriptions my way in case they'll help. It's kind of a nightmare

 

That's the thing. How do you really know when something is working?

Exactly... it's a mystery

Well, some people might notice a difference right away &, for others it may take a few months to notice a difference. Everyone's different so there's no universal measure or sensation by which one can distinguish for themselves the success of a treatment. That's why therapy is often helpful, because there's an objective outside perspective that can "guide you" through your treatment & provide genuine insight into your progress.

 

I recently went back Zoloft after stopping for six months &, with the first pill, I'd felt my brain spasm into gear & I felt like my processing of visual information had improved while my anxiety had noticeably subsided. This was an unusual experience because it usually takes several weeks for me to notice a difference. Not this time, for whatever reason,

I feel like I'm able to focus much better but is it mental? or is it the medication working?  Given that I've been taking to medication for sometime, it has to be the meds.

I started took Welbutrin in 2002 apparently (according to my medical chart - I have no memory of this), and was on it for several months. Then I took it during the summer for a few weeks and stopped after the side effects became too much of a bummer. I tried PAXIL next but that was really bad and made me feel out of sorts, so now I'm back on the Welbutrin despite the crummy side effects

 

The first time I took it I noticed a change almost immediately, but then it seemed to go away after a few days. Now I don't even know if there is a change or not

 

Yeah, it sounds like that's the case.

It does take a lot of time, that's for sure, but it doesn't have to take a lot of money.  There are resources for people who can't pay the huge fee, you just have to look.  Check with the city for mental health services.  There are also certain institutes that offer services on a sliding scale.  It's a lot of work to set it up -- believe me, you can put it off for years, but in my experience, you're better off making an honest effort.  And if you get a therapist who is an obvious disconnect, just try again. 

 

I've sort of seen everyone in my area over the years, and there are free people on my health care plan, but I've kinda checked them all out and they've come up wanting in one way or another. Oh well
 

 

I guess it's just the holidays.

 

Last year, I had a terrible holiday season, and fell into a deep depression after my girlfriend left me. My family mocked it, my friends grew distant, and I stayed in that funk until spring or summertime, when I just woke up one day to try things differently. I had seen medical health experts who had declared me depressed (and tried one depression study where they turned me away, saying I was "too depressed (?!?).

 

Anyway, I have no story for how I got out of that. I guess I just did. And so summer and fall were alright, met a girl, found some cool new career opportunities.

 

And it's slowly been coming back, and manifesting in a lot of weird ways. I suppose there were some catalysts - I won't go into it any more, but something absolutely AWFUL happened to me about a month ago, and as a result, I lost that girlfriend. My best friend estranged himself from me one last time because I had (unfairly, and obnoxiously) been railing on about him still living at home and not giving a shit. And it was only days ago where I found out my holiday plans were for naught - none of my family is going to be around, as they've all made plans, despite me thinking I could go visit them. I'm going to be alone in New York for Christmas and New Years, always the absolute worst time for me.

 

I always get down during the holidays, but I have slept, ate and nested in my apartment heavily the last couple of days, and I just feel that crushing weight all coming back. And being on the internet today feels like it's really set me back a little - I work for a website, in particular, and I posted something that just unleashed a torrent of negativity from readers I didn't know I had.

 

By Christmas, when I'm alone in my apartment, I imagine it's just going to get a whole lot worse.

Gabe T hang in there! I'd write you a full reply but it's after midnight here and I have to get going on other stuff. I have an early day tomorrow

 

Christmas can be hard sometimes (I didn't decorate my tree this year), but all is not lost. Maybe we can do a holiday CHUD watch along or something. You've got days left to get some plans set. I bet you will come up with something good

 

PS They have a fire log up on NETFLIX INSTANT

Gabe T, I know the feeling.  It can be extremely depressing but I have found in the past that when I feel really isolated creative endeavors can help a lot, i.e. writing, painting, plunging into a new author and reading all of his/her books, etc.  We'll all be here too, or a lot of us.

You may want to consider leaving your apartment and staying with family or friends or anyone, as loathe as you may be to take that action. 

 

I suffer from depression, usually situational. I have a generally bleak worldview but I can stay a step removed from it and laugh at the cruel absurdity of it all for the most part, until something triggers me and it all changes in my head. 

 

I am coming out of a pretty big depressive episode. My relationship was failing, I fell in with a bad group of individuals, I had a lot of negativity coming from said people (and myself), I was increasingly relying on drugs and alcohol to cope, and I was feeling stagnant at my job (I still am, to be honest). But when people looked at me they saw a young man gainfully employed and supporting himself, and thus someone with NO reason to feel bad. This only served to increase my feelings of isolation. I was told things like, "you're a man, so man up," and "snap out of it," and "lots of people have a lot less, walk a mile in their shoes," and so on. All salient points, I admit. But not what I needed to hear. Not just yet anyway. I think only once you begin recovery can you accept some of those types of thoughts. 

 

I was also living alone in a loft in downtown LA at the time. I would work ten hours a day in a job I felt was totally unfulfilling and than return home to an empty, cold apartment. I would chain smoke, pace around, not return calls or answer the phone, and just try to idle away the hours on the Internet, usually until far past my bedtime. My relationships, even my closest ones, even ones I cherished, all gradually fell away. It was a strange thing and I'm still not sure why I did that. My sleep suffered (it always has but by this point I was literally staying up for days at a time) and I began having thoughts of suicide. Flinging myself out the window, opening my veins with a box cutter in the tub, etc. At this point, for the first time, I sought therapy. 

 

Would you believe a lot of people in my life, including my immediate family, did not support this decision? It was as if they did not understand why I needed it. Or they didn't believe it could help. But I went and I realized that although an environment is just an environment, that apartment had become a bad place for me. It symbolized loneliness and substance abuse and all the negative shit that had happened to me in it. So I moved. Even though I loved the apartment itself and the location and the idea of having a place myself, I just had to get the Hell out of there. I stay with family, friends, my relationships are improving and markedly so is my mental health. It's a step. 

 

But I knew I had to get the Hell out of there before winter actually set in. I didn't think I would make it. Sounds like you may be in a same boat. Just taking the step of looking for a new place might be enough to make you feel better. Never underestimate the importance of location. And never believe you have no options. I was told repeatedly I would have NOWHERE to go, by my own family even. But it worked out. It usually does if you make it. Don't resign yourself to being alone, especially in New York. If you were on a farm in the dead of winter in Wisconsin, it would be a bit harder. But you're in NY. You have options. :)

 

That's good advice, Blacky, and I identify with your story in a lot of ways too.

Well, that's my point. My friends are all with their families, and my family either lives far away (I THOUGHT I was visiting), or they're traveling independently. So there really isn't anywhere to go.

 

Time to get cracking on that Great American Novel, I guess.
 

Gabe, another thing I used to do a lot of when I lived alone was take road trips.  I took a lot of solitary trips either by myself or, later, with my dog, and just generally explored places that were within a day's drive.  I live in LA so one Friday I drove up to Inverness, where The Fog was filmed, explored the area, took pictures, ate at a local cafe, did my weekend laundry at a laundromat in town, then car-camped and drove home the next morning.  In my early 20s, I lived in New York and didn't have a car, but you can take the subway to the weirdest areas and do the same thing.  I was very alone in those days, completely on my own with no family, and day trips were a really good alternative to going to bars.  

Let me Preface this by saying my Dad died in 2004 and by and large I've gotten over it. i still miss him, but most of the time I experience no sadness when I think about him.

So, I got a notification in the mail this past summer stating that some money in a bank account has turned up which used to belong to my dad, not much, but enough to go back into probate for. My family goes back into probate and after all the legal stuff, making sure it isn't a Nigerian scam, and waiting for any claims to be made against the estate, probate closes. Today I received the check in the mail and deposited it. It was a nice Christmas gift which both my sister and i needed to pay the bills.

I should be happy that this money turned up out of nowhere, so why do I feel like my Dad died all over again?

Because another little piece of him is gone forever. I recently cashed in an insurance policy set up by my mother (who died in 1989) & I got a little taste of that feeling.

 

Today, or rather last night, I ruined the one great thing in my life because I have a tendency to, well, ruin the good things in my life while chasing after the 'grass is greener' better, never appreciating that the grass here was (is?) particularly awesome and everything I could ever want. A stupid act led to a stupid, month long lie in which I could never feel as comfortable around my girlfriend when we were alone in bed, no tv, no outside excitement. Just us. Fear and guilt, the latter founded, the former, unfounded. It is a passing cloud, I know and not the diagnosed symptoms of you all (for whom I feel for), but everything was going so well and suddenly, a nose dive. Suddenly, it's like I haven't moved forward in five years and I just sorta...stopped at college and haven't grown up at all.

When you know better, you do better.  You know.  That's a start.

I'm sorry for any troubles you've been forced to endure with this situation, but once the dust has settled, you may want to evaluate the logic of entering into a pact where by acting on your desires is considered the ultimate betrayal. To borrow a phrase: it gets better. You can live your life without a needing to live a lie, it just takes honesty with yourself and your partner

 

Be well, and have a happy new year (that goes for all the people in this thread struggling, Gabe, Blacky, Tim K and the rest)

I see folks here bumming about being alone. Not to minimize that, but I have the opposite problem. I could use some solitude.