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Depression - Page 50

post #2451 of 2519
Before Mustaine went absolutely batty, Megadeth was my favorite band. That's just about the only hair shred/metal band I can handle. Today, it's been more in the vein of Silent Civilian (easily my favorite metal group) with a smattering of Mudvayne and In Flames. I tossed in some Deftones for some light rock.
post #2452 of 2519
Quote:
Originally Posted by wd40 View Post

Before Mustaine went absolutely batty, Megadeth was my favorite band. That's just about the only hair shred/metal band I can handle. Today, it's been more in the vein of Silent Civilian (easily my favorite metal group) with a smattering of Mudvayne and In Flames. I tossed in some Deftones for some light rock.

Please tell me you’ve listened to Spineshank’s “The Height of Callousness” then because that is one of the best nu metal albums.
post #2453 of 2519
Quote:
Originally Posted by wd40 View Post

It's been a melt-my-face-off metal day. Any suggestions? I am quite particular about my tastes, but I'm always up for recommendations.

Listen to the stream of Trivium’s new album “The Sin and the Sentence”. It’s amazing.
post #2454 of 2519
Quote:
Originally Posted by catartik View Post

Please tell me you’ve listened to Spineshank’s “The Height of Callousness” then because that is one of the best nu metal albums.

Quote:
Originally Posted by catartik View Post

Listen to the stream of Trivium’s new album “The Sin and the Sentence”. It’s amazing.

Yes. I have and enjoy all of Spineshank's albums. That's how I found SC. ETA: Spineshank's last two have been less mu metal thankfully -- especially their last one.

I haven't liked a Trivium release in a long time. I'll check it out.

Thanks to everyone else for the suggestions. I'll check out what I haven't heard.
post #2455 of 2519
Amorphis, my friend. Easily my favourite post age 30 band. Started out as death metal, evolved into psychedelic rock. The blend is fascinating, and way catchier than Mastodon.
post #2456 of 2519
post #2457 of 2519

It really is so stupid how the holiday season just sends my depression and anxiety into overdrive and I don't know why. Tomorrow is thanksgiving and all, and I have so much to be grateful and thankful for. And yet I sit here heart pounding in my chest and feeling utter terror and sadness coursing through my veins. Quite the combination. Its almost five in the morning. I should be counting blessings or watching one of the pplethura of things on the Netflix machine and all I can think is what an utter, worthless failure I am. What a vile, horrible human being I am. Its just all stupid

post #2458 of 2519

Yesterday someone asked me what I was doing for Thanksgiving and I told them I'll be spending it alone. I felt sad. Then the person who asked me told me she's going out of state on the busiest traffic day of the year so she could be with her husband's extended family. From her expression and the way she said it, I could tell this was a wearisome and maybe traumatic event looming in her near future. 

 

I felt better. 

 

I guess that makes me an asshole, but fuck it. 

post #2459 of 2519
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterPhil View Post
 

It really is so stupid how the holiday season just sends my depression and anxiety into overdrive and I don't know why. Tomorrow is thanksgiving and all, and I have so much to be grateful and thankful for. And yet I sit here heart pounding in my chest and feeling utter terror and sadness coursing through my veins. Quite the combination. Its almost five in the morning. I should be counting blessings or watching one of the pplethura of things on the Netflix machine and all I can think is what an utter, worthless failure I am. What a vile, horrible human being I am. Its just all stupid

 

Well you just solved why you are depressed. You have no self worth. You don't see your potential. 

 

So what in your life has you feel like a failure, MisterPhil?

post #2460 of 2519
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterPhil View Post

It really is so stupid how the holiday season just sends my depression and anxiety into overdrive and I don't know why. Tomorrow is thanksgiving and all, and I have so much to be grateful and thankful for. And yet I sit here heart pounding in my chest and feeling utter terror and sadness coursing through my veins. Quite the combination. Its almost five in the morning. I should be counting blessings or watching one of the pplethura of things on the Netflix machine and all I can think is what an utter, worthless failure I am. What a vile, horrible human being I am. Its just all stupid
I’m assuming that you have people in your life. Do you talk to them about this? Because if you don’t you should. Pick at least a couple of the most supportive people you have and lean on their positive image of you instead.

Fake it til you make it is bad advice, in that it encourages you to try to handle the load alone. Learn to trust that those people see something in you that you don’t see in yourself, and lean on that until you can build up an internalized source of self esteem.

That’s what works for me.
post #2461 of 2519
I wrote this two years ago; it’s my family’s Thanksgiving story.

This will be the third year I’ve shared it for anyone who is alone today, or doesn’t believe there is such a thing as hope.

Ironically, my family has fallen apart, and this is the first Thanksgiving I have ever spent alone.

I am sharing it because I need it, too.

http://ekmyers.blogspot.com/2015/11/1-about-boy.html
post #2462 of 2519

I remember parts of this but had never read the full post. Thank you for sharing this with us, Erik.

post #2463 of 2519
Holy shit, Erik. That’s beautiful. I’m sorry to hear times are tough but you seem well equipped to weather any storm. All the same, be well this holiday season and don’t be afraid to talk to us here.
post #2464 of 2519


It really is a stupid, self defeating cycle because while I know these thoughts running through my head aren't true, its just hard to shake them. And yes, there are people in my life. But I can't talk to them about such things. Just can't. Just need to fake it till I makes it. Its all I got right now

post #2465 of 2519
I think you know it shouldn’t be true, but I think you still believe it about yourself. Why won’t you talk to them? Are you afraid they may abandon you?
post #2466 of 2519
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterPhil View Post
 


It really is a stupid, self defeating cycle because while I know these thoughts running through my head aren't true, its just hard to shake them. And yes, there are people in my life. But I can't talk to them about such things. Just can't. Just need to fake it till I makes it. Its all I got right now

 

"Aren't true" is the key. This is chemistry, not real thoughts. Not even real feelings in a sense. Try to internalize that this is the case. And do what you need to wait it out. Because it WILL pass. 

 

I've grown to doubt the value in sharing my own experience, but for what it's worth...I can now tell when I'm experiencing "justified" Depression vs. "chemical Depression". 

 

If it's the former, I intelllectualize what I need to do to over come. If it's the later, I withdraw until it passes (which in my case is usually a couple hours to a day at the most"

 

post #2467 of 2519
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterPhil View Post


It really is a stupid, self defeating cycle because while I know these thoughts running through my head aren't true, its just hard to shake them. And yes, there are people in my life. But I can't talk to them about such things. Just can't. Just need to fake it till I makes it. Its all I got right now

You don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to. Just whatever you do, don’t shut yourself in. The best way to deal with depression is to get out and go do something, anything and don’t keep yourself locked inside your place with nothing to do but listen to your own thoughts.

My go-to thing to do is a workout at the gym. It’s relatvely cheap (around $25 a month) and makes me feel better. You could also simply go running or hiking which doesn’t cost anything. Don’t take this as me saying you need to exercise, it’s just that working out is an activity that anyone can do which doesn’t require social interaction and therefore is much less mentally taxing than going to hang out with some friends and trying to fake like nothing is wrong.
post #2468 of 2519

Bad night last night.  All the typical Thanksgiving nonsense seemed inevitable, so I opted out and spent it with my dog, cats, and the MST3K marathon.  I'm pretty sure most of my (very small) family thinks major depression is caused by laziness or literal demons.  The day wasn't that bad, really.  The only hard part was when I realized I had completely spaced on going to the cemetery.  I really felt like shit for forgetting.  I actually planned to go in the morning, but was laid out by a toothache.  I always visit my mother's grave on holidays but didn't remember until it was dark.  It's a short drive so I went during a pause in the rain.

I was okay when I went to bed, but a couple hours later I was jolted awake by a panic attack.  No sleep after that, just lying in bed wondering "What the hell?"  I hadn't been that stressed.  After I got up, I checked my pill organizer.  I had forgotten to add a med.  On one hand, it's nice for once to be able to say "That's why that happened."   On the other, it's a reminder how dependent I am on these pills to maintain what functionality I have.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tim K View Post

My go-to thing to do is a workout at the gym. It’s relatvely cheap (around $25 a month) and makes me feel better. You could also simply go running or hiking which doesn’t cost anything. Don’t take this as me saying you need to exercise, it’s just that working out is an activity that anyone can do which doesn’t require social interaction and therefore is much less mentally taxing than going to hang out with some friends and trying to fake like nothing is wrong.

 

One of my major weapons is my elliptical machine.  I almost always feel at least a little better after a workout.  I try to fit in a brief walk outside every day, too.  

post #2469 of 2519
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColdRobotHeart View Post

I checked my pill organizer.  I had forgotten to add a med.  On one hand, it's nice for once to be able to say "That's why that happened."   On the other, it's a reminder how dependent I am on these pills to maintain what functionality I have.

I totally get this way of thinking, I have often felt the same way about “needing medication” and feeling weak because of it. But you know what, I use my contacts and glasses every day. It’s obvious to others that my eyes is poor and needs correcting. The amount of times I’ve beat myself up emotionally about needing glasses? ZERO. I have something that helps me function properly and feel zero guilt or shame over it. Why do I not feel bad about glasses that help me see, but feel awful about taking a pill to keep my brain chemistry in check?

That’s how insidious depression is. It screws with our perceptions and ability to think rationally about things that can help us. We don’t want to bother anyone with our problems, we need to get off the meds, etc....etc.....
post #2470 of 2519
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lightning Slim View Post

Holy shit, Erik. That’s beautiful. I’m sorry to hear times are tough but you seem well equipped to weather any storm. All the same, be well this holiday season and don’t be afraid to talk to us here.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read it.
post #2471 of 2519
Quote:
Originally Posted by erik myers View Post

I wrote this two years ago; it’s my family’s Thanksgiving story.

This will be the third year I’ve shared it for anyone who is alone today, or doesn’t believe there is such a thing as hope.

Ironically, my family has fallen apart, and this is the first Thanksgiving I have ever spent alone.

I am sharing it because I need it, too.

http://ekmyers.blogspot.com/2015/11/1-about-boy.html

 

This story made me feel happy about life. 

 

And your family are cute sons of guns too. 

post #2472 of 2519
Thanks, friends.

Should anyone want to know what happened next, you can read it here:

http://ekmyers.blogspot.com/2016/08/2-coming-out.html
post #2473 of 2519
Quote:
Originally Posted by erik myers View Post

Thanks, friends.

Should anyone want to know what happened next, you can read it here:

http://ekmyers.blogspot.com/2016/08/2-coming-out.html
I need to read all of it. Somehow I missed the rest being up thread.

Hope you and yours are ok. Take care and vent all you need. Either here or privately. My PM line is always open if you feel that'd help (this goes for everyone). I'll be reading your links as soon as I can tonight..
post #2474 of 2519
Patton Oswalt, who is a depression survivor and advocate in addition to being great in other ways, writes for Time Magazine: How to Conquer Loneliness During the Holidays

Quote:
If you fully inhabit and allow the beauty of a half-empty city or town to reset your depression, I promise you it will change the sadness around you. It will change the people around you. People’s loneliness isn’t alleviated by tit-for-tat joy. That’s too easy. It’s other people being alive and present which spawns true joy, and makes the dead air particles shimmer and vibrate and warm the world.
post #2475 of 2519

He's absolutely right. A half-empty, nearly abandoned city can be a magical thing, and some of my favorite memories of New York come from those rare moments - not just holidays, but that period between 2:30 am and 5:00 am when everything is closed, or about to close, and not yet ready to fully wake. Or a trip I took to DC in a late November, when no one was around and you could truly be alone with the monuments. It's like nothing else. 

post #2476 of 2519
That way I love foggy mornings. It makes me feel like I’m the only one up while the rest world is still sleeping and the world is my playground.
post #2477 of 2519
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tim K View Post

That way I love foggy mornings. It makes me feel like I’m the only one up while the rest world is still sleeping and the world is my playground.

 

Those are great, too. I love a foggy, misty morning in some of the rural parts of Pennsylvania and New York, particularly during the winter and fall, when it's chilly, but not cold, and there's frost, but not snow. It's restorative. 

post #2478 of 2519
post #2479 of 2519
My Dad took his own life today because Parkinson's took everything away from him and I was on the other side of the world and couldn't properly talk to him about things

So anyway, whisky now
post #2480 of 2519

I'm so so so sorry Andy.

post #2481 of 2519
Chur bro. Counting down the hours till I get on a plane and basically getting rat arsed.

Never. EVER leave it too late to say the things you want to say to your loved ones because ... Fuck. It's too late if it's too late.
post #2482 of 2519
I’m so sorry Andy. That's a terrible choice your Dad has to make and a terrible burden for you to bear. I hope you have peace with this in time.
post #2483 of 2519
Andy, I am so very sorry.

For what it's worth, I think you know that if you ever needed anything, there would be a lineup of people here.

For now all good wishes.
post #2484 of 2519

Christ, so sorry for your loss Andy.

post #2485 of 2519
I am very sorry for your loss. Stay strong.
post #2486 of 2519
We're here for you Andy.
post #2487 of 2519
Andy, if there's anything I can do you know how to reach me.
post #2488 of 2519
Andy - so sorry. No words.
post #2489 of 2519

Please take care, Andy.

post #2490 of 2519
Sincerest condolences, Andy. Stay strong my friend. Wishing you and your family the happiest (and hopefully most healing) holidays possible, given the circumstances..
post #2491 of 2519
Jesus, Andy. I’m so sorry.
post #2492 of 2519
So sorry to hear that Andy, I know some Wellington-UK flights stop in Auckland on the way so if that's you ... well, you already have my number.
post #2493 of 2519
Cheers all.

Best community ever. This is unbelievably rough but it's great to know this extra layer of support is there

Kia Kaha
post #2494 of 2519


My Dad when I got him twatted on 12% Golden Ale.

Silly old sod, I'll miss him forever.
post #2495 of 2519
He raised a hell of a son. That's all I need to tell me he was a great man.

Take solace in your family, Andy. They're your greatest resource in getting through this, and you're theirs. Mourn, but share good stories about him and remember him for the good man he was.
post #2496 of 2519
Andy, I’m so sorry for your loss.
post #2497 of 2519

So sorry for this, Andy. All will get better in time.

post #2498 of 2519
Shit man I'm so sorry to read that! Thoughts and condolences for you there!
post #2499 of 2519
There are no words. My condolences and all the best for you and your family, mr Bain.
post #2500 of 2519
Very sorry to hear that, Andy. I hope the support of your family and friends helps you get through this. When my father died a long time ago we remembered all the good times, his crazy quirks and funny (and unfunny) jokes. It really helped.

I know you have a big family here in the UK but Saxon and I and the rest of the London Chewers would glady buy you a pint or 6 anytime.
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