I wasn't prepared for how dorky this movie would be. I don't mean car-nerdy, I mean its understanding of what's "cool" when it comes to relationships and dialogue. Almost everything any dude in this movie says to any other dude is such a relentlessly dorky version of coolness. And the romance stuff is such a relentlessly dorky version of romance. I was damn near squinting at the film trying to work out if it was written by 15 year olds or a computer program designed to think like 15 year olds or if the whole thing is a massive pisstake. I regularly embrace on-screen ridiculosity and I am a Brazilophile and I like The Rock and Vin Diesel well enough, so I wasn't getting why this film was keeping me at arms length for almost the entire run time.
And I could have left it at that and gone about my day just fine, except that I did remember how favourably this movie had been regarded by a bunch of Chewers I like and respect, so I come here, home to CHUD, to hunt out and read through this thread to try to make some sense of it.
Brace yourself for a firestorm of multiquote - I'm going in ...
A bunch of thoughts Gabe had that I had me Mmmm-hmm-ing (this isn't a complete quote of his post, just the things which particularly resonated with me).
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gabe T 
-Nothing Dwayne Johnson does EVER makes sense.
-The girls in this movie... I don't wanna be that guy, but DAYUM.
-When you do these heist movies, you want banter and laughs. And the oil-and-vinegar pairing of Ludacris and Tyrese ain't exactly Hope and Crosby.
-Seriously. These guys must have killed thousands of innocents. "Did you guys just take out a bank? HA HA" says the pregnant one.
-I had a difficult time ascertaining anyone's motivation, and I wasn't sure why everyone was so gung-ho on an obviously impossible mission. The crew is borderline supernatural how they pull these things off. There are about seven or so bonafide stunts in this film that would kill a normal person. No one even breaks an arm.
-Grossest poop scene I've ever seen in a PG-13 rated movie. If this were an indie, surely it would have gotten an R. It gets Trainspotting up in this bitch for like five minutes.
-Loved the henchman who would never ever ever die. I remember the fuzzy-looking attack in the favelas, bodies and cars everywhere, multiple grenades and such. And at the end, when everyone walks away from piles of bodies, the henchman walks in, holding a gun, angry/sad, in theory angry that he didn't get our men, but looking like he JUST purchased the shirt he was wearing.
The banter really is The Worst and The Rock really is The Best.
Nabster got all het up and was no fun but he did say a couple of things which rang true -
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Originally Posted by
Nabster There's no chemistry between any of the characters ... And Vin looks tired and fat in this.
Some of these actors bring some charisma - The Rock, Bucho, Pataky - but they're all working alone. None of them spark off anyone else. The lovey dovey scenes between Walker and Brewster are utterly lacking in heat. The rivalry/banter between Tyrese and Ludacris falls flat every damn time. Even the much ballyhooed love between Paul and Vin is completely weightless. The closest the film comes to an actual spark between two characters is between Vin and Pataky, but even that fizzles by the end. (The bickering Puerto Ricans may have had chemistry but I couldn't understand them.)
It's not like ridiculous action can't be done at the same time as having chemistry between characters, it's that this movie either doesn't know how or doesn't care.
Harley nailed it regarding how the movie failed to use the magnificent power of Bucho to any meaningful advantage. And one of many examples of the flabbergastingly cack writing around Mia.
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Originally Posted by
HarleyQuinn22 -The villain was so vanilla that it did the story a disservice, and having an interesting and formidable baddie would have really helped. As it stands, they could have been stealing from a mannequin in a store window and had the same effect.
-The way that the film goes about telling us that Mia is pregnant literally made me howl laughing. In the span of ten seconds, they show her wolfing down food, then cuddling a baby, then running to the bathroom with morning sickness.
-The Rock is absolutely the best thing about this movie.
The Rock is absolutely the best thing about this movie.
Molt really honed in on the problem with the film's pacing regarding how much time they spent driving round in that boring warehouse. And also on how awesome the ambush scene was.
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Originally Posted by
Moltisanti
Really didn't care about a good chunk of the middle where it's all heist planning. Could have cut that garbage in half and nobody would know the difference. Like all that worrying about the security camera seeing the car. There's like no payoff at all for that. Waste of time.
But once Diesel and The Rock throwdown the film is fairly relentless. Pretty sweet riff on CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER when all of The Rock's team gets butchered.
Ape really does a good job of summing up how disappointing Vin was overall and how much fun The Rock was.
He's wrong about Asians in Brazil though, there are a lot of them over there. In fact I think Sao Paulo has the largest Japanese population in the world outside of Japan. Han would chameleon just fine. The fact he never actually has to in the movie is beside the point.
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Originally Posted by
DamnDirtyApe Vin Diesel needs to lay off the beer and hot dogs....or at least stop wearing wife beaters and sleeveless tees. Whatever bad ass charisma he used to have, it has clearly gone to his gut. Dom is supposed to be the bad ass of the group, but he is completely blown off the screen by the Rock. The Rock owns this film, and my buddies and i thought it was hilarious he was literally sweating testosterone and macho-ness in every scene. Mid way through the movie my friend leaned over and asked "why is he always so wet??"..... i really hope this was an intentional move by the film makers, as i loved it. I also loved his "elite squad" was composed of a bunch of scrubs and schlubs clearly casted to make the Rock look that much bigger and badder than everyone else. He is such a wave of destruction through this movie, that it feels like it drags whenever he's not around.
I also loved when Diesel and Walker are talking about who they need for what, and they say they need a "chameleon. someone who can blend in and disappear.." and they cut to Han, like an Asian guy is going to blend in in Rio.
Nooj loves The Rock's smile and so do I.
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Originally Posted by
mcnooj82
Another thing I loved about his performance was that he gruffed, glowered, twitched, and sweat through the entire movie... and then brightened up the screen AND OUR HEARTS with that bright smile when he opens the vault.
Weirdly I feel like I'll be there for Fast And Furi6 though. I guess I've learned nothing.
