Your "Awesome" Remake/Reboot/Sequel Pitches

HostHELL - Up and coming visionary auteur Fred Durst reimagines Eli Roth's 2006 opus with the story of three  Hispanic grandparents living in the US who each take a grandchild to Mexico to learn firsthand of their cultural heritage. After a few days of gaining knowledge and having a good old time, their grandparents are kidnapped in the night, leading our intrepid younglings to get to the bottom of the disappearances. As they make their way through the tangled web of the underground elderly kidnapping ring, they uncover a plot involving Mexicans siphoning off kidnapped elderly Americans retirement funds in order to fund a secret Satanist sect that plans to raise an army of demon/human hybrid soldiers to invade the US and take their jobs by storm. But first, the Mexicans have to torture the eldrery to get those social security numbers. Will their grandchildren be able to get to them in time? Starring Scott Baio, Willie Ames, and Charlton Heston (brought back to glorious life through CG technology) as the grandparents, and Robert Blake as the Antichrist. Score by Philip Glass and Rascal Flatts.

VAN HELSING -- do it right this time.

A Bad Motherfucker.

A drama about a man who has an incestuous relationship with his own mother.

Everytime they have sex he performs really badly, always gets a premature ejaculation.

He is "A Bad Motherfucker"

Samuel Jackson plays the main role.