When your relationship ends. - Page 6

Yeah, all is fine here.  Plenty of friendly contact,  but not much in the direction of reconciliation.

Kind of a combination of all three.  Some days we chat and nothing about this comes up and it feels like nothing has changed.  Then some days the conversation is all about this and it feels like some surreal dream.  But at the end of the day, I still come home to a place absolutely filled with memories of her, memories that I either have to overwhelm with some other activity, or let just overwhelm me for a bit so I can get it out of my system.

at this potnt I'm not okay with discussing this on the boards. Sorry guys. I'm okay with talking seprately...but Im just in a really fucked up position right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Rain Dog 

If it turns out this separation is definitely for good - would you move out?

Most likely.  The lease runs until November, so I'd probably start looking for something smaller/cheaper if summer rolls along and this either becomes permanent or shows no signs of improving.

Haven't chipped in in this thread for a while, but hope all you guys are doing OK.

I think these oddly coincidental breakups are part of the Universe's plan to have all Chewers move in under the same roof. Think of 'The Odd Couple' with extreme violence and movie trivia.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Rain Dog 

In all seriousness, what the fucks going on around the boards with breakups the last few months? Is it tidal? Did the Mayans predict it?

 

This is the time of the year for break-ups.  People don't want to pull the plug during the holidays.

Greatest break-up song of all time?  Maybe.

This one is pretty great too.

Well that one rates highly on the Whatthefuckometer.

I don't know mate, I suppose it all comes down to how past you can get past the reminder factor at the moment. If you reckon enough to at least chat with the girl online, I say give it a shot - just keep it light, steer clear of anything flirty or dating-related; just a chat and feel yourself out as you go.  Just my two pennies, anyway. It's one thing meeting someone who reminds you of your ex, but that's nuts!

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Rain Dog 

Oh my fuckin gods, you guys.

 

 

I finally get an email from a girl on one of these ridiculous dating websites that seems pretty smart, down to earth and attractive - she seems keen to chat...

 

She's an English teacher...

 

 

...her name is Anna.

 

 

Which would be fine except my ex is an english teacher...

 

...her name is Anna.

 

I fucking shit you not.

 

Someones laughing somewhere surely.

The preceding quote is in no way meant to infer anything about RD's ex.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Richard Dickson 

Oh, we have, plenty of times over the last few months.  She knows this is hurting me.  But email allows a clarity of thought and liberation of distance that lets us not get side-tracked by the sight of the other person breaking down.  She's been more honest with me in email conversations than she's been able to be face to face precisely because she doesn't have to see my face fall.

You now have an opportunity to build yourself a world that is uniquely yours. I have been married for over 20 years and while it's been mostly nice I can honestly say it does not resemble who I am in any meaningful way. Too many compromises made, too many pieces of me trimmed off to fit the whole cloth for the sake of the children and for 'her'. You effectively have a blank slate my good man and this is priceless and precious so please, please see it for what it can be and not what it seems like to you at the moment. People will fuck you over so you absolutely have to make a place for yourself, that reflects who you are and is your bedrock. This sounds preachy as hell and I'm sorry for that but this is the speech I gave my sons when they had their hearts ripped out the first time. They seemed to listen.

RD, that's weird and freaky. I don't know if I could date, let alone try to build something serious, with a woman who shared a first name with my ex, let alone more similarities. I think it would leave me twitching in my sleep.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichaelM 

RD, that's weird and freaky. I don't know if I could date, let alone try to build something serious, with a woman who shared a first name with my ex, let alone more similarities. I think it would leave me twitching in my sleep.

My name is the same as my wife's ex-boyfriend who she broke up with prior to meeting me. For a time afterward when she screamed my name in unbridled passion I always gave her the sideways stink-eye like "is it me" or is it that other "Ed".....hmmmm. I never asked because I wanted to have sex again in the future. It works on a guys mind to be sure.

An old ex-girlfriend of mine married some geekoid named Brad. I thought that really added insult to injury. Made me feel like the George Lazenby of ex-boyfriends.

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Originally Posted by Bradito 

An old ex-girlfriend of mine married some geekoid named Brad. I thought that really added insult to injury. Made me feel like the George Lazenby of ex-boyfriends.

She's his problem now.  On to the next one, pal.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HarleyQuinn22 

She's his problem now.  On to the next one, pal.

Oh, I've moved on. That was years ago. I'm just jazzed I could finally use my old quip, "made me feel like the George Lazenby of ex-boyfriends," in a place where folks would know what the hell I was talking about. Just got a blank look from my friends at the time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bradito 

An old ex-girlfriend of mine married some geekoid named Brad. I thought that really added insult to injury. Made me feel like the George Lazenby of ex-boyfriends.

thou perhaps that would make your ex the Diana Rigg of ex girlfriends :)

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Originally Posted by Love Machine 

thou perhaps that would make your ex the Diana Rigg of ex girlfriends :)

That would make it indescribably worse.

This never happened to the other fellow.

Bradito WILL return in... Notapussy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Richard Dickson 

Kind of a combination of all three.  Some days we chat and nothing about this comes up and it feels like nothing has changed.  Then some days the conversation is all about this and it feels like some surreal dream.  But at the end of the day, I still come home to a place absolutely filled with memories of her, memories that I either have to overwhelm with some other activity, or let just overwhelm me for a bit so I can get it out of my system.

This post takes me back to my last break up. Everything you say here hits home.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Rain Dog 

So I'm not sure where else to post this news, it probably doesn't deserve its own thread and it makes for a decent capper to what has been a truly bizarre nine months or so.

 

So my best mate and housemate is moving out - ironically because he's found a missus for the first time in nearly five years and they're moving in together (I love it, he used to be my single mate). My little brother needed a place to live so last week he moved his stuff in.

 

Yesterday he gets a call from his ex, the mum to his son, saying she needs to speak to him urgently, he called her as soon as he got home from work last night. Turns out she's had a bit of a meltdown and my nephew (whos about to turn 8) has had enough and wants to go live with his Dad. So she dropped him to my brother - to us - lat night.

 

So now I'm Charlie Sheen in this little Two And A Half Men.

 

A truly surreal turn of events considering a year ago I was happily about to celebrate my tenth anniversary with the woman I assumed I'd be growing old with to suddenly finding myself playing Uncle Charlie and half raising a young fella.

 

Life's a mad scientist sometimes.

It's good that she had the sense to place her child in safe hands.  Make the most of it, and most of all, be there for the kiddo.  Sounds like he's been through the ringer.

Pretty much all kids are resilient, and you need to encourage him to feel free to speak to you about what he's been through.  You do not want this child internalizing whatever went down.  That never ends well.  NEVER.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bradito 

Going on a date tomorrow night. This is the first official "dinner and a movie" outing since my last relationship ended about a month and a half ago. I'm looking forward to it. She's successful, a little older than I am, and thankfully, unmarried.

 

So we'll see what happens. I didn't expect someone like her would find a goofball like me interesting, but hey. I've had my share of hot messes. It's high time I acknowledged that I deserve someone who's got it together.

This one turned out to have bipolar disorder. She's also a recovering alcoholic who's five years sober. She takes medication, sees a therapist and goes to AA meetings twice a week, so I reasoned that she's "got it together," given her circumstances. I wanted to be compassionate and understanding. Didn't think I needed to put on a cape and red boots and save this girl from anything. She had it under control... Or not.

Still didn't work. She has this ugly habit of pushing people away when she feels like she's in danger of someone actually caring about her. I'm not sure what she wanted from me exactly. Although she said she wants get married and have a family, it really seems like she was after a casual fling. It certainly ended like one. I haven't heard from her since last Saturday. No phone calls, no texts, nothing. I've texted her twice since then. She's actively ignoring me.

What a shitshow. I should've trusted my instincts and avoided getting involved with her altogether. She's pretty well known in the standup comedy world, so I was kind of enamored with the idea of going out with someone who's friends with all of my heroes. It was exciting to date someone who's sort of a celebrity. We'd even talked about writing a pilot together. But, ultimately, the joke was on me. Zing!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bradito 

 

This one turned out to have bipolar disorder. She's also a recovering alcoholic who's five years sober. She takes medication, sees a therapist and goes to AA meetings twice a week, so I reasoned that she's "got it together," given her circumstances. I wanted to be compassionate and understanding. Didn't think I needed to put on a cape and red boots and save this girl from anything. She had it under control... Or not.

 

Still didn't work. She has this ugly habit of pushing people away when she feels like she's in danger of someone actually caring about her. I'm not sure what she wanted from me exactly. Although she said she wants get married and have a family, it really seems like she was after a casual fling. It certainly ended like one. I haven't heard from her since last Saturday. No phone calls, no texts, nothing. I've texted her twice since then. She's actively ignoring me.

 

What a shitshow. I should've trusted my instincts and avoided getting involved with her altogether. She's pretty well known in the standup comedy world, so I was kind of enamored with the idea of going out with someone who's friends with all of my heroes. It was exciting to date someone who's sort of a celebrity. We'd even talked about writing a pilot together. But, ultimately, the joke was on me. Zing!

 I don't even know where to start.

If anyone needs me, I'll be listening to "Against All Odds."

Damnit, Brad, you broke Harley.  Now what are we going to do?

Having once dated a bipolar woman myself, I know how frustrating it can be Bradito. When they're on the upswing things are amazing, but once it switches... Well, it varies from person to person but the downswing is rarely much fun. It can kill a relationship before it's barely had time to start.

In my experience, wanting long-term relationships/marriage/kids is something you have to expect people to show and not just talk about. Everyone says they want to find 'The One' but that  doesn't necessarily make them any less commitment-phobic when the opportunity for something longer-term comes up. A lot of people want the buzz of the romance just for its own sake; fuck, a lot of people just don't know what they want in the first place.

Either way, it sounds like she's pulling the bullshit passive-aggressive 'Pretend nothing's happening' method of ending this. Mate, if you'll take the advice of a guy who's been a chronic waiter over the years (And trying to remedy it): All waiting achieves, in these cases at least, is misery for you. It won't change any of her opinions, just give her space to keep avoiding the issue which simply means more limbo for you. My advice: Don't send anything else. ANYTHING. Don't call. Ignore her back, and let the ball stay in her court. Maybe you'll end up giving her what she wants, i.e. a chance to end the relationship without having to deal with the issue, but I've learned that it's fine to give them that small victory if it saves you sitting round in limbo, hoping things'll work out in vain. It's really not worth it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bradito 

 

This one turned out to have bipolar disorder. She's also a recovering alcoholic who's five years sober. She takes medication, sees a therapist and goes to AA meetings twice a week, so I reasoned that she's "got it together," given her circumstances. I wanted to be compassionate and understanding. Didn't think I needed to put on a cape and red boots and save this girl from anything. She had it under control... Or not.

 

Still didn't work. She has this ugly habit of pushing people away when she feels like she's in danger of someone actually caring about her. I'm not sure what she wanted from me exactly. Although she said she wants get married and have a family, it really seems like she was after a casual fling. It certainly ended like one. I haven't heard from her since last Saturday. No phone calls, no texts, nothing. I've texted her twice since then. She's actively ignoring me.

 

What a shitshow. I should've trusted my instincts and avoided getting involved with her altogether. She's pretty well known in the standup comedy world, so I was kind of enamored with the idea of going out with someone who's friends with all of my heroes. It was exciting to date someone who's sort of a celebrity. We'd even talked about writing a pilot together. But, ultimately, the joke was on me. Zing!

Welcome to dating in your 30s. As a good friend once told me, "you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to get your prince(ess)" . Don't lose any sleep over being attracted to someone who's a bit of a sod. We all do it.

Plus bipolar is no excuse for bad manners.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bradito 

 

Still didn't work. She has this ugly habit of pushing people away when she feels like she's in danger of someone actually caring about her. I'm not sure what she wanted from me exactly. Although she said she wants get married and have a family, it really seems like she was after a casual fling. It certainly ended like one. I haven't heard from her since last Saturday. No phone calls, no texts, nothing. I've texted her twice since then. She's actively ignoring me.

 

If she ignores your first text, DO NOT send a second one. Just makes that shit worse. Rather wait like 3 or 4 months and if she hasn't contacted you and you're still interested, send her a "what's happening" text. Guarantee she'll respond.

But again, that's if you want to. From my perspective she sounds like too much trouble, because in my experience the only way to be successful with people who push you away is to do a lot of game-playing.

Pondered this one quite a few times, back in high school/college whenever things went south:

...Also, Bradito? That sucks, man. I'm pullin' for you.

We talked on the phone last night. She officially broke up with me. Said my Atheism didn't jibe with her spirituality. She spoke vaguely about other differences we had as well. It's funny. None of this shit mattered a week ago. At least she still wants to be friends. YAY!!!

Ugh.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bradito 

She's pretty well known in the standup comedy world, so I was kind of enamored with the idea of going out with someone who's friends with all of my heroes. It was exciting to date someone who's sort of a celebrity. We'd even talked about writing a pilot together. But, ultimately, the joke was on me. Zing!

Ugh, I probably know her if I haven't dated her as well.

It's Joan Rivers, isn't it??

It's getting easier ... and it sucks that it's getting easier.

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Originally Posted by Evi 

It's Joan Rivers, isn't it??

Yes.