By way of update - and on topic with the "peace of mind" consideration:
Lasted a week without contact to him or from him and of course, being who I am (an overthinker and a lawyer to boot) over the weekend I reviewed everything that happened as best I could from recollection and from the email/IM/SMS history between us. And though I already knew it was 95% certain he met up with his new squeeze the weekend before he broke up with me; it only just clicked into place that there was another time a couple of weeks prior to that he'd also gone "AWOL" and been funny/silent treatmenty towards me. And I decided after talking it through with a mate that it wasn't doing me any favours speculating and that if I could just get "the whole truth" it'd help me move on a bit.
So looooooong email later with a barrage of direct questions to him I get the truth I sought - and which he up til then had denied me because he's the type of person who thinks actually explaining things factually doesn't answer questions or resolve problems (snark: yes! he's studying to be a psychologist!).
So - Yes: he met up with her about 2-3 weeks before he broke up with me, the first time he went AWOL.
Yes: he had already decided that despite actually being happy, he actually wasn't happy, had decided to end it and gave me the silent treatment/went AWOL out of town because he wanted to be sure of his decision and also because he didn't want to face having the break-up talk with me. He then met up with New Woman on his way back to town on the premise that he thought he was just going to catch up with an old friend whom he hadn't seen in a long time and didn't expect it to turn into a relationship.
He then decided to continue to not have the break-up talk with me for another 2-ish weeks because of time constraints and still not wanting to face the experience. I express my anxiety about him giving me the silent treatment and ask where I stand with him. He tells me not to stress.
Despite those time constraints, yes he did have a nooky meet-up with New Woman out of town the weekend before he broke up with me. Gives me the silent treatment for 5 days until he actually sees me at his work and can't avoid the issue any longer. Breaks up with me. Does not tell me he has already embarked on relationship with New Woman because he didn't want me to think his being with her was the reason he broke up with me. Has further nooky meet-up with her the weekend after he breaks up with me (those darn time constraints!!!)
Continues to flirt with me/be matey with me/talk to me every day for the next 2 months. I think I still have a chance to win him back, thinking he's so busy at work that he wouldn't have time to meet someone else and look, he's so flirty with me! He announces he's looking to move away for various reasons. None of which include "to be closer to my new woman" which is the actual reason for the particular city he's moving to.
I discover by chance the evidence that he's found someone else and think given the date of the evidence he just moved on really quickly AFTER he broke up with me. No no no. He was so firm in his mind that he didn't want to be with me he launched into what now appears to be another serious relationship BEFORE he breaks up with me.
So, you know what, now having the full story, it's actually like a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I'm still sad as hell about it all and I think his thought processes about why concealing things of such significance was him "trying to do the right thing" are kind of screwy because, honestly, if he had just told me everything from the get go, I'd be all of 2+ months further down the road of feeling less like road-kill than I am now.
PRO-TIP GUYS: *SOMETIMES* TELLING THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, and NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH is better than selectively passing on information on the premise that you assume the recipient will get the wrong idea if they knew the truth. Of course, in my case, it was a self-fulfilling prophecy - he concealed that he had a new g/f so I wouldn't think our break-up was about her, so naturally when I INEVITABLY found out about her, I immediately assumed it was. But, hey, he fucked up. He fucked up but good. So I forgave him. It doesn't lessen the pain of actually reading the words from him "I wasn't in love with you" (despite already kind of knowing that by now), but I can move on now.
Edited by Ianthe - 7/12/12 at 4:00am