Transformers: Dark of the Moon POST-RELEASE Discussion - Page 2

It really doesn't.  Bumblebee and Sam don't actually interact all that much except for driving Sam around.  Sam's actually kinda a dick to Bumblebee, surprising I know.
 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bobby Bear 

 

Even with all the inevitable hatred pouring out of seemingly every online orifice, I'm still hopeful this will improve on the second and recapture the "boy and his car" spirit that made the first so much fun at times.

 

Starscream was bested in hand-to-hand combat by Shia LaBeouf. Did I really see that or was it all a weird fever dream?

Why is John Malkovich in this movie?

Why are the majority of the characters insane?

Why was there an Albert Einstein transformer?

Why do humans put up a better fight than the Autobots?

Why would Shia's girlfriend think it's a good idea to walk up to Megatron and call him a bitch to his face?

Why did Megatron sit on the ground for the entire Chicago battle?

Why did Megatron wear a cape? And why was he killed with a single blow?

My head hurts. I need to lie down.

P.S.: How is it possible that Patrick Dempsey was my favourite part of this movie?

to ask why is not the answer. you must just accept. that is the Bay way.

also seeing it a second time will clear it up some and if it doesn't. you have to see it again and again and feed the machine that is Bayhem.

I had high hopes for this, I really did...

I will concede that the action scenes were probably the greatest in the series, Shia actually was more likable and his arc was well done, the OTT elements that ruined ROTF were really pared back.

But this is still a bad movie, filled with plotholes, listed for your enjoyment:

- Why does Sam have Mikela's dog?

-Why is he now responsible for Wheeline and Brains? On that note, who the fuck is Brains? Why do they act like he's been around since Day 1? Same deal with Que too.

-Who set up the overly elaborate conspiracy with stealing the Pillars and stopping the Moon landings? Sure as shit wasn't Megatron, being frozen.

Why does Carly get pissed at Sam for having Bee, Simmons et all in the house and getting involved with the Autobots again when she chewed out Francis McDormand's character not 5 minutes ago for not letting him get involved?

-Why does Sentinel Prime refuse the Matrix? Seems like it would have come in handy, especially since we know it can revive dead Transformers, which is only THE EXACT FUCKING REASON HE DOES HALF THE SHIT HE DOES IN THIS MOVIE!

-On that note, why doesn't he try to convince Prime and the others what he's doing is for the best and try to get at least some of them on side? It's made clear he isn't happy about allying with the Decepticons.

-Why doesn't Megatron kill Patrick Dempsey's tycoon guy when he outlives his usefulness like all the other collaborators?

-Why, given that the plan is to enslave humanity, do the Decepticons just kill the population of Chicago?

-Why does Bumblebee, having seen one his allies killed in cold blood...er, motor oil, just appear to accept his impending execution, even having his hands behind his head?

-What happened to Soundwave? I don't recall seeing him at any point in the final act.

-Why, after Megatron gets slapped down like a whiny puppy by Sentinel, does he mope around in a back alley until someone he's never met yells at him?

-Why doesn't Megatron have the sense to attack Sentinel AFTER he's killed Prime?

-Why is the climactic fight between Prime and Megatron over in 5 FUCKING SECONDS?

-How does Ehren Kruger sleep at night?

Sorry to ramble...just...argh

It's four years after the last movie, but yeah, it feels like there's a huge chunk of stuff missing.  Even though four years is enough time for things to change quite a bit.

All the Transformers characterization is in the first movie, and they basically let it slide for the rest of the series.  Except for making Optimus even more of a dick.  Which is kinda hilarious I guess.

neoolong, Not quite!  Transformers (2007) , Transformers Revenge Of The Fallen (2009) and Transformers 3 (2011!)

True, but what I meant was that Sam was just entering college in Revenge of the Fallen.  It's now three months after he graduated.  That's about four years since the last movie.

neoolong, Oh, now I see what you meant!

My browser lists this page as Transformers: Dark of the Moon POS...

Which is right on the money.

Mr. Beaks is pretty tough on the film, to put it mildly.

The Topless Robot FAQ is up.

All those wacky plot inconsistancies. Don't read it till you've watched the film though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Subotai 

Mr. Beaks is pretty tough on the film, to put it mildly.

And rightfully so.  Having had a day or so to let it all sink in, I can honestly say that the 30-or-so minutes of genuinely interesting action is just not enough to make dealing with the remaining 2 hours worthwhile.  I happen to like Shia quite a bit, but the rest of the human cast (and many of their digital counterparts) is so grating that watching this movie often felt like work.  Stupid, often unintelligible work.

But hey, shit blows up real good.

Oh yeah, I guess Sam learned parkour in the intervening four years.  That was random.

So, Michael Bay bows out of the Transformers universe with Chicago in total ruins, and Optimus Prime minus an arm.

They sould have done a post-credits sequence where Sam's Datsun turns into a Decepticon.

Also, how the hell could Carly not afford a damn car? She works at a museum, she could at least be making payments on one.

How's the public transportation in DC?  Maybe she just didn't need one?

Read Beaks' review... I'm still kind of disgusted people defend Bad Boys II. I love gloriously over-the-top, tasteless trash as much as the next guy *points to sig*, but something about BBII went too far for me. It was mean and ugly rather than joyfully absurd (like say, Drive Angry was). I will excuse its great appearance in Hot Fuzz.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Barkatthemoon 

 

Also, how the hell could Carly not afford a damn car? She works at a museum, she could at least be making payments on one.

My cousin works at the Smithsonian and it's not a good way to earn...money.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris Spider 

Read Beaks' review... I'm still kind of disgusted people defend Bad Boys II. I love gloriously over-the-top, tasteless trash as much as the next guy *points to sig*, but something about BBII went too far for me. It was mean and ugly rather than joyfully absurd (like say, Drive Angry was). I will excuse its great appearance in Hot Fuzz.

I feel like Bad Boys II is the very definition of joyfully absurd.  Theres some meanness that comes from the R-rated violence, but that violence is happening to really bad people.  The terrible Bay humor is there, but because it isn't crafted with children in mind, its tolerable (mostly) and the leads are charismatic and likable (mostly).    

Its weird how Bay's R-rated flicks are relatively light and fun, while his PG-13 flicks are really fucking grim.    

I don't find anything joyful in BAD BOYS II. Just endless unpleasantness. But then it's eleven hours long and I saw it at a 10pm showing, so it may have been irritating me more than it would do at a more reasonable hour.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fuzzy dunlop 

Quote:

I feel like Bad Boys II is the very definition of joyfully absurd.  Theres some meanness that comes from the R-rated violence, but that violence is happening to really bad people.  The terrible Bay humor is there, but because it isn't crafted with children in mind, its tolerable (mostly) and the leads are charismatic and likable (mostly).    

 

Its weird how Bay's R-rated flicks are relatively light and fun, while his PG-13 flicks are really fucking grim.    

 

 

 

Eh, different strokes. I thought stuff like the Smith and Lawrence harassing the boyfriend, the aforementioned "hard-on from a dead naked woman", and the shantytown destruction was awful. Nor did I think the rest of the humor was all that funny. I like Smith a lot (Lawerence less so), but he's done infinitely better work elsewhere. There's also the fact that Bay's action scenes tend to last forever; I like lengthy action scenes as much as the next guy, but shorter ones can be just as satisfying.

Merriweather, you're not hallucinating about the length. It's only about 2.5 hours, but it feels as long as Revenge of the Fallen.

Bad Boys 2 is terrible. Even its action scenes are rip-offs from films like Police Story and The Rookie.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris Spider 

Eh, different strokes. I thought stuff like the Smith and Lawrence harassing the boyfriend, the aforementioned "hard-on from a dead naked woman", and the shantytown destruction was awful. Nor did I think the rest of the humor was all that funny. I like Smith a lot (Lawerence less so), but he's done infinitely better work elsewhere. There's also the fact that Bay's action scenes tend to last forever; I like lengthy action scenes as much as the next guy, but shorter ones can be just as satisfying.

 

Merriweather, you're not hallucinating about the length. It's only about 2.5 hours, but it feels as long as Revenge of the Fallen.

I don't think any of his movies clock in at under 2.5 hours.  The bloat is inescapable.

I see where you are coming from, but stuff like the morgue ecstasy boner scene - I never got the feeling Bay was intentionally trying to make something super trashy and mean-spirited.  I just think hes kind of an idiot and found the idea of Lawrence on ecstasy getting a boner from a dead chick genuinely hilarious.  With The Rock and Bad Boys II (the only Bay films I own and genuinely like), Bay is like a kid playing with toys in the sandbox.  Yeah, pulling arms off GI Joes is kind of fucked up when you think about it, but the kid probably isn't thinking about it.  He's just playing with his toys and having a good time.    

I probably need to see The Rock, as I've heard it's probably his best overall film. And that cast is pretty awesome.

THE ROCK absolutely is his best film, and well worth the time. Everything after has been progressively worse.

Technically, I don't think Carly does work for a museum.  It seems to be some gallery kept by an investment bank/audit/accounting firm, with a lot of cash to throw around.  She was courted away from being an office manager(?) or was it an executive assistant to some English diplomat.  So I imagine she's well paid.
 

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichaelM 

 

My cousin works at the Smithsonian and it's not a good way to earn...money.

 

Bad Boys II, whether you like it or not, is probably the purest Michael Bay film, or the best executed version of everything he does. But then again, the same could be said of Transformers 2.

Transformers 2 is the worst executed version of everything he does.

Chris Spider, Everything from...Battling White Supremicists, the car carrier highway chase, the boyfriend interrogation are fantastic!  Escaping the bad guy's mansion, and smashing through the shantytown is just...Epic and Awesome!  Nobody in the homes were run over, so I do not see the problem with it at all!  Gabrielle is the only...Union, I would ever want to belong to!  Will Smith is just fantastic in the 2 BB films, and I hope there is a third!  I am amazed at both the...Hate for, Transformers 3, as well as the lack of a Tag Team Review.  My favorite Michael Bay Films are...

1) Transformers 3: Dark Of The Moon 3D

2) Bad Boys 2

3) Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen

4) The Rock

5) Transformers

6) Bad Boys

7) Pearl Harbor (The destruction is...Gigantic!)

*sigh* Even though I have duke on ignore, every so often I'll peek at one of his posts. Why? Why do I torment myself?

Chris Spider, I am on your...Ignore list?  Oh Well!

I feel like enjoying Bad Boys II is a sign that you're probably a very ugly person underneath it all.

I own Bad Boys II.

Like I said, the Shiniest Turd you ever did see.

The visuals (and the 3d) were amazing. His CGI guys earned the Oscar on this one.

Other then that, what a stupid, stupid movie. Most of that Transformers FAQ on Topless Robot said everything I needed to say. Except for one thing.....Wouldn't bringing another PLANET into our planets vicinity (let alone Atmosphere as was stated), completely fuck up our gravitational system, thus destroying our planet and its work force? Just a thought.

(it was pretty nice hearing Spock give his 'Needs of the Many' speech from Star Trek 2 though)

Just hear me out. One day, years from now, Michael Bay is going to get a good script. He's going to get someone watching over him who knows how to fucking give us a sense of location and character and you know something, it will probably be the best fucking action blow em up of all time (of all time).

But right now...ow, my brain. Couldn't even really get into the action because I just didn't know what was going on, who was fighting; oh wait, I did know who was fighting, just didn't care all that much. Was genuinely shocked by the Sentinel Prime betrayal, I'll give them that and I hated seeing Ironhide bow out like he did. Still don't know why it's called 'Transformers' oughtta be 'Humans with Robots' for all the time they give the Autobots in this one.

The opening sequence on Cybertron was, actually, great. Excellent use of the 3D.

Oh, and did anyone else think, for one brief moment at the end, that Optimus was gonna go straight up gangster and just fucking kill everybody because he has had it with our shit?

Isn't The Rock usually considered to have a good script? Or at least a half-decent one?

If Bay gets a good script one day he'll probably rewrite it with Orci and Kurtzman.

Was that some tilt shift going on during that scene?  It looked like it, but I don't know if it was intentional.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doc Happenin 

 

The opening sequence on Cybertron was, actually, great. Excellent use of the 3D.

I was looking at the tiny robots on the bridge thing in the beginning.  It looked tilt-shift to me.  Maybe it was the scale of the thing that made them look like miniatures.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris Spider 

Isn't The Rock usually considered to have a good script? Or at least a half-decent one?

From discussions here on CHUD, there was a LOT of uncredited polishing that went on with that script, including Aaron Sorkin punching up some of the dialogue.

Gaspar Noe's TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON.

Oddly enough, wouldn't be upset at seeing a Transformer's balls in that one...

TRANSFORMERS 3 FAQ (Heavy Spoilers!)

HOBO Megatron! Zebras!

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is why I still refuse to see this. I just honestly do not give a shit about any of these characters or their stupid problems or their stupid dialogue. No amount of explosions or robots kicking the crap out of each other will change that. Give me Beast Wars any day of the week.

That said, Rob continues to do a great job with these.

I wonder someday we should do one of these FAQ ourselves. Just take a movie and rip it to shreds just like Rob does.

Could be fun.

He's also a single father.  I guess those baby robots back in Africa will now starve to death with Megatron dead and everything.  Well, I suppose they still have Igor.
 

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcnooj82 

Megatron became a bum from not drinking too much alcohol!  Or not enough.  I'm not always sure how it works with these guys.  Look at his 5 o'clock rust!

Wow, I really should have gone through with my "sit at a bar for the first hour of the movie" plan.  How on earth is this movie 2.5 hours?  It's barely got the plot of a 22 minute cartoon episode.  And while I know it doesn't really matter in this kind of flick, the obviously Armageddon-inducing plot to bring a planet 3 times the size of Earth into orbit around an Earth that is 1 time the size of Earth actually bugged me.  I also honestly thought the theater might have skipped a reel when they started tearing up Chicago.  They had just outlined their plan, which had no obvious need for a few million casualties as far as I could tell.  Then they're just blasting the place to bits for no reason.  Huh?

The skydiving sequence was great though, and Bay really did pummel the city I love with the expected grandeur.  To decide if that was worth the other 2 hours, let's go to the tale of the unnecessary tape:

People Who Should Not Have Been In This Movie At All

John Malkovich

Shia's parents

Alan Tudyk

Tyrese

Buzz Aldrin

Ken Jeong

Bill O'Reilly

Shia's stuffed bunny

City That Should Not Have Been In This Movie

Washington DC - why not just have everyone in Chicago the entire time?  Most of the DC locations are Chicago alleys or Millwaukee museums anyway.

Accents That Should Not Have Been In This Movie

Einstein-bot

Alan Tudyk

Black-bot

Italian-bot

British-bot(s)

People Who Probably Should Have Had Some, Any Sort Of Rudimentary Character Arc

Shia

Shia's girlfriend

Optimus Prime

Megatron

Frances McDormand

People Who Probably Didn't Need To Be Presented As Total Dicks

Shia

Optimus Prime

Frances McDormand

John Tuturro

Number Of Clearly Fatal Falls/Crashes Shia Skips Away From With No Explanation

4

Chicago Landmarks Graphically Dismembered

5

Ratio of Robot Beards To Robot Capes

2:1

Ratio Of Painfully Wacky Comic Sidekicks To Partially-Developed Characters

7:1

Verdict:  Probably Not.