FRANCHISE ME: PLANET OF THE APES (BURTON REMAKE)

I find it impossible to dislike this film.  It has a LOT wrong with it, but it got too much right to be hated.

It is funny how much distance can alter one's opinion. I fucking hated the shit out of this movie in 2001, and rewatching I can't entirely recall why. I feel like it was mostly because this was bursting point with a growing resentment I had been developing for Burton in his post-ED WOOD phase, plus a dislike in Wahlberg I had at the time.

Also, I suppose, I've now lived through an entire decade of truly heinous, unimaginative remakes, all of which make Burton's APES look better in retrospect (as far as remakes are concerned).

Wahlberg's performances have definitely improved since then.  He just looked so lost in this and the script didn't offer up any help either.  I honestly used to roll my eyes most of the time when I saw he was among the cast of a film I was interested in seeing.  Now I feel the exact opposite, so I can see where you are coming from.

As for Burton?  He has made two films which I outright dislike and this is not one of them.........although it used to be.  Time certainly changes things.

I've always thought that Whalberg cannot play the 'star-making' hero role.  He can't be a Heston or an... ugh... Cary Grant (remember that!?).  He's completely forgettable as a Danny Ocean-type.  But when he gets to play a down-to-earth blue collar dude, he's in his element.

Boogie Nights

Three Kings

I Heart Huckabees

Josh, your review justifies all the years I thought, "Whalberg couldn't give less of a shit about everything going on around him.  Why should I?"

Agreed on almost all the opinions here, except Roth as Thade. I really liked it at the time. Maybe I should revisit/re-evaluate. Considering all the chimp-related violence in the news over the past 5 years, having the male chimp as the dangerous unhinged leader makes much more sense than the ape roles of the original POTA.

It's such a weightless hero-miscast sound-stagey mixed bag. Doesn't deserve so much scorn as it's no BATTLEFIELD EARTH (although it does waste a ton of franchise goodwill), but the makeup FX... sheer Baker brilliance.

The make-up is this is fantastic to the point that I was extremely hesitant about Rise before it was released due to going CG for the apes.

The idiocy of the twist ending cannot be overstated. So Thade went to Earth, emancipated the apes, and they built a statue of him that looks exactly like the one in the Lincoln monument? And the apes drive modern-looking police cars and wear policeman uniforms that were clearly designed for humans? Earth evolved in exactly the same manner, except just trade out humans for apes? Was there an ape Hitler? An ape moon landing? An ape 9/11???? EVERYTHING WAS THE SAME EXCEPT WITH APES.

Well I've only watched this film once: back in 2001 when I was 14, and at the time I absolutely hated it. Back then, I had only seen the original in snippets on TV and was in need of a visit to the eye doctor, so aIl thing considered, I  don't know if my opinion should be valued at all. However, this film did inspire me to buy the original film as well as read Boulle's novel (which I enjoyed quite a bit).

Nevertheless, I've never been able to re-watch this movie. I know Baker's make-up is phenomenal, and I'm sure there's plenty of scenes and performances I would find serviceable if I gave it the benefit of the doubt. However, I just can't get past my adolescent disappointment/hate for this film and its "we need to have a twist-ending because the original did" finale.

Chimps are infamous for being the most hostile, asshole brand of simian. Seeing as Burton wanted his apes to play up a lot more of the character traits of the actual animals, Roth's performance makes perfect sense. It's a special sort of unhinged.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sebastian OB 

The idiocy of the twist ending cannot be overstated. So Thade went to Earth, emancipated the apes, and they built a statue of him that looks exactly like the one in the Lincoln monument? And the apes drive modern-looking police cars and wear policeman uniforms that were clearly designed for humans? Earth evolved in exactly the same manner, except just trade out humans for apes? Was there an ape Hitler? An ape moon landing? An ape 9/11???? EVERYTHING WAS THE SAME EXCEPT WITH APES.

Minus the Thade aspect (which makes it that much more ridiculous), that is pretty much the exact ending of the original novel.  The hero escapes, travels back to Earth, and lands.  A truck pulls up to him, but instead of a human driving it..........it's an ape.  The End!

For better or worse, the Burton ending is the most faithful to the Pierre Boulle novel.

That reminds me, though: Not that youve already put in a ridiculous amount of work, Josh, but I have to wonder if a review of the original book's in the future somewhere.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justin Clark 

That reminds me, though: Not that youve already put in a ridiculous amount of work, Josh, but I have to wonder if a review of the original book's in the future somewhere.

I can see the merits in this case, but I think that might lead to a potentially slippery slope that ends with lunchbox reviews. Oh, and I have to echo the...well, love might be a strong word but at least appreciation for Roth's performance. I sort of like the idea that an ape can be a totally unhinged asshole too. And as always, keep up the good work!
 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Splatoon 

 

I can see the merits in this case, but I think that might lead to a potentially slippery slope that ends with lunchbox reviews. Oh, and I have to echo the...well, love might be a strong word but at least appreciation for Roth's performance. I sort of like the idea that an ape can be a totally unhinged asshole too. And as always, keep up the good work!
 

 

Yeah, I gotta draw the line somewhere. A book is a pretty big investment of time.

And CABAL will get sad if I don't finish it before my screening of NIGHTBREED on the 26th. 

Reading the line "Yo, all that stuff you believe in isn't true." makes me want to imagine Aaron Paul channeling Jesse Pinkman in The Planet Of The Apes remake.

I recently bought the dvd of it, and I have to agree. It's got problems, but it's not the outright travesty a lot make it out to believe. I thought that back in 2001 when I saw it opening weekend, and I still think that after revisiting it.

I feel like a lot of the praise for this film comes from the fact that... it makes sense. Aside from that, this is one of the most boring blockbusters I can think of. Not only does nothing happen, but it doesn't happen to anyone of interest. Marky Mark's blandness, combined with the ultra-stupid human-rights ape that wants to bang him, kinda make me shake my head at the idiocy. I was done with Burton after this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joshua Miller 
And CABAL will get sad if I don't finish it before my screening of NIGHTBREED on the 26th. 

 

Very cool. One of my faves (books and oddball monster movies). Does the screening have the added unearthed footage?

Thw twist ending still ruins this one for me...and while i agree with all the positives, the movie still is quite boring and souless overall.

Things time won't wash away:

Tim Burton smirking his way through another property he thinks is beneath him.  Sometimes that works (or at least is true, e.g., Mars Attacks); here it doesn't. Tim Roth's performance sticks out because he's the only ape actor who isn't treating the whole thing like a joke.

The bigger crime: With literally 17 times the budget of the original, they make an ape world that feels not just smaller, but utterly stagebound, with sets that are night-lit to cover up their phoniness.

And the caveman talking humans are boring.

As good as some of the stuff in the movie is, the rest of it goes from bad to bland.  It sorta feels like the remake of THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL.  There were some things that the makers got, but then they just threw in a chase/battle because they didn't have anything else.

The twist ending of the original informed what was just seen, but Ape Lincoln just feels like they threw in the twist ending because the original had one.  The first movie had a message.  What is this movie even trying to say?

Quote:

Originally Posted by neoolong 

As good as some of the stuff in the movie is, the rest of it goes from bad to bland.  It sorta feels like the remake of THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL.  There were some things that the makers got, but then they just threw in a chase/battle because they didn't have anything else.

 

The twist ending of the original informed what was just seen, but Ape Lincoln just feels like they threw in the twist ending because the original had one.  The first movie had a message.  What is this movie even trying to say?

That's actually a pretty spot-on comparison. While I don't think it's quite as bad as Day, there's definitely that feeling of "Look, modern audiences aren't going to stand for all this talking. Let's up the budget by a hojillion and amp this bitch up!"

I always assumed that the makeup was the only worthwhile feature of this movie for the very reason that it was the only aspect of the movie Tim Burton was truly passionate about.  I think he was a geek for the original makeup in the old films and wanted to see it brought to modern audiences.  For that, I think he deserves some kind of recognition.  It is truly impressive makeup effects.  The sad thing is that everything else received none of the same kind of attention or love. 

I know the reason I can't enjoy this movie is that feeling of betrayal I felt when I first saw this movie.  The original movie had two things going for it.  Great makeup and a smarter-than-it-should-be script.  Burton got half of it right, but didn't even try for the second.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil 

Things time won't wash away:

 

Tim Burton smirking his way through another property he thinks is beneath him.  Sometimes that works (or at least is true, e.g., Mars Attacks); here it doesn't. Tim Roth's performance sticks out because he's the only ape actor who isn't treating the whole thing like a joke.

 

The bigger crime: With literally 17 times the budget of the original, they make an ape world that feels not just smaller, but utterly stagebound, with sets that are night-lit to cover up their phoniness.

 

And the caveman talking humans are boring.

Yup. The film's worst sin is that the entire movie is a "SO WHAT." It has nothing to say, it provides no compelling argument or reason for it to have been made, and all but one or two of the "stars" sleepwalk through the damn thing.

Yeah, the ape makeup is stunning and was absolutely robbed of an Oscar. The rest is shit.

It's interesting, because people talk about how angry SUCKER PUNCH made them. It's this film that just pisses me off: it's poor, lazy filmmaking, with no reason except cash-in on a brand name to exist. It's Fox and Burton laughing as they screw us out of time, money, and brain cells. It's taking a legitimate classic of genre/SF films and making it a generic mess.

Despite all that invective, I don't begrudge anyone actually enjoying it - but I cannot understand doing so (enjoying it).

Can't argue with any of that from the past few posts. Probably why I haven't watched the dvd I bought on the cheap so long ago.

if you turn the film off before Marky Mark lands on Earth it's actually ok.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ken Savage 

if you turn the film off before Marky Mark lands on Earth it's actually ok.

 "Personal Continuity" thread!