The Definitive Movie Rulebook - Page 4

135. If you're too wasted to remember, it is not cheating. Because if you can't remember it, it never really took place.

136. Do not touch the glass. Do not approach the glass. You pass him nothing but soft paper - no pencils or pens. No staples or paperclips in his paper. Use the sliding food carrier, no exceptions. If he attempts to pass you anything, do not accept it. Do you understand me?

137. OK, about the necklaces you're wearing. They're 100% waterproof and shockproof...and permanent. It monitors your pulse, informing us of your location and movements. So if you linger in a danger zone, or cause trouble, we can identify you and transmit radio waves that trigger an alarm and boom! It explodes! If you try to rip it off, it explodes too, so promise not to do that, okay?

139. Do not attempt to grow a brain.

140. Don't shoot Mongo, you'll just make him mad.

141. Life finds a way.

142. Be a Mexican, not a Mexican't.

143. One of the things you learn from years of dealing with drug people, is that you can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye.

144. Never, ever, ever under any circumstances say, "I'll be right back." Because you won't be back.

145. If you shoot Mr. White in a dream, you wake up and apologize.

146. Don't just stare at it, eat it.

147. Hakuna Matata

148.  Kill everyone, let God sort it out.

149. Special postage rule: Until further notice, all mail from that kid's school must come directly here. There can be no exceptions to this rule under any circumstances. The penalty for infraction will be severe.

150. From now on, I want you to put an equal amount of blueberries in each muffin.

Aside: The chef's response always, ALWAYS cracks my shit up.

151. In New York, the rules are simple: once you go in, you don't come out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by felix 

61. Keep the homefires burning and if we're not back by dawn. Call the President.

There are all sorts of WWJBs in BIG TROUBLE...

152. Just remember what old Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right in the eye and says "Give me your best shot. I can take it."

153. When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye, and asks you if you paid your dues; you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have you paid your dues, Jack? Yessir, the check is in the mail."

154. Never drive faster than you can see.

155. If I'm not back in 5 minutes... just wait longer (an Ace Ventura riff on the Jack Burton line).

156. Coffee is for closers.

157. I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing.

158. All offers shall become null and void if (and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy ) "I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained," et cetera, et cetera... "Fax mentis, incendium gloria cultum," et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis punitor delicatum! It's all there! Black and white, clear as crystal!

159. Gentlemen, you know the rules - there *are* no rules. This is a fight to the finish. The first man who's dead loses.

160. According to the Code of the brethren, set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew... If an adversary demands parlay you can do them no harm until the parlay is complete.

161. (Wedding Crashers can have an entire subsection) Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!

162. (Zombieland too) Rule #32, enjoy the little things.

163. There is only ONE way to kill a werewolf. NOT two. That's it: "Shoot him with a sliver bullet."

164. 2000 year old dead guys DO NOT get up and walk away by themselves!

See also 164A. Dead guys who have been on ice for 27 years do not get up and walk away by themselves.

165. The only good bug is a DEAD bug.

166. Never pass up a good thing.

167. Service guarantees citizenship.

168. In putting on the suit and entering the sleigh, the wearer waives any and all right to any previous identity, real or implied, and fully accepts the duties and responsibilities of Santa Claus, in perpetuity to which some time the wearer becomes unable to do so, by either accident or design.

169. Leaving the door open is the worst mistake that any employee could make, because...  It could let in a child.

Gotta couple of repeats in there, DM8!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mattioli 

Gotta couple of repeats in there, DM8!

Point em out. I'll edit.

170. (over the urinal) "Don't eat the big white mint."

171. You gotta have two things to win. You gotta have brains and you gotta have balls.

172. Pool excellence is NOT about excellent pool.

173. We do not train to be merciful here. Mercy is for the weak. Here, in the streets, in competition: A man confronts you, he is the enemy. An enemy deserves no mercy.

And that leads to...

174. We use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times. Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image.... Last off, my students will learn about self respect.

175. Bow to your sen-sei!

Quote:

Originally Posted by DARKMITE8 

Quote:

 

Point em out. I'll edit.

 

"Everybody fights..." went up on page one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hammerhead 

"Everybody fights..." went up on page one.

Oops. mcnooj on page 2. Fixed.

176. A robot may not harm a human or, by inaction, allow a human being to come to harm
176A. A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the first law
176B. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the first or second law

177. I am the law.

177A. The law doesn't make mistakes.

177B. At the end of the day, when you're alone in the dark, the only thing that matters is this... You WILL be alone. Upon retirement, you will take the Long Walk... which every Judge takes, outside these city walls, into the Cursed Earth. There you will remain for the last of your days, alone and carrying the Law.

178. Smoking is not good for you, and it's been deemed that anything not good for you is bad; hence, illegal. Alcohol, caffeine, contact sports, meat... Bad language, chocolate, gasoline, uneducational toys and anything spicy. Abortion is also illegal, but then again so is pregnancy if you don't have a licence.

179. When things are at their darkest, pal, it's a brave man who can kick back and party.

On the dark fairy tale tip...

180. Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

181. When a faun tells you must not to eat or drink anything on the Pale Man's table, listen.

182. You have 13 hours in which to solve the labyrinth before your baby brother... becomes one of us... forever.

183. No one shall pass this way without my permission.

184. One of us always tells the truth, and one of us always lies. That's in the rules too. He always lies.

 

 

185. All persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately (formerly the Queen of Hearts' Rule #42)

 

186. As though removest the Necronomicon from it's cradle, you MUST recite these words: Klaatu, Barada, Nikto.

187. The Black Knight always triumphs.

188, Must be blood. Must be fresh.

189. Not to go on all-fours; that is the Law.

190. What is below, stays below. That is the Law.

191. Don't be a guy. The world is full of guys. Be a man.

192. Be excellent to each other.

193. You will not laugh. You will not cry. You will learn by the numbers. I will teach you.

194. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

195. You will bow down before me. Both you, and then one day, your heirs.

196. Carpe diem. 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bartleby_Scriven 

196. Carpe diem. 

Seize the fish?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mattioli 

Seize the fish?

No silly.

It's "day of the fish".

197. A real man makes his own luck.

Billy Zane, Titanic

198. You can't have too many eagles.

199. Don't toast to my health, toast to my fuck!

200.  Do NOT seek the treasure.

We're really deep into simply posting your favorite quotes (or in some cases, the actual synopses) from movies, instead of applicable rules.

The best (and most applicable) so far have been lines of quoted dialogue that express a truism or a maxim. I'm not digging the 'generic tropes' thing.

201. It's my way or the highway.

202. There is no such thing as hell, there is only unemployment.

I make it a rule...

203.  ...never to get involved with possessed people.

204. Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's god-given right.

205. The Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

206. Genie's Wish Rules

A. I can't kill anybody.

B. I can't make anybody fall in love with anybody else.

C. I can't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture. I DON'T LIKE DOING IT!

207. Frank Martin's Rules of business...

A. The deal is the deal.

B. No names.

C. Never open the package.

D. Never make a promise you can't keep.

208. Frank Martin's Rules of the car:

A. Respect a man's car, and the man will respect you.

B. Greet the Man.

C. Seat belt.

209. Never bet on the white guy.

210. The red zone has always been for loading and unloading of passengers. There's never stopping in a white zone.

211. Jim NEVER has a second cup of coffee (or vomits) at home.

212. When you die... 1) Don't try to drive a car. 2) Do not operate heavy machinery. 3) Do not talk.

213.  It puts the lotion in the basket.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DARKMITE8 

I make it a rule...

203.  ...never to get involved with possessed people.

That's really more of a guideline than a rule...

214. You must love him. It is not enough to obey him. You must love him.

215. In our world, there can only be triumph and self-abasement. Everything else, we will destroy.

216. The Law of Gravity is nonsense. No such law exists. If I think I float, and you think I float, then it happens.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Black_Dahlia 

213.  It puts the lotion in the basket.

I think I beat you to this one with Rule 116, but if the consensus is that they're distinct I'll accept it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hammerhead 

That's really more of a guideline than a rule...

 

Much like the Pirates' "parlay" guideline.

217A. Let the Wookie win.

217B. Nobody worries about upsetting a droid.

There are three rules that Coach Finstock lives by

218. Never get less than twelve hours sleep.

219. Never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city.

220. And never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.

Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.
 

221. Never say die (according to Stiles, who is NOT a Goonie).

222. Never say "never" again.

223. You only live twice.

224. For your eyes only.

225. Tomorrow never dies.

226. You have to get bitten by a Mahooky Spider. You'll get a fever and delusions. You'll start to say things. Then if you're intensions prove true... we trust you.

227. Stop eating my sesame cake.

228. Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina.

The Rules of Detective John Kimble, police officer...

229A. No more complaining. No more "Mr. Kimble, I have to go the bathroom". Nothing!

229B. Stop whining! You kids are soft. You lack discipline.

229C. You are mine now. You belong to me.

229D. Take your toy back to the carpet!

229E. You hit a kid, I hit you.

229F. STOP IT!

230. You mess with the bull, young man, you'll get the horns!

231. You have exactly 8 hours and 54 minutes to think about WHY you are here - to ponder the error of your ways. You will not talk... you will now move... from these seats. And YOU... will not sleep.

232. You can take the stairs or you can take the window.

233. Nobody steps on a church in my town.

234. The body cannot live without the mind.

235. Stay gold.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DARKMITE8 

 

230. You mess with the bull, young man, you'll get the horns!

 

#230 has been done, son. See #111.